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Need Advice
Topic Started: October 19 2009, 09:47 PM (151 Views)
Mommy2Brendan

My son's friend brother is a total bully and I gave him a talking too about being a bully before. Also, their parents are not worth very good talking too because they just shut down and it's no use of confronting them even when that bully brother hurt kids on the playground before.

Now this time this kid hurt my boy which caused my boy to have a heavy bleeding lip which was scary to see all that blood coming from his mouth because brendan don't get hurt much and so he never had a bleeding episode like that even when he lost his two teeth and he even had a chipped tooth from it .

So what should I do since talking to that bully is worthless and talking to his parents are worthless . But I don't want anymore kids to get hurt you know ?
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rach679

I would speak to the parents, a chipped tooth is serious! If they are not willing to do anything maybe contact the school (Assume they go to the same school) and see if this is a problem there and was recourse you can take to prevent anything from happening on school grounds. I'm sure if you wanted you could pursue legal action and maybe that will umm snap into it. Quite honestly, working with families, it depends on how you approach the parents with an issue. As much as you love Brendan, I'm sure they love their son and want to assume that he is perfect and would never be the bully even if that is the case. I might give the parents a call and say "I wanted to get your advice on how to handle a bully-issue is there a time we could sit down and maybe grab lunch?" Or you can substitute any other location or idea - I just try to avoid having the children present. I also try to work WITH the parent, and see how they handle behaviors. For example, with smaller kids, I asked "how do you handle tantrums at home?" I'm sure the parents KNOW he's a bully, but they don't know what to do about it.
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Mommy2Brendan

Oh I have tried talking to parents before and it's like out both ears. Especially after that boy has been mean to other kids on the playground and I even told him that I didn't want him playing out there on the playground if he's going to hurt kids and then his mom came out & said how dare you do not let my son play out there.

I said he couldn't play out on the playground if he was going to hurt kids but when kids get hurt by him all his parents go oh he didn't mean or he says it was an accident sigh .

No matter what they won't see him as a bully and he even tried to say Kneeing my son into his mouth that caused bleeding & a chipped tooth incident was oh just an accident .

The Kids parents fell for it and yes they go to the same school but luckily for Brendan the big kid bully plays on the 3rd to 6th grade playground area.

So the parents are useless and I want to talk to the people on the management grounds but they won't be in until Thursday.

So I'm like sigh and maybe that landlady can help keep a warning to kids that they do not allow kids to bully one another if that don't work then maybe I will need to school principal about a possible bully at their school or Brendan's social counselor for advice on how to handle this .
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rach679

I don't know - I see both sides really.

No parent wants to believe bad things about their child. EVER! I don't doubt that she's aware of the situation and that is why she's defensive. Telling her, that her son shouldn't be allowed to play with the other kids isn't going to do any good. Or having a sign posted at the public playground saying "Watch Out" more or less is just going to do more harm then good. Really, IMO, bullying is a cry for attention for some reason or another.

I'd even address the child myself when it happened, rather then telling the parent to do something about it. I'd talk to the school, but instead of addressing it as a "potential" bully problem on their hands -- I'm sure they are aware of it, but perhaps they'd have more "authority" as teachers and school personal to hold a parent-teacher-administrator conference. Even if they are not in the same class doesn't mean he isn't bullying other children in his class or elsewhere.
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Mommy2Brendan

Oh I did gently confront her and she just responded as like a careless full of attitude B@tc#. So she's a bully type of a mother hence where dylan gets his behavior ! Dylan isn't Brendan's friend but the brother of Brendan friend .

This kid is like around 9 yrs old so dylan isn't in brendan class .
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rach679

Gotcha - I think I'd address it with the school. They really might be able to offer more insight, and who knows if its such a big problem in public I'm sure they encounter it at school as well.
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mamasnuszki

I have a similiar problem with my in-laws. My SIL sons are raised very differently. They have parents that scream and then ignore. So the boys have no consiquences for their actions and it shows.

Several years ago we had Sunday dinners over at my MILs. Every Sunday my boys leaft bruised. And Zachary was only a toddler. And when I confronted my SIL and MIL they explained that is was in their genetics. That their father had a temper and my husband had ADHD so the kids had no chance. It was all an excuse for neglectful parenting.

I just started Sunday dinners again since my boys do enjoy their cousins (my other SIL is much better with 3 great kids) and this time around I try to stop and remove the kids before anything happens. I am not always successful but if I see the kids jumping on the trampoline I will not let mine in with them because they will be pushed and punched.

It's sad but some parents are just clueless. Just watch out for your own child. That is all you can do.
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MissAngi
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Its genetics? HAHA Thats the worst excuse EVER!!!
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rach679

If its genetics then we're all screwed! LOL!
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