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"Do you remember?"
Topic Started: Mar 20 2010, 02:14 PM (32 Views)
NathanielBlack
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As I sit here and quietly ponder just a small handful of our memories together in the back of my mind I think of you.


Do you remember....

....that one afternoon when the city street looked like the cover of that Avenue Blue album and we casually sat there, on the back of the hood of the car, and watched the afternoon sky slowly turn to night just because we could?

....the time I held you in my arms and lightly sang Edwin McCain's "I'll Be" to you, trying to sound all slick and romantic as I usually did and you just laughed it off being amused -- not letting on you remembered the song because you knew I ment every word of it?

....the way the snow, the rain and the wind still always make up the most powerful moments of our two lives together?

....the New Year's Eve we spent together in New York -- at least, I think it was New York -- when the snow was falling in large flakes out of the night sky, covering everything in white? We had gotten on the rooftop of a nearby building -- or was it a balcony? -- and you were complaining about how cold it was knowing full-well how much I enjoyed the winter weather and I just laughed? But do you remember then, when the last minute was ticking away and the crowd down in the streets below started counting -- how I looked longingly into your eyes and the rest of the world faded away until it was just the snow; the night; the silence and us? How I slowly pulled you closer until we were only inches apart and then caressed your face -- our eyes never breaking away -- before leaning in to meet your lips with mine just as the clock struck midnight?

....that cold, rainy winter night in London when you were so distraught over what tragic things could happen to us at the hands of another that you charged into the downpour, ready to go to extremes to stop it? How I found you gone and went after you only to find you marching down the street, soaked to the bone from the freezing rain that hid your tears? How you were so lost in your dismay, your vengeance, you threatened to strike me dead with the gun in your hand and I willingly offered my life if it would ease your pain? How you broke down and fell into my arms when I did so?

....the night I found myself on the edge of dying inside and was helpless to fight as my so-called father turned against me -- but you were there for me when I needed you most? You protected me from his savage advances with your fury -- and you protected me from myself with your compassion?

....the longest time after that you worked tirelessly to nurse my soul back from the brink of death, night after night bearing with me for what seemed like ages in the screams and suffering, being strong enough for us both until I found the will to be stronger than ever before?

....the number of times you saved me no matter the cost when I needed to be saved most?

....the number of times I saved you no matter the cost, and would never allow you to give me credit for it, only saying "I just helped"?

....the number of times we saved each other, never thinking twice about it?

....how you trusted me with your past?

....how I trusted you with my soul?

....how we trusted each other with our lives?

....how we used to make a ritual of occasionally watching some of the better action movies together one of us would find? How you'd bounce around in your seat more than I ever would during the better parts -- but sometimes i'd join in with you just because you made it so much fun for me to?

....when we'd go on road trips -- sometimes to anywhere, sometimes to nowhere -- and talk about the craziest things? Like wearing each other's underwear, or who'd win in a fist fight between Sailor Moon and the kid in the red baseball cap that screams "Godzilla!" from the Godzilla movies -- almost always cracking-up with whatever the answer no matter how inane?

....how i'd love playing the fool for you when we'd be out with others just to make you smile? Like the time I stole the announcer's mic at the local steakhouse to announce our fiftieth wedding anniversary? Or the time we got caught at a train crossing and I got out of the other car in front of you I was in just to come over and entertain you with idle talk as it went by? Or the time I got a statue of Ronald McDonald in a headlock and said "Who's funny NOW, laughing man!?" before playing out a faux version of that one scene from Reservoir Dogs with packets of ketchup?

....all the quiet moments we spend together? The fact that neither of us could keep count or the fact we have them all the time when we're not doing something else, and how we treat each moment like the last?

....the countless times I thought i'd lose you, only to have you come back at the last moment if I didn't come find you?

....the times I did lose you?

....the times I found you again?

....the times you found me again?

....that there still comes the rare time and again when you'll walk into a room -- the light catching you in just the right way that I become stunned; the glance of your eyes catching mine that i'm left gasping for air -- and i'll sometimes literally fall to my knees in your presence?

....the times I fell to one knee or both my knees, pretending like it was a joke -- when I was truly in awe of you?

....the number of times you probably knew that, but never let on?

....the way you can make me feel like i'm free falling when i'm with you?

....that you probably feel the same way?

....how I still say I would never want to marry? How I pointed out every flaw of conventional marriage? How I STILL have no desire to be married?....How you're the ONE exception to my rule? How all you would need to do is ask?

....how happy I am that you still completely agree with me on that subject?

....when I finally bought the house I grew up in as a child -- the place I call home -- and we moved in together?

....how you would torment me endlessly until I finally learned to play the piano just so I could play your favorite songs for you? Then you'd hear me talk about another instrument I really liked and you'd do it all over again?

....how you did the same with my writing until I gave in and became a professional writer?

....that you're still the only one that can do that and get away with it?

....how you're able to get me to do ALOT of things that way?

....that, occasionally, you remember the phrase "you catch more flies with honey than you do with vinegar" instead of tormenting me?

....that you take it to mean calling me "Honey" AS you torment me is being "nice"?

....that I let you get away with it anyway -- because it'll eventually be MY turn?

....how you'd talk wistfully about male celebrities and rock stars I disliked for no other reason than to get a rise out of me?

....how i'd do the same and you'd smack me upside the head?

....when Steve Cole's "Devotion" became our song?

....that you would grab me by the collar and shake me while screaming "Snap out of it!" when I was hysterical; smack me upside the head when I was an ass; wrap your arms around me from behind and nuzzle me gently when I earned it?

....that you smack me upside the head ALOT? <Grin>

....that you nuzzle me about as much? <Grin>

....that Until Now, Midnight Without You When Rain Falls as I stood on The Steps of Positano on The Way Home and i'm feeling Alone in the City left me asking you for me to be Forgiven even though I realized you were Never Gone?

....that you laughed out loud when I took your dare to make that working sentence out of the songs on a Chris Botti album -- but then pointed out I forgot two songs?

....that I let you think I forgot because you're cute when you gloat?

....when I told you that no one had ever ment more to me than you? That no face was more expressively beautiful; no form was more angelic; no body more passionately desirable; no eyes more deeply breathtaking; no mind more fascinating; no will more determined; no humor more forgiving of my own; no confidence more exhilarating; no heart more tender; no emotions so raw; and no soul more my own soul's mate than you?

....that I still mean every word and more, even now, after all this time?

....when you finally allowed me to say in words what I was only allowed to express in example?

....when you finally, after so long, let me say -- "I love you"?



I wish you did remember.


It all happened after you went away....




"Footfalls echo in the memory, down the passage which we did not take, towards the door we never opened Into the rose-garden."
-- T. S. Eliot

"Looking back, I have this to regret, that too often when I loved, I did not say so."
-- David Grayson

"The way to love anything is to realize that it may be lost."
-- Gilbert K. Chesterton
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