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I am a processing machine.
Topic Started: 23 Feb 2009, 04:10 PM (158 Views)
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I sit at home now day after day and look out of the window and think about what I can post on the forums that I contribute to and look at the daffodils nodding at me and wonder if they are taking the Mickey out of me. I get my breakfast and take my handful of pills , play a PC game for a while (Brothers in Arms.) and then I will probably pen a little ditty for a forum and do the WSCC quiz . the day goes by quite boringly and I have my evening beer when Pauline comes home after a 7hr. shift. and take my evening pills and so to bed. The next day is the same and the one following that.
I must at all times remember to not stray too far from the loo as my water pill is quite viscious and if I don`t get there quick when I get the call to go - I am in trouble.
I lose account of the time and the date and am quick to lose my temper if crossed. Generally people don`t understand what it is like and how galling it is for a powerful strong professional sportsman to become elderly and frail .
Suffering from Prostatic cancer as I do causes me problems and has robbed me of my sexual potency and so my life is rather empty except for the love and devotion of my young wife.
I regard myself as a processing machine which takes in food and drink at one end of my body and processes it and voids it from the other end.
I don`t really know how to regard the other activities of the mind etc. I feel affection, sorrow, anger,happiness .joy and love. I feel and enjoy pleasureable things and the memory of them and I feel sad when thinking back on some of the tragedies in my life - as we all must do.
I read about people who have lived before me and wonder what life is about and how we have not worked out why we are here and what is our purpose.
I am fascinated by George Sanders and the way he prophesied that he would end his own life at the age of 65yrs. On April 23, 1972, he checked into a hotel in Castelldefels, a coastal town near Barcelona, Spain. He was found dead two days later, along with five empty bottles of Nembutal. Sanders was 65 years old. He left behind a suicide note that read:
`Dear World, I am leaving because I am bored. I feel I have lived long enough. I am leaving you with your worries in this sweet cesspool. Good luck.`
His friend David Niven recorded in his autobiography Bring On The Empty Horses that Sanders had predicted, many years earlier, in 1937 at age 31, that he would commit suicide at the age of 65. In 1972, he fulfilled this prediction.
Sanders' body was cremated and the ashes were scattered in the English Channel.
I feel that I have lived long enough . I have achieved all that I could ever hope or wish to achieve and have experienced the whole gammut of experiences and emotions that it is possible to achieve .
What is left is a shell that is a `processing machine ` that requires feeding and watering to maintain it ,and it processes the food and drink and discards the waste .
This is how I feel. I bullied the Drs. into sending me to see the top man in this country for Cardiac Arythmias at St.Barts. in London and he accepted me to carry out a very delicate RF Catheter Ablation and my peculiar heart rythm was controlled but I actually felt no better. At the weekend I felt dizzy and breathless and kept losing my balance and falling asleep. I took myself up to the local hospital and I am afraid that I have slipped back into the old fibrillation , so is there any real point in bothering again .
Especially when I don`t feel any better.
Has anyone any cheerful news?
Cliff/Bunky
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Maurrie
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Absolutely........your body may not be responding the way it used to but your mind is still as sharp as ever.......and we all profit from your wit and words of wisdom....even if they sometimes cut too close to the bone (never about us but the world in general) but that's all good......you make us think Cliff and that is ALWAYS a good thing.......still feisty in your mind .
A book is like a garden carried in the pocket. ~Chinese Proverb
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Janny
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I think we're all little processing machines in our own way, aren't we? My life has been basically the same for years, and though I sometimes wish the routine would brake once in a while I still can't see myself doing something new... What if someone would wake you up one day telling you that you'll go bungee jumping for breakfast and then travel to Africa and back, all in one day? I'd take my boring life to a hectic one any day... I suppose I'm trying to say that following a routine can be a good thing, it's comfortable.
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He who fights out of desperation will survive, but he who fights to survive will perish...
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Maurrie
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it can be Janny......but sometimes it would be nice to have that choice you know...to maybe do something wild and out of character.
I've got the same routine......I think most of us do, we are creatures of habit.....and usually take the safe path in life, but once in a while........be a refreshing I think to do something totally nuts.......not only to shock yourself but maybe others as well????....that you're not the same old girl or boy that everyone though.....hmmmmmmm
A book is like a garden carried in the pocket. ~Chinese Proverb
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Deleted User
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I am so used to change , and to wake up each morning in the certain knowledge that ahead of me lies the same dull, boring. monotonous routine day as the previous one and the one before that and so on `pees me off a bit.` I may be 78yrs . old this July but I still have the spirit of adventure and life is just passing me by again and I feel that I ought to be doing something instead of just acknowledging these `bliddy` daffodils when they nod at me. but my joints ache when I move now and I have to stop and catch my breath after 15 or 20 paces.
In 1976 I applied for a job in Bermuda and got it and I took off from Heathrow with one suitcase , my total worldly possessions - the next day I dived overboard from a Soling in Hamilton Harbour and `saved` a Sailfish but I didn`t know that there were 2 Hammerhead sharks in the water at the same time as me . these are the sort of things that I want to do now , not sit here looking out at my garden.
In 1976 I went to work at Butlins , Skegness as the Night Nurse and lived in a chalet and in the Winter I took off to London to find work and somewhere to live and I met my future wife who was only 22yrs. of age and I was 45yrs. We lived life to the full and emigrated to South Africa and holidayed in Mauritious . These things I miss as I gaze out at the all knowing and ever nodding Daffodils and I shake my fist as they taunt me and I remember our time share in Cabana Beach Hotel, in Durban and the Valley of a Thousand Hills` and our trips to Kruger National Park and Sun City. Adventure after adventure - I can`t begin to log them all and I remember and miss them and I can no longer do it and I curse and fret at my human weakness and stubbornly reach for my weights and squeeze another 12 reps overhead press as I watch Marius Pudsianowski and wish I could wind the clock back and relive all my adventures and see all the sights over again and experience the same thrills and dance at the same discos again.
What times I had but it has all gone and cannot be relived .
Hello daffodils - yes - I see you there .
Leave me alone please.
Cliff/Bunky.
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High Priestess
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Bunky I too have days like this, I think many of us do (even though some of us are more able and yet not so willing to go out and do something more productive)! ;)

I get flushes of activity and am doing five jobs at once - drilling, ironing, making a dish up for the freezer, and it feels there aren't enough hours in the day!

But the question is, when you've plumped every last cushion, put your laundry neatly away and finished drilling or painting or whatever, what is left to be done? Better to have outstanding jobs than be at a loose end - at least you can "think" about doing them ;)

That's when I lose myself in the computer. I try to balance my day but make sure I enjoy elements of it. It's all well and good throwing oneself into chores but a few days on and the whole lot needs doing again. Futile! Jigsaws are great at whiling the hours away and there are some addictive little PC games (My mum plays them a lot because she feels much the same as you at times but she can't get motivated as well some days).

I'm lucky as I can still get around but don't as much as I should do. maybe when the summer starts you'll feel a little uplifted and can sit outside with a good book and a G & T :wub:
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OK then Lo -I am now going to plumb in this new dish washer thats been waiting for me to do for 2 days now and I`ve been putting it off , and putting it off .
Everything is breaking down at the same time - The mixer tap is Kaput and I will get another one from B & Q when it`s pensioners day (Wednesday I think) Cor aren`t they expensive. and Pauline came in from the garage this morning and said I think the chest freezer has had it and I checked it out and it has.
I think somebody switched the power off when the new settee was delivered and the ice has melted and flowed down into the works and caused a short. It`s given good service. So I`ve got plenty to occupy myself with but I am showing rather weak will by `funking out` of it and now you`ve spurred me on.
Thanks
Cliff/Bunky..
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High Priestess
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That's the stuff, Bunky!

How did you get on? Pesky things mind you these electricals and taps. :mad:

Hope you didn't excel too much though else Mrs Bunky will have you up there insulating the attic next hehe! xD

That reminds me, I'm having eight inches of loft insulation laid down on March 11th but....I have to empty the beggar first and it's chocca all around the entrance with collapsed army boxes and packaging. Christmas tree, et al.

Times like this I wish my Dad was around for he would have offered some help but life...and attic-emptying...must go on!! ;)
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Dolphin
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bunky
24 Feb 2009, 04:10 PM
OK then Lo -I am now going to plumb in this new dish washer thats been waiting for me to do for 2 days now and I`ve been putting it off , and putting it off .
Everything is breaking down at the same time - The mixer tap is Kaput and I will get another one from B & Q when it`s pensioners day (Wednesday I think) Cor aren`t they expensive. and Pauline came in from the garage this morning and said I think the chest freezer has had it and I checked it out and it has.
I think somebody switched the power off when the new settee was delivered and the ice has melted and flowed down into the works and caused a short. It`s given good service. So I`ve got plenty to occupy myself with but I am showing rather weak will by `funking out` of it and now you`ve spurred me on.
Thanks
Cliff/Bunky..
Hello Bunky.
Can I add a few words to your post before you contenplate going to the B & Q it is worth checking this site out as I have dealt with them a lot over the last few years and have found them a lot cheeper than B & Q and they have stores all over the Uk and also have a delivery service as well if there is not one at a local travelling distance.

www.screwfix.co.uk

As they will supply all your needs at a lower price than B & Q.



Hope this helps.

Dolphin.
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Dolphin
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Just to edit the web address above which is at.


http://www.screwfix.com

Edit: (You put a semi-colon in by mistake, Dolphin) ;)
Edited by High Priestess, 26 Feb 2009, 08:11 AM.
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