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| Chapter 2: The Golden Room; Thaddeus Series-The Secret of the Forest | |
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| Topic Started: Mar 31 2008, 11:15 PM (297 Views) | |
| Mythic | Mar 31 2008, 11:15 PM Post #1 |
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Fantasy Writer
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THE SPOILER IS THE OLD VERSION. THE CHAPTER IS UPDATED. Hello again! I decided to keep posting chapters from my book, even this one. I really dont like this one but maybe you will disagree (lets just say this chapter was the one most changed when I changed part of the plot and it is very...well you can judge for yourself). Anyway, now that I have discouraged everyone from reading it here it is anyway! With no double spacing! :D Chapter 2 The Golden Room As Hypatia opened the golden door, Thaddeus was in awe. The room appeared to be made of solid gold! Two men were sitting on gold chairs, hands on a gold table. Hypatia sat down on the largest of the chairs, and motioned Thaddeus to sit on one too. As Thaddeus sat down, his gaze drifted to an enormous man directly across from him. He had to be at least a head taller than Thaddeus. Sitting next to the tall man was a much shorter man, not nearly as large. Queen Hypatia spoke. “I think it is about time I introduced you, Thaddeus to your new companions,” she said. “Ballard, please stand up.” The giant man stood up at this reply. He was clearly older than Thaddeus, twice his age, and at his full height, he looked even taller than before. Thaddeus noticed bulging muscles on his arm, as his sleeveless auburn shirt revealed; he didn’t want to image what Ballard had done to his enemies that he had fought before. “I have fought many battles,” the tall man boomed, “and I have never lost one. I will join you on your journey, Thaddeus.” “Journey?” Thaddeus asked. “What is this talk about a journey? I am just a messenger, not some war hero!” Hypatia did not even spare a look to Thaddeus, and as she ignored him, she spoke a second time, swiftly pointing her finger to the shorter man next to Ballard. “Truman, stand!” The man stood up, and Thaddeus saw he wore a light brown long sleeved shirt, and had a piece of paper in his hands. He realized that he was the same age as himself. “I have not fought in battle,” he replied, “but I have many degrees in war plans and literature. I can use the bow and arrow, and I also will join you on your quest.” “Quest?” asked Thaddeus, puzzled, “Journey! What is going on? What am I to do?” Hypatia paused and stared at Thaddeus, her eyes glinting, once again ignoring him. “And Ballard, Truman, this is Thaddeus…now that you know each other, please let me tell you each my plan.” As Hypatia said this, she rang a bell. In thirty seconds, a young girl walked in, wearing a gown like Hypatia’s, but not half as nice, and without any pattern of gold whatsoever. It was obvious to everyone that she was a servant. “Pia,” Hypatia said, “Get me the map.” As soon as Hypatia finished speaking, Pia walked out of the room, her sunny short-cut yellow hair swaying ever so slightly. “Who was that?” Ballard asked. “That is Pia,” Hypatia explained, “She is a new servant that arrived just two days ago.” In minutes, Pia returned, with a scroll in her hand. Pia’s eyes looked gray, and seemed to look at something that was nowhere to be seen. Hypatia then bid her to leave, and in just a second, she had walked out of the room, so if anyone had blinked, you would have thought she had disappeared. “Now,” Hypatia sighed, as she set the map on the table. The map was so enormous, that it covered nearly the whole table, leaving only a few edges on the sides uncovered. “As you can see, Orville is right here,” Hypatia pointed to a sketch of Orville, with all its might, near a corner. Somehow, it appeared as if the sketch of Orville was glowing faintly. “And Bradshaw is right here.” She pointed to a vast, immense forest between Orville and Hedda’s fortress, Hildegard, which seemed to divide the land in half. She then said, “On the other side of the Bradshaw forest, there is the dreaded valley of Blagden.” She then moved her finger towards a city glowing black, near the end of Blagden. In the middle of Blagden, there was an enormous castle, and the map clearly made out its many walls. “And this, my friends, is Hildegard, were the evil Hedda lurks. This is our target.” “What?!” Truman yelled, and Thaddeus thought his voice was strangely loud for one of his size. “You can’t possibly mean that we are to go through the dreaded, terrible, horrible, de-“ “Silence!” Hypatia ordered, “You will go through the dreaded, terrible, horiblahblah!” Truman thought, and then gave a smile. “I am terribly sorry, but it is forbidden to go through Blagden. Plus, err; we would have to go through the Bradshaw Forest, which is also a place of fear and terror.” Hyaptia laughed. “You may be a smart one, but you forget one thing. I make the laws. I un-forbid Blagden to the three of you. And about Bradshaw, it is not a feared place…as long as you get to the Shrine, which is somewhere in the forest, just follow the path and you will make it. But be warned. You must reach the shrine before midnight.” “What happens at midnight?” Ballard questioned in his loud voice. “Let us just say that you will be in the shrine before midnight,” Hypatia said, making a motion towards the bell that called Pia. She rang it. Once again, the figure of a girl was seen at the door, and Pia walked in. “What do you bid me?” Pia asked, in a high, frail voice. “Please bring me my two daughters, Saloma and Selima,” answered Hypatia. Pia nodded, and once again walked out of the room swiftly. In moments, three figures were by the door, and Pia walked in with two young women, wearing smaller versions of Hypatia’s gown. One of them spoke. She had the same blue eyes as her mother, but her hair was a bit closer to brown than hers. “Why do you call for us, mother?” she asked. “Saloma,” she said to the woman that spoke, “Selima, I have called you to meet the key people in my plan.” The other girl, most likely Selima, stayed to the back of the room. “You too, Selima,” Hypatia beckoned. Selima recognized the command, and also walked forward. “I would like you all to meet my daughters, Saloma-“ The princess that had spoken walked forward, “-my eldest daughter, at the age of 25, and Selima-“ The other princess slowly walked forward, nervous and confused about how these people had gotten into the castle. The princesses were not allowed to leave the castle, and only Saloma had managed to sneak out once, many years ago. Her eyes were green, and her purest blond hair was cut at the neck. The only difference between the two princesses was their hair length and eye color. “-Selima is my youngest daughter, at the age of 20“ “They do look much alike,” Hypatia continued, “but I feel now you should introduce yourselves to them.” “I am Ballard,” Ballard boomed, after pausing a moment. It was clear now that Ballard was the reason Selima had hesitated to enter the room. “And I Truman,” Truman said, standing as tall as he could. This made Saloma giggle. “And I am Thaddeus,” Thaddeus said, but couldn’t help noticing Pia looking off into space again. “I just thought you should all know my daughters, and they you,” Hypatia explained, “because all of us need to trust each other. Now shall I explain the plan?” Several nods of heads were seen at the table. “Now,” Hypatia continued, “You three,” she pointed to Truman Ballard and Thaddeus, “will go through the Bradshaw forest, early morning tomorrow, of course, so you don’t stay past midnight. At the edge of Bradshaw, there is the dreaded valley of Blagden. This is the homeland of Hedda. Try avoiding her Dark Soldiers. They all have magic in them, dark magic, and will attack anything in their way. When you get to Hildegard, go to the Stronghold of Hildegard, and find Hedda, and slay her and any other beast, she may have. Understood?” “No!” Truman exclaimed flabbergasted at how she had tried to make it appear so simple. “How do you expect us to get in so easily with no help! That plan is utterly ridiculous. Do you want to tell us how we can accomplish this feat?” “No. It is in your hands and you must learn on your own to succeed. Trust me.” She sighed and stood up and made for the door. At the same time she continued in saying “I will leave you all to discuss what you wish. You will leave for the Bradshaw shortly before dawn. I am no fool. Your worries are just but naive. Don’t worry-” She said the last phrase halfway out the room; the two princesses followed and shut the door. There was silence. Finally, Truman broke the silence. “Do you all know what to do?” Ballard had an odd look on his face, and then blurted out loudly, “No.” Thaddeus didn’t know why, maybe it was the way Ballard had said no, but he and even Truman, despite his frustration, started laughing. Ballard had several wisps of his long almost-blond hair in his face. He blew it away with a grunt, looking as stern as an old nun, but then started laughing with his new friends. After a while of laughing, the group talked over the plan, and started discussing where they came from. It turned out that Ballard was from the city called Milarna, a town were military was most important. Truman, on the other hand, was from Sontabia, a city of learning the arts and writing. The places were Truman and Ballard were from was no surprise to Thaddeus. Suddenly, Titus opened the door. “I suggest you all get some rest,” he spoke softly. “You are to leave tomorrow at sunrise, remember, and you must be well rested. It would be unwise not to sleep.” Titus then rang the bell that summoned Pia. “Pia will show you to your bedrooms. There are 10 days worth of bread in each of your packs there. I hope you have a nice rest.” With that, Pia entered the room, and Titus left. “Follow me,” Pia uttered, “That is if you wish.” Thaddeus, Ballard, and Truman did as she asked. As they left the golden room, Thaddeus noticed the fountain further down the hallway. It was as pretty at night as it was during the day. Pia led the group up a flight of stairs at the opposite end of the hallway where the fountain was, when Ballard asked, “What are those doorways we tend to keep passing on the stairs, Pia? The ones marked with a shiny red star.” “Those are all doors that lead to a hallway that go around the entire castle," the windy voice of Pia explained. “Royal legions, which, of course, contain only 50-200 soldiers, are posted there in times of peril. They are all archers, and they dip their arrows in fire. The arrows have coal embedded in the center, allowing them to catch fire. They are one of the castle’s main defenses.” “I see,” Truman murmured. Ballard, after exchanging an uneasy glance with Thaddeus, just shrugged, still admiring the glowing red stars on the doors. Pia looked annoyed, knowing that Ballard had not really cared about the guards, just the pretty gleaming stars. As the flight of stairs ended, they all entered another hallway, only to quickly go and walk up another stairway; also with doors with radiant ruby stars on them. As the long stairway reached it’s end, Pia made a motion with her head toward three doors, implying that they were the rooms Thaddeus, Ballard, and Truman were to sleep in. Suddenly, Pia opened her mouth, and then quickly closed it; her strange hazel eyes openly and eerily stared at Thaddeus. “The door between your room and the Ballard is the balcony. You should see the sunrise over the forest tomorrow. It is very beautiful.” Pia then wandered back down the stairs, her steps echoing the entire the way until fading into nothing. “She seems so…unreal…” Truman murmured. “Half the time she isn’t even there-“ He turned. Thaddeus and Ballard had already gone into their rooms. With an uneasy mind, Truman slipped into his bed, and slumped into a sleep. Thaddeus’s room was plain, nothing like the gold room, but beautiful indeed. The pure white wall was trimmed with mahogany wood, and the floor and ceiling both were so white they almost hurt the eyes. At a closer glance however he noticed the wall was ornamented with faintly golden roses swiveling around a sword-the symbol of Orvill. He tested the bed, and then, satisfied, lay down, and went to sleep. Spoiler: click to toggle ^^The spoiler is the old version. Open it if you want to compare. In the new version, I fixed Pia's attitude and replaced it with a more mysterious sense (which is what I wanted in the first place but got too off track). I tried to change the plot in the room by having titus enter at the end and put in a quick word. I couldnt have the brown goo stuff because in a while you will see that wouldn't have made sense. See what I mean? It just ends and everyone takes so lightly the whole objective of the book. I really need to change it. :blink: Edited by Mythic, May 2 2008, 11:39 PM.
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I believe ...... Two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different. I believe....... That your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don't even know you. I believe. Do you? | |
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| Allyson | Apr 2 2008, 01:19 PM Post #2 |
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Observer of all
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Hmmm...I think he should notice something wierd in the room. Maybe one of those mud puddles that apears after someone dies...? I don't think a servant would call someone 'brainless one'. And as a servant of the Queen, I think she dare not. Although, I like Pia because she seems like there's more to her. Maybe there isn't, but it just seems that way. I think there could also be a little more exitment in the story, like one of the men asks a question that won't be answered by anyone, or something like that. I thought this was a good chapter, but it just needs a little work. :nod: |
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| Mythic | Apr 2 2008, 07:02 PM Post #3 |
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Fantasy Writer
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Thanks. I love the idea of an unanswered question, and there is more to Pia and I have an edit already done involving Pia's attitude. I will post again when I edit it. |
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I believe ...... Two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different. I believe....... That your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don't even know you. I believe. Do you? | |
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| Allyson | Apr 3 2008, 01:17 PM Post #4 |
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Observer of all
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I'll be looking for it. B-) |
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Check out my deviantART page! | |
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| Mythic | Apr 30 2008, 07:40 PM Post #5 |
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Fantasy Writer
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I improved it and I like it much better especially toward the end now. I added a bit to Pia and took at her rudeness that should not have been their. Hope you like it! |
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I believe ...... Two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different. I believe....... That your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don't even know you. I believe. Do you? | |
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