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Yūrei Dōbutsu; A Electrifying Neko
Topic Started: Aug 5 2014, 02:46 AM (793 Views)
Kuriboh
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Ku~ Ku~ Ku~
NPC till June of 2015
Posted Image~General Information~

Name: Yūrei Dōbutsu

Gender: Female

Age: 15

Height: 155cm

Weight: 52kg

Blood Type: AB

Birthday: July 4th

Birth Place: Tokyo

~Specific Information~

Occupation: Student

Position: Freshman

Affiliations: Bracer Guild
Superhumanly Acute Senses
Electrokinesis
Thunder Scream
Electromagnetism
Weaknesses/Limitations
Equipment You Have:

  • Cellphone
  • Ps Vita
  • Nintendo 3ds
  • Manga collection
  • Weekend clothes

Residency Request: Yuki house


Schedule:

Homeroom Teacher: Hiro

  • 1) Phys Ed
  • 2) Survival Studies
  • 3) Literature


Personality Description:
She is a very laid back individual, often slacking off she likes to relax and play videos games or read a good book more than anything. She loves to just lay in the grass and watch the clouds go by or glaze at the stars at night. she loves nature and animals and hates people that are cruel to animals.
Personal History:
She was born as a Neko, given her acute senses that have been described as superhuman. she grew up in Tokyo and at the age of ten she became a free-runner and she got better at free-running as she grew. she would often practic free-runner when she wasn't being lazy and reading a long book. she gained street smarts and book smarts from her lifestyle in tokyo.

when she was twelve she was abducted by a secret government organization where her genetic biostructure was alter to generate electronic pulse throughout her body giving her her powers of electrokinesis and thunder voice, although her powers are strong they are also unstable.

when she got free from the testing she didn't know where to go. she would drain the energy of all electronic devices she came in contract with. she learned a little control over that but still her powers were unstable and she couldn't control them fully lucky for her she head about a high school for the gifted or should i say a highschool for people with powers so she enrolled in hopes that her learnings at Hyakuji high will teach her to fully control her powers and use them to their full potential.
Mashed Potatoes? there is no spoon
Edited by Kuriboh, Jul 28 2015, 12:45 AM.
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Mayu Akabane
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Thank you for your profile!
I have looked over it, and would like the following areas looked at before I am willing to approve of this profile.

First of all, I am afraid I am going to have to say that there are currently too many powers on this profile.
- Superhuman Senses
- Lightning (Under Electrokinesis)
- Healing (Under Electrokinesis)
- Shockwave (Electromagnetism)
- Grenade (Electromagnetism)
- Static Thrusters (Electromagnetism)
Three of these are going to need to be removed seeing as the limit for powers is three.

- Superhuman Acute Senses
I am afraid that because of how many senses this power covers, and to what extent they are heightened, I am going to have to say it is going to need to be toned down in some way. You can either reduce each sense individually, or narrow the scope of senses that are enhanced. I will also say that hearing a tear drop in the next room, and being able to track scent despite passage of time and erosion are going to need to be toned down regardless of how you go about balancing this power.

- Electrokinesis
Basically, the damage she can do with her lightning is going to need to be put into more detail. Judging by the description, it sounds as if it is a little too powerful for a starting character, but it is hard to comment until proper detail is given.
As for the healing, details on what kind of wounds she can heal, and how long it takes to heal differing wounds will need to be detailed.
As for the drain, seeing as it is part of Electrokinesis, I am not going to count it as a power. I would, however, like to see more details on how long it takes for her to recharge her energy once it has been used up.

- Electromagnetism
The main problem with powers under this power is that they are too strong. Being able to reflect a car with a shockwave is definitely too powerful, and a shock grenade on the same level as a modern-day grenade is way too strong, and is going to need to be reduced by a lot.
I won't count the induction Grind as a power since it isn't particularly an expensive power, but I am afraid Static Thrusters is going to count as a power since it is quite close to flight.

Once edits have been made, please post a reply to this topic so that I know it is ready to be reviewed again.
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Kuriboh
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edited

Superhuman senses - toned down

Electrokinesis - toned down, better described upon the limitation tab

Electromagnetism - replaced by thunder scream
Edited by Kuriboh, Aug 11 2014, 08:54 PM.
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Mayu Akabane
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I have looked over your edits, and I would like the following areas addressed before I can approve of it.

For Electrokinesis, I am going to have to say that the strength of the bolts is going to need to be pushed down. Seeing as it works on multiple targets, starting off with the power of a taser is little on the too much side, and as powerful as a real lightning bolt as its maximum is way too strong. I would recommend keeping it to non-fatal levels. It would also be a lot easier to get it passed if you described what kind of damage it does to a person, since that way everyone has a clear idea of how strong it is.

As for the shout, that is definitely going to need to be toned down by a lot. From what I can see, 300 dB is about on the level of 1000 nuclear bombs going off, so that is definitely going to need to be pushed down by an awful lot. I would honestly recommend avoid using measurements such as that, and instead go with comparing it to a noise. That way you can't really go wrong.
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Kuriboh
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edited as requested
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Mayu Akabane
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Thank you for your edits.

Unfortunately, the issue remains that it is currently too powerful for an attack that can be used on multiple targets at the same time. I would recommend maybe adding in something to weaken electrokinesis power. I would also prefer it if the knock-out was also removed from power, or at the very least, more limits placed on the knock out. The police taser strength is fine for as long as that's the maximum, but it will need to be reduced for when it is used on multiple targets.

As for the Thunder Scream power, more detail on the stun will need to be added. How long does it last? What kind of stun is it? As for the damage it can do to a person and object, those will need to be clarified in more detail. Finally, shattering metal is first of all too vague, and also probably going to be too strong for a starting character.
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Kuriboh
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i think that covers it hopefully *fingerscrossed*
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Mayu Akabane
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Thank you, the strength aspect of Electrokinesis should be fine now. I would rather see something about how much the strength of the lightning is reduced when being transferred from person to person, but I will leave that up to you to put in or not. The screaming power still requires some tuning however.

First of all, things such as making eardrums bleed or burst are definitely too much. Anything that could easily cause permanent damage to other characters should really be avoided. I would recommend just keeping this power limited to the stun, since that alone is difficult enough to balance. Also, from what I reading, the stun only lasts as long as your character screams?

Also, now that I think about it, both the Electrokinesis and Scream would be better off with their ranged stated too seeing as both effect an area/multiple people. I would like to also ask that the lightning powers be given two sets of range. One for the initial attack, and a second range for its chain range. I will have to ask for the chain range to reasonably low to keep it balanced.

The shattering glass with her voice is also something I am considering. I am going to get a second opinion on it, so for now, I won't comment on it. I am just leaving this note here so that if I do need to mention it the next time I post, it won't be unexpected.
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Kuriboh
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edited as suggested

i made it so it only stuns people but damages objects cause breaking glass is very common with this sort of attack for example the Canary Cry from black canary which this ability is based off of is much more powerful having a much larger range and being able to launch people back compared to that it is really weak already i'll understand if it needs to be weaker just let me know
Edited by Kuriboh, Aug 12 2014, 02:29 AM.
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Mayu Akabane
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Kuriboh
Aug 5 2014, 02:46 AM
Powers/Abilities

Superhumanly Acute Senses

Electrokinesis


Thunder Scream


Weaknesses/Limitations

Equipment You Have:

  • Cellphone
  • Ps Vita
  • Nintendo 3ds
  • Manga collection
  • Weekend clothes
Thank you for your cooperation, and I apologise this has taken some time.
Approved!
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Kuriboh
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yay ^^ thank you for all your help
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Kuriboh
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[Electromagnetism] through Electromagnetism She possesses "touch-related" abilities, such as "leeching" an individual's neuroelectric energy to instantly heal any body damage inflicted unto her (Bio Leech), restraining a wounded individual with the use of electrokinesis and electromagnetism (Arc Restraint), and also healing a nearby injured individual back up their feet (Pulse Heal).
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Sophia Antistita
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Mmm... This still feels like multiple powers to me, though it is better than your other two profiles. I can't approve it as is, but I do suggest that you change it to "transferring" neuroelectric energy. That way you can do both drain and healing, though healing would involve Yurei transferring her own energy into a target. Having both that and Arc Restraint would be too much for one upgrade season though, so please pick which one you want for this time.
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Kuriboh
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>sees justified nerf to power
> makes appropriate changes to said power
Electromagnetism
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Sophia Antistita
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Kuriboh
Aug 5 2014, 02:46 AM
Powers/Abilities

Superhumanly Acute Senses

Electrokinesis

Thunder Scream

Electromagnetism

Weaknesses/Limitations

Equipment You Have:

  • Cellphone
  • Ps Vita
  • Nintendo 3ds
  • Manga collection
  • Weekend clothes
Re-approved!
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