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Welcome to Sectarians of Eliraihah..

We are a group of those striving to create a utopia for roleplayers and writers alike, and provide a shelter from the normal confines of society. On our behalf, enjoy yourself.

Your friendly overlord,
--Crimson Knight

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Who is your favorite character?
xXSup3rkilz76Xx 1 (6.7%)
Albatross 1 (6.7%)
Romulus 5 (33.3%)
Tb3 4 (26.7%)
MumboJumbo 4 (26.7%)
Total Votes: 15
Schmuck-Craft
Tweet Topic Started: May 18 2009, 10:08 PM (1,595 Views)
Post #1 May 18 2009, 10:08 PM Flak
Hm... The Literature section is described as "A place to store your most prized scriptures of the English language."

This isn't exactly a "Prize" in the sense of the word, but the folks at the Corpse seemed to enjoy it.

The following text depicts a sort of improvisation that me and Grunt threw together one night out of boredom. We found it so entertaining that we compiled it into a readable format and spiced it with some fancy BBC coding. It became a story about a group of well-delineated personalities, from the stereotypical to the unexpected. Oh, and me and Grunt includes ourselves because we're just awesome like that.

So, without further ado, I present to ye Sectarians Schmuck-Craft.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Schmuck-Craft Episode 0: Introduction

-=Day 1=-

A Swarm of Zerglings is bent on destroying all forms of Bipedal Organic Life.

Half a dozen siege tanks, backed up by marines, are bent on slaughtering them…

Only to be broken by a wing of Guardians and Mutalisks.

Wanting to flank your base from the right with Fifty Zerglings, the Terrans dispatch half a dozen siege tanks to accommodate while SCVs finish building a few missile turrets. A platoon of marines and half a dozen Goliaths are sent in for air support.

As the Terran forces amass on the right side of the base, a few Infested Terrans destroy the vulnerable SCVs. The Command Center begins pumping out a few more SCVs while the marines and goliaths mop up any remaining Infested Terrans that hadn’t yet exploded.

Suddenly, from the Left side of the base, a whole host of monstrous forms appear: dozens of regiments of Hydralisks and Mutalisks, countless swarms of Zerglings, Scourges, and Overlords, lumbering Guardians and Devourers, Defilers, fully energized Queens, and tactically placed Ultralisks attack the exposed flank. The Queens quickly destroy any straggling opposition in the form of broodlings, and the Overlords quickly carry the ground units over the cliffs. The SCVs manufactured from the command center are sent towards the left flank, attacking the Zerg with their 'fusion cutters'.
They are to no avail.

They are quickly overwhelmed by the massive force of Zerglings. The Overlords, sneaking over the cover of the cloud of beast quickly unload even more Zerg, mainly comprised of Ultralisks and Hydralisks, along with a few drones.

Suddenly, ten Terran transports from two auxiliary bases arrive, dropping off reinforcements in the form of three platoons of marines/firebats, a platoon of goliaths, and half a dozen siege tanks join the fray, escorted by eight cloaked wraiths and four valkyries.

Furtive Defilers quickly rain burst of Plague and Dark Swarm to weaken the newfound forces and prevent the siege tanks from firing. The Drones move to blank spots on the edge of the base and begin mutating into buildings. Hydralisks are quick to defend them. Scourge swarm in over the primary force to engage the air units.

The marines are quick to use the Dark Swarm to their advantage, taking cover from air and ranged attacks while firing at the oncoming Scourge to eradicate many of them. One Valkyrie and two Wraiths are lost, however, and those left, along with the marines and Goliaths, combat the enemy air units. Meanwhile, Firebats are dispatched to attack the Hydralisks and oncoming Zerglings. The Siege Tanks move into the Dark Swarm as well to stay away from ranged fire.

Infantry is quickly overwhelmed in the form of numerical advantage and overwhelming spines, as well as Ultralisks that break through any barricades. The Queens exhausted their energy supplies to destroy as many vehicles as possible, as well the Guardians assaulting any Missile Towers, Bunkers, or nearby Vehicles. The Devourers sailed ahead and massacre the Air units, but not without suffering large casualties themselves.

The nearby Barracks began pumping out more Firebats to join the fray, and a nearby Factory the same for Goliaths. A few Vultures were also created, using their speed to draw some of the Zerg endlessly and drawing them into vulture mine traps. The incoming goliaths aimed for the Devourers, while the air units blasted away at the Guardians.

Defilers have severely weakened any buildings within range -Which were promptly destroyed- and all recent infantry units were gone. The Zerglings have been cleansed, but now a whole host of Ultralisks, Hydralisks, and Mutalisks are carving through the Terran barricade, the battle becoming something of a tug-'o-war. The Guardians focus their power upon any unit-producing buildings, and have massive range to their advantage. The Queens return, and make mincemeat out of the Goliaths with their Broodling ability. However, in a sort of double-edged sword routine, all Air-Units on both sides have been destroyed, leaving only the Flat-Footed Underdogs.

With the Dark Swarms having been depleted, the Siege Tanks change into Siege Mode, slaughtering many of the Hydralisks and Zerglings in range. The few marines and firebats left charge ahead to protect the tanks, and any goliaths left finish off the broodlings. A Starport nearby, which is almost destroyed, manages to create a Science Vessel and two wraiths before it is destroyed. The Wraiths cloak and attack the guardians while the Science Vessel initiates Eradicate on the Queens and some of the Overlords.

The Overlords flee and the remaining Air Units are quickly gunned down by the Hydralisks. It is now two thin lines of units pressing against one another...

Suddenly, those Drones finally mature into Nydus Canals, and any Zerg Ground Unit on the Map pours through the three tunnels, heavily bolstering the Zerg Forces. The remaining two drones gestate into Spike Colonies, and attack the enemy Ground units. Forced to retreat, the remaining ground units load into the Dropships, but a single ghost is left behind, cloaked and hidden behind a cliff. A single beam of red light highlights along the Nadus canals and spike colonies.

"NUCLEAR LAUNCH DETECTED"

The nuke is to no avail. The Battle was commencing out of the blast radius, and, while the buildings were destroyed in a dramatic explosion, the Terran where still heavily outnumbered. On the Horizon, a group of Overlords, Mutalisks, and a few Guardians rush towards the base with Godspeed…

Yet all of a sudden, a message appeared on the screen of the Zerg Player: You are Victorious!

---

Or did it?

Not so. A nearby moron put every single one of his food points into Protoss Carriers, and systematically wiped out every undefended base on the map...

-=Setting: The Chat Room=-

Albatross: WTF u n00bz0rz!!!11 y didd u do dat????///!!!!!!!!11
Flakcannon: Well, I didn't see that coming.
xXSup3rkilz76Xx: lol cuz u s0 stp1d lol!!!@!!11
Albatross: geezzz ur sooo retaded & me n flak r gunna go so cya
xXSup3rkilz76Xx: omfg u juz j3lus cuz i ttly wh1pd ur asszs wit mah m41) ski11z0rz!!!!!11111111 lololololololozzz!!!!1
Flakcannon: ... I really can't understand what any of you are saying. Anyways, Good Game.
Albatross: whaa u goin alrdy flak cmon dude an u r prolly a hackerr kilz so yea
Flakcannon: I sigh. Fine. Let us play a Teamgame. Me and Grunt Versus you and Albatross.
xXSup3rkilz76Xx: lol alba n m3 wi1 pwn u l3ik stp1d n00bzerz!!!1111/
Albatross: butttttt i thot u n i wer frends flak??? whatev me n kilz r gunna win
Grunt_of_War: I had to take out the dog. Did I miss anything?
Flakcannon: Be quiet, Albatross. You only think I am your friend because I taught you how to spell 'Albatross.' Anyways, Grunt, I massacred Albatross, but Super decided to be cheap and wipe out all the bases while they were undefended.
xXSup3rkilz76Xx: lol tit worckd 2
Albatross: lol u said tit
Grunt_of_War: I see. Well, I don't know how well I'll do, but I'll play the best I can.
Flakcannon: I'm going with Zerg.
xXSup3rkilz76Xx: pr0t0sz r f3r pros liek m3!!!!!!11
Albatross: i gess ill do terrain gan
Zeldamanz joined the game.
Zeldamanz: sup???
Zeldamanz left the game.
Grunt_of_War: I'll be Terran as usual.
ClanPizey has joined the game.
ClanPizey: R u tired of alway facin dum noobs? play wit the pros at clan Pizey, were only the best compeet!
ClanPizey has left the game.
Albatross: go
xXSup3rkilz76Xx: dud t3h n00b heh
xXSup3rkilz76Xx: gogogogogogogog!!11
Grunt_of_War whispers: What's become of the Starcraft community?
Flakcannon: We're not meant to ask those questions. Only to slay them as they expose themselves. Sad day to be an idiot.
Albatross: who u callin expose????
Tb3 has joined the game.
Grunt_of_War: What? Don't you know what expose means?
Tb3: who doesnt
Romulus has joined the game.
Romulus: Please: Such verbosity is the harbinger to the adolescent's unsound elucidation of insightful consideration. Have some compassion and spare the underprivileged infant the affliction of overly-complex phrases of foreseeable psychosis.
Romulus: Me and Tb3 wish to join your little brigade. I am currently in the frame of mind for a fine chortle.
Tb3: Lol
Grunt_of_War: Of course. Anyone object?
xXSup3rkilz76Xx: duuuud!!!!!!111 wtf r u s4yin??/
Albatross: go!!
Flak: Oh, Right. Well, you two newcomers affiliate so this game may remain unbiased.
xXSup3rkilz76Xx: dudz0rz omgwtfrofl!!!!111 w4t did h3z jus sayd!?!?!?!?!?!?!/1/1/
Romulus: Imbeciles.
Albatross: go!!!
Tb3: I love this party
5...
4...
3...
2...

Tb3: gg
xXSup3rkilz76Xx: i iz guna |-|4( 1< dudz h3heheh3!!11
1…

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Right then. If all goes well, I'll post up Episode One.

Enjoy.

- Flak, Forum Douchebag.
Edited by Flak, May 18 2009, 10:09 PM.
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Post #2 May 22 2009, 05:55 PM Scorp
I demand a new episode of SchmuckCraft this instant.
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Post #3 May 22 2009, 05:59 PM Flak
Not until I post all subsequent installments.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Schmuck-Craft Episode 1: No Soliciting

-=The Second Day=-

Flakcannon: Alright. We're playing on Big Game Hunters. Study the map with intent, if you will...
Flakcannon: Good luck, people.
xXSup3rkilz76Xx: lol ur thee 1 tat n33ds luk!!!!11
Tb3: Cool
Grunt_of_War: Whoo...
5…
4…

Albatross: go go go go go go go og og
3…
Albatross: gogogogogogo
Albatross has been Squelched.
2…
1…

The Game has Started.

Flakcannon works quickly to produce more Crimson drones and his Zergling pool, while Super busily warps in a Blue way gate. Somehow, Tb3 has managed to almost mirror Flakcannon's tactics with his own, purple Zerg, and Romulus (Yellow) sends his Probe to a nearby mineral cache and immediately begins to expand his empire. Albatross commands his teal-colored SCVs to harvest Vespine Gas early, driving to gain siege tanks as soon as possible. Meanwhile, Grunt (Green) spends time by building up his base, building two bunkers near the entrance, a missile turret, and a squad of marines and some firebats.

Albatross: rofl grunt i iz guna beet ur terran base eurly
Grunt_of_War: Probably...

A bit later on into the game, Grunt's base is attacked by a squad of marines and a single siege tank by Albatross. Grunt retaliates with two vultures and marines, destroying them, but not without losing a bunker.

Albatross: dammit ill get u next tiem
Grunt_of_War: Heh...

Meanwhile...

xXSup3rkilz76Xx finishes building an auxiliary base, and is concentrating on the use of zealot 'rushes' to attack other bases. He has little except for a few dragoons and photon cannons for air protection.

xXSup3rkilz76Xx: u n00b ur aux base got 0wnt lolz
Albatross: hakzor u cheeeeeeet!!!!!111111

With almost graceful presentation, a compliment of Tb's Hydralisks and Romulus' Zealots intercept the force, and they are quickly destroyed without incident.

xXSup3rkilz76Xx: WTF U BASTERDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111

Frankly, the duo does not respond. They quickly turn away from Kilz forward outpost and aim for Grunt and Flak at the southeast corner of the map.

Grunt_of_War: Heh, they're good. I hope I can repel them.

Of course, Grunt found this out by using a sweep of the area. Immediately he begins recruiting several marines and some goliaths to reinforce his bunkers and missile turrets. Though his production is going slow, his units are being tediously upgraded...

Flakcannon [Allies]: Do not worry. I have a storm of Zerglings burrowed over the chokepoint. It won't finish them, but it'll buy you some time.
Albatross: serves u right kilz u gots pwned lol

Albatross then begins to rebuild, drawing in some more siege tanks. Though he lacked in air units, his stock of goliaths more than helped fill the void. As the Invading force crosses the narrow strip of land leading into their territory, a whole host of Zerglings spring forth from the dirt like undead. The fight is short, but the shore party's numbers have been reduced roughly by half.

Grunt_of_War [Allies]: That's reassuring. I'll send some marines behind the choke point and have them come out to help mop them up.
xXSup3rkilz76Xx [Allies]: dud this suks u guys r on opp sied of map : ((((

By now, Flak possesses a solid base, along with a fair number of upgraded Hydralisks, Zerglings, Colonies, and the works. Kilz barely hangs on with only a few meager Photon cannons, but he is heavily abusing his Dragoon stores. Marines led by Grunt appear around the bend, backed up by a siege tank to take care of most of the other invaders. However, they, too, are destroyed.

Grunt_of_War [Allies]: Heh, I think I can take care of 'em now. Thanks, Flak.
xXSup3rkilz76Xx: u all suk
Romulus: Hah. I suppose these are not the mere Primates I've come to expect. Very well. You force my hand.
Tb3: Crap.
Albatross: duds go ez on mei!!!!!111

Meanwhile, Albatross has sent three Dropships at Kilz's base, dropping off a large number of marines, a few goliaths, and two siege tanks.

xXSup3rkilz76Xx: hepl me u bitchz n u suk alb!!
Flakcannon [Allies]: I could help him... But the question is... Should I?
Grunt_of_War [Allies]: He hasn't been helping us at all, so... *cough* who's he talking to?
Flakcannon [Allies]: Help the poor boy, will you? Afterwards I'll punch a whole in Tb's defense, and you can sneak in a few units and cause all sorts of hell. My treat.
Grunt_of_War [Allies]: Heh, only this once will I help him. But I like your plan. ; )

Immediately, a transport loaded with goliaths and marines, escorted by six wraiths, flies to Kilz's base and the attack becomes nullified.

Albatross: beh nb gruntt
xXSup3rkilz76Xx: yeahh wut took u soo longgg??/
Flakcannon: Quiet. Both of you.

By this time, all teams are at their second-teir in development. Lurkers are a mere arm's length away for Flak, and three Overlords dash towards the weaker of Tb's flanks. These are released, and the spider-like abominations begin their relentless assault against all defending structures.

Tb3: Shit

In the end, Tb is quick to retaliate. The Lurkers are slaughtered mercilessly, but the Spore colonies are no more. Grunt's opportunity is open...

With the opportunity, Grunt draws in with three vultures with speed boosts, dropping mines along the position. Though they were destroyed, the mines do collateral damage to over a third of the force, and are followed up by the presence of a squad of firebats and goliaths. Half a dozen cloaked wraiths make their presence known.

Grunt_of_War: All ur base r belog 2 us... Wee...

Grunt's victory, however, was in vain. Immediately, Lurkers are unleashed onto the left side of his base. They are quick to be destroyed by his copious amounts of bunkers and marines, but there is now a gaping hole in his defense.

Grunt_of_War: Damn it...!
Flakcannon [Allies]: I swear to ye gods, Tb is mimicking me!
Grunt_of_War [Allies]: I was about to say. I think you've done that to me before...
Flakcannon [Allies]: No. I just did it to- Heads up.

Over the horizon, a myriad of golden scouts races across the open water, hungry for Terran blood.

Romulus: Prepare to die, verminous filth.
Albatross: lol
xXSup3rkilz76Xx: wtf?! who r u calin vurmenis bitchz???/

SCVs move quickly to the scene, rebuilding Bunkers. However, it's obvious they wouldn't finish in time, so the wraiths he had left from the strike moved quickly back to base, and a number of goliaths moved toward the gap. Immediately, as if compelled by some invisible force, Kilz aids Grunt with his over-excessive amount of Templar and Dragoons. The scouts stood no chance against the assail of Plasma and Storms.

Grunt_of_War: Damn, thanks...
xXSup3rkilz76Xx: stfu
Albatross: lolz

Super withdraws his forces, and spends his time upgrading his units. The others mimic, and, with the exception of a few meager attacks from both sides, and an exchange of harsh words, they reach their zenith of research and unit production. Their auxiliary bases are dotted across the map like some great plague, with Albatross quickly claiming the middle.

However...

Battle.net: Server Rebooting in 5 minutes. All games at the end of the countdown will be terminated for the update. Thank you.

Grunt_of_War: Thank you...? Meh, figures...
Flakcannon: Damn.
xXSup3rkilz76Xx: shit!!!!!!!
Tb3: Fuck
Romulus: Oh, joy.
Albatross: wats a rebot????

...To be continued...
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Post #4 May 23 2009, 02:56 AM Grunt_of_War
Schmuck-Craft: Episode Two: Plus One to Noob Skill

-------------------------

Romulus: Well, I deduce we'll have to hasten this modest progression of ours with a bit more velocity than originally anticipated. Oh, how do I operate at maximum competence under these profound circumstances. Come, Neanderthals! I shall organize your emigration in the form of hasty redempti-

Flakcannon has left the game.
Tb3 has left the game.
Grunt_of_War has left the game.
xXSup3rkilz76Xx has left the game.
Albatross has left the game.

Romulus: ... I'll be Satan's paddle-boy...

Ten minutes later...

Grunt_of_War has joined the game.
Tb3 has joined the game.

Grunt_of_War: Oh, hey Romulus. I didn't even know you dropped from the game...
Tb3: Lol yeah
Romulus: Disgraceful ignoramuses...
Flakcannon: No need for insults, Stranger.
xXSup3rkilz76Xx: lol!!

Now, thanks to presumption, mediocrity, and Battle.Net, our heroes find themselves in a new predicament: They are without a game to play. Society has brought the worst of companions together, and now, the Audience of the Universe demands competition...

Albatross has joined the game.
Albatross: DUUUUUUUUDDDDEEEE!!!1111 DID U SEEE DAT NUKE ITWAS LIEK BOO0000MMM!!!111 LOLZOLZOLOLOL!!!!!11
Flakcannon: I hate the Audience of the Universe...
Tb3: Falk stop narrating
Albatross: soooo y ddi u leav rumulus/ i thot u and me wer kiking butt
Romulus: Your speech is substantiation enough. Nevertheless, this exchange is immaterial. I demand that one of your earless swine promptly host another diversion to play within, so that I may implement my advantageously superior devices.
xXSup3rkilz76Xx: stfu n00b u l0st 2me 142t g43m LOLOLZZORZ!!!!1
Flakcannon: For the sake of... Um... Myself, I shall abide by Romulus' demands. Give me a moment...
Grunt_of_War: I suppose another game wouldn't hurt... much...
Albatross: heh ty flk kkkkk
xXSup3rkilz76Xx: w/e 1 g0 g1tz sum f00d
Albatross: gett meh som lol i r funy
Grunt_of_War whispers: Is he 'really' your friend, Flak...? 0_o
Flakcannon whispers: Heavens, No! He just follows me around.
Grunt_of_War whispers: Thank god...
Flakcannon: There are no gods here: Only monsters... I sob for Battle.Net. I sob.
Flakcannon: Whoops! That was suppose to be a whisper...
xXSup3rkilz76Xx: 1 rz b4k w/ p1zz4a haaha!!1111 peppzironni b1ztch1eszz!!!!!!11111
Albatross: le mee hav som lol i r funy
Tb3: Lol I like pepperoni
Flakcannon: Here we are! My selected location is a custom map by the name of "Serenity." I was getting a bit tired of "Big Game Hunters," and this was crafted by one of my friends. It is relatively, decent, given the chance.
Albatross: DUUUUUUDDDDDEEEE tat meeeeens i haev 2 dl nowwwwwww!!!!!!!!!1111 my conecsion suks so pl0x chuse anuther
xXSup3rkilz76Xx: lolz n00b
Tb3: Just do big Game
Romulus: For once, I agree.
Grunt_of_War: I'm beginning to tire of that terrain... and the lack of challenge...
Flakcannon: [Sigh.] Fine. I only haven't played it three-hundred and forty six times.
Albatross: woa!1 u mus r b3 exper tat tit!!!!!1
xXSup3rkilz76Xx: l0l u s4d tit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111111111111/
Albatross: duuude u no liek terain ne more!!11???/
Grunt_of_War: *sigh*
xXSup3rkilz76Xx: l0l y u t4rdz sp4lz 0utt 'sigh'?????????????????????///
Flakcannon: Fine. We shall do "Big Game Hunters." 'Again.'
Tb3: cool
Romulus: Marvelous.
Black has joined the game.
Black: Yo
Flakcannon: ... And, now, our team is unbalanced.
Black: naw tis be Tb3 i gotz me nother PC
Tb3: See lol
Grunt_of_War: Isn't that a spoof?
xXSup3rkilz76Xx: mofo u st0l3 m3h i|)e4!!!!!!!!!!1111111
xXgr4gnuttzzXx has joined the game.
xXSup3rkilz76Xx: dam!!!!!!!1111 i sp4ltz fr4gg r0ng!!!!111
xXgr4gnuttzzXx has left the game.
Black has left the game.
Grunt_of_War: Can we 'please' start?
Flakcannon: Oh... Erm... Right.
xXSup3rkilz76Xx: pl0x pl0x pl0xx plox!!1111111

5...
4...
3...
Tb3: gl hf
Albatross: lolololololololololololololololol
2...
1...
Albatross: lolololololololololololololololol
xXSup3rkilz76Xx: STFU

The game has started...

xXSup3rkilz76Xx: WTF y iz 1 wite!!!!/////// FUKKK!!!!11
xXSup3rkilz76Xx: STRAT TEH DAM GAEM OVVVVER!!!!1111

The game begins with nigh identical teams: Super amassed with Grunt and Flak as a triad crouching in the south, while the remainder is seated upon the top in a glorious frame.

Flakcannon: No.
Grunt_of_War: Just live with it, sir.
Albatross: lol i ornge
Flakcannon: Let's get started. Good luck, gentlemen.
xXSup3rkilz76Xx: stfu
Romulus: I find it peculiar that our colors haven't distorted at all since we've assembled this brigade. Aside from Kilz, that is.
xXSup3rkilz76Xx: STFUU!!!!111//

As always, Grunt's SCVs begin harvesting minerals, and almost immediately tries to build a Barracks. Kilz, on the other hand, is suddenly spamming several probes, forcing them onto a path to the other side of the map.

Grunt_of_War: Umm... any reason why you aren't building up your base?
xXSup3rkilz76Xx: 1 iz g0nn4 pwn t3h wooordy muta#%&!

Romulus, colored an exalted gold that befits his arrogant personality, immediately splits his probes in half and dissolves them across the map. They arrive moments later at precise locations that contain prominent recourses.

Albatross: u maen PWN43G lolzz

Tb and Flak are mirrors once more, quickly building multiple sunken colonies, a pair of Evolutions chambers, and spawning pools to boot. Albatross timidly produces a few marines, seemingly afraid to expand his inventory. Super remains resolute in his plan to "pwn" the infant forces, but this immediatly backfires as skitterish Ablatross's marines wipe them up.

Albatross: lol rinez kil u
xXSup3rkilz76Xx: WTF M4PH4K!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11111111111111111111111111111111
Flakcannon: Thanks, moron. Now, it is imminent: We shall be one man short for the rest of the round.
Grunt_of_War: I doubt we will be able to compensate unless we gain those resources just below the half-way point before Romulus does...
xXSup3rkilz76Xx: mab3 if uz st0p b1tchizns n giv m3 s0m mon3e d3n w3 c4n k33p g0imn!!!!!!111111111111
Flakcannon: That'll be hard, but... It just might work.
Grunt_of_War: I'm very reluctant to, but Flak is right...
Flakcannon: I meant I was agreeing with your solution, Grunt.
Grunt_of_War: How easily we confer and agree...
Albatross: u ladez don talkin er wat???? lol

After a moment of radio silence...

Albatross: im sory tat waz meen
Tb3: Loser
Romulus: Imbecile.
xXSup3rkilz76Xx: T3H H3111111111!!!!!!! H0W|) U G3T 4 B4S3Z ALRDY ROM?/?////??///

Despite the early stage of the game, four golden Nexus were situated at various points along the lower region of the map, each scuttling with probes to gather resources. Tb3 appears to be gaining compensation from him; while he only has a single base, his forces triple in only fifteen minutes. Albatross, on the other hand, simply seems to have strapped down for the ride, slowly recruiting Siege Tanks and Wraiths for an effective defense and - later - a possible offensive against the North. Grunt has already recruited several marines and firebats, along with the usual strategy of combining bunkers and missile turrets at either entrance to his base. Meanwhile, a few of his newly created vultures are laying spider mines along the narrow paths...

Flakcannon has raised a bustling community, including dozens of colonies, a Lair, two supporting Hatcheries, and any structure he is currently capable of building. Hydralisk and Zerglings by the hundreds lay mere inches under the surface, whilst Overlords darken the sky above with their menacing, if mellow, forms sailing about with dark intent. However, Super seems to be undermining himself. Even though, he's managed to get back upon his feet, he is simultaneously undermining his own, fresh - if unstable - foundation, what with his ridiculous number of gateways and pylons. Romulus, however, has utilized an even stranger approach: His primary base is, sadly, undernourished, while his expansion bases resemble something of miniaturized metropolises.

Flakcannon [Allies]: Damnit. Alright, my scout just got a sense of where Romulus' bases are located. He's creeping dangerously close to the middle section.
Grunt_of_War [Allies]: Bah, I don't think I'll be able to recruit a dropship before Romulus can get to it. It looks like his units are beginning to aim for that node.
Flakcannon [Allies]: And my Overlords have yet to gain their Ventral sacs or pneumatic carapaces. I could send a few Zerglings, or Scourge, but I doubt they'll be able to hold any sort of defensive line.
Grunt_of_War [Allies]: I guess... we'll have to rely on Kilz to do it, then. He's already crafted himself a couple shuttles.
xXSup3rkilz76Xx: fuk t4t imm4 gun4 pwn alba!!!!!!!111111111111
Flakcannon [Allies]: And my Overlords have yet to gain their Ventral sacs or pneumatic carapaces.

Our heroes – Heh heh. Heroes. Hah! – Are in a desperate situation. Will they prevail? Will Super ever reestablish his economy? Will Albatross ever learn what the hell a “Rebot” is? Find out next time, in Schmuck-Craft, Episode Thrrrrrreeeeeeeee!

Flakcannon: Please stop doing that, Grunt.
xXSup3rkilz76Xx: r0fl wtf u t4kl1n b0vt?????// p1s stfu n00bz3rzz
Edited by Grunt_of_War, May 23 2009, 02:57 AM.
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Post #5 May 23 2009, 02:58 AM Grunt_of_War
Schmuck-Craft Episode Three: Heartbreakers and Lifetakers

xXSup3rkilz76Xx [Allies]: g1v m3h m1nz
Flakcannon [Allies]: Well, I suppose if we draw up a battle- What?
xXSup3rkilz76Xx [Allies]: g1v m3h m1nz n0b
Flakcannon [Allies]: Minerals... ? What? No. You had your chance and you blew it.
xXSup3rkilz76Xx: g1v m3h m1nz n4o u fuk1n n0000bc4k!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11111111
Tb3: what
Romulus: What are you babbling about now, infidel?
Albatross: lol we no giv u min dood
xXSup3rkilz76Xx: GIV MEH FUKN MINZ!!!!!!!!!!!!1111111111
Tb3: will u stfu??

Suddenly, a raging flame-war between the two, SuperKilz and Tb3, burst forth from the simple exchange of words. Insults and profanity are flung through the air like deadly missiles, whilst the others either try to calm the lethal converse or simply ignore it.

Flakcannon whispers: Grunt! Now's our chance. They're too distracted by text to bother with micro-managment. Let's hit 'em where it hurts...
Flakcannon whispers: ... But, we must make haste, for-
Tb3 has been squelched.
xXSup3rkilz76Xx has been squelched.
Flakcannon whispers: ... Nevermind.
Grunt_of_War whispers: Oh, they finally stop? I was about to go order a pizza. ; )

Within moments, however, a rift opens just above the middle. A single yellow arbiter sits idly in the air, yet other rifts begin appearing from below near the resources, taking the form of buildings...

Flakcannon [Allies]: Damnit! No. I'm not losing that section!

Suddenly, every unit that was positioned to guard Flak's base is suddenly expelled from all entrances and propelled towards the middle of the map. Though, the garrison mostly consist of a few dozen Hydralisk and about eighty Zerglings, the sheer number of entities makes the assail rather intimidating. They swarm over the infant buildings, hastily damaging their hitpoints faster than they can regenerate.

Romulus: Annoying pests.

Within moments, a number of cloaked units make their presence known as dozens of energy blasts from the air pry through the immense crowd of the Zerg. It's apparent that he has a number of Scouts and at least three Carriers cloaked underneath the Arbiter's veil. Suddenly, however, the invisible protoss units become visible due to a scanner sweep.

Grunt_of_War whispers: Hope that helps, Flak. Should I send in some backup?

The golden force appears... Underwhelming. A few Dragoons, a templar or two, and several zealots. They engage the attackers head on, though, it's at least six to one in odds.

Flakcannon [Allies]: No... No. That's not right. Guard my base Grunt, but prepare some SCVs.

Too quickly are Romulus's squadron overwhelmed and defeated, with a ridiculious number of Zerg plowing through the garbage and scrap, Their momentum carries them toward's Albatross' poorly organized bastion.

Flakcannon: Sorry, but I just have to do it while I still have the advantage.

The zerg leave the destroyed field, it's resources now open to the public.

Grunt_of_War: Gotcha.

With that, a team of 21 Marines, 3 Medics, and 12 Firebats, guided by six wraiths and a science vessel, head down to Flak's unprotected base. Meanwhile, two groups of intermixed Goliaths and Marines, along with three siege tanks, take a similar path to that of Flak's units.

Grunt_of_War whispers: I'm coming with you, then. No doubt your units could use some more support against air units.

Meanwhile, a number of SCVs leave with a squad of Marines and Medics to the middle. Thus, a Command Center starts being constructed.

Flakcannon [Allies]: You're too generous, Grunt. Kilz? You still there?
xXSup3rkilz76Xx has been unsquelched.
xXSup3rkilz76Xx: DUN U TAKL SH1T ABUT MY MOMM U FUKN FAGET!!!!!!!!!111111 IMA GUNA FUKN KIL U BICTH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111111111111 OMFGBBQ!!!!! !!!82183afdnhaopefh-
xXSup3rkilz76Xx has been squelched.
Flakcannon [Allies]: Apparently not.

The Zerg beasties and that Terran commandos open fire against the blockade of Terran supply depots, whilst the owner of the buildings mindlessly pumps out Goliaths in retaliation. Meanwhile, at Kilz's primary fortification, he angrily sends wave after wave of scouts and corsairs after Purple's outpost, each attack more fruitless than the last.

Albatross: hey guyz dun b soo meen teh meh!!!1
Grunt_of_War whispers: We need to stop Kilz from wasting his time and resources on pointless attacks. At this point, he's not helping much...
Flakcannon whispers: He... He wasn't "helping much" when the game started.
Flakcannon whispers: But we need not pay heed to that fool. Send reinforcements to my primary force. We need to take Alba out.
Grunt_of_War whispers: Gotcha.

A minute later, a force of marines, medics, and siege tanks appear on the spot again at the middle base, intermingling with the forces already there.

Grunt_of_War [Allies]: Waiting for your call, Flak. Hopefully our attack will break him. Let's just hope Romulus doesn't snap at us too much in the meantime.

After a brief moment of calm, Flakcannon responds.

Flakcannon whispers: No... No. Albatross will go down too easily. As soon as I destroy his CC, hit TB3. Two birds with one stone.

At the moment that his message was submitted, twelve Scouts and three carriers enter Grunt's primary base and... Completely ignore him. One or two Scouts are lost to the barrage of Missile turrets, but a majority of the squadron reach Kilz's base and immediately open fire upon his mediocre format.

Grunt_of_War [Allies]: Unsquelching...
xXSup3rkilz76Xx has been unsquelched.
xXSup3rkilz76Xx: FUCK YOU ROM FUK U!!!11111111
Grunt_of_War [Allies]: Right. Flak, I'm going to have to split my forces, so I may need a bit of backup from you when attacking Tb3. aight?

Meanwhile, the two Starports in Grunt's base start churning out Valkyries, slowly but surely, while the existing Wraiths and Valkaries plunge into the fray.

Flakcannon [Allies]: Affirmative. Just le- HOLY SHIT.

The entire north side of Flak's base is covered in Devourers and Guardians. It appears to be almost seventy in total. Flak's forces immediatly withdraw from pillaging Alba's base and attempt to funnel back towards their origin. However, Grunt's ground units are in the way.

Grunt_of_War [Allies]: Damn. Just... hold on. Moving my units...

Forty seconds later...

Grunt_of_War [Allies]: Almost... done moving... god damn it, get in control of your Ultralisks so I can stop my bat-shit crazy Goliaths!

Their panic is manifesto in the chaotic clutter of units in the middle of the map. By the time a minute is up, the paltry few Spore Colonies did nothing to stop the overwhelming wave of flying, purple flesh. Any Scourge created were immediately reduced back into the ashes from hence they spawned, half of Flak’s base destroyed.

Flakcannon [Allies]: Fuck it!

Any and all of Flak's units reverse their direction and head for TB3's base- even the drones.

Grunt_of_War [Allies]: Hey, come on...

Grunt's middle-base units follow suit, although they instead flow into Albatross' base. Meanwhile, the aerial attack on Kilz' base is thwarted, but not without substantial damage to many of his buildings and number of units.

xXSup3rkilz76Xx: WTF falk i neded ur h1p!!!!11
Albatross: wat wit ur condom LOL i r funez
Albatross: ...... tat wasn aprope8.

By the time half of Tb's base is destroyed, all of Flak's is demolished. However, before the last Evolution Chamber is razed, Flak speaks his last words.

Flakcannon: I regret nothing.
Flakcannon has been defeated.
xXSup3rkilz76Xx: WTF W4T T3H F4GG
Grunt_of_War: Well, 'least I can still fight...
NUCLEAR LAUNCH DETECTED
NUCLEAR LAUNCH DETECTED
NUCLEAR LAUNCH DETECTED
Grunt_of_War was defeated.

A minute later...

xXSup3rkilz76Xx was defeated.

---Chat Room Debriefing

Grunt_of_War: Fucking great way for me to lose... anyways, why the hell did you lose suddenly, kilz?
xXSup3rkilz76Xx: dun g1v m3 sh14
Grunt_of_War: >_> I will until you tell me.
xXSup3rkilz76Xx: SIGH y u g0tz 2 git upd in mai gr1lz n00b???///
Grunt_of_War: Forget I ever asked. Ought to be easy.
xXSup3rkilz76Xx: ur m0mz ez
Albatross: lol u sond liek me
xXSup3rkilz76Xx: tushe
Grunt_of_War: ...What?
Romulus: I believe the brute was endeavoring, and failing, to articulate "Touché."
Tb3: wtf flak
Flakcannon: I should be asking you the same thing. Regardless, Great Game, everyone.
Albatross: nother
Flakcannon: ... What?
Albatross: cud u hos nothr gaem plz falk???
Flakcannon: After we JUST got done with this one?
Albatross: yez
Grunt_of_War: Well, if we're going to do that... why don't we mix things up a bit?
Albatross: liek how??
Albatross: how how how how how how hyow hoowww
Grunt_of_War: Shut up and I might tell you.
Grunt_of_War: How about... we do a Free-For-All?

Sudden dramatic music is played as lighting whips across a cybernetic sky that doesn't exist. After a pause in communications...

Tb3: fuck that
xXSup3rkilz76Xx: fuk u
Romulus: No.
Albatross: LOL r u sereuz????????/
Grunt_of_War: I try and fail.
Albatross: ur mom failz LOL

Another pause.

Albatross: ............. wat iz ur mom watcing u??? I SORRY!!!111
Romulus: Is this where you say, "Epic Fail"?
Tb3: wow ur retarded
Grunt_of_War: Okay, can we please move on?
Flakcannon: I tire of StarCraft. Let's go play Diablo.
Albatross: waz iz dialbo???
Romulus: Diablo is a Gothic Role-playing Hack-and-Slash PC game. Everyone knows that.
Albatross: i haet goths tho........
Grunt_of_War: Sounds like a good idea.
xXSup3rkilz76Xx: wtf n0 n0n0n0n0n0n0n0n0nnonon0n0nononononn00nnono
Flakcannon: And it's people like you that motivate me to leave the realms of StarCraft and immerse myself in the world of Diablo.
xXSup3rkilz76Xx: FUK U
Flakcannon: Keep talkin'.
xXSup3rkilz76Xx: FUK UFUK UFUK UFUK UFUK UFUK UFUK UFUK UFUK UFUK UFUK UFUK UFUK UFUK UFUK UFUK UFlakcannon: No. Kilz, It wasn't meant to be taken-
xXSup3rkilz76Xx: FUK UFUK UFUK UFUK UFUK UFUK UFUK UFUK UFUK UFUK UFUK UFUK UFUK UFUK UFUK UFUK UFUK UFUK UFUK UFUK U
Grunt_of_War leaves the game.
Tb3: now wut we cant do 3v3
Flakcannon: That's your problem now.
Tb3: leik hel tit is
Albatross: You said "tit"
Romulus: Quiet, you oversimplistic eukaryote!
Tb3: stfu
xXSup3rkilz76Xx: LMAO tit
<Flakcannon sighs deeply.
Flakcannon: Gentlemen.
Flakcannon has exited Battle.net.
Edited by Grunt_of_War, May 23 2009, 07:37 PM.
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Post #6 May 23 2009, 03:02 AM Grunt_of_War
Schmuck-Craft Episode 4 ~ My Preference is Furries

xXSup3rkilz76Xx: FUCK! FUUUUUUUUUUK!!!11
Grunt_of_War: Eh?
Romulus: Cease your whining! Intolerable whelp...
Tb3: pwnt lol
Albatross: wow ur a pottymouth LOL i say *potty*
Tb3: ffa??
Albatross: ya lez d0 tat
Albatross: wherz falk??
Albatross: .........
Romulus: He recently departed this threshold of stupidity, you dolt. Not that I'd imagine you ever observing such painfully obvious minutae.
xXSup3rkilz76Xx: stfu r0m GRUNTT H0S FF4 LL0L KKK!?!?!?!/1/1/1/
Romulus: Yes. Appease the simpleton, won't you?
Grunt_of_War: Erh... I'm supposed to join Flak on Diablo guys. You're on your own for now.
Tb3: wut
Albatross: y????? 1 dun ha3v dablo cud u plz h0st??//
xXSup3rkilz76Xx: G4444444444444444444444Y!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111111111111

Grunt_of_War has exited Battle.net.

TB3: now what
Romulus: Let's not waste our time idling. Now, can any one of you dolts host?
Albatross: how u hos??
Romulus: You select the "Create" button to the left of your chat window. Idiot.
Albatross: lolwut i cn hos?????? idin no tat
Tb3: try
Albatross: kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk
Tb3: cant join
xXSup3rkilz76Xx: Fuk1n bitch.........
xXSup3rkilz76Xx: .....................
xXSup3rkilz76Xx: Wh3r 1z h3???
Romulus: Is it even possible to be this ignorant?
Tb3: lol hury up
Albatross returns from his failed attempt at hosting a game.

Albatross: y u guiz note jon????//
Tb3: u cant host
xXSup3rkilz76Xx: u m0t3rfukn n00bc4k3 1l h0sttt
Romulus: Very well. Initiate the manufacturing of the digital diversion.
xXSup3rkilz76Xx: kk gaem n4m3 t1z r0msuk2d1k ROFLLMAOLOLOLAORLFOMFG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111111111111
Romulus: I express prodigious displeasure in your chosen label for the activity.
Tb3: lol pwnt gain

xXSup3rkilz76Xx leaves to make the game. In the process, the remaining players join and enter the individual game chatroom.

xXSup3rkilz76Xx: 1 r h0st so u all g0tz 2 ob3y m3
xXSup3rkilz76Xx: 0r 1 kik j00
Albatross: ya rite
Albatross has been kicked.
Albatross has joined the game.
Albatross: WTF y u do dat!?!??/
Tb3: start teh game pl0x
Romulus: Bittering brutes...
5...
4...
Tb3: WAIT

The countdown is halted.

xXSup3rkilz76Xx: wtf d0 u w4n tb???????
Tb3: i gotta frend joinin
Romulus: And what other compatriots are you aquainted with with yours truely acting as the primary exception?
Tb3: lol @ rom jus hold on
MumboJumbo has joined the game.
Romulus: Excuse my lack of taste in verbal repertoire, but... Fuck.
MumboJumbo: Yo boys ^_^
Tb3: sup girl??
MumboJumbo: Hehe not much <3
xXSup3rkilz76Xx: t3h fuk r u your n0t a gurl
MumboJumbo: lol I am, trust me.
Romulus: Very well. Gender is an inadequate safeguard against my wrath.
MumboJumbo: Yeah yeah Ive heard it all b4, Rom.
Tb3: mj we gon do ffa
MumboJumbo: Sweet
xXSup3rkilz76Xx: if 1 w1n u g0tz 2 s3n m3 p1cz 0f u
MumboJumbo: Its a good thing youre not going to win ^_^
Albatross: lol supr r u gai?????////
xXSup3rkilz76Xx: ur fa3c iz ga1
5...
4...
MumboJumbo: you boys are silly =)
3...
Albatross: spamspamspam
Romulus: Erhh....
2...
1...
The game begins, each of the five constestants randomly spawning in undisclosed locations. Super and Romulus are Protoss, MumboJumbo and Albatross are Terran, and Tb sits along in his Zerg catergory.

MumboJumbo: GL HF boys ^.=.^
Albatross: lol y dat look liek a dragn????
MumboJumbo: We furries use that a lot =D

xXSup3rkilz76Xx has paused the game (2 timeouts remaining.).

xXSup3rkilz76Xx: WTF U R FURR3H!?!?!?! WTFOMFG
MumboJumbo: yeah what of it? :x
Albatross: dat turn u on Supr?? LOLOLOL CAT SECKS
xXSup3rkilz76Xx: suk 3t Alb
Romulus: Can we please continue? I'd rather not resort to berating you verbally for stalling us yet again. Let us settle this through a majestic chortle.
Tb3: lol u liek hurr
Tb3: strat already
Tb3 has resumed the game.

The match begins peacefully enough. The first few minutes are naught but quiet solace, each faction slowly building up a small squad of units. Romulus sends out his three zealots againsts Tb's twelve Zerglings. The Zealots are repelled, but the Zerg suffer heavy casualties.

Tb3: wow
Albatross: supries buttseks???
Tb3: no
xXSup3rkilz76Xx: lol

In the meantime, Kilz sets up an auxilary base close to the center of the map, seeking to expand early despite lacking the units to protect it. He sends three zealots to protect it while a probe is building a second gateway. However...

MumboJumbo: Wow lol kilz youre building fast :3
xXSup3rkilz76Xx: .
Albatross: ORLY lulz
Albatross: uhm... kilz is gunna git real angry ina mintue...
xXSup3rkilz76Xx: STFU ALB4 N G0 SUK T3H H0SR3 D1K U M0T4HFUK1N FURR33 ANM4L RAEPTZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11111111111111111111111111111111111111111111
MumboJumbo: Thats really mature >.>

Mumbo's squad of marines advance upon Kilz expansion. Kilz reacts with intense anger, forging slander across the screen and pumping out Zealots at an increased rate. The marines survive his meager initial defense and begin to tear down the auxiliary encampment. However, they are cut off by an opposing squad of firebats. They overwhelm the marines and take over where they left off.

MumboJumbo: awwww I was gonna get him alba >.<
Albatross: lol sry

The firebats begin to retreat from the base.

MumboJumbo: ... alba I didnt mean literaly >.>
Albatross: o lololol

... And the firebats return to their duties.

xXSup3rkilz76Xx: sh1th34dz

Elsewhere, Tb3 and Romulus' forces are quickly recovering, soon entering the beginnings of their advanced tech trees while Albatross harasses Kilz. MumboJumbo, meanwhile, builds an auxilary base on the other side of the center, guarded by a bunker. However, Kilz' auxiliary base is eventually destroyed by the firebats.

Albatross: kk ill leave u alone na0
xXSup3rkilz76Xx: kthx fuk3r..... GTFO
Albatross: :O
MumboJumbo: are you always like this? ~_~
Romulus: I'm afraid your observation of the behavior of the individuals is quite accurate.
MumboJumbo: cant you ever jus say "yes?"
Romulus: No.
MumboJumbo: ^.=.^

Moments later, Kilz returns full force with a clench of fifteen zealots and a dragoon. They charge straight to MumboJumbo's extension... Only to be caught in the middle of what seems like a ground war between Tb and Romulus. The zealots are a minor inconvience against the combined forces, as they seem to form some sort of temporary truce to eliminate Kilz. Afterwards, they continue their mammoth confrontation.

xXSup3rkilz76Xx: OMFGWTF G4Y
Albatross: c i tol u he gay............ lol

A few moments later.

Albatross:.................... im sry tat waz meen
Tb3: stop apolgizn all teh time
Romulus: Indeed! I grow weary of the execution of your half-hearted insults only for them to be immediately withdrawn. Say your peice and cease communication.
Albatross: wut? idk wut ur sayin Rom btu j00 mus b gai to
Albatross: ..... j/k
Tb3: stoopid
Romulus: I shouldn't have wasted a respiratory process explaining my thoughts to such a grunt.
MumboJumbo: wow Alba really : \
Tb3: damn

The advantage suddenly falls in Romulus' superior strategic movements despite Tb3's larger numbers, but the attacking Protoss retreat back to base from their losses.

Romulus: Well done. As usual.
Tb3: lol thx
xXSup3rkilz76Xx: stfu w3r f1t1ng n40

Albatross and Kilz bicker with one another, and their conflicts are manifest: Small, boring, and uninspired. Albatross' stupidity and Kilz's hatred cloud their judgement, making them worse than usual. MumboJumbo, however, proves to be competent enough to take them both on simultaneously. She adopts a relaxed approached, knowing that Tb and Rom see each other as much larger threats. Time passes, and the map is slowly populated (Primarily by Rom, but Tb proves resourceful.).

xXSup3rkilz76Xx: fuk u
Albatross: ur m0m
xXSup3rkilz76Xx: srsly, FUK U!!!1
Albatross: ur m0m's m0m lolz
xXSup3rkilz76Xx: STFU OMGWTF
MumboJumbo: lets have some fun alright? xD
Romulus: Oh Gods... I can't believe you two allowed her full reign over those resources. Imbeciles...
Tb3: lol
Albatross: lolwut?

Suddenly, Siege Tanks let fire on both Kilz' and Albatross' bases simultaneously, having been dropped on higher ground by dropships. They are backed up by tons of marines, fully upgraded, pouring into the bases during all the commotion.

xXSup3rkilz76Xx: N0000000000 WTF NO OMFG NO NOONONONONONOONONONOONON0NONONONO)NOON)ONONONO OMG!!!!!!!!!11111111111
Albatross: o coem onn
MumboJumbo: shoulda been payin attention ^.=.^
xXSup3rkilz76Xx: omfg h4xx0rz @ mumb0
Albatross: lol u got kild bi teh fury
xXSup3rkilz76Xx: S0 D1D U!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111111111111
Albatross: lol no idin
xXSup3rkilz76Xx: R U FUK1N R3TD3D!?!?!?!?!/1/1/1

... The quarrel continues between the two as MumboJumbo slowly wipes them both up.

xXSup3rkilz76Xx: 1 HA3T U AL.......
Albatross: aww 0wnt bai teh furri chic

Albatross has been defeated.
xXSup3rkilz76Xx has been defeated.

Tb3: lol wow
Romulus: Now it's only our triad of forces. Again.
MumboJumbo: just like old times eh Rom? ^.^
Romulus: Really, now. You should really learn to restrain yourself when it comes with confronting foriegn entities. This traditional order of accomplices grows tiresome.
MumboJumbo: ill try to play worse next game =D
Romulus: And work on reducing the amount of internet meme inspired expressional symbols to invoke a particular sentiment from onlookers. That is also becoming rather tiresome.

More time passes. Tb3 is virtually surrounded by Romulus and Mumbo, whom have eastablished what can be considered small empires of buildings. There forces constantly dash back and forth between expansions, defending this, attacking that, and everything in between. Tb heartily endures, but his defenses won't last forever, and neither will his limited resources.

Tb3: eh screw this

In a last-ditch effort, a moderate swarm of Ultralisks, upgrade Zerglings, and Hydralisks rampage from out of the main base, leaving it defenseless but posing a threat to Mumbo's nearby auxilary base. Meanwhile, Tb3's only auxilary base unleashes a large group of Mutalisks on Romulus' closest base.

Tb3: kekeke lol
Romulus: This attack is futile. You should've fortified your bases to remain in the game. Oh well.
MumboJumbo: oh hush, you're always lecturing people v_v
Romulus: The same applies for you, madam.
MumboJumbo: we will see =\

Romulus takes extensive damage at his attacked base, but then a large fleet of carriers appears, devastating the Mutalisks within seconds. Meanwhile, Mumbo is struggling a little more against the larger force, and her base is destroyed, but not before some back-up in the form of marines, goliaths, and siege tanks mops up the rest. At Tb3's auxilary base, the Carriers are easily taking care of the minimal defenses there.

Tb3: and im out
Tb3: cant build anyore
Tb3 has left the game.
Romulus: Aahh... We appear to be the remaining combatants. I do hope your prowess won't be as underwhelming as the previous situation of similar circumstances.
MumboJumbo: right. XD

Romulus guides his fleet of scouts around the edge of the map, narrowly avoiding missile turrets. The craft arrive at their intended destination: the mineral patch at Mumbo's most recent expansion. They begin to fire on the defenless SCVs there, who have nowhere to run to. It appears as though Mumbo actually trapped her gatherers in a wall of supply depots. A battlecruiser meanders it's way over to the scouts more by luck than intention, but it is quickly destroyed by the barrage of anti-matter missiles.

Romulus: Mumbo, why do you continue to repeat your tactically inferior strategic mistakes, when clearly they are providing you no absolute benefit, whether that be minor or major?
MumboJumbo: jus shut up =)

As if on cue, a group of cloaked wraiths appear from nowhere, their only giveaway being the air-to-air missles firing on the Scouts. Four of the Protoss units are destroyed before they can even react, but Romulus manages to save the remainder by using a recall: An arbiter shows up, cloaking the Scouts and hiding two observers to reveal the Terran vessels. Half of Mumbo's fleet is destroyed before she retreats.

MumboJumbo: glad youre not going easy on little ol me :x
Romulus: I hadn't even considered such a decadent option. You should know better.
MumboJumbo: Ya sure sure >.>

In the background, shuttles are shifting from Romulus' growing empire, heading into enemy territory, but it doesn't take long for Romulus to display his given strategy. Out of the blue, four Reavers are responsible for the destruction of one of Mumbo's bases, with Scouts and two Carriers supporting them - a threat a single bunker cannot repel. Mumbo's reinforcements of Wraiths and two Battlecruisers arrive too late.
By the time the Reavers are eliminated, the base had already crumbled. And by the time the base had already crumbled, another base is halfway destroyed due to an overwhelming shipment of Dragoons, fresh from the gateway. Mumbo races to defend her establishment, but she made the mistake of not letting her Wraiths wait for the cruisers. The observers of the previous assault shift to the aid of the 'Goons, and the wraiths are quickly destroyed. The cruisers arrive shortly thereafter, but half of the ground force had been cloned by a few Templar's Hallucination spell.
Whilst the Cruisers fired on the illusions, the actual withered them away. The blue spirits perish in an explosion of psiconic dust, a sort of symbol for Mumbo's sudden defeat. Despite her best efforts, Romulus' forces cannot be deflected or defeated. Rom himself shunned stragety: it was all simply a matter of steamrolling now.

MumboJumbo: how barbaric, beaten again x.x
Romulus: Are you surrendering already?
MumboJumbo: im going to lose anyways
Romulus: You should have kept garrisons along the front lines. You had compitent defenses, but also amounting units into a single group at the forefront would constitute what you have much more positively.
MumboJumbo: no need to tell me that x.x
MumboJumbo has left the game.
Romulus: Of course...

-=Back at the Chat Lobby...=-

xXSup3rkilz76Xx: wtf alb4 h4vn s3xx0rz w1t 4nmlz 1z ju2 fukn w33rd
Albatross: ya but wad if u doo tit wit teh baer n ur kid gez suprah str???
Romulus: What the in the Nine Hells are you deranged lunatics conversing over? An exchange over the virtues of swapping genetic information with Earth's native speicies?
Tb3: tey wont stop
Romulus: Tell me, Tb: What is the duration of this hideous debate?
Tb3: forever
xXSup3rkilz76Xx: d0n t1t w1t t3h b4r3 dun d0 sh1tt ur k1dz jus l00ck l1k r3tdz y w00d u w4n 2 d0 t4t!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
Albatross: nuh uh deyd b werbaers wit suprah str!111 ppl wud b liek OMG AESOME
xXSup3rkilz76Xx: or l13k "wtf b1gf00t!" adn w3 al kn0 h0w r3td3d d4t 1z
Tb3: oh please make em stop
Albatross: NUH UH......... bigfot lol iz awsom
MumboJumbo: id hit that xD
Romulus: Don't deviate yourself to their level. These two idiots alone constitute the limited intelligence of Earth's lowest bacterium.
Tb3: u meen bactria?
MumboJumbo: what a creepy conversation... yet strangely arousing XP
Tb3: wtf
Romulus: You have succeeded in disgusting me yet again. You should be proud of yourself.
Flakcannon has joined channel "Schmuck."
Flakcannon: Hey guys. I just wanted to know: what was that URL for-
Albatross: OOOOOOOO wat if u had t3h sexx wit birdz dos tat meen u cun fli?????///
xXSup3rkilz76Xx: wtf N000000000000 b1dz 2 sm41 ur d1k w0ld n0t f1t
Flakcannon: ...
Flakcannon has exited Battle.net.
Edited by Grunt_of_War, May 23 2009, 03:03 AM.
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Post #7 May 23 2009, 03:25 PM Scorp
Hahaha, the end was great. I think Crimson needs to take a good look at this if he hasn't already, even if he's not entirely familiar with the StarCraft universe.

I eagerly anticipate the fifth installment. Glad ya'll finally picked back up on this.
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Omnipotent Emperor of the Universe

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Post #8 May 23 2009, 03:58 PM Crimson Knight
Yes I already read it. I plan to start using ^.=.^ in conversations...
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The power of friendship is unbeatable!

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Post #9 May 23 2009, 04:01 PM Sgt. Tacoz
Amazing guys, just amazing. XD
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I happen to know for a fact that Unicorns puke rainbows.
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Post #10 May 23 2009, 04:08 PM Crimson Knight
By the way I think I hate Romulus even more than Kilz or Albatross...
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