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| Night of the Living Fed; ZOMBIES! | |
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| Topic Started: Mar 8 2009, 08:15 PM (62 Views) | |
| Lord Noon | Mar 8 2009, 08:15 PM Post #1 |
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[We open to a dark valley, its murkiness complimented by poorly-rendered texture maps and last-gen jaggy edges. The thick, memory-saving fog that hangs in the air reduces the draw distance to barely ten metres, through which the ominous MIDI cries of the night's evil residents assault our ears. Over this, we also hear a booming voice, that of a quintissential gravel-gargling movie trailer voiceover man...] Voice Guy: "You thought they were gone...you thought they'd been wiped out..." [Footsteps, squelching across the dewy grass, intrude upon the night with an air of caution.] Voice Guy: "But when there's no more room on RoughKut..." [Our protagonist steps into view, currently obscured by the shadow, looking like nothing more than a 3D model of few polygons with a seriously limited colour depth. The fog retreats as they approach, and out of the gloom emerges an imposing mansion, all gargoyles on the roof and operatic balconies outside the windows. Lightning abruptly forks across the skybox behind it, and a boom of thunder precedes the narrator's next words...] Voice Guy: "THE DEAD WILL WALK THE FED!" [As dynamic lighting effects illuminate the area in the thunderbolt's wake, the protagonist is finally thrown into full definition, revealing it to be Julia Peach, with a dark green trenchcoat fitted over her usual colourful t-shirt and jeans. Despite the light rainfall, her hair remains bone-dry, and her mouth is set in a determined line as she lifts an orange plastic pistol in her hand. Reaching out, she nudges open a pair of rusty, fence-style gates, that swing back on old hinges with a pained squeak...then everything freezes.] Voice Guy: "Dare you enter...Frisco's Facade of Fear?!" [This makes Julia turn to face us, a look of confusion now on her face.] JP: "Hang on, didn't the Frisco dude die or something?" Voice Guy: "Uh...yes." JP: "And whaddaya mean by 'facade', anyway? It's a house, call it what it is!" Voice Guy: "Just shut up, will you? I can't help it if this script is a crock of shit. Player 1 - Insert Coin to play!" [Julia sighs, and stands framed in the gateway, tapping one foot with little patience as someone, somewhere, struggles to dig coins out of his pockets.] ???: "C'mon, c'mon, why the hell canya never find a quarter when ya need one...uhhh...YES!" [A metal disk clunk-clicks its way down into the bowels of an ancient machine, and a large red button is depressed, prompting Julia to turn around and face the mansion once more, then head off towards it at a jog. But not even halfway up the steps, she stops and looks to her right - as the ground swells up like a blister and erupts, causing two mangled forms to rise from the bowels of the level, each female, hardbodied and sporting the finest in stupidly expensive/tacky jewellery. Oh yeah, and they're zombies, too.] Zombie Kash: "Liiiiipsssstiiiiiiick...." Zombie Sinclair: "Maaaaake-uuuuuuup..." JP: "Whatever happened to good old-fashioned 'Brains'? Which, by the way, is something you two need way more than hair product." [Grinning at her own macho banter, Julia raises her pistol and fires.] [The first shot nails Zombie Sinclair dead-centre on the forehead, which does a good job of putting her down and making a mess of her eyeshadow. The next two each claim a chunk of Zombie Kash's ribs - taste like BBQ! - before the fourth and final blast excavates a deep hole in her chest, making her torso no longer capable of supporting her head and arms. She sinks to the ground and quickly melts, Sinclair already having vanished into the ether. Julia nods with satisfaction, then skips up the remaining steps and kicks open the door - ZOMBIE LAYLA DIVINE! WAVING A HIGH-HEELED SHOE IN A MENACING FASHION!] JP: "Not a chance!" [BAM! There goes the shoe-holding arm. BAM! And the other arm. BAM! And there's the head. Done and dusted. Julia pauses a moment, staring down at Zombie Layla as she fades away.] JP: "Did I know that one?" [After another moment's pondering, Julia shrugs, looks around, then heads off to the side, kicking through another door, now finding herself in an elaborate dining room, with all the places at the table already set for visitors - apart from the two that are occupied by Zombie Devil Matsumoto (which sounds like one hell of a cocktail) and...] JP: "Zombie friggin' Hammer?!" [Indeed it is. Julia scowls at that.] JP: "That's some seriously bad taste right there...WHOA!" [A moment's hesitation is all it takes for Zombie Devil to grab hold of a steak-knife and throw it - right into Julia's shoulder. A thick clod of blood spurts out, but the knife quickly vanishes, as does the wound. Julia winces nonetheless as she raises her gun again - BAM! BAM! Two precise headshots, two more dead, uh, undead. Nothing like a reminder of the danger you're facing to improve your aim, right?] [More come as Julia moves through the house, Zombie Crystal, Zombie Maia, Zombie Delilah, Zombie Bellatrix - Julia almost got bit hesitating again that time - until finally she winds up...right back in the main hall where she started.] JP: "Oh, for - " [Frustrated, Julia kicks over a plant-pot, causing a golden frog - of all things - to hop out and skip around the nearest corner to look for another home. Then, a shuffling footstep is heard, and Julia whirls sharply around - and relaxes, smiling at the girl walking down the stairs.] JP: "Oh, hi, Iman! I didn't know you were a lightgun sorta gal." [Alas, she isn't. In fact, she's not even really Iman, as evidenced by the creepy orange glow in her lifeless eyes, and the strange, warbling helium squeak of a voice she employs to speak in...] Not-Iman: "I've already taken care of G. You're next!" JP: "Who's G?" [Iman's answer is to abruptly float up to the ceiling, sprout butterfly wings made from blackened bone and membranes of translucent skin, make her arms extend with a groan of straining tendons before exploding into fused masses of whipping tentacles, each ending in a blade of serrated keratin, and breathe fire when she screams. This is not normal behaviour when confronted with a simple question, a fact not lost on Julia.] JP: "My god, your health bar is MASSIVE!" [It is. Y'know what else is massive? That blast of fire heading Julia's way. The GamesMistress dives to the side, but the tails of her coat are still set alight, forcing her to roll frantically back and forth in order to put them out - not to mention avoid the tentacles that come crashing down within inches of her head.] WHAM! WHAM! WHAM! [Finding her feet again, Julia swings her pistol up and fires a quick, tight spread of shots across the winged island beauty's torso - to no effect. Julia curses quietly.] JP: "Where's the weak point? Think, dammit, think..." [Nipping behind a pillar for cover - narrowly avoiding another tentacle smash - and peers out with one eye, taking stock of Iman's furry bikini, her naturally-curly hair, her impressively full physique (jealous much?), not to mention the somewhat fragile joints between her spine and her newfound wings...before zeroing in on...] JP: "She's got no shoes...of course!" [Because bare-footed-ness is obviously always going to be an Achilles' heel. Julia takes a deep breath...] JP: "ACTION!" [Then leaps into the fray, and with the benefit of gratuitous slow-motion effects, stares down the barrel, centres the crosshairs on Iman's left foot, and pulls the trigger once, twice, three times before she hits the floor...] ... [...and bugger-all happens. Julia blinks.] JP: "Oh." [And then she gets crushed underneath a massive tentacle.] Voice Guy: "Game over!" JP: "Y'think? And ow." [End] Edited by Lord Noon, Mar 8 2009, 10:42 PM.
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| frisco | Mar 8 2009, 10:28 PM Post #2 |
Administrator
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lol. Actually that was probably the best thing you've written yet. I got a hell of a laugh out of it anyway. |
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| The Hitcher | Mar 9 2009, 04:49 PM Post #3 |
Baboo Yagoo
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LMFAO! Brilliant. |
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| Lord Noon | Mar 9 2009, 05:04 PM Post #4 |
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I feel so loved. *sobs* |
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| The Hitcher | Mar 9 2009, 05:28 PM Post #5 |
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Baboo Yagoo
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You are! ... but not in a gay way. |
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12:38 PM Nov 30
