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Letters Amongst Psychotic Sisters; The Adams Sisters
Topic Started: Jan 12 2010, 07:59 AM (254 Views)
Avery Adams
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Jerry,

I’m delighted to inform you that the degree to which I miss you is now comfortably settled between ridiculous and pathetic. I have begun talking to my fern out of madness, and my elderly neighbor has offered me her cat in attempts to curb my complete and utter devastation. I’m a shell of the woman I once was. Celebrate accordingly.

Seriously, you crackpot, when the bloody hell are you coming back? You’re in dire need of a vacation. Okay, well not really, seeing as you left three days ago, but still. Come back to meeeee! Pretend I’m Rose and you’re Jack: Jack! Jack, come back to me, Jack! I’ll never let go!

That always right pissed me off, that line, because the bint lets go like three seconds later. BESIDE THE POINT. The point—well, the point is that I miss you. Terribly. And Gavin loathes me now because all I do is whinge like the stroppy cow I am about how much I want you to quit your stupid dragon job and move back in with us. You’re getting in the way of our relationship, you chit. He calls you ‘the other woman.’

Actually, he’s reading this over my shoulder right now with a stupid grin—you know, the one that would be cute if it didn’t make him look like such a child molester?—and telling me to say hullo for him. He’s also breathing through his mouth and it’s irritating m



Hi, Avery. It’s Gavin. Your sister has turned into a certifiable maniac ever since you moved to Scotland, and as the poor bloke forced to live with her, I’m asking you to come visit as often as possible. I don’t know what to do when she gets in those weird moods where she speaks in sentence fragments that only you understand. It’s kind of terrifying.

But really, kid, we miss having you around. Don’t be a stranger, yeah?




Okay, so mouth-breather went to go cook dinner. What he basically meant by that rude interjection was that he’s hopelessly in love with me and if I ever left him, he’d join a monastery and spend the rest of his life weeping. WHICH REMINDS ME: have you spotted any man-candy yet? Don’t you dare try and lie about this, Avery—if there’s ever a job brimming with rugged, dirt-covered, smokin’ hot blokes, it’s bloody dragon training. I remember this one trainer I met in Canc

Shit, Gavin’s coming back—more on that later. I should actually probably go; I’m starting to smell smoke and I think he’s screaming something about the kitchen burning down. Such a drama queen, honestly…

MISS YOU UNGODLY AMOUNTS! WRITE BACK PROMPTLY AND TELL ME ABOUT YOUR NEW PLACE!

Love and chocolate frogs,
Tom


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Tom-Tom,

The days pass more slowly now that you’re gone. The hours trickle by, dancing their slow waltz to the reluctant tick of the clock, twirling about in search of a reason to go on. The sky is a depressed gray; it often cries for you in thick, rabid sheets of anguished rain—lightning cracks in fits of rage, thunder roars in agony!

This is nauseating. I actually just threw up my pancreas. Tell Gavin someone should erect a statue of him for willingly wanting to marry you. Are you positive Mum and Dad aren’t giving him some sort of dowry behind your back? You know, one that includes several houses, a lifetime of season tickets to the Cannons games and a 6 million galleon stipend?

It’s either that, or you tricked him into an unbreakable vow while he was drunk. Actually, that’s definitely it. Firewhiskey and subversive seduction tactics has ‘Catherine Adams’ written all over it.

MY PLACE IS PHENOMENAL. Granted, it’s the size of a pygmy puff and I’ve yet to decorate it—in fact, the only thing I have up so far is that picture of you and me in the pimp suits from Venice—but it already feels like home. It has one bedroom, one washroom, a decent-sized living room and a tiny little kitchen, but the lay-out will knock your bloody socks off—lots of angles and nooks, you know? None of those boring, rectangular rooms with square windows.

Aaaaaand, ze piece de resistance: I have a window seat. An actual bloody window seat! I can now stare broodingly out of my window and bury myself in existentialist thought as my neighbours walk their Pomeranians outside. It’s rather brilliant.

As for any chiseled, sweat-dappled, strapping young coworkers; I start work on Monday, you wanker. I’ll keep my eyes peeled, though, and I warily await this Cancun story. Do try and keep in mind that you’re engaged to the only man insane enough to love you whilst relaying it, and tell said man I say ‘hullo’ and ‘run away while there’s still time’.

Love and cheese sticks,
Jerry
Edited by Avery Adams, Jan 12 2010, 08:14 AM.
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Catherine Adams
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Ver,

Gavin and I had a row. Engagement’s off. Can I stay with you for a few weeks?

Cat


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Catherine,

No. You’re an idiot. Stop running away from your problems and face them head-on – bumming at my apartment isn’t going to fix anything.

Avery


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I'll be there in five. -Cat


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I'll get the Ben & Jerry's. -Ver
Edited by Catherine Adams, Jun 13 2010, 06:15 AM.
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