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Get this man a job!
Topic Started: Aug 2 2009, 06:02 PM (192 Views)
LonzoVol


The Duke of Doughnuts Needs A Job!
By Warner Agee

Somewhere lurking in the deep, dark catacombs of his mind, The Lard of the Rings, Phat Phil Phoolmurr believes that every time the phone rings, it is a football powerhouse in distress. The urgent call will solicit his immediate intervention into the situation in order to save a sinking ship and revive a comatose football team right before everyone’s very eyes. Since he is obviously a true legend in his own mind, Fat Pa knows that at any moment, the call will come. “Please ride to our rescue Phil, come on that wagon drawn by the four jackasses from that magnificent Mule Day Parade in Columbia.
Tubas has made references lately to the fact that he once had the National Football League dangling at the end of a string, dancing like helpless marionettes as he wiggled his fat little fingers. And what of the three job offers after he was so unceremoniously dumped by his now “not so loved” alma mater? Jumbo will not identify the suitors, but some believe it could have been the likes of Iowa State, Mississippi State and Coffeyville, Kansas Junior College, not necessarily in that order.
We here at the Down By The River Blog believe that it may be time for the Duke of Doughnuts to move on and seek other endeavors that will help him achieve satisfaction and contentment as he approaches the big 6-0. Since none of the television networks seem interested in hiring him to provide his dazzling vocabulary, insight and wealth of expertise to the football broadcasts this fall, there still might be a chance that the radio crew for the Maryville High School games could use a man like him on Friday nights.
It is also been suggested by some that Blubbo might want to invest in or purchase a funeral home. Since he already has experience in burying Tennessee football fans in a state of deep depression, perhaps he could just go ahead and handle the final arrangements as well once life has drawn to a conclusion.
Personally, I like the idea about starting a new national chain of doughnut shops. The advertising could be a snap, “Come on in and get fat with Phil.” How about Phil’s Fancy Doughnut Shop, the home of the gourmet crème horns? This business sounds like it would be a natural, he could spend his days as his own professional taste tester, sampling the products to make sure that each and every tantalizing morsel lives up to his strict, unyielding demands. “Every evening, after a hard day of snorkeling down my delicious delicacies , my fingers are covered with powered sugar,” Phil could proclaim.
Other suggestions have run the gambit from politics, to pimp to house husband. But one thing is certain, Humko needs a job and he needs it immediately if not sooner. That will be the only way we will not have to continue to suffer through any more newspaper articles, radio guest appearances and general regurgitation of Phil on an almost bi-weekly basis. Meanwhile, Moby Phil sits by the telephone, waiting on that call from Notre Dame that will never come!
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*TennesseeTuxedo
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The NFL job that Fulmer alluded to was the Tampa Bay Bucs offensive line coaching job, which was offered to him in the early 1990's. No NFL team in their right mind would have even considered Fulmer.

In order to force UT to give Fulmer a big raise and increase in salary, his agent, Jimmy Sexton did try to throw Fulmer's name out there when the Carolina Panthers job was open a few years ago, but John Fox was the only true candidate that they even wanted to talk to or consider. Sexton also tried to throw Fulmer's name out there when the Cincinnati Bengals job was open and the only candidate that the Bengals were pursuing was Marvin Lewis.
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LonzoVol


Tux,
How dareith you exposeith more Lumpty Dumpy BS!!!
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rocketcityvol


He doesn't need to be doing commentary on Saturday shows this season. I don't think he could be objective.
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volchef
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save the U.S. don't let your kid play soccer

Honestly, I brought it up last year that I thought he would be a great successor to the blob. I still think he would have. Unfortunately, he completely blew his chance to revive his name in the Tennessee history books. If he had just shut the hell up and resigned for the good of the program, he could've been as beloved as John Ward. As it is, the p.o.s. that is Fulmer will likely never step foot on campus again without memories of the destruction and havoc he reeked on a once great program. Fuck him. There are others more deserving of any spot he wants to hold.
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*TennesseeTuxedo
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Quote:
 
Of course I can dance of course I can dance
Im sure I can dance, Im sure I can dance..
I can dance

I can dance
I really hit the floor
Ah feels good
Look at me dancin

I did a two-step, quick-step and a bossa nova
A little victor silvester, and a rudy valentino
You should a seen me movin, right across the floor
Hand me down my tuxedo, next week Im comin back for more




Good gosh No! He's coming back for more!
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Deleted User
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Fulmer will never hold a headcoaching job in the NFL and its highly doubtful that he will ever coach again period. You know its funny how noboby outside of the knoxville radio nosebleeders that thinks that much of Phil and theres a reason for it. the people in the know that Fulmer is a terrible gameday coach who can't or won't make ingame adjustments.In the NFL you have to bring more to the table then handclappin' and we'll look at the film.One only has to look at coaches like Gruden and Shanahan who are on the outside looking in. If they can't get an NFL job what the hell makes one think that Phillip Fulmer can!

TA.
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Tnphil


Fulmer a head coach in the NFL........buuuuuuuulllllllll Shiiiiiiiiiiiit...

He cant beat fooking Wyo. good gosh thats f'ing funny........NFL my ass...
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