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The End of Days; By Feather
Tweet Topic Started: May 25 2009, 03:03 PM (163 Views)
Post #1 May 25 2009, 03:03 PM Feather
This is part of the story about Inquisitor Mortakai Lyraknys in his hunt for the "rogue" inquisitor Aeos Valerin which would have been part of the understory for Space Wolves. It's fairly unique in how it is written in the beginning, and it might take a moment to understand it, but it'll get better... I hope you read and enjoy what I have so put up here so far. ^.^


I have attached two documents (which are exactly the same) but the first is a standard word document and the other is a docx type file, but I use attachment because it'd be a huge pain to do anything else because I used a lot of font changes, spacing, italicizing, etc that'd be a bugger to put into a post on here, so... if you want to read it you'll need to read it in the documents.
Attached to this post:
Attachments: The_End_of_Days.doc (42 KB)
Attachments: The_End_of_Days.docx (23.34 KB)
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The Massaratum
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Post #2 May 25 2009, 05:31 PM Feather
I've written a ton more since I posted this, but I have to go see my grandpa who is going to go into treatment for lung cancer after today, so I won't have time to prepare it all for posting. I'll get it up tomorrow morning most likely.
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Post #3 May 25 2009, 10:49 PM Weiss
Not bad. The initial writing style involving the pict-source, or what have you, gave that section a good feel, though it still felt jumbled up. Could've probably been less cluttered for easier understanding of the events. Written as more of a dialogue, perhaps, since it seems that's sort of what you were going for. Kind of like watching Steve Irwin as he narrates what he's doing as he does it.

The overall story seems interesting, though there isn't enough of it so far to really say. Still, if you'd given a summary of just those events as a 'setting' or plot outline for your RP, I'd have readily joined. Not kicking a dead horse. Just saying that it's intriguing.

The fact that you switched from the dialogue-esque style to third person to first person within the first 6 pages was off-putting, but I'm assuming it will remain first person for the remainder? Or will it toggle between first and third person to give both a general view and a personal view of the story? Either method has potential, but the latter needs to be carefully applied, since it can very easily become annoying and/or confusing.

Regardless, I'll probably continue reading as long as it continues to be interesting.
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Post #4 May 25 2009, 10:56 PM Feather
Its going to remain in first person up until the very end. And I haven't gone back and looked things over so if I do, it might flow a little better afterward. The pict-recording isn't really a narrative as much as it is a man with a camera walking along and following people. So, it's more of a recording being played on a screen than anything. Oh well, I'm going to try and work on it, and it was written in sort of a hurry too because I was running low on time. xD
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