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Takehiko Resa; Secondary character
Topic Started: Jul 27 2014, 07:03 PM (1,064 Views)
Bonjove

Character Name: Takehiko Resa
Gender: male
Age: 18
Height: 6 feet
Weight: 230 ibs
Description or Image of Character Appearance:
http://moe.animecharactersdatabase.com/uploads/chars/18791-433349245.jpg

Occupation: student, street racer
Grade Level: senior
Powers Abilities:
Spoiler: click to toggle



Equipment You Have:
Spoiler: click to toggle


Residency Request: yuki( roommate to my other character Rakutsu)


Schedule:
Homeroom Teacher: Hiro
1) phys-ed
2) science
3) survival studies

Personality Description:

Takehiko is nice and like able guy when you get too know him. He is like a big brother to his friends and has a no nonsense attitude to show it. He has fatherly wisdom for his young age and uses it well for anyone who needs it. Despite this he can show to very determined in anything he is set on. He can also show curiosity towards any strange thing he sees. He has strong loyalty for his friends as will help them in any way in any situation. He is also very skillful with cars and has a strong love for them and street racing. Takehiko is light hearted and has a good sense of humor. He is a bit if a heroic always doing the right thing and always standing up to the man no matter how strong or skillful they are.

Personal History:

Takehiko was born in the of Tokyo, Japan. He was born a only child to his father. His mother passed away from giving birth to him. He and his dad lived in a apartment complex with his grandfather. At age 5 when he and his father were driving back from a car show downtown, the car's left tire flattened. As his father was fixing the tire Hikotake notice a weird light pattern in the sky and went to take a closer look. As he got closer to the guardrail he was met with a bolt of lighting striking him.
His father was shocked and worried he called the police to bring a him to the hospital ASAP. He had been in a coma for a year and in that year he when though a big change. He had found out that he had gain the ability to run at superspeed. They tested this on a runway where he ran down it in under 2 minutes. At age 7 his father put his abilities to the test when he ask Takehiko to read a history book on the civil war and write a one page essay on the most important event . He did this in 10 minutes when he first read the book in under 2 minutes and wrote the paper in 3 minutes. His father gave him a heat protective suit so the friction won't cook him and a pair of goggles to see clearly when running.
He even help won his school win a big football using a small part of his speed, so it won't look like he was cheating. Ever since he can remember Takehiko had a strong love for cars. His dad works for the racing industry, so he take Hiko to many races and to see many cars when they can. At age 15 he begin to learn how to drive with his father and grandfather. They would take a car uphill then have Takehiko drift downhill as if he was touge racing. At age 18 his father informed him that he would be transferring to a school where the students have powers like him.As a present for getting his license on his first try he got a Mitsubishi Lancer Evoultion IX or LAN-Evo IX for short. It had all the tuning parts in the trunk and some in the back seats. Hiko thanked his dad then drove off to Hyakuji.


Mashed Potatoes? the secret is in the pudding
Edited by Bonjove, Jan 23 2015, 06:11 PM.
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Jonny
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I'm gonna go a bit reverse order on this, since the history will be quicker and easier to tackle.

First things first, is that your scale for Takehiko's speed growth is a bit wonky. Runways tend to be close to 2km in length as a minimum, and certainly, the airports in Tokyo (mainly Haneda and Narita) both have their runways at over that. So if he ran down one of them in 'under' ten seconds, then he's managing at least 200 m/s, or 447 miles an hour. Quite a bit above most sport cars, don't you think?

Plus I can't help but feel you have either consciously or unconsciously taken from my own character here... To demonstrate:
From Jonny's power section
 
When he was but five years old, young Jonny was outrunning sports cars on the way to school. At seven, he constructed a dog house in mere moments after reading the manual for only a few seconds. By ten, he was engaging in self designated 'races' against jet fighters, and winning. The sound barrier broken by twelve.

From Takehiko's history
 
At age 7 his father put his abilities to the test when he ask Takehiko to read a instruction manual then build a engine. He did this in 10 minutes when he first read the manual in 5 seconds and build the engine. As Takehiko aged, he became faster when he was 7 he raced sports cars on his way to school. At age 10 he won races agains jets on the run way. At age 12 he broke the sound barrier.


Whilst the sports car bit is later on in Takehiko's version, you have construction at seven from a manual, racing jets at age ten, and the sound barrier being broken at age twelve. If you are doing this deliberately, then I'm a little put off.

The rest of the history is fairly minimal fluff, could use maybe some elaboration (mentions of a father and grandfather, but no mother?) but not much else aside.

Hooboy the powers though.

Putting aside the very Jonny-esque nature of the character as a whole (which I realise includes brown hair, the same height, and the same top speed) for a moment, the immediate crux of the whole thing is the attempt to introduce the speedforce . Now, the reason Geoff Johns got away with the massive retcon that the speedforce is the source of the vast majority of super speed is that Geoff Johns was and still is one of the top dogs at DC. He had the power to wield the plot as he wished. You however don't really have that going for you, and as such, trying to claim this utterly new character as the embodiment of an energy force 'most' speedsters draw upon is not gonna really work. Its being too broad on something used with at least some regularity.

On the actual specifics of the speed power, not so sure on having the vibration stuff in there, since your previous character had it separated off. But as it gets on, there's the distinct air (reinforced by the speedforce element) of trying to recreate some of the flash without thinking it through. Here's the bit especially:
Quote:
 
He can run fast enough to take the relativistic mass of his speed to deliver blows that hit with the force of " a white dwarf star". If he does this more than twice in a row he is risking become one with the speedforce, which means he won't be alive in this world anymore.

Do you know why the Flash could do that? Because the Flashes have been in the comics, barring occasions where their speed gets knocked down for plot reasons, capable of near-light if not faster than light speeds. In the very scene that would go down in comic book history as the 'infinite mass punch', Wally West was in fact approaching said speed of light. Read it here. So unless you're trying to bump your guy up to that kind of speed, then hit 'hitting like a white dwarf star' has got to go.

Speed perception is a fairly obvious power to put in, but the reference to it 'not being omniscient' is again rather similar to my own character's - 'However fast it maybe though, it’s not exactly omniscient, so things can catch him by surprise regardless of this.'

Speed link meanwhile is similar to how Jonny can share out his powers, though standalone and executed differently in limits. Functionally, its fine.

The heat protective suit and goggles come a bit out of nowhere compared to Rakutsu, where its at least mentioned he got them from his grandfather, even though the details beyond that are sketchy.

And... yeah.

Probably the lingering thing with this bio, however much you might be able to fix it up in terms of actual function and such, is that reading it, it reads liked a tweaked copy of my own work. I'm not sure if I should flattered or insulted, but you've got me confused at least. Is there a reason for this, or did you honestly not even realise when putting it all together? It seems kinda hard to be the case though, so...
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Bonjove

Edited.
Sorry for the similaritys to Johnny there that was a unconscious mistake there. And the reason he has a suit like Raku is that friction is a enemy to all speedsters so it would make sense for him to have one too. I did mention his mother during from birth on the second sentence. The reason he is fast as Johnny is that I felt as if that was a reasonable speed for someone his age as he is a year older then him. And the punch thing was so he can have a move that standed out from the other speedsters in the school like Raku with heating up molecules.
Am I able to have something similer to the punch so it won't be the same as the flash's infint mass punch. If not that's fine I'll edit it out
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Jonny
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Why he would have a suit =/= how he gets one, and whilst you've addressed the latter, don't presume too much to think that all super speedsters have the same mechanics. Jonny's speed meanwhile doesn't technically have to do with his age, as it capped out at what he's at several years ago, and so having the guy be as fast just due to the same age is a reasoning based on shaky grounds. The punch thing though has its basic mechanics in the super speed itself, and as such, to get what you're going for, your character has to have near-light speeds. Which they really, really cannot have.

And just to lastly note, the speed of sound, at sea level, is about 760 mph.
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Bonjove

Edited and I took the punch out and I decided not to go with the slow down time thing for this guy. I also feel as if he should have the suit which is just me.
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Jonny
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Well, you still retain the whole speed-age marker...

I will confess, this profile vexes me, because of the elements so similar to one of my own, but at the same time you are your own RPer, and its not like its exactly the same. I decided to consult someone about it and... in conclusion, if this gets approved, you'll be free to use the character, but under scrutiny so that we're certain you're not just making Jonny 2.0 here.

Otherwise, all I'd really ask right now is 1) Consider the character's speed one last time. If you want him at 1600, which is faster than Jonny whilst only being your second character, you'll be under scrutiny for that too.
2) Maybe clarify on the rainy day thing. If its the issue raised in Darker Than Black, than interesting that you didn't bring it up with Rakutsu.
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Bonjove

The reason I maded this character was to have a student teacher relationship with Rakutsu showing him how to use his speed in the field and picking up his slack which I decided to make his speed double the amount of Rakutsu's not so he would be faster then Johnny. Which is why I put in the speed link so he would use that power with Rakutsu so he can keep us with him when they work together so he won't
Have to hold back. Also put more detail in the "darker then black" I have no idea what your talking about there. And if you want me to change thing so it won't be similar to Johnny just tell me. The reason why they can run in rainy areas is that it's too slippery
Edited by Bonjove, Aug 9 2014, 03:44 PM.
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Jonny
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...Rain + slippage depends on severity and surface, and if that's the problem, then it'd be something that applies as a general thing, not specifically to rain.

Otherwise, its the actual similarities to Jonny that is the problem, not the narrative intent behind the character. Those similarities I have already pointed out in how quite similar they were prior to editing, and even if tweaked, elements of them remain. Just saying 'Oh its really for Y instead of X' won't fully dissuade from that, so whilst I'm trying to see the potential to be something else, I hope you can understand why, the longer I dwell on it, the more uneasy it becomes. And quick edits like with the ages of specific speed changes doesn't help with that.

On the speed specifically, my comment from the last post was more meant to be to do with the amount of speed available to both a relatively new RPer and character, compared to someone established here for quite some time. Super speed is one of the trickiest 'simple' powers to handle from a writing perspective, especially in collaborative fiction, and so it warrants dubious eyes - hence I was asked specifically to overlook both this and your previous character, because I have some of the most experience on site of seeing it used. Hence, extra scrutiny.
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Bonjove

Edited
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Jonny
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...You know, I understand I may have been a bit harsh in coming down on the comparisons to my own character, and I apologise for leaving you waiting most of a week for a reply. And hey, you did indeed fix up the speed itself, and attempted a different third power in order to distance things.

The problem now is that you've loaded that third power with enough abilities to be a starting power set all on its own (and possibly more than that actually). As a base thing, he can create fire. Then he can throw out fireballs. He can burn people through touch. HE can create firestorms, fires large and hot enough to create their own wind force. The smallest recorded urban firestorm covered 0.5 square miles, or 160 acres - you could cover the original Disneyland with that. He then gets an emotion dependent super mode, and in general his fire is enough to actually melt fire and bone, and the way you make that sound, that's the norm rather than an extreme end of the ability.
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Bonjove

Edit
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Jonny
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...You added to it when it was already too much. You would need to scale back the power to keep it, not add on more, like with it providing healing and having some kind of magic resistance.
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Bonjove

I took some stuff away
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Jonny
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Adding fire to his attacks, magic resistant flame shield, and healing are still three functionally separate abilities (and those are just what I get out at a glance), and so with the other speed powers gets you well over the starting limit count.
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Bonjove

I think we're good now
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