The War Book 1: Chapter 4 Taken

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The War Book 1: Chapter 4 Taken; The War Series, Installment I
Topic Started: Jul 10 2008, 07:33 PM (245 Views)
Silver_Poet	Jul 10 2008, 07:33 PM Post #1
Silver Letters, Golden Message Posts: 92 Group: Writers Member #32 Joined: Jul 3, 2008	IV Taken Erin awoke suddenly, her grey eyes snapping open faster than the bullets she stopped. Immediately, she rose and took in her surroundings. She was in a cage of a bluish metal mesh, surrounded by a ring of soldiers, oddly bulky guns pointed through the mesh at her. Beyond this line of defense stood a ring of machine guns, three men thick. These men pointed in different directions. The reek of camouflaged clothes sticking to sweating skin filled the air. Something was missing from this picture, as foreign as it was to Erin, but she couldn’t place it. Erin slowly turned, refusing to feel fear. Behind her, a huge stone building projected from a high sand dune. From constantly opening and closing hangar doors, countless trucks and tanks rolled by, creating a monotonous hum that caused the cage to rattle faintly. Harold wasn’t with her. The realization hit her like the combined force of every bullet she’d ever stopped. A single tear slid down Erin’s cheek, the first in almost a decade. Slowly but surely, the mental walls that had kept Erin safely hidden from the cruelness of the world crumbled with this impossible concept. Erin and Harold had always been together, even before the War had separated them from their family and destroyed their town, their hopes, and their dreams. And since then, they had been the only thing that kept the other going, the only reason to work to survive. Apart from the survival of his or her twin, neither had any reason to fight this War. Revenge was disliked by the gentle giant, and Erin had never allowed herself to feel enough sadness to wish to avenge her surely dead family. Now, without her stolid face and uncaring outer being, every emotion that had failed to penetrate her mental walls was felt in rapid succession, starting with alarm when the bomber planes flew overhead, which was the construction of the walls, leading up to the hidden and growing love for her brother, to the millions of other feelings, ending with this newest and most painful emotion of total loss. Erin could not take any more. She fell to the ground. From her fetal position on the cold mesh floor, she could barely hear the conversations of the men surrounding her. She did not care. This feeling of loss was too great. She could not focus nor feel anything else until it subsided. Of course, with loss there came longing, for Harold, and, more extremely, an end to the suffering, one way or another. Erin’s head slowly rose as she heard a tapping sound accompanied by the increased rattle of the cage. One of the soldiers, clearly not as serious about the threat as the other stone-faced soldiers, was banging on the mesh with his gun, speaking to the soldier beside him. The second soldier clearly wished he could have been placed further away from the centre, but whether to get away from Erin or from the calm soldier, Erin couldn’t tell. “Sorry bitch, we take her body guard and she turns to jelly. Probably gonna cut up the big whale and use him for rations.” The man laughed at himself, while the second soldier glanced over towards the building. Erin froze. Loss, longing, and anguish were now replaced by rage. Nothing but pure, bitter, empowering rage. Erin slowly rose to her feet, and the second soldier glanced worriedly between her and something behind her. The first soldier just kept laughing and hitting the cage. Erin’s eyes widened and darkened, releasing a crippling aura as she intoned, “You will be sorry for what you have done.” Every soldier turned to her, extremely tense, but someone behind Erin shouted, “No! Don’t shoot!” as the aura, visible only to her, reached the mesh. The blue metal shone bluer, and suddenly an electric shock from the mesh floor sent Erin’s body arching. She fell to the floor, panting. As she looked up, a portly man in his late thirties ran to the two soldiers, caught his breath, and gestured to the cage. “Well, now we know the ability suppressant technology is successful in two cases, but we could have figured that out under more favourable circumstances. You, Wilkins, come with me.” He motioned to the first soldier, who left with a surly face. The second soldier looked relieved, but still tense. Erin tried to raise herself on her arms, but they gave out and soon she had fallen into unconsciousness. For the first time in years, Erin dreamed. ~~~ Erin was in the auditorium of her high school, the high school of the town that had been bombed. As she hadn’t dreamed in a while, she questioned nothing. She looked around and found that she was next to Harold. Elated, she threw her arms around him, only to find that she fell through him, into his seat. She straightened up, horrified, and waved a hand through her brother’s head. As she became more aware, she noticed she was surrounded by people she knew, including her parents, relatives, family friends, and fellow classmates. Wondering what was going on, Erin looked down towards the stage. Upon it was a single, small figure, a violin under her chin, weaving from it the most beautiful music Erin had ever heard. She gasped when she realized who was upon the stage, playing such beautiful music. No one reacted to the gasp. Erin was on the stage, as she had been prior to the bombing. Her thick brown hair had barely reached her shoulders back then, and now, as Erin looked down, her flowing brown hair, filled with knots and debris, cascaded past her knees. The Erin on stage had her eyes just barely closed, seemingly asleep, while her arm waved the bow back and forth across the strings. Tears came to Erin’s eyes. Not only had she fallen in love with the music she herself had once played, but also noticed how devoid she had been, of emotion, of passion, of life. Erin turned back to her brother and was shocked to find an occasional tear running down his cheek, as well. He was gazing proudly, adoringly, lovingly up at his sister. Immediately, Erin recognized that look. It was how he had looked at her when he thought she was sleeping, or when he thought she was looking away. It broke her heart to realize she had never returned that glance. And she never would. As if the dream had suddenly turned into a nightmare, Harold disappeared, and the angry shouts of soldiers could be heard. Yet no one in the auditorium seats moved. Terrified once again, Erin pulled her legs up onto the seat and whimpered for her once again lost brother. Beneath her the seat flattened and sank, turning into a metal mesh floor. Erin shut her eyes tightly, trying to wish the happy dream back. When she opened her eyes, she was in the mesh cage, surrounded by armed soldiers, her brother lost. Unwillingly she added, forever. Edited by Silver_Poet, Jul 11 2008, 07:58 PM.
	Works: Novels: The War: Book 1: Prologue, Chapter 1 Amongst the Carnage, Chapter 2 The Calm Before..., Chapter 3 The Storm, Chapter 4 Taken Poems: Just Another Mask, A Review of the Journey to Death, The Last Soldier, My Name is Edward, A New Era, A Love Postponed, Catch, The Statue, Sixteen Songs: Life of a Band


Allyson	Jul 11 2008, 10:52 AM Post #2
Observer of all Posts: 2,337 Group: Root Administrator Member #1 Joined: Jan 29, 2008	This was a good chapter! Though I have some things to show you... Quote: Erin awoke suddenly, her grey eyes snapping open faster than the bullets she stopped. Immediately, she rose and took in her surroundings. This was very well described. I had a clear picture in my head! Good job. Quote: A single tear slid down Erin’s cheek, the first in almost a decade. Harold wasn’t with her. The realization hit her like the combined force of every bullet she’d ever stopped. Slowly but surely, the mental walls that had kept Erin safely hidden from the cruelness of the world crumbled with this impossible concept. Erin and Harold had always been together, even before the War had separated them from their family and destroyed their town, their hopes, and their dreams. I think the tear should slide down her cheek once she actually realizes that he's gone, not before, when she's starting to think about it. I think once the thoughts hit her. Quote: He was gazing proudly, adoringly, lovingly down at his sister. You mean up at his sister? I thought she was on a stage. :) As I said before, this was a good chapter, though I think you could have described what the place smelled like. :)
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Silver_Poet	Jul 11 2008, 05:01 PM Post #3
Silver Letters, Golden Message Posts: 92 Group: Writers Member #32 Joined: Jul 3, 2008	I could describe the smell... Any suggestions? What does a concert smell like? And I'll make that change. Thanks for all the constructive criticism and, dare I say it, praise! Allyson, you've especially helped me. If I have people that I am obligated to write for, I know that I have no choice but to stick with it. ;)
	Works: Novels: The War: Book 1: Prologue, Chapter 1 Amongst the Carnage, Chapter 2 The Calm Before..., Chapter 3 The Storm, Chapter 4 Taken Poems: Just Another Mask, A Review of the Journey to Death, The Last Soldier, My Name is Edward, A New Era, A Love Postponed, Catch, The Statue, Sixteen Songs: Life of a Band


Allyson	Jul 11 2008, 07:54 PM Post #4
Observer of all Posts: 2,337 Group: Root Administrator Member #1 Joined: Jan 29, 2008	Oh - thank you. Well, since it was a place where the soldiers were, I don't think it would be that nice. Maybe it could smell of mold or sweat.
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Silver_Poet	Jul 11 2008, 07:59 PM Post #5
Silver Letters, Golden Message Posts: 92 Group: Writers Member #32 Joined: Jul 3, 2008	Silver_Poet Jul 10 2008, 07:33 PM Beyond this line of defense stood a ring of machine guns, three men thick. These men pointed in different directions. The reek of camouflaged clothes sticking to sweating skin filled the air. There, added.
	Works: Novels: The War: Book 1: Prologue, Chapter 1 Amongst the Carnage, Chapter 2 The Calm Before..., Chapter 3 The Storm, Chapter 4 Taken Poems: Just Another Mask, A Review of the Journey to Death, The Last Soldier, My Name is Edward, A New Era, A Love Postponed, Catch, The Statue, Sixteen Songs: Life of a Band


Allyson	Jul 11 2008, 08:10 PM Post #6
Observer of all Posts: 2,337 Group: Root Administrator Member #1 Joined: Jan 29, 2008	That's great. :)
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