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Tag Team Extravaganza
Topic Started: Jul 28 2011, 09:06 AM (92 Views)
Crowbar
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Former concurrent World/Evolution Champion
The camera fades in at what looks like state fair, balloons, rides, sideshow games and kids. "God I hate kids" Crowbar can be heard muttering out of frame.

The camera pans around to show off the festivities. It's around 8 at night and families are out having fun, enjoying themselves on whatever overpriced thing they can. Crowbar can be heard groaning again out of frame and mumbling to himself. The camera pans around to show him wearing his usual attire, but flanked by his Sister, her boyfriend and Jess.

Crowbar: Why the fuck did you drag me here again?

Jess: C'mon! its fun! I won at the clown thing over there, teddy bear!

Crowbar: You probably spent as much to win it as it costs to make in China.

Sisterbar: Come on big brother, why do you have to be so serious all the time?

Crowbar: This isn't me being serious, this is me being bored at a fuckin carnival, filled with the thing i hate most - kids.

Some parents look at Crowbar with a "Holier than thou" look mixed with disgust. Indeed, it is hell.

Crowbar: I've been in matches where i've nearly had my head ripped off....and this is by far, a lot worse. - Oh, and you, parent with the 2 kids, look at me for a second.

Some random asshole parent looks at Crowbar in disgust, a father, while his pregnant wife stands beside him.

Crowbar: Your kids? They're not special..don't get me wrong, I know you think they are...i'm just telling you they're not, and lady, that bunch of congregated cells in your womb right now? Please get it scraped out, the last thing i want is for your cracker hellspawn to rob me in 10 fuckin' years.

The parents look on in disgust before the Father walks up and takes a swing at Crowbar. Crowbar ducks and pushes him backwards into a stall. Looking astounded the Father, child and wife hurridly leave.

Sisterbar: Mark, that was fucking disgusting. Seriously.

Sisterbars Boyfriend: Dude...you were kinda out of line there...really.

Jess says nothing.

Crowbar: Look, guys, fuck off, alright? Theres a camera crew here and i doubt the last thing they're interested in is you mob of self righteous slugs telling me how much of a prick i am. Go enjoy your consumerism.

The 3 of them look on, also astoundedly, at the attitude Crowbar has taken, but they proceed to walk off and laugh and have a good time....the attention span of gnats.

Crowbar turns back towards the camera.

Crowbar: First and foremost, before I get to this tag team match with a new partner, i want to address something. PKA, you blindsided your own teammate out of nowhere and left those useless jackals to just....pin me? You've hit me before, but never in such a fucked up manner. I'm just hoping you're willing to deal with the consequences if you don't bother to explain your actions.

Crowbar cracks his neck

Now....onto the tag team match with myself and Korrupt against Drake Havok and Cameron MacNichol....Havok....didn't we pulverize you already? Seriously. Sucker for punishment eh? Well, hoping Korrupt doesn't pull a swerve on me, i'd say you're a goner again. I may be excommunicated from The Movement, i may not, i don't know, but i was glad to help Korrupt get his win, that, boys, shows how Comrades fight. You two? you've never done anything as a team before. You don't have any planning, any logic, no idea what the hell you're doing...and i have to ask, what ARE you doing? Accepting this match is like pissing on a wasps nest, funny idea, lasting repercussions.

Then we have Mr MacNichol. Dude, you're teaming up with someone who's had his ass beat by us more times than i can remember. He attacked Korrupt from the crowd...so we returned the favor, and he's lost a few times too. He isn't off the radar, far from it....do you really want to align yourself with someone that has a bulls eye on his back? Boys, keep this in mind: Slight of hand. While you're looking over here, theres always something else happening over there. Thats all i've got to say about you clowns....speaking of clowns, what the fuck is this?

Crowbar looks as a parade of clowns head towards him. He sighs and tells the crew to turn the camera off. They oblige but leave the audio on. Sounds of punches and violence can be heard, the last sound heard before the audio dies is the sound of a clowns nose honking and Crowbar muttering "How about i stick this where you'll double honk?"
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Crowbar. The only man in WARPED to hold the Evolution and World Titles simultaneously.
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