The War Book 1: Chapter 2 The Calm Before...

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The War Book 1: Chapter 2 The Calm Before...; The War Series, Installment I
Topic Started: Jul 4 2008, 06:40 AM (261 Views)
Silver_Poet	Jul 4 2008, 06:40 AM Post #1
Silver Letters, Golden Message Posts: 92 Group: Writers Member #32 Joined: Jul 3, 2008	II The Calm Before… The next morning Harold and Erin packed up camp, which consisted of rolling up the thin sheet and placing it in Harold’s pack. As Erin stood back up from stuffing the white sheet into the pack, she saw Harold, standing stock still, staring into the retreating night of the west. “What,” Erin said hollowly, more factually than interrogatively. “Storm’s coming. We should head into the cover of the trees while we still have them here.” Harold could see where the line of the forest dipped north. If they passed that line and happened to come upon a storm, they would have to wait it out. Erin walked over to Harold and climbed up the various chains and loops in his pants and jacket to reach his shoulder. She, too, gazed into the receding darkness, fleeing from the wrath of a waking sun. No clouds could be seen. “No clouds, no storm. We go on. No delays.” Erin hopped off her brother and landed lightly on the sandy ground. She walked over to the pack, lifted it not without difficulty, and, with a grunt, threw it to Harold. Even though Harold was facing in the opposite direction, his arm swung around and caught the pack. “It’s the feeling in the air, the scent, the stillness…” Harold tried to explain, hoping that for once Erin could at least be afraid of what should frighten her. “The stillness of death. You’ve felt it before. It’ll pass. Once we leave this battlefield behind.” And that was the end of the discussion. Erin again hopped up to Harold’s shoulder and turned his head to the east and the blood red sun. Harold turned his whole body and took a tentative step. Erin sighed with impatience, the first time in years, and exhaled loudly. Suddenly, Harold felt calmer, braver, ready. He took another step, and another, and soon they were off. Every step Harold took was like fifty of any normal man. He would lift his leg, and when he put it back down, he would be a hundred feet from where he had taken the last step. In this way Erin and Harold continued, stopping once at midday to tentatively peck at their meager supply of food. “We steal more food at the next town,” Erin stated before beginning to nibble the stale crust of a piece of bread. Harold just nodded. Erin’s empowering aura was still affecting him, and he didn’t feel so bad about robbing anyone at that moment. After their miniscule lunch, Harold set off with Erin on his shoulder. As the blazing sun set behind them, and Harold’s shadow spanned one of his steps, he paused. He looked at Erin, ready to do whatever she suggested. Not that anything she ever said was merely a suggestion. Erin shook her head. “No. No delays. We continue until the next town.” Harold nodded slightly. He didn’t need sleep, and Erin could easily sleep on his shoulder. Edited by Silver_Poet, Jul 5 2008, 06:11 AM.
	Works: Novels: The War: Book 1: Prologue, Chapter 1 Amongst the Carnage, Chapter 2 The Calm Before..., Chapter 3 The Storm, Chapter 4 Taken Poems: Just Another Mask, A Review of the Journey to Death, The Last Soldier, My Name is Edward, A New Era, A Love Postponed, Catch, The Statue, Sixteen Songs: Life of a Band


Caelum	Jul 5 2008, 01:17 AM Post #2
I refuse to use a custom member title. Posts: 106 Group: Writers+ Member #31 Joined: Jul 2, 2008	Ahhh, starting to get more clear now :) Quote: The next morning Harold and Erin packed up camp. This consisted of rolling up the thin sheet and placing it in Harold’s pack. Hm, might be me, but I randomly though those sentences were kinda...too short. I know, you've used shorter sentences and I don't mind, but for some reason this sounds a bit off to me :P "The next morning Harold and Erin packed up camp, consisting of rolling up the thin sheet and placing it in Harold’s pack."? Other than that though, and yes - I am an annoying perfectionist - I liked this a lot. Great job! Edited by Caelum, Jul 5 2008, 01:18 AM.



Silver_Poet	Jul 5 2008, 06:10 AM Post #3
Silver Letters, Golden Message Posts: 92 Group: Writers Member #32 Joined: Jul 3, 2008	Thanks! I guess I will change it. It does seem a bit out of place, now that you mention it...
	Works: Novels: The War: Book 1: Prologue, Chapter 1 Amongst the Carnage, Chapter 2 The Calm Before..., Chapter 3 The Storm, Chapter 4 Taken Poems: Just Another Mask, A Review of the Journey to Death, The Last Soldier, My Name is Edward, A New Era, A Love Postponed, Catch, The Statue, Sixteen Songs: Life of a Band


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