The War Book 1: Chapter 3 The Storm

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The War Book 1: Chapter 3 The Storm; The War Series, Installment I
Topic Started: Jul 7 2008, 06:34 PM (218 Views)
Silver_Poet	Jul 7 2008, 06:34 PM Post #1
Silver Letters, Golden Message Posts: 92 Group: Writers Member #32 Joined: Jul 3, 2008	III The Storm A few hours after the last ray of yellow vanished around the curve of the horizon, the first drops fell. Seconds later, the rain came down in torrents. The wind picked up, blowing from the east, shortening Harold’s steps to little over fifty feet. Harold vaguely noticed two mounds of sand up ahead. Whenever Erin used her ability on him, his mind became fuzzy, and he was still feeling as calm and courageous as he had at the edge of the forest. Normally, Erin’s tweaked emotions lasted about twenty-four hours. The wind reached deafening might, and Harold was forced to step in human-paced steps. Erin was curled up on his broad shoulder, a strap fastened around her to keep her from falling. From deep within Harold’s mind, the small part that wasn’t influenced by Erin’s skill, a thought came. Erin’s soaked. Harold’s head spun. Erin had said not to stop until the next town, and he couldn’t possibly disobey anything she said. However, she would catch her death in this weather. The conflict raged in Harold’s head, and he stopped between the two mounds. Realizing that he had already disobeyed her by stopping to wonder whether to disobey her, he decided he might as well lay Erin on the ground, place the sheet over her, and shield her from the elements. He reached up to his shoulder and clumsily began to undo the strap with his large fingers. Once the strong fabric was undone, he took off his pack and removed the sheet, intending to place it on the ground to give some dryness. However, Harold felt the weight on his shoulder ease off, and in horror shot his hands out below his left shoulder to catch Erin. She didn’t fall into his hands, however. Harold turned around to look on the ground behind him for his sister, but she wasn’t there either. Harold continued to look around him, becoming more and more frantic, dispelling the calmness Erin had bestowed upon him. As the last of the calm aura left his mind to be replaced by worry, his mind cleared. He saw the dozens of men, circling around him, and Erin, twenty feet away, covered in a net. Harold roared, rage filling him. They would pay. As he raised his hands to swat away the soldiers, a sharp sensation puzzled Harold. He reached to the base of his neck and pulled out a feathered dart. Immediately, his vision became blurry. He stumbled around for a few seconds, vaguely noticing the way the men guardedly pointed their guns, yet did not shoot. They had been ambushed. They were being taken. Harold fell heavily to the desert ground. Edited by Silver_Poet, Jul 7 2008, 07:46 PM.
	Works: Novels: The War: Book 1: Prologue, Chapter 1 Amongst the Carnage, Chapter 2 The Calm Before..., Chapter 3 The Storm, Chapter 4 Taken Poems: Just Another Mask, A Review of the Journey to Death, The Last Soldier, My Name is Edward, A New Era, A Love Postponed, Catch, The Statue, Sixteen Songs: Life of a Band


Allyson	Jul 7 2008, 07:32 PM Post #2
Observer of all Posts: 2,337 Group: Root Administrator Member #1 Joined: Jan 29, 2008	I don't have much to say about this chapter, except a few things: Quote: ...dispelling the calm I think this word should be changed to "calmness" Erin had bestowed upon him. Quote: Harold roared, rage filling him. They would pay. I like this part. :) Sorry, I'm not terribly good at critiquing stories, but I also think there isn't much to say except, good job! I thought this chapter was well-described.
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Silver_Poet	Jul 7 2008, 07:44 PM Post #3
Silver Letters, Golden Message Posts: 92 Group: Writers Member #32 Joined: Jul 3, 2008	Thanks for the help, and don't worry about your critiqueing ability. You're all doing great so far. ;) I guess calmness does fit better... And thanks for pointing out the points you like. Most people I ask to read over my pieces just tell me what needs changing, as if they were only looking for the mistakes and not trying to enjoy the work. This site really is the best I've found in a long time. ;)
	Works: Novels: The War: Book 1: Prologue, Chapter 1 Amongst the Carnage, Chapter 2 The Calm Before..., Chapter 3 The Storm, Chapter 4 Taken Poems: Just Another Mask, A Review of the Journey to Death, The Last Soldier, My Name is Edward, A New Era, A Love Postponed, Catch, The Statue, Sixteen Songs: Life of a Band


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