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消えない想い; [Closed]
Topic Started: Nov 6 2011, 06:04 AM (1,014 Views)
Yosuke

"...Not at all..."

Kotoko didn't really move, beyond the fact she was visibly shaking. Even more, the glow of her eyes hadn't gone away. "I've only just...started..." the woman continued, speaking in a rather...raspy tone. She was almost growling at this point. She had gotten worked up to the point the belt's lust for battle awoke, the smell of blood being the proper trigger.

"Its why I have to go...as soon as possible..." she continued, slowly getting to her feet and moving a short distance away from Miyuki. "Any more and...I don't think I'll be able to retain who I am." simply letting Kotoko take out her frustrations was not how to deal with things. She was able to hold back for now but...the fact that she had that much power in her fist right now, despite being in the "weaker" physical form...

"Just...let me go..."
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Katyusha
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少し, 頭冷やそうか...
A pair of arms wrapped themselves gently around the despairing woman.

It hurt - rather alot in fact, to be moving after having just recieving a beating, but the effect on her movement was negligible at worst. As long as the functions remained intact, pain could be endured with training and will. One could say it was one of her few saving graces.

The same arms that were so often used merely as part of a body meant to be a weapon in it's entirety were now used to softly comfort another.

"Concentrate." she said softly. Almost like a whisper, her voice sounded less harsh than before. "Slowly. Calm your mind. Don't listen to it's bloodlust. You can do it."

A soft embrace like before. In the end, even if she would sooner lose a limb than admit to such a thing, caring was still central to this person.

"If you give up for just this much, you'll never be able to look at Roa or your family."
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Yosuke

It was hard.

Kotoko...Kouta had to spend every day concentrating to keep sane. It had built up too much over the last few days, and while Kuuga still saw action technically...it was never satisfied. A battle where it could go all out to its hearts content was never available and thus it was the reason why the warrior continued to slip. Coupled with the mental issues, a ticking time bomb was likely the most accurate description for the person right now.

"Why..."

And yet, Miyuki still continued as is...which confused Kotoko even more, given her attitude as of late. "What did I do...to deserve this..." she murmured quietly as the glow began to die as Kotoko slowly began calming down...though the growling was replaced with quiet sobbing. "Just....why..."
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Katyusha
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少し, 頭冷やそうか...
"It doesn't matter." she murmured softly

Her arms remained firmly wrapped around Kotoko, and she rested her head on her back. In contrast to the harshness of before, there was also care of equal measure that was the root of it.

But even if it was the same tone, the same voice, the meaning seemed vastly different. Instead of sounding like a cruel frost, was now more like the tranquility of a lake.

"Ne... Kouta..." She used the person's original name. The informality of her language, always perpetually guarded even when among her her closest friends, meant she wanted to talk to him not as he was now, but how he truly was. "You know why I do these things right?"
Edited by Katyusha, Nov 14 2011, 01:19 PM.
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Yosuke

"...I know...its just..." Kotoko trailed off, closing her eyes a bit as she tensed up a bit more now that her senses were returning to normal. Kotoko...Kouta, they both understood Miyuki's reasons for her actions, it was something they were accustom too since the beginning however, this is where the two personalities diverged.

Kouta was content as is, proceeding on as normal since they had made the agreement to begin with. Yet...he never said he was happy with it. Kotoko was the more vocal half of the duo. She was the one who wanted to have her way...she wanted things to be more...normal.

"Even someone like me...wants to be treated like a human being on occasion...someone who wants to actually be loved." Kotoko continued. "I don't want to pretend things are okay...I just want...to be selfish too." Kouta's own urges, Kouta's own wants...they were only revealed whenever he became Kotoko...

In short, even he had grown tired of having to wait all the time until these so called free days came up. It was hard to call them thus when no matter what, it was always just going to be treated with the same, work focused attitude from the both of them...
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Katyusha
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少し, 頭冷やそうか...
"I see."

There was a sigh, and the embrace that seemed so tight before lost it's form. Her arms slipped away and rested by her side. Though her face hadn't changed in expression, it was obvious she seemed disappointed, as she averted her gaze and looked away.

It seemed almost unfair in a way, considering how she'd said it would be from the start, and how despite even then, she took the time to spend her rest days with them.

She owed her mother a daughter. She owed her sister a sibling, and her friends as well. Such time could have been spent with them instead, but she'd spent what little time she allowed herself with Kouta.

"So I havn't been able to provide such a thing" she said, as if regretful "Tell me... after all this time, do you regret being with me?"
Edited by Katyusha, Nov 17 2011, 08:59 AM.
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Yosuke

"I don't regret anything but..."

Kotoko shook her head but at the same time pushed out of Miyuki's embrace, so she could actually face the woman. "It doesn't matter if we have time off or not." the taller woman said simply enough. Truth be told while it was enjoyable it was...empty feeling as of late. It was as if they were spending time together just for the sake of it. She...even Kouta...didn't want it like that.

"You do a lot for me and I appreciate it. Everything you've done so far was fine...there's nothing that needs to change." Kotoko continued, she was trying to smile but it'd be a while before her aching heart actually calmed down. "I just...want to actually be part of things." in the end, what Kotoko didn't want was someone to spoil her...

She just didn't want to be left behind...every memory was precious, but somehow, it just felt that those happy moments were moving farther and farther away.
Edited by Yosuke, Nov 17 2011, 11:11 AM.
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Katyusha
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少し, 頭冷やそうか...
"You are a part of things." she said simply, honestly

That was the reason that she took the time and cared for Kouta especially, rather than the others.

It wasn't so much requiring him for happiness, as much as she enjoyed the feeling when she saw him happy, and found it was alot harder to take when he suffered. More so than with herself.

He'd approached her and said he liked her. He approached her and told her he wanted to go out with her for no particular reason. He just did did.

Used to suffering alone, fighting alone, and being alone and without allies, allowing another into the shell, even under conditions, was one of the closest things to a leap of faith she could ever give. The prospect of losing him to something was something she didn't want to consider at this point.

She had allowed herself to become too familiar with him. An often emotionally naive woman, she would not admit to any feelings of familiarity, but it was there all the same.

"...That's why it was difficult seeing you hurt. When you struggled, it felt less tolerable than if it had been myself. That's why I selfishly want to keep you safe."
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Yosuke

"That's the problem."

Kotoko's mind was a lot clearer now, so she was able to actually say what she really wanted without anger or sorrow getting in the way. "I don't want someone to keep me safe." she stated simply, standing firm with all this. Kouta grew up in constant danger in order to survive and support his family, and he wasn't a fan of being babied so he didn't have to experience pain anymore.

It was pain like this that helped him grown and survive as long as he has. He saw through his mistakes, his sorrow and found new paths. He saw answers he wouldn't have thought of if he remained sheltered to hide from little things like a scratch or a bruise.

"I said it before and I'll say it again...I'd much rather have a partner who can watch my back and I can watch hers. Whats the point of being protected when the only method being employed is sacrifice self for the other? I want it to be mutual."
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Katyusha
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少し, 頭冷やそうか...
"I can't do that. Not while you continue to lose control every time you fight." Without pity or hesitation, the verdict was delivered. The same narrowed eyes seemed to look away "Especially not after that promise."

It was different when they started.

Although she saw him merely as 'a roughly trained fighter' who relied on cleverness and passion to win the day rather than cold, ruthless methods of combat, he could still control himself and be directed to act as a soldier.

Such a person was an asset to be used in battle.

A however, berserker was different. He'd lost control repeatedly, and been scared by his own ability to the point he made her promise to kill him should he permanently lose control or be on the verge of causing disaster.

How could one trust in something so unreliable? Short of desperate measures and using it as a force of nature, one shouldn't rely on forces that made you watch over it like some sort of Commissar, weapon in hand on first sign of things going out of control.

As Kotoko was, she simply wasn't usable on the battlefield.
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Yosuke

"That's..."

It was a valid point...and yet Kotoko was already prepared for such an answer. "The only reason I go berserk is because I have to hold back...I play it too safe and its instincts take over." she knew how her body worked better than anyone after all. If she at least got a chance to fight normally without worrying about small things...she could use her abilities to their fullest. Being held back, losing her will to feet easily...that is what woke the Berrserker up.

"But if you're worrying about that still...I could just fight using my old powers." she mused, though at the same time there was the risk of the Arcle's dormancy causing problems. Still...around her left arm was a simple armlet, one that was recognizable simply because of its bright red and gold colors and the BF logo.

Kouta had regained his abilities as Roa ever since that final confrontation...he just never bothered trying to use them.
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Katyusha
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少し, 頭冷やそうか...
"Don't make this harder than this has to be."

She didn't want it to come to this. She wanted to, if at all possibly, spare the person in front of her what she was about to say. But for one who took no prejudice for good or ill with them to matters of the battlefield, it would have been a grave sin to not do exactly that.

"As you are now, you'd be a distraction for everyone who has to fight with you, wondering if you'll lose it because we can't go all out, or worry about you going too far when you're unable to control the bloodlust."

That was the verdict, spoken earnestly, that the Kotoko in front of her would merely get those around her hurt or killed.

And how could she not come to that conclusion?

She had been with him before. She'd seen him fight, firsthand knew his limitations when it came to a hellish battlefield where no honour or deviousness were spared, and firsthand saw when the so called Golden Power made things only more difficult.

The pain of seeing him that way was what drove her to keep that person protected to begin with, why she'd gone through so much effort.

Why couldn't this person see that?

"How could I possibly trust such a thing, especially now, unable to keep yourself in check for just this..."
Edited by Katyusha, Nov 19 2011, 02:49 PM.
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Yosuke

"Because I refuse to do nothing about it."

It was just how Kouta worked. If there was a problem, he'd brute force his way to a solution. "I'll prove to you that I can overcome this...!" if it was one thing both forms of the warrior known as Kuuga had, it was that they were both stubborn mules, with heads thicker than beetle shells. Still, she wasn't going to continue like this anymore, if it got Miyuki to stop being a borderline stalker with her protective tendencies...she'd do whatever it takes to redeem herself.



"I swear on it!" She was holding the bracelet out proudly this time. Kouta promised Roa that he'd carry on the Battle Force's memory. She just couldn't back down like this. Fighting...it was all Kouta knew. It was the path he chose...and one he could not stray from.

He was a warrior, this was his mission.
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Katyusha
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少し, 頭冷やそうか...
"...I'm not going to let you back down am I?" she asked quietly.

It was a rhetorical question. The answer was already obvious on Kotoko's face. It seemed almost painful in a sense. Whether it was the fact all that work she'd done before was being thrown out and wasted, or simply the delayed effects of the blows she'd recieved earlier.

Posted Image

"...Do what you want."
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Yosuke

"Okay then, I will!"

And with that, Kotoko attempted to pick up her bags to put them away, only to fall over shortly after, having used most of her energy left over and the fact that she hadn't really eaten all day either. Still, for the most part she seemed back to her old self.

Hungry and tired, but still, it was better than nothing at this point.
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