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Building a Franchise
Topic Started: May 25 2009, 06:34 PM (266 Views)
Manhattan Project
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When building a franchise from scratch, there are a lot of ingredients that go into making it a truly great franchise. Everything from the ambiance of the stadium, to the appeal of both the jerseys and well those cheerleaders. With the draft a few days away, the Raptors are taking a look back at everything that went into building this project. For Canada this means a lot seeing on how we only have two teams, the other being in Vancouver. There are already rumblings that they will bolt to the states at first chance, we will stand strong in Toronto.

The Jersey:

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This jersey will be presented to whomever the Raptors select with the ninth overall pick in the draft. With this jersey we feel that we represent what our team really is, those dinosaurs who tried to kill Dr Alan Grant. The jersey is simple, a few claw marks with the Raptor on top of those. The jersey has been getting mix reviews thus far, but we are waiting to see how they look going up and down the court before we make any rash decisions. It was one of the first few steps in this long process.

The Arena:

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Seeing on how we are in Canada we don't have as many restrictions as those States do. We plan on getting people drunk, in order to sit in a seat you must have a six beer minimum. So is you get a little buzz going there is no way it can be a bad game, because when your tipsy you won't give two shits. We will offer the finest Canadian beer, we won't sell anything American. Not like they know how to make beer, but it will be Molson and Labatt everywhere in the Arena.

Mop Girl:

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During studies we have found that Canadians love those girls that have no real importance, but look sexy. We have given this woman the chance of a lifetime, to mop sweat off the floor. However in the process there will be thousands of tipsy men to yell and berate her while she does her job. It takes a special kind of woman to do this, but she is up for the task. The Mop girl will become an internet phenomenon on the message boards, websites and thus will propel her into a career that takes her away from the Arena.

The Food:

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We will only serve one type of food, that will be Poutine. If you have ever eaten it, you know what I'm talking about. It is the greatest thing ever to eat if you are drunk or tipsy. It is cheap to make, it is cheap to buy. Its simple yet elegant at the same time. It is simply the greatest thing to have while your berating the opposing team or mop girl. The magnificent science that is French Fries, Gravy and Cheese comes together to make the snack/food/dining experiences of our arena.

The Mascot:

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We feel that the Mascot is one of the most important things to a franchise. If you have a great mascot than your team has some street cred, thus you capture the corner of the market that you want. The Jerseys could look like crap, but hey that mascot is dope yo. The Raptor is a child friendly, Dr Alan Grant killer, Carnivore and slam dunking mascot. He does it all, quite frankly we feel that we have the best one in the league. The Raptor will be spinning, will be leaping through fire, will be taking kids but it will be all in the fun nature of being drunk. When your at the arena we want you to have a good time, what is a better time then not having to worry about your little kid? Let us take that responsibility away while you gulp down beer, eat poutine and stare at the mop girl.

The Coach:

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We want to be interactive with the fans, so in the good nature of establishing a trust worthy rapport with the fans each night we will hire a brand new coach. Were not sure how effective this will be in helping us win games, but hey how often do you get to make a dream come true? We have strict guidelines though. First one is that you can't be a woman. Second one is that you can't be Whoopi Goldberg. You would think the first rule would rule out Whoopi but we just can't tell. Third rule is that you have to do one thing that will land you on Sportscenter top ten. If you can do that than you could be the coach of the Raptors one day.

The Roster:

The last part of the equation, well we don't know that at the moment but we will in a day or two. Until than we feel that we laid out the guidelines to a truly successful franchise.


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Having nothing to drink but Labatts and Molsons would suck. However, the Poutine looks damn good. There is this food cart in Portland that sells Poutine at all hours of the night. By far the best stuff for when your shitty.
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Maverick41
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$450 Good article as usual M.P. Couple of things...

If this was really the case with beer, good thing that Ron Artest fight didnt happen in Toronto.
Mop Girl idea, AWESOME lol
Those original jersery, UGLY
Nvr tried or heard of Poutine, looks nasty to me, but I guess not when ur are blasted.
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Manhattan Project
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Don't get it wrong, poutine is great wasted or not. One has to try one before they die...
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