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Tweet Topic Started: 28 Jan 2009, 10:11 PM (231 Views)
Cape Cay 28 Jan 2009, 10:11 PM Post #1


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235
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Law Lord
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#36
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NS Nation Name
Cape CAY
Dark Main
Echoes

Prologue

Clenching to the thin shard of metal sticking out of his chest, David lets out a painful cry. It pierced his light armour first and then sunk further in. Right between the ribs and into the lungs. He would die and no one would be able to help him now. maybe that is why they had left him.
He could still see them. Five there, a few there, a dozen there, they were all over. Their guns blazing. The air never silent. It was dark. He could not see his companions battling the enemy forces. Anyone he knew and did see was dead.
David felt cold already and his numb and bloody hands were slowly slipping of the metal piece. Damn them, damn their guns and damn their existence. He would like to have put a bullet through each and every one of them. He never would. He was dying and he knew it.
Suddenly he remembered the small pistol hanging at his waist. He would at least take one of the bastards down with him, or maybe even two. He worked as quickly as he could to pull out the pistol. His blood covered hand slipped a few times on the button but finally he managed to pull the pistol out. Aiming for the nearest black clad figure he fired of a shot. It hit right in the head. Blood rained down as the body kneeled down and finally fell completely in a messy heap.
Aiming at the second closest figure David never got his second shot. Just as he started squeezing the trigger a shadow fell over him. He looked up and into the dark blue eyes staring back at him. Not only the pupils were dark blue, in fact the whole eye is. The rest of the face was unseen in the lack of light. What he could see was that suddenly the stranger had pulled out the metal shard from his chest. He wanted to groan but had no time to do it as the metal shard cut through his throat.
The last seconds of his life were used in staring into his killer’s eyes. His full of hatred. The killer’s full of hatred. Then everything went black. The smell of gun powder disappeared. Along with the sound of guns firing and the flashes of light where grenades exploded.

I will be adding on as time passes. Okay this is what will be happening. Me and Thakan Dar have decided to do this story together. He will be discribeing one characters storyline while I the other.
Anyway here is my characters first chapter.



Chapter 1 of Rayull


Rayull sat onto a stone sticking out of the ground, throwing the last piece of armour onto the ground by his bed. It was night, but his eyes were made for this low intensity of light. The fresh wound in his side would be gone soon. As of yet he had not bothered to cover it up or stop the what shimmering blood to escape his body. True, he did feel light headed and ready to sleep. But it had been unnecessary. His war brother had been dying. That wretched human. He had been dead. He had been, but was still able to shoot with one of those ‘pistols’. It had been a good shot. Every Chaos Brother would know that. It had hit the head. The very centre.
Rayull pulled out a small tube from the pouch hanging down at his side. It was filled with small green slug looking things. They did remind of human slugs. But these were different. Like the human leaches these would eat dead flesh. but they would also lay a healing salve when it moved. The wound in his side would heal.
Opening the lid he pulled out a green slug. «Thank you for healing me.» he muttered before placing the slug beside the wound. The creature spent little time. It was hungry and went into the wound with out pause. It would not stay long. Once the dead flesh was consumed it would either die or move on in search of other wounded creatures. A parricide one could say. It felt almost pleasant.
He looked himself in the small mirror he had received from his mother while departing. New wounds spread across his blueish face. They would make fine battle scars. His blue eyes had increased their brightness. That was a good thing. All good warriors had almost white shinning eyes. To a human, someone knowing nothing, it would not seem different. But he knew they had changed. No hair was growing in his head. Which was good. No soldier could have hair. The thick black strands of DNA would only stand in the way of the helmet.
It would soon be time for the ceremony. They would burn the bodies of his war brothers to ash which would then be used to grow ‘Cyngus trees’. A pot for each tree. The Cyngus tree was beautiful. It was short barely measuring ‘12 mouns’. The flours were of exotic colours and always smelled fresh. Since it had been his War brother he would gain possession of the tree. It would live without liquid. Only of the ashes.
There was little to prepare with. Some face paint. It was an ancient tradition but still used. Not having the paint would dishonour you, the dead and all those gathered. Such loss in honour would do no good for anyone. Especially not for him.
He would have to find a new War brother soon. Someone to take Durath’s place now that he had been sent back to the home spirits. They would be waiting him. As they did all warriors that have died in combat. Durath would at least meet his dead father.
Then there was outfit. As tradition spoke, black would be the only colour sooting this occasion. He would ware black. If it so meant wearing his feild uniform. Picking up a long black jacket made of poly plasma he tried to decide what would fit to it. Maybe he would have to wear part of his feild uniform. I to would seem proper.
So it was only a few passes later that he was setting himself on the low cruiser. The long jacket hanging down the side of the motor bike looking vehicle. The standard military black shirt under it was meant to be seen with the same coloured pants. He was ready.
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Azurbajan 29 Jan 2009, 12:49 AM Post #2
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Azurbajan
Interesting, but hardly any back description. I hate to make myself off to sound too critical, as I personally have a general distaste for my own writing, I'm just pointing out that it sounds to me like you're writing this for someone who already has a general idea of what is going on. Try to elaborate more, slow down. Write in greater detail. It's alright (Though ill admit I merely glanced around) from what I can see, just try to build everything before jumping right to the plot. Not everyone can instantly visualize exactly what it is you're trying to show them.
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Cape Cay 29 Jan 2009, 09:21 PM Post #3


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Alright ty this is just one of my many stories although i stick mainly to short stories.
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