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Why modern women are so self-centered and narcissistic
Topic Started: Jan 31 2010, 09:14 PM (36,272 Views)
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Modern women have become increasingly shallow and narcissistic, developing a level of egocentricity that has reached epidemic proportions. A substantial percentage of women are out of touch with reality; many who are simply plain or just ugly see themselves as awesome, fabulous individuals:

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The ego epidemic: How more and more of us women have an inflated sense of our own fabulousness

Us women are more egocentric and narcissistic than we ever used to be, according to extensive research by two leading psychologists.

More of us have huge expectations of ourselves, our lives and everyone in them. We think the universe resolves around us, with a deluded sense of our own fabulousness, and believe we are cleverer, more talented and more attractive than we actually are.

We have trouble accepting criticism and extending empathy because we are so preoccupied with ourselves.

Am I making you angry by telling you this? It figures. Narcissistic or egotistical women do have an overwhelming sense of entitlement and arrogance.

Of course, I joke, but researchers say there is growing evidence of an epidemic of ego-itis everywhere.

Once a traditionally male syndrome, narcissism generally begins at home and in schools, where children are praised excessively, often spoiled rotten and given the relentless message that they are 'special'.

Psychology professors Jean Twenge and Keith Campbell analysed studies on 37,000 college students in 2006.

In a survey, 30 per cent of them said they believed they should get good grades simply for turning up.

And it's not just about how intelligent they think they are. In the workplace, in friendships, even in motherhood, the pervading culture seems to have become one of competitiveness, superiority and one-upmanship.

But the sphere in which the signs of self-obsession are perhaps most obvious, and the consequences most immediately felt, is the dating one.

In a recent magazine article, four women in their late 20s and 30s shared their thoughts about why they were still single. A 39-year-old beauty director claimed to be too independent for a relationship.

A 38-year-old music agent attributed her single status to the fact she was an alpha female - independent, feisty, strong-minded, high-achieving and intimidating.

She pointed out that she owned a gorgeous flat with gorgeous things in it, had a nice car, was a member of a fancy gym and wore designer dresses. 'I do what I like, when I like,' she said.

She'd been told, and appears to believe, that she's too successful and too well-educated for most men.

The third woman, a 30-year- old arts writer and curator, has been having too much fun to settle down.

Another, a 29-year-old, said she was too picky. She was looking for a guy who is (just) tall enough. And (just about) good-looking enough (but not too good-looking so that she'd play second fiddle).

He needs to be successful, solvent and driven. He must also be long on genuinely good jokes, with a decent sideline in bad ones that only she finds funny.

He needs to 'speak good restaurant', to have no special dietary requirements and to always be discerning without ever being fussy.

He needs to be clever without ever making her feel stupid. He needs to 'get' but not 'know' fashion...and so the list went on.

She concluded that she would rather eat wasps than share her Sunday with anyone who fails to measure up to her idea of Mr Perfect.

Of course, there is nothing wrong with having high expectations. But being delusional and having a totally unrealistic blueprint are an altogether different matter.

And they often go hand in hand with acute ego-itis. As Margot Medhurt knows only too well.

She is the founder of Yours Sincerely, an Edinburgh-based personal dating and introduction agency for professionals. She has almost 30 years' experience in the industry and has noticed a significant rise in this phenomenon in recent years.

'It used to be that most women who joined a dating agency had a pretty good idea of where they stood in the eligibility stakes,' she said. 'But in the past few years, I've noticed that there are a significant number of women who don't.

'They tend to be in their 30s, and there is a wide discrepancy between how they perceive themselves and how others see them.

'They are often very plain, but see themselves as being absolutely fabulous, exceptional people.

'They invariably reject every guy's profile I send them. But if a guy rejects their profile, there is all hell to pay. There is disbelief. They are really saying: "I'm so fabulous. How dare he turn me down?"

'In the past few years, I've noticed a real sense of entitlement among this small group of women. The idea that a guy might not find them as amazing as they find themselves doesn't enter their head.

'They often become indignant and angry towards me, demanding to know why a guy dared to turn them down. Most people simply accept the facts of the dating game: some people will find you attractive and others won't, in the same way that you'll be drawn to some but not others.

'These women, however, are unable to get their heads around the fact that the rest of the world might not share the distorted, inflated view they have of themselves.'

She said she had a eureka moment when she read a recent article about the rise in narcissism among women.

According to the American research, there has been a 67 per cent increase in it over the past two decades, mainly among women.

An estimated ten per cent of the population suffers from narcissism as a full-blown personality disorder.

The symptoms include: a grandiose sense of self-importance; the belief that he or she is special or unique and in some way better - either intellectually or physically - than others; a requirement for excessive admiration; a sense of entitlement, whether to fame, fortune, success and happiness or simply to special treatment; enviousness of others or a belief that others are envious of him or her; an inability to empathise; an inability to admit a mistake; and haughty behaviour or attitude.

What researchers have also identified, and are far more worried about, is what has been described as 'normal' narcissism - a cultural shift that has seen even non-narcissistic people seduced by the emphasis on material wealth, physical appearance and celebrity worship.

The researchers believe our culture brings out narcissistic behaviour in almost all of us.

They blame the internet (where 'fame' is a click away), reality television (where the lure of fame without talent is most prevalent), easy credit (which enables people to buy far beyond their ability to pay), celebrity worship, our highly consumerist, competitive and individualistic society, and a generation of indulgent parents who have raised their children to think they're special, amazing and perfect.

According to Twenge, this focus on self-admiration has caused a cultural flight from reality to the land of grandiose fantasy.

We have phony rich people (who actually have massive mortgages and piles of debt), phony beauty (via plastic surgery), phony celebrities (via reality TV and YouTube), phony genius students (with grade inflation) and phony friends (with the social networking explosion).

'I had noticed this trend, but wasn't really sure what it was all about,' says Margaret Medhurt.

'However, when I read that article and thought about the unrealistic expectations and sense of entitlement among some of the women, it really struck a chord.

'One of the cases that brought it home to me involved a 38-year-old businesswoman.

'I knew there were going to be problems right away. As soon as someone joins the agency, we get things moving very quickly - but this wasn't quick enough for this woman.

'She wanted a date immediately. The first man I sent her profile to declined an introduction and she was extremely cross. She couldn't accept it and she couldn't even be polite about it.

'In three weeks, three men turned her down. I explained that it takes time to meet someone but she just got angrier and angrier. She was demanding to know why these guys did this. I was trying to get the balance right - between being honest with her and being tactful.

'I think, ultimately, she had a very flawed perception of herself. And she almost couldn't bear that it was being challenged. It was as if she couldn't deal with the fact that some guys didn't think she was amazing - and she left.'

Men, traditionally regarded as the more self-centred of the species and the rogues of the mating game, are left scratching their heads and pondering Freud's famous question: what do women want?

David Baxter (not his real name) is a 40-year-old management consultant. Previously married for nine years, he joined a dating agency in the summer.

He says he's not perfect, but is told he's an eligible and pleasant guy with a lot to offer.

'I've had three successive dates recently with ladies in the late 30s to early 40s age bracket that have left me dumbfounded,' he said.

'I've never come across such massive egos, such arrogance and lack of basic courtesy.

'It was as if these particular dates were a forum for them to tell me how exceptional they were. One told me repeatedly how many young guys at the gym asked her out; another was very artificial.

'You sensed that they absolutely worshipped themselves, though none of them was drop-dead gorgeous or had amazing personalities, jobs or anything else to set them apart and elevate themselves into some superior position.

'I also thought it was quite telling that none of them had ever been married, engaged or had recently - or perhaps ever - been in a long-term relationship.

'I got the feeling that these women were living in a Sex And The City-inspired fantasy world. I also sensed that nobody would ever be good enough for them.

'They seem to be looking for something that doesn't exist: Mr Perfect, or perhaps some larger-than-life, dashingly handsome and unattainable character such as that portrayed by Mr Big. Nothing else will do.'

Despite his recent experience, David still considers himself lucky.

'I'm still positive about the whole thing, but I have friends who are not so optimistic and it's evident that encounters with these sort of women seriously erode their self-confidence, which is a real shame. There are a lot of genuine, decent guys out there who are getting a rough deal.'

Neil Hay is a 32-year-old former professional golfer-turned-financial consultant who lives on the outskirts of Edinburgh.

After taking some time out following the death of his mother, he joined a dating agency almost a year ago.

'It's made me terribly cynical, not just about the way women are, but also about what on earth it is that they are looking for in a guy,' he said.

'Of course, we all have standards and preferences. There's nothing wrong with that. But most of us are also realistic. We know that Cheryl Cole is out of our league.

'I had been hoping to meet someone who was quite nice-looking, with a good personality, someone to go for dinner and to the cinema and have a decent conversation with. But I'm left feeling that this isn't what women are looking for.

'It's as if they want to be swept off their feet right from the first date, as if they're waiting for someone like Brad Pitt or George Clooney. They're not interested in a regular, normal, decent guy. That's not good enough for them.

'I spent three hours on a date with one woman. I thought we got on brilliantly, but then she said she didn't want to meet again.

'This has happened a few times. It makes me think that if you don't live up to their perfect fantasy, then that's it. It's game over before you've even had any chance to begin to get to know each other.

'It does dent your confidence. I'm left thinking either that there's something wrong with me or that I'll just never be whatever it is that these women are looking for.

'I know there are a lot of single women who say things like they're too independent, too feisty, too confident or too successful for men. Or they claim that men are intimidated by strong, intelligent and independent women.

'But this is simply not the case. I think they just tell themselves this. It's a way of rationalising things. It's as if it's easier for them to believe their own myths than to face reality - that they are completely ordinary.'


Source: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1213212/The-ego-epidemic-more-inflated-sense-fabulousness.html

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Caudium
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Ouch. :lol:

I think the authors might've done their research in Toronto.

Whenever I went abroad I would consider the women that most retained their bitchiness; and in a significant number of cases, they turned out to be from Toronto. Women from other parts of Canada were better behaved.
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Delilah
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Once a traditionally male syndrome, narcissism generally begins at home and in schools, where children are praised excessively, often spoiled rotten and given the relentless message that they are 'special'.

Yes, it is true that there are some women like this but not all women. Men can be like this just as often as well. Sometimes I think the old adage is true: "You attract what you expect."

And attraction is relatively simple. You either are or not attracted to someone else. It can't be forced. That's just life. Someone you like might not like you and someone you are not attracted to might like you.
Edited by Delilah, Jan 31 2010, 10:49 PM.
"Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:4
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narcissism generally begins at home and in schools, where children are praised excessively, often spoiled rotten and given the relentless message that they are 'special'.

I AM SPECIAL! I AM SPECIAL! LOOK AT ME! LOOK AT ME! (sung to tune of Frère Jacques)

The second greatest children´s song of all times after "MMM, MMM, MMM, BARACK HUSSEIN OBAMA!"
"Meds aren't really dusky wogs, they're just whites with more sunshine in 'em! :P "
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Toiletman
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It has nothing to do with women. They're just catching up to something men already were before. I think it's not much sex related but owes much to the single children families of our modern times where the only child is treated like a little king/queen.
If you take anything in this forum overly serious, you should really go and see a doctor.
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Caudium
Jan 31 2010, 10:09 PM
Ouch. :lol:

I think the authors might've done their research in Toronto.

Whenever I went abroad I would consider the women that most retained their bitchiness; and in a significant number of cases, they turned out to be from Toronto. Women from other parts of Canada were better behaved.
I've noticed that as well. Usually the most ignorant Western women often come from places like Toronto, or even Vancouver. But as far as Western women ago, the bitchiest tend to be Anglo-Saxon women. The friendliest Anglo-Saxon women tend to come mostly from England, with American and Australian women occupying an intermediate position; the nastiest Anglo-Saxon women seem to come mostly from (surprise, surprise) Canada, with Toronto/Vancouver women being the worst.
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Caudium
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Are you from Toronto, R.A.?

If so, I would have to say that people would have to take your comments with a grain of salt to some degree. heh heh. Or at least appreciate you come from a hotbed of bitchiness.
Edited by Caudium, Feb 1 2010, 03:40 AM.
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Caudium
Feb 1 2010, 03:33 AM
Are you from Toronto, R.A.?

If so, I would have to say that people would have to take your comments with a grain of salt to some degree. heh heh. Or at least appreciate you come from a hotbed of bitchiness.
No, but I have been. Canadian women in general are bitches; they're certainly much bigger bitches than other Anglo-Saxon women from places like America and the UK.
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Toiletman
 
I think it's not much sex related but owes much to the single children families of our modern times where the only child is treated like a little king/queen.


Don't know how common that is, but I have noticed that Hollywood is recently producing a lot of films in which single children are the survivors of some Armageddon scenario, the hope of mankind, the bridges to some golden age.
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jojocircus
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Confidence is highly valued these days. Wasn't there another article about that posted some time back? You don't have to actually be good at something, you just have to appear that you are to be successful. I must be in the minority, but I love people who can admit their flaws, know they are human and yet it doesn't get them down. We all have gifts and we all have flaws.

I've known people who literally cannot see their shortcomings yet they know everyone else's so well. They never really develop because they don't know where they need development. Maybe it's just protective denial.
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Caudium
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That sounds more like arrogance to me. Or the signs of a spoiled upbringing.

My parents always taught me "People who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones." Some kids obviously didn't get this message and they were raised with indulgence.
Edited by Caudium, Feb 5 2010, 03:45 PM.
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jojocircus
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I really don't think this is related to a spoiled upbringing so much as it has to do with a distorted influence of feminism. Women who are ultra ambitious, think they are too good for 99% of men, tell others they don't need anybody and they are so independent might be obnoxious, but what they are attempting to be is a 'strong woman'. This 'strong woman' is what they consider an improved woman, better than her weak and old fashioned counterpart. The strong woman is to be admired because she hasn't given in to what society expects of her! It doesn't matter if she is really just angry, lonely and miserable. She is the epitome of the strong woman and this gives her self-esteem. She is what her mother thought she wanted to be, but couldn't. She is the son her father didn't have. It's generational and complicated.
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Ulrich
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Ah, just split up with my girlfriend yesterday, bitch was holding shit against me that I didn't even fucking do. Fucking whore thinks if a guy makes ONE bloody mistake she has the right to hold it against him. Yet she bitched whined and complained about her ex ALL the time to me, moment I bitch about ONE fucking thing she fucking holds it against me. Feminism has ruined western women. Turned them all into selfish bitches, at least in NJ which is one of the biggest spoiled liberal shitholes after California.
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jojocircus
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Sounds like you really love her.
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Ulrich
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jojocircus
Feb 8 2010, 08:14 PM
Sounds like you really love her.
I've learned to not love or be attached to any girl, cause all that does is make them easily take advantage of you. I've seen how pathetically attached SOME people became with girls and I wish to not ever be THAT pathetic myself. But I do bet women with values and morals would be a lot different from all these slutty girls in my fucking town.
I like WOMEN, I don't like girls...
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Conall
Feb 10 2010, 05:32 AM
jojocircus
Feb 8 2010, 08:14 PM
Sounds like you really love her.
I've learned to not love or be attached to any girl, cause all that does is make them easily take advantage of you. I've seen how pathetically attached SOME people became with girls and I wish to not ever be THAT pathetic myself. But I do bet women with values and morals would be a lot different from all these slutty girls in my fucking town.
I like WOMEN, I don't like girls...


I agree. The biggest mistake that men make is that they put women on a pedestal and treat them like they're queens. Women have flaws, just like men do, and when you treat them like some perfect goddess they will take advantage of you because they know themselves that they're not perfect so in their minds any guy that treats them like they're perfect is obviously weak and lacks confidence so they will take advantage of such guys by walking all over them. It's best to love a woman but also hate her a bit. The hatred that you feel towards her flaws will keep you from treating her like a goddess, which in turn will make her respect you more because she'll know that at any moment you could leave her for another woman, so she'll try hard to keep you with her, rather than if you treated her like a goddess; she'll think she has the upper hand.

There's a reason why guys who are assholes tend to sleep with more women than nice guys. The guys who are assholes don't put women on a pedestal; in fact they tend to treat women like shit which makes women love them more because women like having a man judge them and trying to live up to his standards. The guys who are assholes know how to avoid falling in love with a woman so much that it causes them to treat those women like goddesses or even like equals. Women like it best when they're jumping through hoops to please their man.
Edited by Berserk, Feb 10 2010, 05:44 AM.
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@Conall. To love a girl means to want to help her become a woman.

It isn't always possible, there's a degree of spoiledness that won't heal.
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jojocircus
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This is where my religious training can really help in the realm of relationships. All spirit enveloped humans have different levels of awareness of their spiritual essence. I don't like to speak in terms of levels, but that may help to make this point. People can only be in true love with another spirit whose level is equidistant from godhead as their own. Does this make sense? If a man wants to take advantage of others and that is his spiritual level then he will attract women who will also have a tendency to take advantage of others. This will lead to a relationship where both parties are always trying to have a upper hand and for people of this soul level this will be their form of love. But rest assure there are other types of love where there is no fear and nobody is trying to take advantage of the other, but this can only be attained by parties whose spirit is high and who follow religious path. Any world religion can put one on this path like a train on a track. It is true, if you work on your own spiritual evolution you will attract a good partner. My best wishes to you!
Edited by jojocircus, Feb 10 2010, 04:37 PM.
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Toiletman
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jojocircus
Feb 10 2010, 04:36 PM
This is where my religious training can really help in the realm of relationships. All spirit enveloped humans have different levels of awareness of their spiritual essence. I don't like to speak in terms of levels, but that may help to make this point. People can only be in true love with another spirit whose level is equidistant from godhead as their own. Does this make sense? If a man wants to take advantage of others and that is his spiritual level then he will attract women who will also have a tendency to take advantage of others. This will lead to a relationship where both parties are always trying to have a upper hand and for people of this soul level this will be their form of love. But rest assure there are other types of love where there is no fear and nobody is trying to take advantage of the other, but this can only be attained by parties whose spirit is high and who follow religious path. Any world religion can put one on this path like a train on a track. It is true, if you work on your own spiritual evolution you will attract a good partner. My best wishes to you!
Uhm...

I think those things are rather related to pheromones, sex-hormones, instincts, look and social role of two people in a group.
If you take anything in this forum overly serious, you should really go and see a doctor.
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Delilah
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jojocircus
Feb 10 2010, 04:36 PM
This is where my religious training can really help in the realm of relationships. All spirit enveloped humans have different levels of awareness of their spiritual essence. I don't like to speak in terms of levels, but that may help to make this point. People can only be in true love with another spirit whose level is equidistant from godhead as their own. Does this make sense? If a man wants to take advantage of others and that is his spiritual level then he will attract women who will also have a tendency to take advantage of others. This will lead to a relationship where both parties are always trying to have a upper hand and for people of this soul level this will be their form of love. But rest assure there are other types of love where there is no fear and nobody is trying to take advantage of the other, but this can only be attained by parties whose spirit is high and who follow religious path. Any world religion can put one on this path like a train on a track. It is true, if you work on your own spiritual evolution you will attract a good partner. My best wishes to you!
I somewhat agree with you. But I think the law of attraction is a little overrated. I think it is true that men who are looking to take advantage do attract women who are like that and then they complain about it later. But sometimes you may be an honest person and you may attract dishonest people. The thing is you have to be wise enough to spot these kinds of people and like yourself enough to know that you deserve better.

As to the original article, saying that women think they are too fine or whatever for some men well all I can say is that men do that as well.
Edited by Delilah, Feb 10 2010, 08:14 PM.
"Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:4
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