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False Start; Closed: Katyusha
Topic Started: Dec 13 2011, 05:27 PM (1,173 Views)
Katyusha
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少し, 頭冷やそうか...
There were a few things she could say, and a few things she understood differently. But she didn't say any of that. But then, how was she to determine what was correct when her training had taught her that with the express intent that it be used as a skill for her functions?

...

"I see." she said, like a student learning from a sage, or, more accurately, a trainee learning doctrine from a field instructor. "So then... by your description... this person I am attracted to romantically, would be the person who I rely on the most?"
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Cypriss
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Oliver stopped at a soda machine tossing in a few coins and making a quick purchase as he thought over what she was asking him. "hurm.... it's complicated but in simplest terms that's probably true.." He said as he held his chin, contemplating it a bit. Was that the right way to phrase it? Well he wouldn't gain anything by over-complicating his explanation. And more importantly "Rather.. someone you're willing to rely on is probably someone you already trust and care for. Especially for you, since you are naturally reserved and keep to yourself. If there's someone you rely on then that person must be important to you."

Well, this didn't hold up perfectly, since Oliver most relied on Jameson. Their romantic compatibility, even if Oliver was into dudes, was so low as to be in negative numbers. Assuming Oliver was gay, the idea of him pursuing Jameson was beyond laughable. He'd probably wind up going for someone like Seth.

'Wait, what the hell am I thinking about?'

"Why? someone come to mind?" He said as he leaned back against the wall, popping the top to his drink. He then held out a can to her with his free hand, just a generic U Soda drink he'd seen her drink on a mission before. He liked remembering that sort of thing because it always made an impression on girls when he could instantly recall their favorite drink. It was sort of second nature to him now so that he knew everyone's drink.
Edited by Cypriss, Dec 29 2011, 10:03 AM.
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Katyusha
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少し, 頭冷やそうか...
"You." without a moment's hesitation, she said so with a straight face.

As if not realising the implications of what she was saying, such a bold statement was declared. Afterall, didn't she rely on him to teach her how to act around others in a 'normal' sense and differentiate her training to work undercover from actual normal living?

"Perhaps my first instructor as well, but right now, I believe the person I am most able to rely on is you."
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Cypriss
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"Pfffttt." Oliver spat in shock. He pounded his chest, coughing a bit as he choked down his drink. As soon as his throat was cleared he turned to her, staring at her. Him?! What on Earth..? Did she even begin to realize what she was saying? Had he explained it that badly so that she could make such a mistake. He was absolutely positive she'd never even once shown that kind of interest in him. Maybe it was a failure to communicate the idea correctly?

She couldn't like.. actually mean that, right? Feh! Here he was getting all worked up but in reality it was over nothing! He must look like a real idiot. "What are you, an idiot?!" He spat, annoyed with her for no real reason. However he knew that was wrong, if he treated her like that it might just result in her becoming more withdrawn. Even admitting that was probably hard for her. "I.. I... Sorry. You jsut took me by surprise there.. Hahah.." He said brushing back the hair from his eyes, regaining control over himself.

"W-well.. I think the kind of relying on we're talking about here is different.." He said clearing his throat as he looked away from her. "I mean you've never felt any sadness when I'm not around, right? You've never felt physically attracted, right? Relying on is only the first part. Romantic interest is more than just that." He said feeling somewhat frustrated as he said it. He had been acutely aware of how attractive she was for a while. And he HAD been sad when she was gone. Even as he said these things to her he noticed them a bit in himself and it made him annoyed.

Perhaps for a split second he'd even been happy to hear that from her? Which only made him more annoyed when he realized it was surely jsut a misunderstanding and a failure on his end to explain it.
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Katyusha
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少し, 頭冷やそうか...
"I cannot be certain how I feel, it's difficult to gauge as it is entirely conjecture on my part." she continued "However, I am certain I feel something... it isn't hostility, nor do I believe it to be physical attraction, however I am certain I was ... bothered, when you had turned yourself in before. ..No, bothered isn't the appropriate word either, but it is not incorrect."

...

Chetri grimaced for a moment, struggling to put concept to words.

She seemed to be bothered by it. By not knowing.

It was a perfectly normal human function to know how they felt, wasn't it? Then why was she having so much trouble?

How does one elucidate one's emotion with little background to work from, in a way others could understand? But people could do that couldn't they? She was a person, not a doll afterall, so what made this different?

"To be certain, I am unsure of what it is. It seems I have gotten so used to suppressing what I feel, I am no longer able to distinguish them." she said finally, admitting her failure.
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Cypriss
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"A feeling like that could be friendship, or empathy, or even just a bond that has no reason to exist except that you wish for there to be one.." His tone was cold as he looked away from her clutching his hands at his sides. "But to be sure.. if it were romantic you'd be able to tell... The feeling your describing sounds weak.. Heh.. bothered.."

He was more than bothered when she was shot. Bothered didn't even begin to describe it. He was more than bothered when she said she might like him just then. Bothered? Was that the extent of it? He'd gotten worked up over her being bothered? What was he even doing..?

He had decided already not to take a serious relationship into consideration. To separate himself from all that. And yet lately there was no denying it. As much as he refuted it, as much as he tried to ignore it, as much as he struggled to pretend it didn't exist he definitely felt.. something for Chetri. He wasn't really here for Seth at all was he..?

He'd been re-affirming that this was a fake date the whole time, only for himself. In reality he was jealous of Seth's initiative, right? As much as her cluelessness was frustrating it was also a bit endearing. Not only that, but he couldn't ignore someone that had similar circumstances to him. But she had it worse, so much worse. And trying to help her through her issues made him feel better about his own..

In the end he was purposely drawing himself closer to her because he DID feel something while denying it to himself. He was meddling in her life and now he'd even confused her about all of this.. And worse yet perhaps he was the one who subtly guided her to this conclusion? How could he trust his own intentions when he'd been lying to himself the whole time..?

"Hahah! Try not to worry about it! L.. Listen.." He paused for a moment before planting his hands on his sides and forcing a broad smile. "The real key is to just keep trying. You've said it yourself that denying your feelings has made them confusing. But you can't learn an entirely new language in a day, right? The date will be a good experience and you can keep learning. And when you do love someone you'll know for sure! Trust me, love isn't some emotion you can misunderstand. What you're describing it just our friendship! Because.. you know.. we're friends."

How could saying he was friends with someone had obvious feelings for make him feel so sick to his stomach? He'd never known such a curious mix of hate and affection before.

He trailed off a bit looking away. "Before you know it, there it is. Like it or not..."

"But wait, no physical attraction? Really? Because I mean.. come on." He gestured to himself. "Are you blind or something? This is good stuff!"
Edited by Cypriss, Dec 30 2011, 07:19 AM.
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Katyusha
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少し, 頭冷やそうか...
"I know that physical attraction is based on cultural factors of success of some sort, however, in that regard, I cannot say I find myself attracted to anyone as I have no basis." she concluded "However, you are correct... this is all theory and conjecture. Perhaps this practice will help me understand it under controlled conditions."

There was abit of relief in it. The confusion was still there, but he'd given a perfectly good, logical answer, and there was no reason to refute it.

It's not as if he'd intentionally steer her wrong out of spite, would he? Though he'd expressed antipathy for her before, and understandably so, she was certain he would not act upon it in such a manner.

Out of comradeship, or friendship as he said, whatever it was, she could trust him to instruct her correctly, couldn't she?
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Cypriss
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"........ I....... What?" He said, his entire brain shutting down as he stared at her. His jaw hung open as his posture degraded, slouching forward as he stared. "You.... what?" His voice was so incredulous the squeak of his tone threatened to go into dog hearing territory. This was simply beyond his ability to comprehend. This was so far removed from any realm of thought he subscribed to that it became pure nauseating madness.

"You... don't find.... anyone... anyone... ANYONE... attractive?" He reached forward grabbing her and hugging her tightly as he pat her head. "You poor girl. I.. just.. those monsters. what did they do to you? Those bastards."

Yes, isolation, brutal training, breaking her on a psychological level. All of this he accepted in quiet understanding, but breaking her ability to find others attractive? This was what drove him to true sympathy and even pity.

His priorities were terribly off.
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Katyusha
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少し, 頭冷やそうか...
It was an unconscious mechanism.

Posted Image

Oliver's attempt to grasp her out of the blue, with sudden movements and no forewarning, was a mistake. In a semi-guarded state, her eyes seemed to react on their own, the path of his limbs calculated in an instant defensive measure as her limbs began acting by trained reflex rather than conscious thought.

Posted Image

Before she realised what she was doing, she'd grasped Oliver's arm by the elbow after stepping to the side, and using his own momentum against him, threw him on his back. She was already reaching for her knife when she her conscious mind returned from the sudden lapse.

For a brief moment, time seemed to stand still, locking her in position.

It took her a moment to understand what she had just done, and why her hands were wrapped around the handle of her survival knife.

The reactions of surprise and shock from onlookers were matched only by the horror on her face when Chetri realised what she was doing, the implications slowly sinking in.

...Her hands were shaking.

She didn't quite understand why, but her hands were shaking.

"...I... I..." she stuttered, unable to find the appropriate response "...Sorry."

Without another word, she quickly let go and fled, rapidly disappearing into the crowd as she tried to put as much distance between herself and Oliver as possible lest someone remember or recognise her.
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Cypriss
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Heh, should have known better than to try and touch her. That was his own mistake. Someone like her whom was naturally guarded from years of training would react instinctively to being encroached upon like that. He didn't even resent it, like he normally would with almost anything she did. "ooff.." Oliver groaned as he rubbed his back, getting up from the floor. He glanced her way as she apologized to brush it off nonchalantly, however before he could reply he saw the shock and horror at her own actions spreading across her features. Before he could say a word she darted off in a random direction, blending into the crowd and vanishing from his sight.

He stared out to where she ran in complete shock. Was she.. actually upset over having done that? And such an obvious display of emotion... Why was that? Was it simply because she'd hurt him? No.. he was being hopeful again. Greedily seeking meaning where there was none. Logically, why would she run like that..? '

...Exposure? She was out in public and used her CQC. The last time he'd seen her sop upset was when he threatened to blow her cover in public. Because of that she had gotten horrified to the extent of nearly breaking down. So then was this the same thing? Yeah.. that made a lot more sense to him than her being worried for his sake.. Well..

Man how annoying! He'd been tossed like that in public by a girl for everyone to see, and then she ran off. Didn't she realize how that made him look?! What a jerk! He groaned a bit rising and dusting off his pants. "Haha... forgot our anniversary.." He said to the onlookers which sent a knowing laugh thorugh the crowd. "Never trifle with a girl who takes self defense lessons.." He said, another laugh and all was righti n the world. Well besides with his butt and his ego. People dispersed, some with leery glares, unsure if what he'd said was untrue and he was actually some sort of creep..

Well, he'd be fine if a handful of nobodies thought poorly of him but.. For the moment the real question was..

Where is Chetri..?

Haah.. well maybe it was for the best. He could probably use some time to himself after this fiasco. He needed to sort out his thoughts and find some way to stop himself from expecting things from her. If he wasn't careful he might really fall in love with this horrible robot of a woman and then he'd be in real trouble...

"Damn... a nice toss though.." He said rubbing his back as he walked off.
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