The War Book 1: Prologue

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The War Book 1: Prologue; The War Series, Installment I
Topic Started: Jul 3 2008, 07:08 PM (342 Views)
Silver_Poet	Jul 3 2008, 07:08 PM Post #1
Silver Letters, Golden Message Posts: 92 Group: Writers Member #32 Joined: Jul 3, 2008	Hey, this is the first piece I'm putting in front of the target here at WR. It's also my most recent piece of work. I wrote it a few weeks ago, and have been too busy with summer to start anything new. I'm hoping to carry this project out until it's done. The War Series is a collection of stories about, well, fighters in a War. But this is no ordinary War, as readers soon find out. The chapters are short, I'll admit, but I hope to have a whole bundle of them per installment. Enjoy, and be sure to leave comments, compliments, and/or criticism. Prologue The sun shone above. Wispy clouds dotted the otherwise indigo skies. Low in the eastern sky, a full red moon rose, almost an exact replica of the sun setting in the west, splashing and staining the pathetic clouds blood-red on one side. The colour faded to a pink on the moon-side of the clouds, giving the impression of a sheet, dark purple on the top, sprinkled with blood that left a lighter streak as it slowly dripped towards the baby-blue bottom. The regiment was well trained. Even in the face of certain death, they kept their ranks intact and their guns steady. Each one of them was a veteran of the First War, a survivor who knew just what the other side could do. And even with this knowledge, the soldiers were calm. For many of them, whole families had been lost, and they were anxious to rejoin them. In the honorable way, of course. Death in combat. On the horizon, a yellow band melted into the blue sky and created an assortment of beautiful colours: greens and oranges and teals. None gazed upon this glorious sight, however. The soldiers stared to the south. Others had seen a certain member of the other side, a certain member that caused all around him to realize just how futile the war was. The smallest percentage of those in the regiment fought for hope. Included in these was General Gerald R. Hultman. He believed they could win. Even when the smoke grenades cleared, and the mammoth form of their adversary could be seen, slowly marching forward, a small lump on its shoulder. Even once the enemy had begun attacking, and the regiment slowly fell, did the general believe. Did the general hope. Did the general wish. Yet it was all in vain. They could not and did not win. Edited by Silver_Poet, Jul 4 2008, 06:15 AM.
	Works: Novels: The War: Book 1: Prologue, Chapter 1 Amongst the Carnage, Chapter 2 The Calm Before..., Chapter 3 The Storm, Chapter 4 Taken Poems: Just Another Mask, A Review of the Journey to Death, The Last Soldier, My Name is Edward, A New Era, A Love Postponed, Catch, The Statue, Sixteen Songs: Life of a Band


Allyson	Jul 3 2008, 09:34 PM Post #2
Observer of all Posts: 2,337 Group: Root Administrator Member #1 Joined: Jan 29, 2008	I like at the beginning how you described the sky, sun, and clouds, though I think there is a little too much of that. You might be over doing it a little too much, since it doesn't really have anything to do with the soldiers. Quote: Yet it was all in vain. They could not and did not win. I think this part was good. :) Good job on your short prologue!
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Silver_Poet	Jul 3 2008, 09:36 PM Post #3
Silver Letters, Golden Message Posts: 92 Group: Writers Member #32 Joined: Jul 3, 2008	Thanks for not totally demolishing my piece. ;) Yeah, I wanted to add the peaceful, seemingly out of place part about the sky to help the reader kind of understand how calm the soldiers were, and to help the reader appreciate them. Sorta. It might also have been me trying to make the Prologue longer. ;) I guess I'll add chapter 1 now. Edited by Silver_Poet, Jul 3 2008, 09:37 PM.
	Works: Novels: The War: Book 1: Prologue, Chapter 1 Amongst the Carnage, Chapter 2 The Calm Before..., Chapter 3 The Storm, Chapter 4 Taken Poems: Just Another Mask, A Review of the Journey to Death, The Last Soldier, My Name is Edward, A New Era, A Love Postponed, Catch, The Statue, Sixteen Songs: Life of a Band


Caelum	Jul 4 2008, 05:34 AM Post #4
I refuse to use a custom member title. Posts: 106 Group: Writers+ Member #31 Joined: Jul 2, 2008	Nice, nice. Like Allyson said, you may want to make sure you don't overdo the descriptions (though they are quite nicely done). Or maybe make it a bit more like Description Action Description Action For example Quote: Prologue The sun shone above. Wispy clouds dotted the otherwise indigo skies. Low in the eastern sky, a full red moon rose, almost an exact replica of the sun setting in the west, splashing and staining the pathetic clouds blood-red on one side. The colour faded to a pink on the moon-side of the clouds, giving the impression of a sheet, dark purple on the top, sprinkled with blood that left a lighter streak as it slowly dripped towards the baby-blue bottom As they marched on, suddenly <Something happened, be it shooting, taking a tumble because of a little stone, etc.> <After recovering from that tumble over a little stone or whatever> On the horizon, a yellow band melted into the blue sky and created an assortment of beautiful colours: greens and oranges and teals. None gazed upon this glorious sight, however. The soldiers stared to the south. The regiment was well trained. Even in the face of certain death, they kept their ranks intact and their guns steady. Each one of them was a veteran of the First War, a survivor who knew just what the other side could do. And even with this knowledge, the soldiers were calm. For many of them, whole families had been lost, and they were anxious to rejoin them. In the honorable way, of course. Death in combat. etc. I know I might be speaking gibberish...I'll try and explain more if you like :P Also, you did get me curious as to what the "First War" was. Nice job all in all though!



Silver_Poet	Jul 4 2008, 06:15 AM Post #5
Silver Letters, Golden Message Posts: 92 Group: Writers Member #32 Joined: Jul 3, 2008	Yeah, I decided Caelum's advice was a good idea. I decided to switch around the second and third paragraphs. Tell me if that makes it better. ;)
	Works: Novels: The War: Book 1: Prologue, Chapter 1 Amongst the Carnage, Chapter 2 The Calm Before..., Chapter 3 The Storm, Chapter 4 Taken Poems: Just Another Mask, A Review of the Journey to Death, The Last Soldier, My Name is Edward, A New Era, A Love Postponed, Catch, The Statue, Sixteen Songs: Life of a Band


Caelum	Jul 4 2008, 09:29 AM Post #6
I refuse to use a custom member title. Posts: 106 Group: Writers+ Member #31 Joined: Jul 2, 2008	Much better :)



Silver_Poet	Jul 4 2008, 04:38 PM Post #7
Silver Letters, Golden Message Posts: 92 Group: Writers Member #32 Joined: Jul 3, 2008	Yay! Thanks for the help. I've been here less than 24 hours and I've already been helped by this forum.
	Works: Novels: The War: Book 1: Prologue, Chapter 1 Amongst the Carnage, Chapter 2 The Calm Before..., Chapter 3 The Storm, Chapter 4 Taken Poems: Just Another Mask, A Review of the Journey to Death, The Last Soldier, My Name is Edward, A New Era, A Love Postponed, Catch, The Statue, Sixteen Songs: Life of a Band


Caelum	Jul 5 2008, 01:05 AM Post #8
I refuse to use a custom member title. Posts: 106 Group: Writers+ Member #31 Joined: Jul 2, 2008	Glad I could help ;)



Mythic	Jul 15 2008, 12:32 PM Post #9
Fantasy Writer Posts: 342 Group: Writers+ Member #9 Joined: Mar 23, 2008	I noticed through the few chapters of yours I read that you are very descriptive of the setting. And you describe it well. The only suggestion I have is to mix the descriptions of the setting with the action, so readers dont get tired of reading where they are when they want to know what is going on. For example say I wrote this: (this is just a random description not what anyone would actually write) The big red sun hung in the sky. The pink clouds floated as the sun began to set. The sound of wind was heard. Bob was walking and looked up to the sky. He failed to see tis beauty and left. Now this next one sounds and moves better I think: Bob was walking and looked up, failing to see the beauty of the big red sun that hung in the sky and the floating pink clouds. As he left the sound of the wind was heard behind him. See what I mean? Its more interesting to follow.
	I believe ...... Two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different. I believe....... That your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don't even know you. I believe. Do you?


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