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| Hajime!; Julia Peach Chapter 1 - 1 | |
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| Topic Started: Dec 9 2008, 03:21 PM (38 Views) | |
| Lord Noon | Dec 9 2008, 03:21 PM Post #1 |
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Several Weeks Ago... In a house... With people in it... "Julia? Julia!" The only response to the crys of Mama Peach (not her name, admittedly, but I kinda like it) is a rhythmic tapping akin to Morse code. Morse code which says, "The cry of the aardvark is cerebral spectrum defensive, stop, may need want cookies, stop, I have a wedgie and it won't go away, stop." Luckily, Mama Peach doesn't understand Morse code, or she'd be very confused right about now. Instead, she barrels up a flight of stairs, pinny a-flapping in the breeze from an open window, and kicks down a door plastered with posters of a topless Jin Kazama, before bellowing in the voice of an enraged thunder god... MP: "I AM THE LAW!" Her daughter, Julia - sat on the floor with joypad in hand and headset in place - blinks mutely, and pauses Call Of Duty 4. JP: "Oh-kayyy..." MP: "That friend of yours just called. The specky China girl." JP: "Mom! She's Korean and you're racist. Plus, she only wears glasses when she wants to look hot or something." MP: "I am not! Well, not publicly anyway, so nobody cares. She was asking about going to the movies - " JP: "That's - " MP: " - twenty minutes ago." Julia stammers, then checks her Umbrella Inc. wall clock. She grimaces with a sickening realisation. JP: "Ah." MP: "Quite right." JP: *sighs* "I'll send her a text." MP: "What's wrong with an actual phone call?" JP: "Okay, fine, I'll call her instead..." Mother and child continue to just stare each other down for a moment. Ooh, woman-on-woman tension! It's like Prisoner Cell Block H! Except without the prison. JP: "What?" MP: "When?" JP: "Where? No, wait, I mean, what are you just standing there for?" MP: "And I mean when are you planning on calling her?" JP: *gestures at the TV* "As soon as I finish this round." MP: "Which will be..." JP: "Ehh, coupla hours, tops." MP: "A couple of - ?!" JP: "Nobutyousee, there's this guy called IShoot@Monkeyz, right, an' he's just above me on the leaderboards, see, and he only comes online once every week at this exact time, and I gotta beat him good and proper or I'll never be able to leapfrog right over him and feel all smug and get all sortsa compliments from the guys online and be worshipped as a goddess by a small minority of athietical PC users and maybe get on TV on that Sky channel that only does games that all of five people watch and, and..." Julia makes a vague gesture as she trails off. JP: "...And stuff like that, y'know." Mama groans in a heard-it-all-before sort of fashion. MP: "Look, you can't spend all your free time cooped up in this tiny room. For one thing, it smells of cheese..." JP: *sniffs* "That's my perfume." MP: "Uh...and it's unhealthy! You should be doing something at least approaching a sport!" JP: "Look - but - if - awright, fine! FINE! Look..." With that, Julia reaches behind herself and pulls a magazine titled NGAMER off her bedside table and flicks through the pages until she reaches the classified ads, and murmurs to herself before zeroing in on one with the image of a gym printed on it. JP: "I'll go there, alright? Izzat what you want?" She brandishes the mag at Mama Peach, who squints at the advert suspiciously. MP: "A...C...W...training camp. What on earth does that mean?" JP: "I'll go there tomorrow! Promise! Space now, please. Need shoot things." And with that barely comprehensible statement, Julia returns her eyes to her TV and the red mist descends. Her eyelids droop slightly, her neck protudes forwards and her mouth hangs slightly open as her fingers stab at buttons and stretch spasmodically. Mama Peach, knowing she's lost, sighs and turns to leave. MP: "Don't stay up too late." An oblivious Julia screams in triumph after a masterful headshot. JP: "HA! How'd ya like them apples?! Pwnage!" The following day... Somewhere in the city... Not entirely sure which city... As the taxi pulls away from the kerb and drives off, Julia looks up at the building before her with mild apprehension. The foreboding gray concrete and utilitarian styling of the gym's exterior do not inspire confidence in the girl as she mumbles to herself. JP: "Okay, okay...what would Dante do?" Julia smiles as she imagines herself, clad in an impressive crimson trenchcoat, leaping fifteen feet into the air, drawing two enormous handguns partway through a backwards somersault, then emptying both clips, BLAMMO-BLAMMO-BLAMMO, into the building before landing in a crouch...and staying there as the building crumbles and collapses to the ground, kicking up a massive cloud of dirt that barely ruffles her hair. Way past cool. In reality, however, Julia finds that she has no fancy coat, and certainly no guns jammed into her Captain Rainbow belt. JP: "Aw, nuts." She viciously kicks aside an empty soda can rolling along the pavement, before trudging halfheartedly up the steps and pushing her way through the doors. Inside, things only get more frightening. The machines that all these big people sit on look to Julia like nothing short of medieval torture devices - and they're enjoying the pain. She almost bumps into one of them, who sneers at her shaky smile before proceeding to punch a wall for no clear reason. Julia zeroes in on the reception desk and meekly pushes the advert she tore out of her magazine across to the staff member sat there. The receptionist glances at the ad, raises an eyebrow at the perspiration beading on Julia's brow, then claps her hands twice sharply. An enormous claw-fist the size of a small pig clamps down on Julia's shoulder. Before she can even mouth 'ow!', she's lifted off her feet and... ...Ah. See, here's where you're supposed to get one of those training montages. Y'know, like in 'Rocky' with the running up steps and punching dead cows and chasing chickens, that sort of thing. But...this is text. How does a montage work in text form? Oh well. You're just going to have to use your imagination. Specifically, you should imagine Julia being repeatedly thrown around a barren ring like a suprisingly aerodynamic sack of potatoes, hitting a punching bag only for it to swing back and hit her in the face, getting flattened under the bar of the lightest possible set of dumbbells, and getting her foot stuck somewhere in the inner workings of a treadmill, before finally starting to get things right, like avoiding the punching bag when it swings back, and tripping up that cocky wall-punching fool I briefly mentioned earlier, and it's all set to music like this. It's so cheesy and trite you can't help but love it! Well, maybe. Weeks later... Back at Julia's house... We hear a toilet flush. Very glamorous. In the bathroom, Julia is brushing her teeth, but you'd swear it's almost a different girl reflected in the mirror; she's got ACTUAL ABS, ferchrissake! Not to mention a black eye and an icepack taped over one elbow. And a kneebrace. And more bruises than a four-week-old banana. Nonetheless, there's something new in her stance as well, something like...confidence. Her phone rings. She spits into the sink and lifts her cell to her ear. JP: "Am I ready?" She smiles broadly, teeth glittering. JP: "Oh yeah. Anytime." Shunk! opens the closet. Shrrripp! goes the icepack as it comes off. On goes the 'Know Your Mushrooms' t-shirt. And the Power Glove, its straps snapped into place with utmost care. Finally, the cap, its brim curving at just the right degree. Leaving the house moments later, Julia takes a deep breath and exhales slowly. The sounds and smells of the world outside are largely unknown to her...for a good reason. They're boring as hell. ??: "Hey, li'l lady!" Julia looks to the kerb, where a police-branded Cadillac of sorts is waiting. At the wheel is what appears to be a humanoid dog in a loose-fitting suit and hat, with an oddly-proportioned rabbit-like creature beside him. Sam: "You look like you could use a lift." Max: "And maybe some stairs, for when the lift breaks down and leaves a bunch of old people to plummet to a painful death, probably involving spikes!" With a rueful shake of the head, Julia steps over and hops in the back of the car. JP: "Just drive me to the garden of madness, boys." Sam: "Yes, ma'am!" >>>> Proceed to next level Edited by Lord Noon, Dec 9 2008, 03:25 PM.
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10:22 PM Nov 30
