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The Book that is Hyakuji's Story has come to a close. However, there are still plenty of stories left to be told in the madcap Anime Universe it inhabits. As one book closes, so too does another open. Presented by veteran Hyakuji Staff Members, check out the next generation EVOLUTION of "Anything-Goes" Anime Roleplaying at Senki Academy
| Yūrei Dōbutsu; A Electrifying Neko | |||||||||
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| Tweet Topic Started: Aug 5 2014, 02:46 AM (793 Views) | |||||||||
| Kuriboh | Aug 5 2014, 02:46 AM Post #1 | ||||||||
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NPC till June of 2015
Superhumanly Acute Senses Electrokinesis Thunder Scream Electromagnetism Weaknesses/Limitations
Edited by Kuriboh, Jul 28 2015, 12:45 AM.
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| Mayu Akabane | Aug 11 2014, 06:58 PM Post #2 | ||||||||
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Thank you for your profile! I have looked over it, and would like the following areas looked at before I am willing to approve of this profile. First of all, I am afraid I am going to have to say that there are currently too many powers on this profile. - Superhuman Senses - Lightning (Under Electrokinesis) - Healing (Under Electrokinesis) - Shockwave (Electromagnetism) - Grenade (Electromagnetism) - Static Thrusters (Electromagnetism) Three of these are going to need to be removed seeing as the limit for powers is three. - Superhuman Acute Senses I am afraid that because of how many senses this power covers, and to what extent they are heightened, I am going to have to say it is going to need to be toned down in some way. You can either reduce each sense individually, or narrow the scope of senses that are enhanced. I will also say that hearing a tear drop in the next room, and being able to track scent despite passage of time and erosion are going to need to be toned down regardless of how you go about balancing this power. - Electrokinesis Basically, the damage she can do with her lightning is going to need to be put into more detail. Judging by the description, it sounds as if it is a little too powerful for a starting character, but it is hard to comment until proper detail is given. As for the healing, details on what kind of wounds she can heal, and how long it takes to heal differing wounds will need to be detailed. As for the drain, seeing as it is part of Electrokinesis, I am not going to count it as a power. I would, however, like to see more details on how long it takes for her to recharge her energy once it has been used up. - Electromagnetism The main problem with powers under this power is that they are too strong. Being able to reflect a car with a shockwave is definitely too powerful, and a shock grenade on the same level as a modern-day grenade is way too strong, and is going to need to be reduced by a lot. I won't count the induction Grind as a power since it isn't particularly an expensive power, but I am afraid Static Thrusters is going to count as a power since it is quite close to flight. Once edits have been made, please post a reply to this topic so that I know it is ready to be reviewed again. |
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| Kuriboh | Aug 11 2014, 08:54 PM Post #3 | ||||||||
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edited Superhuman senses - toned down Electrokinesis - toned down, better described upon the limitation tab Electromagnetism - replaced by thunder scream Edited by Kuriboh, Aug 11 2014, 08:54 PM.
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| Mayu Akabane | Aug 11 2014, 09:40 PM Post #4 | ||||||||
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I have looked over your edits, and I would like the following areas addressed before I can approve of it. For Electrokinesis, I am going to have to say that the strength of the bolts is going to need to be pushed down. Seeing as it works on multiple targets, starting off with the power of a taser is little on the too much side, and as powerful as a real lightning bolt as its maximum is way too strong. I would recommend keeping it to non-fatal levels. It would also be a lot easier to get it passed if you described what kind of damage it does to a person, since that way everyone has a clear idea of how strong it is. As for the shout, that is definitely going to need to be toned down by a lot. From what I can see, 300 dB is about on the level of 1000 nuclear bombs going off, so that is definitely going to need to be pushed down by an awful lot. I would honestly recommend avoid using measurements such as that, and instead go with comparing it to a noise. That way you can't really go wrong. |
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| Kuriboh | Aug 11 2014, 10:13 PM Post #5 | ||||||||
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edited as requested | ||||||||
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| Mayu Akabane | Aug 11 2014, 11:12 PM Post #6 | ||||||||
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Thank you for your edits. Unfortunately, the issue remains that it is currently too powerful for an attack that can be used on multiple targets at the same time. I would recommend maybe adding in something to weaken electrokinesis power. I would also prefer it if the knock-out was also removed from power, or at the very least, more limits placed on the knock out. The police taser strength is fine for as long as that's the maximum, but it will need to be reduced for when it is used on multiple targets. As for the Thunder Scream power, more detail on the stun will need to be added. How long does it last? What kind of stun is it? As for the damage it can do to a person and object, those will need to be clarified in more detail. Finally, shattering metal is first of all too vague, and also probably going to be too strong for a starting character. |
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| Kuriboh | Aug 12 2014, 12:13 AM Post #7 | ||||||||
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i think that covers it hopefully *fingerscrossed* | ||||||||
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| Mayu Akabane | Aug 12 2014, 01:56 AM Post #8 | ||||||||
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Thank you, the strength aspect of Electrokinesis should be fine now. I would rather see something about how much the strength of the lightning is reduced when being transferred from person to person, but I will leave that up to you to put in or not. The screaming power still requires some tuning however. First of all, things such as making eardrums bleed or burst are definitely too much. Anything that could easily cause permanent damage to other characters should really be avoided. I would recommend just keeping this power limited to the stun, since that alone is difficult enough to balance. Also, from what I reading, the stun only lasts as long as your character screams? Also, now that I think about it, both the Electrokinesis and Scream would be better off with their ranged stated too seeing as both effect an area/multiple people. I would like to also ask that the lightning powers be given two sets of range. One for the initial attack, and a second range for its chain range. I will have to ask for the chain range to reasonably low to keep it balanced. The shattering glass with her voice is also something I am considering. I am going to get a second opinion on it, so for now, I won't comment on it. I am just leaving this note here so that if I do need to mention it the next time I post, it won't be unexpected. |
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| Kuriboh | Aug 12 2014, 02:27 AM Post #9 | ||||||||
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edited as suggested i made it so it only stuns people but damages objects cause breaking glass is very common with this sort of attack for example the Canary Cry from black canary which this ability is based off of is much more powerful having a much larger range and being able to launch people back compared to that it is really weak already i'll understand if it needs to be weaker just let me know Edited by Kuriboh, Aug 12 2014, 02:29 AM.
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| Mayu Akabane | Aug 12 2014, 03:00 AM Post #10 | ||||||||
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Thank you for your cooperation, and I apologise this has taken some time. Approved! |
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| Kuriboh | Aug 12 2014, 03:03 AM Post #11 | ||||||||
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yay ^^ thank you for all your help | ||||||||
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| Kuriboh | Jan 1 2015, 10:23 PM Post #12 | ||||||||
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[Electromagnetism] through Electromagnetism She possesses "touch-related" abilities, such as "leeching" an individual's neuroelectric energy to instantly heal any body damage inflicted unto her (Bio Leech), restraining a wounded individual with the use of electrokinesis and electromagnetism (Arc Restraint), and also healing a nearby injured individual back up their feet (Pulse Heal). | ||||||||
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| Sophia Antistita | Jan 2 2015, 06:40 AM Post #13 | ||||||||
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Mmm... This still feels like multiple powers to me, though it is better than your other two profiles. I can't approve it as is, but I do suggest that you change it to "transferring" neuroelectric energy. That way you can do both drain and healing, though healing would involve Yurei transferring her own energy into a target. Having both that and Arc Restraint would be too much for one upgrade season though, so please pick which one you want for this time. | ||||||||
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| Kuriboh | Jan 2 2015, 05:25 PM Post #14 | ||||||||
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>sees justified nerf to power > makes appropriate changes to said power Electromagnetism
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| Sophia Antistita | Jan 2 2015, 11:19 PM Post #15 | ||||||||
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Re-approved! |
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4:46 AM Jul 11