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Chapter 1 Review
Topic Started: Dec 7 2008, 12:17 PM (294 Views)
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Questions, comments, and general feedback on Chapter 1.
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ORIGINAL REVIEW DATE: December 27, 2006
Coming soon: IGNO Chapter 1 Review (Rewrite)

Hey, everybody! Here's what I thought of Chapter 1-- and as I read through the story, I'll post reviews for the other chapters too (with the apparent exceptions of 3 and 4, thanks to Yonk). Feel free to agree, disagree or punch your computer monitor, but no matter what I'm sure SG2 would love it if you had something to say!

And without further ado:


It's a promising beginning. There's a lot of detail I could go into, but then I'd look out of place. So I'll throw out some key points instead.

An interesting premise. Granted, tons of people write fanfic about their own version of an alternate GT reality, but so far this isn't heading into that same cliched area where the first thing we see is gratuitous ass-kicking and SSJ5-- not that there's anything wrong with that, but if you do get there, at least you'll be taking your time to develop a story first.

Attention to language. People talk and interact like I would expect them to in the series-- the JAPANESE series. (Or rather, they behave in the way the subtitles TELL me; I'm just now starting to learn the actual language.) Dub fic is okay, but Japanese versions are rare and hard to come by these days so I appreciate this more. Notice the attention to honorifics and accents in dialogue (ChiChi); little touches like that contribute nicely the the illusion of the writing and make the characters more convincing. Thank you for writing out "Okaasan" instead of a direct translation to "Mother," for example.

Some fun characterization. We don't get to see much in Chapter One (we've just started, after all!), but what I did see I liked. Particularly the scene where they're walking through the dark alleys was executed well, because the reactions feel like they fall into line with what I already know; Trunks' common sense, and yes-- WHY is Goten always scared of things that stand no chance against him?

I can always say more. But it's good to be somewhat brief and to the point, I suppose, hm?

I had more to say, but no need for me to take up everyone's time! I'm not the only person here who matters! What do YOU have to say?

~Da Lemmy
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Wow, i like it. Good job.
It actually feels as if the characters are behaving the way they should be. They all fit the roles you would expect of them and the way the story is put together is very well done.
Good Job :D
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