| From Freakishly Tall Cross Dresser to the NBA: The Tale of Jesus El Savior; Make your children leave the room. | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: May 25 2009, 06:46 AM (266 Views) | |
| Deleted User | May 25 2009, 06:46 AM Post #1 |
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Deleted User
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![]() Boy it has been a journey for 33 year old Jesus. Being a seven foot tall homeless man from San Francisco, he thought the only reasonable solution was to become a cross dresser. Of course, any logical person would think that being a cross dresser is in no way a good career to live by, but Jesus El Savior is a different person. Before Jesus was born, his father left the family to become the woman he had always wanted to be. Struggling to raise a monstrous child, Joanne (Jesus's mother) became a stripper by day and a prostitute at night. While Joanne worked, the neighbor looked after Jesus. The neighbor, a retired school teacher, taught Jesus to read through his personal stash of playboy magazines. Through these teachings and the influence of his mother, Jesus thought nudity and sexual things were socially acceptable. At age seven, Jesus was expelled from school because he held a nude fashion contest while the teacher was in the other room. In opportunity school, he was everyone's tall bitch. He literally became a whore at seven years old with out sex. He did whatever the other kids told him to do. He was then expelled from opportunity school and was forced to be home schooled. The retired neighbor decided he wanted to be the teacher of a six foot tall seven year old. However, this did not last long when Joanne found out he was teaching her child through playboy magazines and other sexual sources. The neighbor was sentenced to three years in prison. Joanne was running out of options. She had become a drug addict and a sex whore. She had no money to support a six foot tall seven year old. In a rash decision, Joanne dragged Jesus to his runaway father's doorstep and got away for good. The father came to the door, and could not believe his eyes, neither could Jesus..... A lot had changed since Robert, now Roberta, ran away from his premature family. He had become a woman. Through seven years, she tried to perfect herself to make her feel more like a woman. Implants, sex change operation, nose job, etc. You name it, she had it done. However, she could never hide her deep, manly voice. Roberta fled to Canada to marry a Chinese man that didn't know a lick of English four years earlier. At this period of time, they are still married. (Though who knows if the Chinese man knew what was going on.) Roberta, the struggling actress was now forced to be responsible for a six foot tall, seven year old son. Five years past. Roberta loved her, now six foot five son. Roberta finally found a job in a sitcom as the neighbor transgender (Not that anyone told her, because she was dead set that she was indeed a woman.) Roberta strived to make her son successful. His Chinese stepfather, now known as Sun, looked at Jesus and always said YAO MING. However, only later did everyone find out that Sun was from the future and had no clue it was the 1960s. His mother/father never told Jesus that with his height, he might want to play basketball. Roberta was very ignorant. Jesus finally reached high school. As a social outcast, he never had any friends, but everyone was afraid to make fun of him due to his size. Jesus dreamed of being a ballerina. He love dancing to classical music, but whenever he tried to dance to it, he fell on his ass. One day in P.E., the teacher tricked him onto trying out on the basketball team. Now being six foot nine, he could easily dunk. Being that this was the early 1970s, there was no one near the height of El Savior. Sadly, in those days Jesus could not dribble a ball to save his life. The only thing he could do was catch the ball and dunk it. If he tried to lay it up, the ball would somehow go to the stands. Jesus only rebounded the ball, blocked shots, and dunked. When Roberta found out that Jesus was playing basketball, she nearly had a heart attack. When Roberta yelled at him about it, Sun angrily screamed LOOK YAO MING YAO MING YAO MING. He slapped Roberta, stormed out and was never to be seen again. Roberta chased after him. She looked for days, but she had no luck. She was kidnapped days later by the Triads. Who knew, Sun was the leader of the triads in San Francisco. In Roberta's will, Roberta left everything to some fat homeless guy named Hal. Nobody today knows why she did this. Many suggest that she was a cheating whore that slept with fat homeless men. Whatever the reason was, no one will ever figure it out. Now homeless at only sixteen years old, Jesus dropped out of school. He walked the streets of San Francisco for days until he stumbled onto a corner of cheap prostitutes. Jesus, being the person that he was, decided that the only way that he could survive in life was to become a cheap cross dressing prostitute. For two and a half years, he lived with his cheap prostitute friends. (Men, women and transsexuals.) He was the least sought after prostitute out there. Even worse then No Dick Jimmy. Things were tough for Jesus, or at this time known as Josepha. One day, a rich man named Ted with a tall woman fetish came along and picked up Josepha. When Ted found out that Josepha was not a woman, he was surprised but happy. Ted was a closet bisexual who loved tall women because he loved men. Ted was also the athletic director for the university of New Orleans. Jesus, now at the peak of his height of seven feet tall was the ideal player for the New Orleans team. Jesus El Savior played two seasons for New Orleans until they found out that he had never finished high school. In two seasons, Jesus averaged 4 points, 12 rebounds, and 2 blocks in an average of 37 minutes per game. Even though he wasn't widely considered to be drafted into the NBA, he declared anyway. One day, Ted became an assistant to the assistant general manager of the Chicago Bulls. Ted promised if Jesus was still his tall cross dresser on the side, that the Bulls would draft him with the 29th pick in the second round. Jesus continued to be Ted's whore until he mysteriously died in Jesus's rookie season. Through his seasons on the bench of various teams, fans realized the irony of his name. During times when the team was up by a lot or down by a lot, the fans cheered JESUS OUR SAVIOR, JESUS OUR SAVIOR... until he was brought into the game. Even though he sucked horribly he continued to be a fan favorite. Next season he will be on a new team so that he can rot on their bench and continue to be the side show he is. With the league disbanded in order to start a much better, new league. Jesus waits impatiently for the season to start. Though he might deeply want to, he has not refuted to his cross dresser prostitute ways in fourteen years. To any of you interested after reading this article, Jesus El Savior is still a single man at age 33. There are women that treat men as if they are projects that they can fix up. Well here is a man that is the ultimate project of all. And he is also an overpaid NBA player. What is not to love? Oh ya, the cross dresser stuff. Well, just ignore that and you will be fine. Well that's a rap. Thanks for reading my in depth life analysis of Jesus El Savior. -Lead editor, LakersGM1. |
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| Maverick41 | May 25 2009, 05:38 PM Post #2 |
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$425. Pretty funny but you have a sick mind!
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8:34 AM Jul 11