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Funny one-liners
Topic Started: Jan 13 2008, 12:04 PM (53 Views)
Semiotic
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1. Ninety-nine percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

2. Borrow money from a pessimist -- they don't expect it back.

3. Time is what keeps things from happening all at once.

4. Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.

5. I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.

6. Always go to other people's funerals, or they won't go to yours.

7. Few women admit their age; few men act it.

8. If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made with meat?

9. No one is listening until you make a mistake.

10. Always remember that you are unique; just like everyone else.

11. There are three kinds of people: Those who can count and those who can't.

12. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

13. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

14. Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot.

15. You can't have everything; where would you put it?

16. I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

17. Okay, who stopped the payment on my reality check?

18. If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

19. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.

20. Eat right. Stay fit. Die anyway.

21. DARE to keep cops off donuts.

22. What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

23. I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
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