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UUW: The Feed
~6/14/10~!!!BREAKING NEWS!!! Extreme Celebration was exactly what it was. Many memorable things happened, which truly raised the bar in UUW. Peter Kaymackian appeared and announced that he was now part of the UUW roster. Oliver Creed with a massive upset, outlasting four others, even defeating the legendary 'overrated and hated' D.C to become the first ever Ultimate Impact Division champion. Prophet and Chase Jacobson picked up a hard earned victory over Jason Rains and KxN, only for Chase to double cross The Prophet in the end. Kevin Hardaway made his in ring return, defeating James Preston in a falls count anywhere match for Preston's custom title. Afterwards, Kevin was laid out by long time rival, and the newest member of the UUW lockerroom, Spike Kane. In the main event, two men who have been at war finally went one on one, inside Hell in a Cell. Zack Crash managed to catch The Virus off guard to become the Underground Heavyweight champion. Tune in next week, as the fallout of Extreme Celebrations is at hand, on the Wednesday Night Replay!
Ultimate Underground Wrestling
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1. Zack Crash
2. KxN
3. The Virus
4. Chase Jacobson
5. The Prophet
6. Kevin Hardaway
This week's favored choice for title fame: Chase Jacobson Reason: Picking up a huge win in tag action over Jason Rains and KxN, before betraying his partner, he is proving to be quite the hot comodity. There is little doubt that we see gold in this man's future
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1: My Conquest...
2: Paint The Doors
3: Time to Shine...
4: One Step Closer
5: Someday

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May 19th, 2010 Wednesday Night Revolution Results.
Topic Started: May 19 2010, 09:02 AM (663 Views)
The Virus

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Sacramento, California - Arco Arena: 17,317 seated, Full Capacity.



Craig Andrews: Good evening folks, I'm Craig Andrews alongside my commentating colleague Bobby Mills here, to bring you the debut of Wednesday Night Revolution! Considering the facts that we're just starting, yet got thousands of new fans within a few days, I'd say we're on the right track to top federation success. What about you Mills?

Bobby Mills: We're still promoting unprofessional garbage, most of the card is garbage matches. BUT, the superstars, and the passion they have no matter what match their thrown in, gives us a well needed edge, and I like that.

Craig Andrews: We got alotta rookies this time around on the card, and with the showing of some of the UUW rookies at Ultimate Legacy, I am excited to see what tonight brings. I mean you got Virus and ROKO, who just ran into eachother backstage, issuing a match just like that! I like to call such action, guts. Our world champ, vs a newbie with big dreams, what more could you ask for?

Bobby Mills: How about a side of orange chicken and an even better show than our PPV. We got an MWE legend in Paige who looks like she found her wings and landed in an even crappier fed! But you know, she is the definition of kickass talent, and we're lucky as a duck in a bread filled pond to have her with us. And we got a barrel full of fresh talent as well who I'm sure are going to lay the foundation in UUW. Chase Jacobson, Ava Reid, ROKO, Mike Kelly, PLUS the new applications we received not long ago wanting on the next card! It's big time!

Craig Andrews: Plus the continuation of Warner/KxN and Sitar/Black, and ofcourse Dan's mystery lady he so desperately wants to meet.Well before we blab on again, let's get the show on the road with a starting announcement from our very own GM, Kyle Morris.

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To start the show the UUW theme song plays as Kyle Morris walks steadily down the ramp just seconds after leaving backstage. He gets a great pop from the crowd and really digs the enthusiasm. He casually enters the ring and pulls out one of those vintage UUW microphones, WIRELESS TOO! And begins to talk.

Kyle Morris: I really do highly regard you hardcore badass fans out there who respect our wrestling expertise. And after getting the PPV results I had to come out here to personally thank you wrestle maniacs. From my words to your delicate ears, sincerely, thank you all.

This is WNR, this is his show that Tanner Lawson has no bounds in, Kyle runs this main attraction, nobody is gonna stop him. The fans mean the world to him, and the hardcore style with a professional swerve must be maintained in his eyes.

Kyle Morris: But that isn't all I came out here for. I also wanted to tell you a recent change of events. Brace yourselves, it's a bit of a doosie.

The crowd listens in dismay. The crunching sounds of food being devoured and the slurping of soda swirls around Kyle like a merry-go-round. He looks a bit unhappy, but quickly switches that into a bluff and drops a bombshell.

Kyle Morris: Because of the success of Ultimate Legacy, we're going weekly!

He receives a standing, roaring applause, the excitement is heartfelt here in Sacramento California within the Staples Arena! A fed just getting off its feet already going weekly is a large change of pace for the roster, and more physical endurance as well. But Kyle believes it won't be a downing factor, it'll be the start of a new age of wrestling entertainment.

Kyle Morris: You can trust in your general manager, because I'm not stupid, I'm not a dope. You'll get weekly action just as you all paid to see when we were bi-weekly. But there's one more thing to this weekly show stuff.

Yet another reveal? He really is working the crowd now. He smiles while pointing to the commentators Bobby Mills and Craig Andrews. They then look at themselves wondering why he is bringing them to attention.

Kyle Morris: Those two men over there for our TV audience, will be hosting an innovative new aspect and spin to the wrestling world, a television show recapping the awe of WNR. It's called the Wednesday Night Replay. They'll be showing footage containing the highlights of the matches and explaining the important spots on every match.

Bobby Mills: Wow, how come management didn't tell us this earlier?

Craig Andrews: Maybe they wanted us to soil ourselves in mass hysteria.

The crowd doesn't exactly know what to think. But they give him a standard cheer for trying to be creative with the company anyway. He isn't quite finished yet though.

Kyle Morris: I realize some of you are wondering why this is, especially those watchin on the tube. It's because we can't promise high strung amazing recorded matches all the time. There will be messups between moves, there will be improper signals between the wrestlers, and there will be real drama.


We want to minimize that and only show you the good stuff. Honestly, not all of you are going to keep the channel tuned into a snooze fest with two fresh guys doing a few punches and a suplex. In order to really showcase those that need it and deserve it, we wanna give you the best of the best. THE BEST THERE EVER WILL BE, and really expose a great show every week.

The audience gives a louder response this time. They understand what must be done, and it doesn't change anything live, your going to see the entire action if you buy your tickets. Those watching on TV shouldn't be too angered either, they get to see pinpoint action without flipping through twenty channels until the good parts are shown or a finisher is hit. But what does that say for PPV's? It's explained.

Kyle Morris: PPV's will remain the same. Viewers will see the entire thing, they'll get their money's worth. Even with botches and production messups, they'll see it all through and through. We aren't going to cheap skate or nickel and dime you people, we're far better than that. I think that about sums it up. Keep being loyal UUW hardcore addicts and tune in every week! We got something new and fresh every time you flip to our broadcast. Enjoy the show, and thanks again for your everlasting support.

The UUW theme clicks on once again as Kyle waves to the fans and they do a bowing motion. The show goes on with the first match beginning after Morris leaves backstage.


Handsome Dan Lopez Vs Johnny Slayer - Stretcher, Lopez cannot use his finishers.

Cox: This match is scheduled fooooooooor one fall! In this match Handsome Dan is banned from using ANY of his finishers, and to win one must carry the other on a stretcher all the way to the top of the ramp! Coming in first, from Tucson Arizona, weighing two hundred and forty pounds, HANDSOME….DAN….LOPEZ!!!!!!!!!!

The lights go out and HDL's voice rings out with the words "Never fear..." to which the crowd responds "...'Handsome' Dan is here!" The music kicks in and HDL emerges from the back. He pauses at the top of the ramp and surveys the crowd. As he descends he jaws and gestures with his arms the whole way to the ring. Once inside, he mounts the second rope, holds his hands out at his sides and tilts his head back, basking in the crowd's reaction. He holds this pose for several moments before dismounting and heading to the center of the ring to ready himself for action.

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Mills: Although this man is a tad bit off his rocker, I am desperately wishing his victory because Slayer is dumpster diving scum.

Andrews: That’s stereotyping, I’d choose Slayer all the way, he was close to winning that underground heavyweight title match, you know that much at least.

Mills: Lopez is still my choice.

Cox: And the opponent, from Toronto, Ontario, Canada, weighing in at two hundred and twenty five pounds! Johnny, SLAYER!

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Oh Canada hits the P.A, a mix of cheers and jeers erupts from the crowd, camera flashes illuminate the darkened stadium, Johnny Slayer runs out onto the stage. pacing back and forth he begins to talk smack to the fans that are booing him, and high fiving the fans who cheer for him in the front rows.

Mills: That’s right, boo his tacky ass. The ones who cheer are in denial.

Andrews: I think your the one in denial Mills.

Johnny runs down the ramp and slides into the ring, taking a moment to smile at the crowd with a sadistic grin on his face. he points out from each ring post as the music fades.

The cameras swerve around the ring catching various glimpses of two stretchers sitting tauntingly beside the ring. Not moving one bit, just laying in wait to be used as an object of pure evil and violence. There’s so many different ways to use them as an advantage, Dan and Slayer are sure to figure that out quite quickly. The ref rings the bell and Slayer pulls Dan in for an irish whip with a fast and furious approach. HD is tossed into the turnbuckle with a thud. Johnny runs at him in atrocity but HD pulls his boot up connecting a kick to little Johnny’s jaw! Slayer is staggered. HD unhooks the soft padding of the buckle and throws it outside the ring. He runs at Johnny and swings him to the uncovered post, Slayer stops himself with his arms to the ropes, then counters with a head butt to HD’s nose!


Mills: I don’t know why they call it a head butt, it’s not like your shoving your head into some dude’s ass.


Andrews: Are you REALLY going to ask that right now?

While Dan is dizzy Slayer takes the opportunity and drop kicks him out of the ring! Lopez is struck outside near a stretcher. Slayer jumps right out and goes straight for victory as he tries to get Dan onto the bedding. With an elbow to Slayer’s gut though, HD cancels out the attempt and then follows through with slamming Johnny’s head on the bed then grabs Slayer in a vertical suplex smashing him over the stretcher! It isn’t enough to break it, but it appears like it really hurt the spine of Slayer. After the impact Johnny slouches off of the wheeled death bed and begins gripping the apron to stand. HD smiles and messes with him kicking Slayer a few times as he grovels. But Slayer used that moment he had for an advantage, he’s grabbed hold of a weapon from under the ring!

Mills: I bet it’s a vibrator from Bill’s office.

Andrews: You are very ill humored.


The weapon is a two by four! Though simple and plain, it’s original and can serve a large dish of pain. Slayer rotates it around aiming for Dan’s nose again, but Dan bounces to the rear of Slayer as it hits the stretcher instead. Lopez scorns and gets a tight grapple around Johnny’s neck executing a dirty headlock. At the same time during this filthy move Dan bashes Slayer’s head against the apron as he is choked out. Slayer is still not giving up on that wood weapon, as he is dragged by the neck from side to side in that submission bashing, Johnny is luckily able to get a hand around the two by four and raise it properly upwards striking Dan in the forehead. The wooden object just barely breaks in two with that one handed thrust. HD falls backwards with his face enduring the grunt of the attack.

Mills: TIMBER! Dan is in Timbuktu!

Andrews: Johnny is really pulling out all the stops here.


Slayer is all pumped up as he joyously roars stamping the ground. He rushes to the nearest ring post and climbs it like a Koala Bear, he stands atop perched waiting for Dan to stand up. Are things gonna get “Nuckin FUTZ” around here? Dan is getting to his knees now and eases to his feet. But Lopez isn’t going to fall down and get hit by a finisher this early, which is what Slayer was planning to do. Dan grabs one half of the two by four weapon, and just as Slayer is ready to take off for the high flying finisher, Lopez chucks the half wooden plank at Slayer’s face making him fall off and lose his balance. You can see him land relentlessly like a sack of bricks on his neck and jaw, the landing was horrific.

Mills: That crash reminded me of the time when I saw my grandmother squash a bowl of rotten tomatoes, the worst part is, that old hag didn’t even know they were rotten!

Andrews: I think you inhaled a bit too much of that pot smoke a few weeks ago.

Dan very keenly used what was given to him, even though it was half of an inanimate object, he still blatantly made light of a situation and made Slayer sorry he ever decided to wrestle with HD. Slayer isn’t moving an inch, he is laying nearly breathless. Dan just shrugs and rolls Slayer around until his back is to the stretcher. Lopez then hoists him up on the bedding and places a black Velcro strap around his arms. Slayer is locked in. Dan now begins rolling him up the ramp thinking he has this sucker in the bag. But Johnny is regaining consciousness, his head and neck barely moving, Slayer uses his right leg and kicks Dan in the mouth.

Lopez is brought in a reverse fog. Slayer then shifts his body and arms still latched to the stretcher, and is able to stand himself up with the support of a barricade. He whispers to a fan to help him out and a little girl from the audience undoes his strap for him with an excited shriek. He thanks her and grabs the entire stretcher as if he’s wielding a two handed sword and smacks it across Dan’s head just after he recovers from the kick. Lopez is shut down on the ramp.

Mills: That’s like the ultimate pillow fight. I’m not trying to sound like a homosexual either, that is truly a deadly blow with some heavy sheets.

Andrews: You did your best not to sound homoerotic, yet I still can’t help but seem to believe you meant it to sound that way Bobby.

Mills: You shut up. You just shut your little liberal mouth.

Slayer may have retaliated well, but his neck and head is hunched, he can’t straighten it upwards, it may pose a problem to the match after Dan regains his momentum. Slayer massages his neck just a little and sets up the stretcher to put Lopez on. After all the use, the stretcher is nearly broken, it having many and versatile uses was indeed a factor in the match. HD is sloppily flopped on the stretcher, both men are half way up the ramp where their standing at the moment. Slayer straps Dan in as he wiggles with a few bursts of energy.

But he is tightly tied up. Slayer now has the surprising upper hand as he rolls Lopez to the top ramp, but someone is blocking their path. A female figure wearing black clothing. As the cameras fix a gaze on her she appears to be one of the new UUW recruits. Slayer doesn’t look phased, he keeps rolling Lopez toward her dedicated to this matchup. But she doesn’t take his ignorance well. She stops the stretcher on the other side with her arms, and then flips her left leg directly over the object nailing Slayer flat in between the eyes with a roundhouse kick flat lining him to the ramp below. He is now out cold after her boot connects.

Dan is giddy to get released from the bed as she unties him he hugs her with immense gratitude. He then looks at her in interest, a very exotic interest. She rolls her eyes, and kicks him straight in the nuts. She then follows through with a Sacred Grounds to the ramp! Dan’s head is bashed hard from that awe inspiring DDT.


Mills: SHE’S A TERRORIST!

Andrews: Huh?

Mills: Well, she’s terrorizing this match isn’t she Craig?

Andrews: Yes…but-

Mills: LOOK UP THE DEFINITION OF TERRORIST DUMBASS! What’d you think it meant? A brown nosed towel head with a bazooka? Hell no.

After she see’s the men crippled from her assault she walks politely to the ring in very proper and demanding strife. She snags a microphone from ringside, and enters the ring with a powerful presence. The crowd doesn’t really have a reaction, but there sure are plenty of camera flashes.

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My beauty shocks you all. My destruction is endless. The demon inside me cannot be savored, there is no time to accept a chaotic mistress such as myself at your door step.

Before you even open your disgusting mouths you’ll be met with a powerful wake up call that none of you will enjoy. Nikole Tyler holds the crystal glass holding your futures.

I see a river of failure from this roster. I am here to sweeten the stream. Cleanse the water, and make the demon known.

Am I….Medusa?

Perhaps I am better suited as an Aphrodite type of woman.

Athena, Eris, Artemis, all female goddesses. But I tower over them all.

If you want a challenge, if you want competition, seek me out, and I will give you infinitely more.

She has a broad depth in her voice, her pronunciation serious yet divine. She is loudly informing everyone around here, everyone watching, that there is only one true spectacle to stare at for decades to come, and that’s her.

This place is full of men. Savages. I kill men. I deprive them of what matters most.

Their pride, their records, their fame.

I will drain it all. It will all become my own personal portfolio to cherish.

What’s the matter guys, am I too much for you?

Handsome Dan, that scepter of moronic brain cells, wanted a woman to answer his sex driven mating call, here I am. I came along and broke his little bag of marbles.

My main goal is simple really. To eradicate the sexism, the stereotyping, the atrocity known as male influence, and take grasp of a serene future.

Female dominance.

That heavyweight title is already my own. My name is just not written in stone just yet.

I will prove you don’t have to be a heavyweight and have a scrotum to win.

I will prove I don’t need wings or horns to be intimating.

Beauty itself, that’s intimidating.

You show no fear? Then I will bring it unto you.

Fear is me.


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Heartkiller by Him begins playing as she throws her mic down and with a flip of her hair exit’s the ring. But she doesn’t just exit, she JUMPS over the ropes and lands elegantly on the ground. Her agility very much apparent. She snickers and walks passed Lopez and Slayer, whom are being attended to by EMT’s, moreso Slayer than Lopez, and leaves backstage with no further interruption. The match becomes a no contest as the cameras fade out.

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The Virus

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Yes ladies and gents, it's true. We revisit an old familiar scene, the top rope tavern! The cameras pan around the classic territory we saw in MWE, but it has a different look, and leaves a fresh UUW scent. It appears UUW has bought the bar, and who's in it you ask? Well why don't you see for yourself assholes.

Brad Kane: Those are MY beer nuts you douchebag, lay off.

Ok, so we know Brad Kane is there, but who the hell is he talkin to? Wait a minute, what the fluck man?!?!

K-Hard: Actually, I bought them and you just placed your disgusting greasy hands inside the bowel you dick. Can't I just relax, reminisce, and have a god damn beer? This bar just so happened to be a stopping point after my plane landed for a delay to Sacramento. I wanted to see WNR before my debut live, but now it doesn't look like that's gonna happen. How did you end up here anyway?

Brad Kane: Uh dude....I'm pretty sure we were on the same plane.

Interrupting their conversation a voice echoes from the darkest depths of the bar. Very loudly and annoyingly.

???: IT IS I, THE VIRUS! I'M GONNA MAKE YOU JOIN MY CULT GUYS! HAHAHA*cough*

He is choking on a peanut shell. Someone better help him.

???: I'm fine guys....*cough*.....really....*hack* it's all good in my evil demon hoodizzle.

Kevin and Brad just watch in a laugh. But yet another figure comes to the corner and saves that mystery voice evil dude's life!

???:*Spits out the shell and it hits the bartender* SNAO!

Bartender: HEY!

???: Sorry.

The shell spitting hoodlum turns around and see's the man who saved him from a peanut assault.

Sinc Mercier: Be more careful next time Donkey Kong.

???: Sinc? OHHHHHHHHH SNAPPAAAAAAAAAA IS THAT YOUUUUUUUUUUUU!?!?!

Sinc Mercier: God no....please no. Not you. Anyone but you.

The mystery dude lunges at Sinc in a hug, and revels himself to be......

David Whitman: IT IS I! DAVID WHITMAN! You saved me from peanut death! Welcome to my bar dudezor!

Sinc Mercier: AWWW SHIT. I thought this was the post office.

David Whitman: Yea right you big ol doo doo bear, you came to see me didn't you!

Sinc Mercier: No, I honestly didn't.

Brad and Kevin ignore the racket in the corner and ask the bar keep to change it to the UUW TV station.

Brad Kane: Hey man, do you get alotta channels here? If ya do, can you switch on UUW wrestling please?

K-Hard: Oh man, I wanted to con him for porn.

The bartender leans to Kevin and Brad as if telling them a secret.

Bartender: Maybe I do, maybe I don't. If I said yes, do you promise not to ask such a stupid question again?

Kane and Kevin: Sure.

The bartender smiles and grabs a remote control from under his drink counter and clicks a button. His three shelves of drinks and bottles swing out revealing a huge ass 50 inch Plasma TV with UUW blasting immediately. He has an entire secret swag of entertainment technology at his disposal.

K-Hard: Holy...shit.

Brad Kane: That's what I'm talkin bout!

They were just in time, as they turned it on Jason Cox began announcing Kane vs Ava. It's a shame neither person would show up BECAUSE.......

Brad and Kevin turn around as they hear the clacking of heels walk across the bar's floor. It's Ava Reid!

K-Hard: Check my pants, am I good?

Brad looks down and tilts his head.

Brad Kane: Yea, your good.

Her hotness overpowers their own egos. She takes up a stool right next to them.

Ava Reid: Hey.

Brad Kane: Hhhhhhai.

K-Hard: Uhm...wh....what are you doin here?

Ava Reid: I didn't feel like wrestling, so what.

Brad Kane: So you came...HERE?

Ava Reid: Fuck yea I did. Whatcha gonna do about it?

Brad Kane: Uhm...berightback.

Kane rushes to the bathroom eager to relieve himself in more ways than one.

K-Hard: I think we know what he's gonna do about it.

Ava Reid: Happens all the time.

Sinc and Whitman join the gang at the bar stools as they watch the spectacle known as UUW.

Sinc Mercier: Pfft. UUW, what a load of crock.

David Whitman: Crocodiles? WHERE!?!


Sinc Mercier: DUDE...come on.

David Whitman: .......

Sinc Mercier: Come on man.

David Whitman: SNAPPPPPPPPPPPPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! CROCODILES LOVE TO SNAPPA!


Sinc Mercier: Can I snap your neck so you can shut up?


David Whitman: Awww....frowney face frowney face frowney face frowney face.

We go back to Kane now as our gang of superstars talk and enjoy themselves, Kane does not know there's a hidden camera in the bathroom!!!!!!!!! Luckily the angle only gets his head not his...other parts as he makes some weird sounds in a stall.

But he also didn't know, there was someone in the stall right next to him!!!!!!!!!! A new face in UUW who is known to be a great addition to the company with his funny humor and silly aspect on life. Out of blatant simple bathroom stall shoot the shit talk this other guy in the bathroom within the stall near Kane begins to chat.

Jimmy K: Hey man, toss me a roll please?

Brad gives a "what the fuck" stare at the stall near him.

Brad Kane: Get your own bro, I'm fuckin busy!


Jimmy K: Hey man! I said please.

Brad Kane: Fine.

Kane chucks the toilet paper roll in his stall to the man's stall next to him. Jimmy is very pleased as the sound of a long flush follows after being handed toiletry. At this point Kane has already finished his dastardly deed and opens his stall to rejoin K-hard and the other weirdos. But Jimmy stops him and realizes Kane is a UUW superstar.

Jimmy K: NO WAAAAAAAAAY! Good god broseph, you and I are in the same federation. We should totally face eachother.

Brad Kane: Ok look. We may be in the same wrestling promotion, but you just took a SHIT, and asked me to battle you.

Jimmy K: Who said I took a dookie? I just like flushing things.

Brad Kane: The answer is no.

Kane leaves to exit the restroom until Jimmy straightens his shirt and acts tough.

Jimmy K: Your a pussy monster!

Kane turns around and gets into Jimmy's face.

Brad Kane: What?

Jimmy K: Your....a pussy monster.

Brad Kane: Are you high? And I don't mean Warner high, I mean wishing death upon yourself high.


Jimmy K: I'll whoop you son! Next WNR, you and me, bring it!

Brad Kane: Alright...ok fine. But if I beat you, you have to walk around the arena wearing a giant rubber on your head, and then you have to lick dog shit off my boots.

Jimmy K: That isn't fair!

Brad Kane: WHO'S THE PUSSY NOW BITCH!

Jimmy K: ALRIGHT ALRIGHT! But if I WIN, you have to play golf with me in a pink bunny suit.

Brad Kane: Fine.

Jimmy K: Let's shake on it.

Kane looks at Jimmy's hand, Jimmy looks at Kane wondering if he'll be a man about this kind of thing. And finally he gives Jimmy a quick hand shake and then leaves. Jimmy K stays as he pulls out some hair gel and molds his hair a bit. The mirror is his best friend!

Jimmy K: You know you love me. Oh yes, slick it son!!!!!!!


We now follow Kane out to the main bar room as Jason Cox announces the no contest. Paying no attention to who's in the room anymore, Kane glues his eyes to the TV.

Jason Cox: This match is declared a NO CONTEST! With neither opponent showing up.

The crowd boo's heavily not liking this one single bit. Mills and Andrews look confused, but they must call it like it is, their job demands it.

Bobby Mills: In these usual man vs woman scenarios, it won't always end perfectly. That's why you hire jobbers as replacements!

Craig Andrews: Wow Bobby, what a comment.

Bobby Mills: It's true, jobbers are here for one reason, to make money by losing! I don't care if their ten feet tall and can do a frog splash from the rafters, if they don't got the look or the mic skills, their nothing!

As the scene goes to a commercial Kane stops watching and notices everyone is gone. He kicks his seat and puts his hands on his hips.

Brad Kane: Fuckin great.


Kane turns to the bartender.

Brad Kane: Your not gettin rid of me. Your gonna get me water until I pee Niagara Falls or so help me god you'll be my battering ram for the next time I see a stranger pretending to take a shit in the bathroom!


The bartender takes his word for it and starts servin up water to the single man left in the Top Rope Tavern.

Brad Kane: Fuckmylife. TO CHICKS WITH BIG TITS!

Brad starts chuggin shots like there's no tomorrow. And yes, his penis is huge. We fade to the next match.

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The Virus

Mike Kelly Vs James Preston - Singles

The lights go dim as a video begins to play on the titantron.



The fans go into a standing ovation and go nuts as "Til I Collapse" by Eminem plays over the titantron and speakers.

"'Cause sometimes you feel tired,
feel weak, and when you feel weak, you feel like you wanna just give up.
But you gotta search within you, you gotta find that inner strength
and just pull that shit out of you and get that motivation to not give up
and not be a quitter, no matter how bad you wanna just fall flat on your face and collapse."


After this verse ends, you hear a big bang as the curtains blow open with a familiar face walking out from behind them with his cap on backwards, a black sleeveless vest, denim shorts, Mike Kelly has walked out onto the stage as the fans continue to go nuts as he looks around to them he raises his hands into the air as he begins to walk down the ramp towards the ring clapping the hands of fans at ring side. Mike walks up the ring steps as the fans start chanting "Mikey" over the music. Mike enters the ring through the top and middle rope as he spins around and raises his hands into the air once again the fans go nuts as his music slowly fades away and he awaits his opponent.

James Cox. The Following Contest is Scheduled for One Fall. Introducing first, from Miami Florida. Weighing in at 295 Pounds....the Real Deal....MIKE KELLY!



James Preston appears on the stage, carrying his title belt. He poses with it for a few seconds, before strutting down to the ring. He gets in,m and waits for the match to begin

Jason Cox: And from London England. Weighing in at 245 Pounds. The Master of Perfection Champion....James Preston!

The bell rings as the two competitors circle around each other. As Kelly completes the full circle, Preston begins to laugh and then slaps Kelly in the face. The fans fill the arena with "ooohhhh's" as Mike Kelly stands in the center of the ring with a look of shock on his face, the rage building up inside.

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Kelly then attempts to lock up with Preston, but Preston just steps backwards and waves his hand in the air towards Kelly as he starts to laugh once again. Preston, being the ass he is, turns his back towards his opponent, and Mike Kelly proves that he is fed up with the games as he delivers a boot to the back of Preston. Mike Kelly then continues the offense as he lands lefts and rights to the back of Preston, sending him fleeing towards the corner.

Andrews: Mike Kelly is fired up!

Mills: Well, wouldn't you want to win?

Once in the corner, Kelly goes to work on Preston, kneeing the man in his midsection. Mike Kelly then climbs up to the second rope and starts to go to town on him. The fans begin to count in unison as he delivers the crushing blows.

One!

Two!!

Three!!!

Four!!!!

Five!!!!!

Six!!!!!!

Seven!!!!!!!

That's all though as Preston counters the shots to the head as he lowers his shoulder and sends Henry flying halfway across the ring. Kelly bounces back up from Preston's counter though and heads towards the turnbuckle with a full head of steam and goes for an elbow shot to the head. Preston is one step ahead of him though, and he dodges the flying elbow shot, which leaves Kelly stunned near the turnbuckles.

Andrews: James Preston is in control.

Mills: Now this is the kind of wrestling I wanted to see.

Preston quickly senses that momentum is shifting and he runs to the turnbuckle, he connects with a shot to the head of Kelly and adds a few more which leaves him dazed. Preston then performs an Irish whip which sends Mike Kelly to the opposite turnbuckle. Preston then follows that up with a flying reverse elbow smash, which connects to Kelly's face and sends him falling to the mat. Preston quickly steps over the body of Kelly, and starts to taunt the fallen man. Preston then lifts Kelly to his knees and hammers him in the back a few times with crushing blows. Preston then sets Kelly up for a powerbomb and tosses his hands in the air to taunt the fans which causes the fans to fill the arena with boos. Preston then attempts to hoist Kelly up, but he counters and performs a desperation back body drop, which causes the fans to fill the arena with cheers!

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Preston slowly gets up from that, only for Mike Kellly to tackle him down, and starts to wail on Preston. Kelly tries to cover up but Preston drives some elbows in his face. Preston rises to his feet and runs toward him and he catches him and swings him around...Tornado DDT!! Cover on Kelly

1...
2...
Kick out!!!

Both men try to get up., and Tie up. Mike Kelly with a Snap Suplex! He goes right back on the attack and lifts him up in another suplex, and drops him on his back and mounts him for some punches. Preston uses a headbutt out of desperation, gets Kelly off of him, and quickly gets out of the ring. He circles around the ring, but he never takes his eyes off him. Preston gets in slowly, but Kelly rushes into him and he drops the rope and falls to the floor. Preston follows suit, and he Irish whips Mike Kelly into the steel steps and they come apart. he grabs his shoulder in pain. Preston slides him into the ring and goes for the cover.

1...
2...
kick out as he is able to roll the shoulder up. Mike Kelly sits up and locks eyes on Preston. He gets up and charges to him, but Preston catches him with a quick jab, and Kelly falls to the mat. He quickly kips up, leaving Preston in shock. Preston charges at him and Kelly catches him with a kick to the gut, quickly followed into a knee facebuster… and he comes off the ropes and nails a big Spear! Cover

1...
2…
KICK OUT

Andrews: Mike Kelly is showing his intensity here tonight.

Mills: He got disrespected earlier, and is pissed off. But he's utilizing it to match with James Preston.

Both men quickly get up, and they lock up in a collar and elbow tie up. Kelly goes behind Preston and shoves him. Preston turns back around and goes for a tackle. Kelly dodges, but Preston catches his balance, and kicks Kelly in the knee, and he falls to the ground in pain. Preston sees this opportunity and capitalizes, he goes for a single leg Boston crab and locks it, as Kelly screams in pain, he makes his way to the ropes, he gets them and he breaks the hold as Kelly makes it to the ropes.

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Preston grabs him by the hair and lifts him up.

Andrews: I think Preston is done playing around.

Mills: You think?

Kelly manages to recover a little strength, enough to kick Preston hard in the gut. He bounces off the ropes and nails a stiff Clothesline. Preston rolls around the mat in pain as Kelly climbs the turnbuckle and is perched. Preston gets up, and turns around and is caught with a flying dropkick, and Kelly motions for the match nearing its end. Preston makes it to his feet, and Kelly grabs him.

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Just as Mike Kelly was setting up for one of his finishers, Preston gets out, and hits a powerful European Uppercut, which sends Mike Kelly reeling. Preston bounces off the ropes and goes for a massive running Yakuza Kick, but Kelly is able to see it, dodges and pulls down the top rope, which sends Preston crashing to the floor.

Andrews: OOOOH! Sickening impact.

Mills: Indeed.

Preston slowly gets up. Mike Kelly Scouts him, and does a massive suicide dive through the ropes, and crashes into Preston. The impact was enough to send both men crashing through the barricade. The ref begins to count

1...
2...
3...
4...
5...
6...
7...
8...
9...
10!

The ref calls for the bell. This one is over.

Jason Cox: Ladies and Gentlemen. This match is a draw, as a result, of a double countout.

The bell rings with both men laying dazed. Quicker than usual, after overrunning a slight bit of their air time, the cameras cut out a bit early for a commercial break showing lasting scenes of Kelly's and Preston's faces.

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The Virus

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Any Means Necessary begins to play through the arena. The fans are on their feet, as the new Underground heavyweight champion, Leon 'The Virus' Roberts, appears at the stage, alongside his smokin' hot wife, Demonica. He raises the title, as red and black confetti bursts out. He began to walk to the ring.

Once inside, he raises the belt again, for all to see. A sick grin is seen on his face. Demonica gets a Mic for him.

Leon: Just when you thought it was safe, to turn the channel over to Ultimate Underground Wrestling, guess who shows up as your champion! Oh yeah!

Despite being one of the most cruel people in ths posrt, people still cheer for him, and that is exactly what these fans are doing for the new heavyweight champion.

Leon: I'm going to be honest, a few weeks ago, I had no idea I was going to be here, standing infront of the world, as once again, the champion, all for the simple fact, I wasn't supposed to even be in the match. Yet here I stand here, as the champ, all because Eric Derf went awol on your asses. Rest assured, I didn't take him out. I might be a cruel and vile presence, but unless if you really push me, I always take care of things straight up, face to face.

The crowd is still cheering on whatever Leon says. It is indeed something very rare to see. The whole crowd cheering him on.

Leon: Be as it may, when I was put in the match, was there really any doubt about it? I decided to take things into my own hands, and not let some outside factor decide the result. I thrashed, I crushed, and I mutilated three other men. A lame rookie, who thinks he can be a Canadian Badass.....would be character infringement, except I haven't called myself that in a while...followed by an egocentric jackass who can't tell his mouth to stay off his own cock. And of course....Zack Crash. The adrenaline junkie.

The junkie crashed majorly, when I slammed him off his high horse. Wouldn't be surprised if his back was messed of from what happened. Regardless of me winning though, I was feeling a little extra bloodthirsty, and I wanted to inflict more harm onto Zack Crash. The little bitch however, managed to cower away, and not take another beating, like a man. Although, when I say beating, I meant, his branding.


The crowd booes that. This causes Leon to smirk, knowing he had finally gotten the response he wanted. As he takes off his gloves, footage from Ultimate Legacy begins to play.

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No confetti, no celebrations. Just an awe struck crowd, and Leon standing in silence after being handed the belt, his arm raised in victory. The unthinkable has happened. But there was something that did break the silence this night, Crash still moving, still very much in tact. Leon looks upset and disappointed. He wanted to hurt him more, hurt him bad. But instead, he gives Crash a minute to stand, and with a staggered stance, Zack extends his hand to the better man. Virus looks at him with insanity, then raises a single finger in a sneer, signaling for Zack to wait a moment.

Craig Andrews: This may not end up being the typical heel beat down after all.

Bobby Mills: Well, UUW isn’t a typical federation. We’re hardcore dammit! Unfortunately.

Crash waits with a raised brow as dark hooded figures from all sides of the ring come out from under the apron and slide into the center surrounding Crash. There are four of these hooded people, waiting for Virus to give them a command. Virus gestures them to make a path. They do, in two rows, and Virus is seen not only with his belt, but also with a brander, and he brings it to Crash. Virus is heard asking Crash to hold out his arm, Zack doesn’t do it, Virus screams; “HOLD OUT YOUR FUCKIN ARM!” Zack screams back; “I’M NOT GOING TO DO IT!” Virus gives the command, the figures surround him forcing his arm out, but Crash, like a time bomb explodes and knocks each figure down with punch after punch, clothesline after clothesline, until Virus stands directly in front of Zack ending his madness. Their now nose to nose. Virus raises his belt in front of his face, and grins madly. Crash looks as if he’s gonna bash Leon’s head in, but he holds back his fist and simply leaves the ring.

Craig Andrews: Virus belongs in a ward. End of story.

Bobby Mills: What’s wrong Craig? I thought you wanted UUW to be unique and different, well now all you have to do is look at our champion!

Zack continues up the ramp, not keeping his eyes off virus, clearly ticked off about his loss, and clearly, this isn’t over. Virus continues holding his belt held high.

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The clip ends there, with both of Leon's branded hands exposed to the world to see.

Leon: I wanted to prove a point beyond the fact I am the best f*cking wrestler to ever exist. I chose Crash, because of what he represents. In due time, I'll slowly reveal more and more, of why I want him to suffer as much pain as possible. But until then, I'm going to do exactly what I do best, and that is Drag the entire world as you know it, into HELL! Starting with that pretty boy, ROKO, when I beat, batter, and bloody him, before I finally, choke the life out of him.

More booes are being sent towards Leon. He just soaks it all up, as he and Demonica share a kiss. Was that tongue action there?

Leon: As the people of this world walk through the Valley of the End, a battleline will be drawn. People will have to choose sides. Those who want to keep living their sheltered, god worshiping lives, against the sinners. We meet in this unholy war, that will change the universe as we know it. The battleline has been drawn. Let the chaos....Commence!

Any Means Necessary begins to play again, as Leon leaves the ring. He is getting mixed reactions from the crowd. Rest assured. This isn't the last we've seen of him tonight. He'll be back in his Hardcore submission match, against ROKO.


KxN and Zack Crash vs Christian Holiday and Zak Warner - Tornado Tag

Jason Cox: This match is scheduled for one fall, it is a tornado tag team matchup! Coming in first, weighing two hundred and twenty pounds, from Reno, Nevada, he is the Universal Mastermind, K...X....N!!!!!!!!



Complete darkness. A moment of silence until two red X fireworks shoot into the air and the lights form into a blood red as KxN is seen bearing his black hoodie over his wrestling attire. He puts both his middle fingers together into an x and fashions it to the crowd. He stops at mid ramp to listen to the music for a few seconds.

I could turn the other way, take control and make a change
(Take me, take me away)
You can bend me i won't break, things won't always go your way
(Take me, take me away)
Now i can breathe, eliminate the weak, so we can go our separate ways
(The scars will never fade, fade away. Somethings will never change)
I could turn the other way, take control and make a change
(Take me, take me away)
You can bend me i won't break, things won't always go your way
(Take me, take me away)


Mills: We need a fast forward button.

Andrews: We need to admire our superstars.

K then punches the air with his left fist first making another X firework shoot off then his second punch being his right fist as the same firework goes off again. He springs to the apron and casually enters the ring smirking at the audience and taunting with his makeshift X once more then awaits the match.

Jason Cox: And his tag team partner, from Charleston, West Virginia weighing two hundred and FIFTEEN pounds, he is the ultimate thrill seeker, ZAAAAAACK CRAAAAAASH!




A quiet, soft beginning of a rock tune fills the PA system as the crowd blows the roof of with cheers. They all jump up out of their seats, brandishing their signs as they eagerly await the arrival of the Ultimate Thrll Seeker. Suddenly...

FEEL THE PRESSURE LET IT GO!!!
FEEL THE PRESSURE LET IT GO!!!

The song breaks out and explodes in a hard rock sound as the strobe lights begin to flash wildly around the arena. Zack rushes out from behind the curtain to a loud ovation from the crowd. He bounces around the stage for a moment, going from side to side, saluting to the crowd before making his way down the ramp.

YOU TRY TO BUY SOME TIME
CAN'T READ THE SIGNS OR REAONS WHY
EVERY SINGLE TIME I COULD DRIVE IN BLIND
CAN'T MAKE UP MY MIND
I KNOW I'M GONNA FIND MY WAY OUT

Zack makes his way down the ring, continuing to gesture to the crowd as the strobe lights are still flashing. Nearing the end of the ramp, Zack makes it a point to slap the hands of several outstretched hands. Looking at the crowd nearest the ring, he looks for the nearest person, takes off his trademark shirt and hands it to them. Then, he rushes the ring and slides underneath the bottom ring rope.

CRASH YOU'RE GOING DOWN WITHOUT A SOUND
I'LL PASS YOU UP BEFORE I EXPLODE
BREAKING UNTIL I SEE IT THROUGH
YOU WON'T KEEP ME DOWN WHEN I CRASH THROUGH YOU

Getting to his feet, Zack rushes toward the nearest turnbuckle and leaps onto the highest rope, gesturing to the crowd. As several cameras flash blindingly, he back flips off the rope and lands safely on both feet in the center of the ring. Zack then goes to the side ropes and bounces up and down on them as he continues to work the crowd.

HEAR ME OUT
I'M NEVER BACKING DOWN
HEAR ME OUT
I KNOW YOU'RE GOING DOWN


Mills: I've heard this song enough times now that my ears bleed.

Andrews: I think it's kinda catchy.

With this blood pumping, Zack goes for the center of the ring where he does some quick stretches before crouching down, awaiting his match to begin.


Jason Cox: And one half of the opponents, from Los Angeles California, weighing approximately two hundred and twenty eight pounds, CHRISTIAAAAAAAN....HOLIDAY!

Smoke comes up from the ramp (Edge) and a single leg is draped out from it. It's a females leg. Doing the sultry thing, the leg pulls back into the smoke, and Christian and Alaina both emerge from behind it. Christian is wearing a white mask with spiderweb and blood splatter design. They point and yell things at the crowd as the two make their way to the ring. Climbing through the ropes, Christian walks towards the turnbuckle and stands on it, raising devil horns in the air as Alaina claps for him. Christian removes the mask and stands in the middle of the ring.

Mills: See, that entrance I like. Quick, flashy, not mundane.

Andrews: You have no acquired taste for a grand entrance. Ever hear the saying fashionably late?

Mills: Bull. In my day you were either on time, or fired. Get a clue buddy.

Jason Cox: And his tag team partner, weighing two hundred and thirty five pounds, from the 3...1...5!!!!!!!! ZAK WARNER!

The lights fade to almost complete darkness, before flickering a bit. As they flicker, the beat to Day and Night" by Kid Cudi echoes .

"Now look at this (what, what)
Madness to magnet keeps attracting me, me (what, what)
I try to run but see I'm not that fast (what, what)
I think I'm first but surely finish last, last

The lights slowly fade up, as Warner is seen standing on the stage. He has his trademark cocky grin on his face, as the crowd jeers him. He slowly walks down the ramp, ignoring the sounds coming from everyone.

"[Chorus:]
Cuz day and night
The lonely stoner seems to free his mind at night
He's all alone through the day and night
The lonely loner seems to free his mind at night (at, at, at night)
Day and night
The lonely stoner seems to free his mind at night
He's all alone, some things will never change (never change)
The lonely loner seems to free his mind at night (at, at, at night)

As he reaches the ring, he waits a second before sliding into the ring. He stands in the center for a moment, as he gazes out into the crowd.

"Hold the phone (what, what)
The lonely stoner, Mr. Solo Dolo(what, what)
He's on the move can't seem to shake the shade (what, what)
Within his dreams he see's the life he made, made
The pain is deep (what, what)
A silent sleeper you won't hear a peep, peep (what, what)
The girl he wants don't seem to want him too(what, what)
It seems the feelings that she had are through, through

As the music fades, he walks over to the corner, sitting down. He glances once more at the ref, before waiting for the bell to ring.

Mills: He has an infatuation with our referee it seems.

Andrews: It's intimidation.

The ref see's all four men biting at the grit to start the action. So he rings the bell and they go at it. Crash starts the action by charging at Warner and hitting him with a devastating spinning heel kick. Warner rolls to the outside of the ring, but he isn’t safe as Crash runs and hits Warner with a devastating rolling senton on the outside of the arena.

Mills: This is what Crash calls wrestling? Come on where’s the headlocks snapmares?

Andrews: That is wrestling Mills. It’s fast paced and these fans love it.

Meanwhile KxN has Holiday in the corner and is teeing off on him with lefts and rights.

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Holiday wobbles out of the corner, but KxN just drop kicks him back into the corner! Holiday is now in a seated position in the corner with the back of his head rested on the middle turnbuckle. Crash runs and hits Holiday with a rope aided corner drop kick. Holiday rolls out of the ring.


Mills: Just great more high flying acrobatics by this stuntman.

Andrews: And to add insult to injury that is one of Holiday’s most common moves. Looks like KxN and Crash are in complete control of this match.

However as KxN turns around he is caught with a hesitation drop kick by Warner. Crash tries for a clothesline, but Warner ducks it and locks Crash in a rear naked choke. Crash is fighting to stay on his feet, but Warner has the hold lynched in.

Mills: Now this is wrestling. Actual holds and submissions. Not just jumping off the ropes and hoping to hit your opponent.

Andrews: I disagree with you that what Crash does isn’t wrestling partner, but I will admit Warner right now has the upper hand.


Crash is finally off of his feet and now Warner has his legs wrapped against Crash adding a body scissors to the already deadly rear naked choke. KxN is up to hit Warner with a stiff kick to the ribs to break the hold. However from behind Holiday hits KxN with a devastating german suplex. He then picks up KxN and tosses him out of the ring. Holiday instructs Warner to pick up Crash and Warner does so. Holiday levels Crash with a beautiful roundhouse kick to the head. Crash is down and Holiday goes for the cover.

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1.........

2.........


Crash kicks out!

Mills: I thought Holiday and Warner had the match won after that kick.

Andrews: It just shows the fortitude and toughness that Zack Crash has.

Warner then picks up Crash in a sidewalk slam position, but instead of a sidewalk slam he hits Crash with a vicious backbreaker! Holiday sees KxN trying to enter the ring, but he stops him by hitting KxN with a vicious baseball slide that sends him into the guard rail. Warner is up top now and he hits Crash with a beautiful moonsault.

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But Warner doesn’t cover.


Andrews: What the hell is Warner doing?


Mills: I don’t know what he is doing, but I do know he is giving you a run for your money in the biggest idiot in this company.

Warner wags his finger at Holiday and mouths to him, “Not yet. Lets make him suffer some more.” Holiday obliges to the request as Warner sends him right into a superkick by Holiday. The fans are booing loudly at Warner and Holiday as both are now stomping away at Crash. Holiday instructs Warner to place Crash in the corner in a seated position. Holiday yells at Crash, “This is how its DONE!” Holiday charges at Crash and attempts to hit him with a rope aided dropkick, but Crash moves out of the way and onto the ring apron.

Andrews: That trash talking may have cost Holiday there.

Mills: Really? I couldn’t tell after Crash dodged that move.


Crash picks himself up to one knee with the aid of the middle rope. Warner charges at Crash, but Crash reverses it with a shoulder to Warner’s midsection. Warner backs up into the center ring. Crash springs off the top rope and tries to hit Warner with a Crash Test, but Warner counters it into a double knee facebuster! Warner covers.

1......

2.....


KxN breaks up the possible three count. KxN picks up Warner, kicks him the gut, and hits him with a snap DDT. Holiday is up and attempts to hit KxN with a superkick, but KxN ducks it and when Holiday turns around gets a kick to the gut and hit with a double underhook backbreaker! KxN covers.

1.......

2.......


Warner breaks up the possible three count. Holiday rolls to the outside of the ring. Warner picks up KxN, but before he can even do anything KxN hits Warner with a Rattle Bite out of nowhere! KxN covers Warner again with hopes of a three count.

1.....

2.....


Warner just gets his shoulder up!

Andrews: What a match we are witnessing here tonight.


KxN looks at the ref in disbelief. He holds up two fingers to the ref and the ref throws both his arms to the side to say only a two. KxN just shakes his head in disbelief as he picks up Warner and kicks him in the gut. KxN has Warner positioned for a double underhook backbreaker, but Warner counters into a jumping cutter. However as soon as he gets up Crash hits him with an enzuigiri!

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Crash goes onto the apron and then connects with a tope atomico. Crash goes for the cover.


1.......

2.......


Holiday from the outside pulls Crash off of Warner, but Crash kicks Holiday off of him and Holiday hits his head hard on that guard rail.

Mills: CH looked like he took a sick bump on that guard rail.

Andrews: Oh alas, the violence never ceases.

Mills: Please Andrews you can’t call a match because someone gets a boubou.


Crash smiles as he believes this match is all wrapped up. He cockily picks himself up using the ropes and smiles at the camera, but when he turns around Warner hits him with an enzuigiri. Crash is down on the mat and as soon as Warner turns around he nails KxN with a forearm smash knocking him down.

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Warner then locks Crash in Rusted Embrace! Crash screams in agony as he tries to make it to the bottom rope. Warner wrenches away as Crash’s eyes never leave that bottom rope, but he is still in the center of the ring. Crash looks ready to tap, when KxN breaks the hold with a stiff kick to Warner’s chest. KxN covers.


1....

2....

Holiday in for the save. He then proceeds to knock Crash into the bottom rope. He continually hammers away at crash with big right hands. After he is done with his assault he wraps Crash’s arms up using the middle and bottom ropes.

Andrews: Crash has been taken out as a factor in this match due to Holiday trapping him in the ropes.

Mills: Smart strategy by Holiday.

Holiday turns around and KxN is there to attempt to deliver another Rattle Bite, but Holiday counters it into Boston Crab. He wrenches away at the back of KxN. KxN looks to almost be at the bottom rope, but Warner comes in and adds on a front facelock and places his feet on the bottom rope so KxN is trapped in the middle of the ring in this devastating tag submission move.

Mills: Warner and Holiday are wrestling with great showmanship, can it and will it be enough, or is my balding gettin worse?

Andrew: Please these two are cheating plain and simple.

Unknown to either Warner or Holiday is that the referee has finally freed Crash who explodes with forearm shot to Holiday. He then hits a spin kick to the charging Warner. Holiday is up and charges at Crash who side steps him and tosses out of the ring! Crash calls for Warner to get up. Warner is finally up and Crash hits him with the Flash n’Crash! Crash goes for the immediate cover.

1........

2........


Andrews: What the hell?

Mills: I don’t get this one bit.

KxN has just broken up the pin. He then picks up Crash and tosses him shoulder first into the ring post. KxN covers Warner now!

1......

2......


Crash comes back from the toss and body splashes himself on top of KxN for a dog pile, forcing them both to pin Warner like a manwhich!

Andrews: Creative, no?

Mills: I guess.

1....

2.....

3!!!!!!!

DING DING DING!


Jason Cox: The winners of this match BY pinfall, KxN and ZAAAAAAAACK CRAAAAAAASH!!!!!!

Confused about what theme song to play, the production team just plays KxN's as he was the main pinner and the ref walks over to the two after recovering from the double pin sandwhich and raises their hands. KxN urges the referee to raise only HIS hand and not Crash's.

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But Crash tells the referee to quit raising KxN's hand.

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Soon the two are bickering until the referee just keeps both their hands up and tells them to quiet down and enjoy the victory. After a few moments of arguing between the two of them Warner bursts up with a powerful fury and attacks KxN from behind. He gets countless elbow shots in to the back of K's head one after the other until he hits him out of the ring. Zak then continues the elbow beatdown as KxN rests in a nook of a barricade as Warner uses it as a corner post and pummels KxN with fists. Out of precision luck KxN gets in an eye poke to Warner stopping his onslaught.

Mills: That hot headed weed man is going to cause trouble in the future, and not just to KxN!


Andrews: Nothin we can do, we have to let them settle this on their own. This is a man's sport, if you can't take it, get out.

K then helps himself up with barricade support and knees Warner a few quick times, then proceeds to bashing his head on the barricade wall various times until he see's Warner's eyes start to bulge. He then drags Warner up the ramp and halfway up executes a Uranage Slam colliding Zak's spine with the steel below. Warner's scream is heard in the premises while KxN proceeds to work on Zak's abdomen stomping on it, jumping up and down on it violently like a frenzied lusting beast. When he grew bored of that, K then lifted Warner to his feet and tossed him off the ramp as he plunged a few feet below to the ground. A clack of his spine is heard as he screams again.

K then angles his target, and dives off the ramp and onto Warner's hurt abdomen doing a crazy crescent moonsault! It is sheer concrete underneath the ramp, and KxN almost missed and would have been on the next ride to an ambulance. Warner is a different story, at this rate he should already be in an ambulance. But KxN hasn't tasted his share yet.

He slowly gets to his knees then steady on his feet gripping his sides from the moonsault and turns Zak over on his back. What's he gonna do?

Andrews: Whatever it is he wants to do, he's going all out, obviously he wishes Warner to be hospitalized for a long time, if not for good.

Mills: This isn't professional, not at all.

KxN gets a tight refined grip on Warner's leg and locks in the ankle lock! Zak is yelling so freakishly loud it's almost like a shamwow commercial. Minutes pass by and Warner is still applied in the hold. To screw with him KxN drags him by the leg on the concrete floor and uses it almost like a taunt to the audience. K gets severely booed. His leg is just about ready to snap until referee's rush in and finally attempt to keep KxN off. But the hold isn't loosening.


Mills: Sickening.

Andrews: He calls himself a judge huh, more like a life sentence inmate.

One ref actually is pretty much hitting KxN to stop the clutch. This just pisses him off even more. KxN headbutts that ref as he falls against the ramp as security now comes down who are much stronger. One of the bigger guards goes in first, but with a strange motion, KxN uses Warner's almost lifeless upper body as a weapon and swings it at the guard man's legs tripping him as he falls to the cement.

The staff team has had it. They all pile on KxN tearing at his flesh doing whatever they can to stop the lock until finally KxN thinks he hears a snap, and he lets go, licking his lips and flicking his hair. In a blind sweat he coils his eyes at the audience, he gets a few "Fuck you's" while he just smirks and does his signature makeshift X with his middle fingers.

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He then turns them to straight up birdies flipping people off, and leaves to go backstage as Warner is out cold with a slow camera fade.

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The Virus

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We're back as Billionaire plays through out the arena and the fans wonder who could possibly be coming out. They then see an African-American male walk out from backstage with a robust gentleman following suit. The robust man is wearing a suit and holding a large metal briefcase. The African-American gentleman is wearing a classic HBK styled pants, except instead of hearts covering them silver crosses are. Everyone in the arena looks confused as to who these are as they enter inside the ring. The African-American gentleman calls for a mic. He speaks as if he is from the streets and like he is better then everyone else in the arena.

Prophet: Why hello all of you sinners. My name is Tyrone Evans and I am here to personally promise that UUW will get a complete turn around. All of the shady dealings and politics that went on backstage will no longer be accepted because honest men like me and my manager James Mesias will no longer accept it. In fact we are out here to challenge any tag team to the back for a match at the next pay-per view.

He then hands the mic to his manager James Mesias. He then begins to badger the fans about their treatment of past superstars and current ones they don't like. His voice is like nails on a chalk board.

Mesias: Thank you Prophet for enlightening these "people" and I use that word very lightly. You people are animals who have absolutely no respect for athletes such as "The Prophet" Tyrone Evans. A perfect example of how you fans treat these retired superstars is shown right here.


The lights in the arena darken. The screen then begins to display The events that happened between a presumed retired/fired MWE Employee and two fans. The video ends and the focus is then shown back on "The Prophet" and James Mesias. Mesias, who still has the mic, again begins to taunt the fans and UUW Management. He now sounds like Don King.

Mesias: This is why we are here. To make sure that the injustices of what happened to this man never happens to any other wrestler. However we know that not everyone in the back will accept our help.

Mesias hands the Prophet the mic. He begins to speak as if he where a preacher preaching to addicts.


Prophet: That is why I am here. To force salvation upon those in the back who use politics for the advancement of their careers. I am here to save the wrestling industry one lost soul at a time. Let the salvation begin.

Billionaire plays through out the arena as The Prophet and Mesias prepare to leave the ring when Kyle Morris comes out. He walks out onto the ramp and begins to speak with purpose.

Kyle Morris: Truly, you guys make me laugh. But your also talkin outta your asses. You'll get what you want at the next PPV, your opponents will be ones of my choosing, and maybe if all goes well, the tag division will be revived again. Keep in mind, your not the only one that likes to "save" people, there are actually way too many out there, and it disgusts me. I'll see you at our upcoming PPV.

Mesias and The Prophet look shocked at what was just announced. The Prophet tries to speak into the mic, but it has been cut off. Mesias is yelling something at Morris until we fade to a break.

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~6/14/10~ !!!EC RATINGS!!! Merchandising: ^11.3 Viewership: 6% Ticket Sales: ^45% Total Rating: 4.0
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