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| Fed Up; My first fanfiction | |
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| Topic Started: Feb 5 2009, 09:06 PM (246 Views) | |
| Neilmoon | Feb 5 2009, 09:06 PM Post #1 |
New Raider
  ![]](http://209.85.62.24/static/1/pip_r.png)
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FED UP by Neil Burns (Neilmoon) PG-13 for some language [Edit by Tessa for language] "Sorry, Lara," Derek Grant chuckled as the unfortunate Tomb Raider was eaten by the Tyrannosaurus Rex. Of course, he was not really sorry. Derek owned every single TR game that had come out and he played them to the point of being able to clear all the levels with his eyes closed. He just took perverse joy in "killing" Lara any way possible. The Tomb Raider had been shot, stabbed, crushed, drowned, eaten among other things. Derek had also had a nasty breakup with his ex-girlfriend so Lara was the perfect foil. 'It's not like she's alive or has feelings'. RIIIIIIINNNGGG! The telephone shook Derek out of his reverie. "Well, that must be the pizza," Derek mused. "Guess that'll do it for the night. Goodnight, Lara. I will see you tommorrow." The gamer saved the game and shut off the XBOX and television set. As he left the living room, Derek failed to see the television and XBOX turn back on. Had he stayed, he would have also seen a very pissed off Tomb Raider walk to the edge of the screen and glare out. The next day, Derek came home from work and turned on the TV to the E! Channel where Hugh Hefner and his ladies-Holly, Bridget and Kendra, were planning a 1930s murder mystery. 'Never fails to put a smile on my face.' "Good afternoon, Derek Grant," the voice was a familiar posh-accented alto. Derek turned and saw a very familiar figure leaning against the wall with her arms foled. She was attired in a very familiar ensemble of black tanktop, black khaki shorts and black work boots. Her chestnut hair was tied in a very familiar French plait and her chocolate eyes looked out of features that were set in a mask of controlled fury, sace for a blood-dripping grin. "Lara?!" Derek gasped. "How--Wha--What are you doing here? HOW are you here?" Lara got off the wall and walked over until she was almost nose to nose to the gamer. "You know what they say about characters taking on a life of their own," she replied casually, "As to why I am here, I am afraid I have a bone to pick with you." "Which is?" Of course, Derek had an inkling what the particular bone entailed. Lara glanced at the TV and her top lip curled into a contemptous sneer. "You know, I fail to see the appeal of an octogenarian pervert and his trio of empty-headed trollops. The only thing they have going for them is their overly large bosoms." "Hello, Pot?" Derek snorted, gesturing to Lara's own considerable assets, "meet Kettle." "Right. I am here because I am a little fed up with being 'killed' for no apparent reason. Now I understand the first few times. Either you were a novice or you were adjusting to a new gaming system. But day after day. Week after week. Month after month. Year after BLOODY YEAR?! I have HAD IT UP TO HERE!" The Raider raised her hand above her head to emphasize her point, but Derek still was not really convinced that a computer game icon had come to life and was standing in his living room. "How can you?" he asked. "No offense, babe, but you're a computer game. You aren't real." "Not real?!" Lara growled. She grabbed Derek's arm and pinched it hard. "Is that real?!" Derek winced in pain, but the Raider them slapped him hard and rammed one of her guns against his forehead. Derek found his pants becoming rather damp. "Is THAT REAL?!" "For Christ's sake, lady! It's just a freaking game! It's nothing personal!" "Not personal?! NOT PERSONAL?!" Lara slapped him again, nearly decapitating him. "DON'T YOU DARE TELL ME IT'S NOTHING PERSONAL! Just because you broke up with your bird. Just because you had a crappy day at work. Just because your life is a bloody pig's breakfast! I have to suffer! I have to be the foil! I have put up with this crap for TEN BLOODY FREAKING YEARS! I HAVE HAD IT!" Derek rubbed his cheek, then embraced Lara warmly, shocked that a digitally-created being could be soft and warm to the touch. "Look, babe. It's not like I woke up one morning and said, 'I know. Let's kill Lara Croft in every humiliating way possible'. That's EIDOS. And Allison Caroll, or whoever is playing you, is merely acting out the part." "I know." Lara gently extracted herself from the embrace. "Yet, other gamers at least try to have me complete the level without my getting killed." "I ain't the only one. One of your creators, Beard, said in an interview that he enjoyed killing you." "Well," the Tomb Raider smiled, "Mr. Beard and I had a chat. It's you I want to deal with now. You WILL treat me right, or you WILL suffer the consequences." No sooner had she said that then Derek suddenly found himself in a tropical forest. In the distance, he could barely make out a temple. "Hello?!" he called. "Where am I? Lara? What's the deal?" Suddenly, the gamer caught a flock of raptors running toward him. They completely ignored him as they tried to avoid an oncoming Tyrannosaurus Rex. "OH, CRAP!!" Derek took off toward the temple. "Lara, you crazy lady! What the hell are you doing!" "I just wanted to see how you would fare. Oh, dear. He does look hungry. I would suggest you start firing those guns you have. That is what they're for." "Christ, lady! I told you! It's just a FREAKING GAME!" "Of course. Whether you make it to the temple or become Mr. Rex's lunch is completely of little consequence. I can simply restart." Derek bobbed and weaved to avoid being eaten as he was nearing the temple, swearing a blue streak. Of course, the idea that a certain Tomb Raider was cruelly laughing at his plight did not help matters. "You're supposed to shoot the T-Rex," singsonged said Raider, "not run away." "F*** YOU!" Derek screamed, cursing like a sailor and mentally thanking God that he was his high school's long distance and cross country champion for a reason. "Awww. Poor wittle baby not wike the game now. Does he?" Derek again avoided being swept up in the Tyrannosarus Rex's jaws as he neared the temple, cursing and praying that he would make it before he would up a T-Rex's dinner. He barely got inside before the dinosaur lunged after, knocking down a good chunk of the structure, killing it instantly. The gamer collapsed to his knees, breathing heavily and saying Hail Marys and Our Fathers, not caring that he was pissing his pants for the second time in a half hour. "Are we having fun yet?" Lara cooed smugly. "It only get better." Derek turned to the screen. "I was wrong," He said, panting. "I'm sorry. What was that again?" "I said I was wrong. I apologize for 'killing' you for piss and giggles. I had absolutely no idea that it bothered you that much. I will try to treat you better." Suddenly, Derek found himself back in his living room. He immediately dropped to his knees and kissed the floor, to a certain Tomb Raider's amusement. As he got up, Lara placed a gentle fingerless- gloved hand on his cheek and stroked it. "Now you know how I feel," she cooed softly. "If I die, I die. It's part of the game, but at least try to give me a chance to complete the levels without getting killed, okay?" "No problem," Derek smiled. "Of course, you have an annoying habit of walking near the edge of the cliff and almost falling off even when I try to save you. I'll try to treat you right." With that, Lara kissed him on the cheek and patted it before she left. Derek stared at her retreating figure, wondering if he indeed actually THE Tomb Raider Lady Lara Croft in his living room or if he was only dreaming. He shrugged, considering it a dream, and lay on the sofa for a pre-dinner nap. THE END Ta-daa!  My first fiction. Also, I see a lot of good artwork. If anyone is interested in creating artworkfor my fiction, I would be honored. I don't expect Rembrandts and I am open to all interpretations of my tales. Enjoy my stories and please comment. I look forward to hearing from you and to seeing some amazing artwork. 
Edited by Tessa, Feb 6 2009, 01:20 PM.
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Good luck in your new bed. Enjoy your nightmare, son, while you're resting your head.- BASEMENT JAXX | |
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| Singstar90210 | Feb 5 2009, 09:43 PM Post #2 |
TR Mythbuster, Avid 007 Fan, Fanpire, and Official OMwD Patient
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 Aww man! That was rich!
Nice work, Neil! Two thumbs up!This'll take a while  I can imagine loads of illustrations!
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 Speak softly and carry a big jo.  - O'Leary-Liu
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| Spong | Feb 5 2009, 11:03 PM Post #3 |
King of Everything
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It was really quite good until I got to the swearing. Despite the warning at the top, I don't think it's really appropriate on this board. |
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| Singstar90210 | Feb 5 2009, 11:30 PM Post #4 |
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TR Mythbuster, Avid 007 Fan, Fanpire, and Official OMwD Patient
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You're right Spong. It may not be appropriate for the younger members of the forum due to the excessive cursing in the middle. I have a few suggestions as to how you can handle this: 1. try editing the story into a more internet-friendly version. You can, of course, keep the original 2. post it on fan-fiction.net. They'll come up with an appropriate spot for your adventure 3. Make your own webpage! Usually this is the most common method because people can look up the story easily and you are your own boss (unless you have mods and/or fellow authors). You can also set up a good rating system like you did at the top of the page so that you can warn your readers beforehand. These are just suggestions! I hope I haven't offended you in any way. But I like the idea of Lara having a second chance of having revenge on a gamer.
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Speak softly and carry a big jo. - O'Leary-Liu
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| Neilmoon | Feb 6 2009, 06:37 AM Post #5 |
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New Raider
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hey, thank you for your comments. I look forward to your artwork. as for the language, I suppose I did get a little carried away. I'll try to keep it to a minium. as for FF, I might consider it. I did submit a GATACHAMAN or SAILOR MOON story a long time ago. I'll keep it in mind, though. |
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Good luck in your new bed. Enjoy your nightmare, son, while you're resting your head.- BASEMENT JAXX | |
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| Tessa | Feb 6 2009, 10:03 AM Post #6 |
TheTimeTravelingVampire
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First off, it was one of the best fanfics I've read in a long time, very good work! You should be proud. Second, no offense, but I'm going to have edit the language in it. You of course, can keep a copy of the real version, but I can't have that on this forum. Thanks. But it was very, very good work. I'm very impressed! Thanks for sharing!Edited by Tessa, Feb 6 2009, 01:18 PM.
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| Neilmoon | Feb 6 2009, 05:36 PM Post #7 |
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New Raider
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hey Tess, thank you. I'm glad you enjoyed it and I suppose I did overdo the language somewhat so, no I am not offended in the slightest. as I said, I will try to keep the swearing to a minimum. having said that, if you or anyone is interested in doing some artwork for the story, I would be honored.  peace.
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Good luck in your new bed. Enjoy your nightmare, son, while you're resting your head.- BASEMENT JAXX | |
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| Tessa | Feb 6 2009, 06:54 PM Post #8 |
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TheTimeTravelingVampire
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Haha, I really stink at it, but maybe I could try. Doubt anything good comes out of it.
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| italibabee | Feb 6 2009, 07:08 PM Post #9 |
OJHD OGD xD
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XD i like it!
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 “If you just be safe about the choices you make, you don't grow.” Heath - R.I.P. | |
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| Neilmoon | Feb 6 2009, 08:56 PM Post #10 |
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New Raider
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hey, I'm not fussy or looking for perfect Rembrandts, Teresa. go for it. see what comes to mind. the same for whoever else is interested and likes the story.
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Good luck in your new bed. Enjoy your nightmare, son, while you're resting your head.- BASEMENT JAXX | |
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| Tessa | Feb 6 2009, 09:07 PM Post #11 |
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TheTimeTravelingVampire
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Okay, I'll have a go after I get back some time next week.
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| Darth Vader#1 | Feb 6 2009, 10:14 PM Post #12 |
I have OJHD and i'm proud of it XD
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 i love it!
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 Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia- fear of long words 0_o just push it.--> Sheer Randomness | |
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