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Jay Vermillion; YAY A CHARACTER :D
Topic Started: Mar 1 2014, 09:51 PM (364 Views)
JayThatRulesThemAll
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Hyakuji 2.0 Template

Character Name: Jay Vermillion
Gender: Male
Age: 16
Height: 5'9"
Weight: 140lbs
Description or Image of Character Appearance:
Jay



Occupation: Student
Grade Level: 1st year
Powers/ Abilities:

Son Of Satan

Technique: Scythe Summon
Description: Jay is able to summon and banish his scythe at will. When summoned the scythe will appear in his hand, when banishing the scythe will blow away in the wind like leafs. 2 post cool down

Technique: Negative Bend
Description: Allows Jay to materialize negative emotions into a couple of different shapes (Tentacles, Balls, Beams etc) 3 post cool down (after moves disappear)

Negative Ball
Range:10m (30ft)
[b[Description:[/b] shoots a ball of black/purple energy, capable of 1st degree burns and bruises. can travel as fast a machine pitched baseball (is the same size of a baseball)

Negative Beam
Range:10m (30ft)
[b[Description:[/b] A dark beam shoots from directly in front of Jay and is capable of 1st degree burns. can travel s fast as a machine pitched base ball (same demensions of a baseball but longer)

Technique: Son of Satan
Description: This technique boosts Jays speed and strength. This technique changes Jay's appearance, giving him red eyes that almost glow, a menacing purple and black aura, sharper teeth, and the pentagram on his back glows purple. Lasts 3 posts with a 5 post cool down. +20% strength and +20% speed (Jay is in pretty good shape so the boost makes him equal to an Olympic athlete)

Equipment You Have:
Scythe

Residency Request:
Yoshima

Schedule:
Homeroom Teacher: Lavender
1)Advanced Demonology
2)Survival Studies
3)Cooking

Personality Description:
Jay is clumsy, and usually spaced out. When he isn't spaced out he is either being lazy or making a joke. Jay is usually groggy and will often fall asleep in class. Jay is extremely lazy and will only try at something if it really matters. He gets along with people well enough but never wants to be the star of anything he'd rather sit in the corner day dreaming in silence. Jay prefers to sit near a window in the back of a class. Jay seems to be a loner but in truth he just prefers to travel alone rather then in cliques.

Personal History:
History


Mashed Potatoes?
The proof is in the pudding
Edited by JayThatRulesThemAll, Mar 2 2014, 01:58 AM.
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Mayu Akabane
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Thank you for your profile, I have looked over your profile, and it is largely a problem of not enough detail at the moment.

The main things that will need clarification are the magic beam blast and explosions. What kind of scale are they on? What do they do? What are their sizes?

There really isn't much for me to comment on at the moment outside of asking for clarifications on what your character is able to do with the magic and explosions. I will add that something like explosions will really need to be on a small scale, and with no significant damaging properties given that this is a starting characters, and explosions are generally quite powerful. However, until I actually see what kind of scale you have in mind, I can't really accurate say if it will be too powerful, or not.

Also, is that Son of Satan thing a power, or just there as a character background point? If it is just a character background point, then putting it down in the history will be fine.

Aside from powers, the answer to the Mashed Potatoes question can be found while reading the rules which I will link below.
http://hyakujihigh.net/topic/177235/1/

Once you had made the necessarily edits to your character profile, please post a reply to this topic so that I may review your profile again.
Edited by Mayu Akabane, Mar 1 2014, 10:10 PM.
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JayThatRulesThemAll
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I got Techniques Dripin Out My Butt Cheeks
Son of Satan is the power and fixed ^_^
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Mayu Akabane
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Thank you, I have looked over your profile again, and two of the powers will still require further clarification.

For the Negative Bend power, once again the scale of what he can do will need to be clarified. For example, what kind of damage the beam/ball can do on an object and person. Examples would be the easiest way to demonstrate power (e.g. knock someone dow etc), or comparing it something else. Same with size of the balls/beams, an example of how big they are. There is probably also going to be the need for some use limit to prevent it from being easily spammed. The tentacle thing I am not sure about, but depending on the scale of beam and ball, I will leave that for now. If you intend to keep the tentacle, then basically size and how much strength it has will need to be clarified.

As for Son of Satan, once again, clarification on how much his strength and speed are boosted. Since the power includes both strength and speed, they will both need to be scaled so that each individual boost is not so high that it would count as a power by itself. Post limits would also help balance it out.

Once edits have been made, please post another reply so that I may review the profile once again.
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JayThatRulesThemAll
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I got Techniques Dripin Out My Butt Cheeks
fixed i think, but for Son of Satan is there some sort of scale i can refer to cause i just put percentages.
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Mayu Akabane
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I am happy for the beam and ball to count as one power since they are similar enough to be the same power, but I am afraid I am going to have to say that the tentacle would count as an additional power.

You can keep either the Tentacle alone, or the beam and ball together. If you plan to keep the tentacle, then the number of tentacles is also going to have to be lowered. The Beam and Ball are fine as they are though.

I would say percent is fine, although most people tend to compare physical enhancements to sports people. If you use percentages, it will probably be a good idea of describing your character's normal state. If he is normally the same as an average person, then putting down that he is average in strength and speed would work fine with percentages since most people can get an idea of how much faster/stronger he is with the boost. Honestly, whichever way is easiest for you.

Once you have edited in everything, please post a reply so that I may review this again. The profile is almost good to pass, so hopefully on the next edit it should be fine.
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JayThatRulesThemAll
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I got Techniques Dripin Out My Butt Cheeks
fixed ^_^
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Mayu Akabane
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I would say the absolute limit would be as strong as an Olympic athlete rather than stronger given it is a double boost.

Also this was my bad, but I completely overlooked this before, but the speed of the ball and beam will also need some clarification. Yet again, an example will be fine such as the speed of someone throwing a ball, or something similar to that. Once again, my bad for overlooking it at first.
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JayThatRulesThemAll
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I got Techniques Dripin Out My Butt Cheeks
fixed
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Mayu Akabane
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From what I can find, a baseball pitching machine is about 90 kmh on average which should be fine. Once again, I overlooked another important part which is the size of the balls and beams which I should have probably have realised when I was talking about the speed of the ball and beam. I am going to assume that since you are using a baseball speed for the ball, it is going to be the size of a baseball. I am going to say given that it is being thrown at quite fast speeds, anything bigger would require the speed to be lowered.

I apologise for overlooking something twice. This should be the last thing that will require editing. Once you have finished the edits, I will review it once again and hopefully will be able to approve on the next post. Thank you.
Edited by Mayu Akabane, Mar 2 2014, 01:47 AM.
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JayThatRulesThemAll
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I got Techniques Dripin Out My Butt Cheeks
fixed
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Mayu Akabane
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JayThatRulesThemAll
Mar 1 2014, 09:51 PM
Powers/ Abilities:

Son Of Satan

Technique: Scythe Summon
Description: Jay is able to summon and banish his scythe at will. When summoned the scythe will appear in his hand, when banishing the scythe will blow away in the wind like leafs. 2 post cool down

Technique: Negative Bend
Description: Allows Jay to materialize negative emotions into a couple of different shapes (Tentacles, Balls, Beams etc) 3 post cool down (after moves disappear)

Negative Ball
Range:10m (30ft)
[b[Description:[/b] shoots a ball of black/purple energy, capable of 1st degree burns and bruises. can travel as fast a machine pitched baseball (is the same size of a baseball)

Negative Beam
Range:10m (30ft)
[b[Description:[/b] A dark beam shoots from directly in front of Jay and is capable of 1st degree burns. can travel s fast as a machine pitched base ball (same demensions of a baseball but longer)

Technique: Son of Satan
Description: This technique boosts Jays speed and strength. This technique changes Jay's appearance, giving him red eyes that almost glow, a menacing purple and black aura, sharper teeth, and the pentagram on his back glows purple. Lasts 3 posts with a 5 post cool down. +20% strength and +20% speed (Jay is in pretty good shape so the boost makes him equal to an Olympic athlete)

Equipment You Have:
Scythe
Thank you!
Approved!
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