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Pokemon Journey
Topic Started: Feb 11 2009, 11:07 AM (332 Views)
PiplupFan
D-Rank
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I decided to try my hand at a FF. So..

Quote:
 
Chapter 1: Beginning.

“I’m all ready for my journey!” a girl of ten with brown hair, and brown eyes, announced to her mother

“I’d say almost, Susan”, the girl’s mother, browned haired, with blue eyes, replied, “You can’t travel on an empty stomach,”

“Guess not,” Susan said, taking a seat at the oak wood table. Her mother, June Berry, placed a plate with eggs, toast and sausage in front of Susan along with a glass of milk. Being very eager to start her Pokemon journey, Susan quickly finished her breakfast, and raced up the stair case. She returned with a knapsack on her shoulder and headed to the door, where her mother was waiting.

“Take this to hold your badges in,” Mrs. Berry said, handing out a small case with a pokeball symbol on it. She gave it to Susan.

“Thank you,” Susan gave her mother a hug, then waving she walk down the porch steps of her home, located in Twin Leaf Town, in the Sinnoh region. She ran, eager to reach Sandgem and her first Pokemon.


After two hours of running and walking, Susan stood in front of the door to Prof. Rowan’s lab. She rang the bell, and a woman in a white lab coat, beckoned her inside.

“You must be the new trainer, follow me,” The woman led Susan down a small hall way, and into a room filled with machines. An old man in a white lab coat stood by a small table. On the table were three Pokemon, Turtwig, Piplup, and Chimchar. Susan’s heart beat faster with excitement. The old man introduced himself as Prof. Rowan, and said, “These are the three Pokemon you can choose from. And choose carefully, one’s first Pokemon is important.”

Susan nodded, she know witch of the three Pokemon she would choose. “I choose Piplup!”

“Piplup Pip!” Piplup said.

“Very well, now, here are your pokeballs and pokedex,” As he said this, Prof. Rowan handed her five pokeballs, plus Piplup’s. And a small red device, “Try out your pokedex on Piplup,”

Susan held her pokedex in front of Piplup. “Piplup the penguin Pokemon,” The mechanical voice said, “Because it is very proud, it hates accepting food from humans. It’s thick down protects it from cold.”

“Thanks,” Susan said, she waved goodbye, and left the lab, with Piplup in her arms.


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Cultred
C-Rank
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If the end of a quote is the end of a sentence altogether, it should be a period instead of a comma.

Otherwise, a pretty good fanfic.
Firefox rules. Okay? Live with it ;)

I made this signature before DM. Oh well :)
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PiplupFan
D-Rank
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Thanks for pointing that out. Now heres the second chapter:



Quote:
 
Chapter 2: Time to battle!

Susan was resting on a rock, located just out side a forest. Thinking of her twelve year old sister, Nancy. She remembered how jealous she had been when Nancy had started her journey, two years ago. Susan was brought out of her thinking, when a boy approached her and asked for a battle. Susan accepted and threw her pokeball, “Go, Piplup!” She cried.

Piplup appeared in a flash of light, “Pip Piplup,” it said.

The boy, named Dave, sent out Starly. Susan pulled out her pokedex, “Starly the starling Pokemon, they flock in great numbers. Though small, they flap their wings with great power,” the pokedex said. Susan put her pokedex away and ordered Piplup to use bubblebeam. Piplup obeyed and bubbles rapidly shot toward its opponent. But Starly dodged the attack, and countered with gust, blowing Piplup into a tree.

“Piplup! Hang in there!” Susan cried.

“Piplup pip pip,” Piplup said, jumping to its feet.

Susan shouted for Piplup to use another bubblebeam, this time Starly couldn’t dodge in time. Dave ordered Starly to use Tackle, Pipulp dodge, and landed a direct hit on Starly with Peck. Next Starly hit Pipulp with a peck of its own, Piplup quickly countered with bubblebeam. Starly used another peck, missing Piplup by inches. The two Pokemon clashed attacks again and again.

“Bubblebeam, Piplup!” Susan commanded.

“Dodge and counter with gust!” Dave shouted.

Starly dodged Piplup’s attack, and used gust, sending Pipulp once more in to a tree. Piplup fainted. Susan returned Piplup into it’s pokeball to take a rest, and shook hands with Dave.

“Thanks for the battle, say, are you trying to get to the Sinnoh League?” Dave asked.

“Yes,” Susan replied.

“Well, then I’m sure we’ll meet again,” Dave waved, and walked off. After he was gone Susan got her map out of her knapsack, after a moment of consulting the map. Susan found out she had to go though the forest just ahead of her. She put her map away, and started back on the road to Oreburgh City.

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SpaceMan
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I think you need to put every chapters on the first post and you announce new chapters by posting a reply.
Because in the last one, I had a hard time at scrolling through all 4 pages.
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