Maleficent's Lair

HAMMER OF THE GODS

THEN

We see Gabriel when everyone still thought he was the Trickster telling Dean and Sam that they have to play their roles as Michael and Lucifer, followed by Dean’s reaming the archangel that it’s not about “some prizefight between your brothers…it’s about you being too afraid to stand up to your family.” While your recapper loves that Dean verbally kicked archangel ass and approves of the sentiment, she feels compelled to point out to Dean that it shouldn’t be “you being” but “your being” since “being” is really the object of the verb “is” and therefore is being used as a noun and thus takes a possessive—that is, your—as a modifier—Dean, is that snoring your recapper is hearing?!

NOW

The little writing on the bottom of the screen tells us we’re in Muncie, Indiana (slogan: “More Gods Than You Can Shake a Stick At”). A security guard obviously wanders through the ruins of a hotel before stumbling across someone who shouldn’t be there. Unfortuntately, the guard is apparently wearing a red shirt beneath his jacket, because the next thing we know, the ominous stranger, who’s there to pave the way for others who are coming, decides to make the guard the chef’s special du jour.

We get the title card and then return to the hotel, now magically spiffy and upscale. The hotel’s name is writ large upon one wall of the lobby, The Elysian Fields. Oops. Danger, Will Robinson!

The Impala drives up in torrential rain—“It was a dark and stormy night.” Hee--and the boys enter the lobby, wet, bedraggled, wet, looking tired, wet, admiring the digs, wet—by the way, did your recapper mention they were wet? Guys, seriously, the next time you’re thinking of getting, you know, wet, you might consider removing a few layers first.

The desk clerk, who was also—gasp!—the mysterious stranger making up the menu, is all smarmy and unctuous, helpfully pointing out that the stubbled Dean must have nicked himself shaving since there’s a cut on his neck. Chekhov’s gun here, people!

Dean asks if there’s a coffee shop but the helpful if hungry desk clerk says there’s an all-you-can eat buffet, including pie. Dean immediately stampedes over Sam, two little old ladies and six kittens. We next see him holding two pie plates. Either his appetite has returned with a vengeance or his game face—which he discovered in the last episode he has to wear all the time or everyone around him collapses and whines a lot (or beats him up)—is back firmly in place.

Dean spies a dark-haired beauty in a red dress and tries to hit on her. She cuts him off at the schlossen multiple times without ever letting him finish a sentence. Outgunned, he retreats to the table where Sam is sitting. Sam is checking something on his iPhone, Blackberry, latest expensive electronic device and says they should have kept going. The “biblical” torrent outside is proof enough that they don’t have time to waste. Dean responds that Sam isn’t sleeping—suddenly, Sam isn’t sleeping? When did that happen? Are we to assume now that Sam shot down the chance of Dean’s saying yes to Michael, Lucifer is back dancing the Be My Vessel Samba in Sam’s dreams? Who know, since the show ain’t telling.

Dean also points out that they’ve talked to every “hoodoo man and root woman in twelve states”—your recapper is relieved that somebody is finally doing something—to no avail and Sam sticks out his bottom lip and says he’s not giving up. He’d stamp his foot, too, if he were standing up. Dean says firmly that “No one’s giving up. Especially me.” See what ganking Zachariah can do for your self-esteem?

Sam continues to mope—is Michael looking any better now, Sammy dear?—and Dean gives him a little pep talk (the first of several glimpses of Leader Dean back again): “We’re going to find a way to beat the Devil. Soon. I can feel it. And we’ll find Cas and Adam. But you’re no good to me burned out.”

Yay! for Leader Dean because “you’re no good to me” is a leader chiding a member of his team. Yay! for worrying about Cas and Dean. But your recapper is puzzled at the “I can feel it” line. Is this supposed to be telling us something about Dean?

A buxom blonde waitress walks by the table and into the kitchen. As the camera pans across one of the counters in the kitchen, we see a still bloody human arm. Leftovers! Yum.

As our boys head to their room, they spy a couple giggling and liplocking outside the adjoining room. Dean nudges Sam, who just asks if Dean is twelve. Dean prefers to think of it as “young at heart.” And you just stay that way, Dean. Sam is just being grumpy.

The room is miles above their normal rest stops, including chocolates on the pillow. Dean snags Sam’s as well by the incredibly sneaky gambit of asking for it. He’s entranced by the fact that “Casa Erotica 13” is On Demand. Chekhov’s gun numero dos. Your recapper hopes everyone is taking notes. There will be a short quiz at the end.

Sam, ever one to look a gift horse in the mouth (though this time, your recapper must admit, there’s a certain validity to his concerns) wonders what a “4-star hotel is doing on a no-star highway.” First, the highway, offended, decides to roll up and let Sam the Critic use a dirt path from now one. And second, Sammy, chocolates alone do not a 4-star hotel make. Was there any turn down service? 1-star off right there!

The liplockers can be heard laughing through the wall, when suddenly there is a huge bang on the same wall, which is partially knocked out. Our heroes rush next door but the room is empty. Observant Dean spies an engagement ring on the floor even though the room is dimly lit. The desk clerk shrugs it off, though, saying the couple checked out and that he’ll put the ring in the lost and found. Now suspicious, Dean assigns Sam to watch “Norman Bates over here”, while he does a walk-through of the hotel, grumbling that all he wanted was one night off. “Is that too much to ask?” Awww.

Sam follows the desk clerk but loses him when the clerk turns a corner and just disappears. We hear an ominous snick and then Sam has as cut on his neck and blood on his finger. Dun dun dun.

Dean, on his own quest, is using the EMF meter—yay! for the return of the meter—as he walks down a hallway. As he passes an open door, we see an…elephant pulling a towel with his trunk. It trumpets as Dean walks by still looking at the meter.

Dean looks up and stops as it sinks in—aw, he looks so cute!—and carefully back up to the door. When he gets there, we now see that the room is occupied by a large man wrapping a towel around his nether regions. The guys slams the door, declaiming “This ain’t no peep show, man!” May your recapper suggest then that you SHUT YOUR FREAKING DOOR?

And yay! for Dean being able to see the god’s true form. Also, props to Ganesh for putting that adorable expression on Dean's face.

We next catch up to the beauty in the red dress (the one who gave Dean the brushoff. More than once). She's in one of the hotel bedrooms with a hunky kind of guy (without however the charm or adorableness--and probably not the soul-crushing burdens and angst--of our Dean) who is putting a necklace on her. She notes that it's sweet of him. And that she hates sweet. Your recapper is much moved by this heartwarming romantic moment.

The desk clerk interrupts quietly, which is probably a good thing for Mr. Hunky But Sweet, since Ms. Red Dress is not exactly someone you want to annoy. He tells them everything is ready, including the ingredients for the repast--not wanting to give anything away here, but remember that arm?—and hands them two vials of blood from Our Boys. Ms. Red Dress looks pleased and says, "Thank you, Mercury."

DUN DUN DUN!!! Yes, that Mercury. Mr. H But S looks pleased and says it's time to get things going. The plot, as they say, sickens, er, thickens.

Meanwhile, Dean is trying to convince Sam that, yes, he saw an elephant. With a towel. (For once, your recapper can understand Sam's skepticism.) "Full on Babar." Aww, Dean knows Babar even though he lived a deprived childhood in which he had no elephant books. They end up at the totally empty lobby and stunned, Sam tries the door. Surprise!--it's locked. "So what?" Dean inquires. "The roaches check in and don't check out." Sweetie, if roaches really looked anything like you, your recapper wouldn't be standing on chairs when they're around, screaming for someone to kill them.

They realize they were basically herded to the motel, by detour signs and a "hurricane." This, of course, would be a Bad Thing. Continuing to search for something living, they enter the kitchen, which also, upon first glance, seems empty. There's a pot of a red liquid cooking on the stove and Dean checks it out, uttering the mantra, "Please be tomato soup. Please be tomato soup." And it is! Campbell's newest recipe, Tomato Eyeball Soup. Yum. Bet Dean's starting to wonder what it was that his Mom was really giving him when he was sick.

Sam goes over to look inside the meat locker, which has a small window. Come on, Sam. Have you never watched a horror movie? You know something's going to jump up at you from the other side of the window! Turns out that the others guests have all been moved to luxury accommodations in the meat locker that for some reason they are begging our boys to get them out of. Sam starts trying to pick the lock and Dean is urging him to hurry when Sam gets this "uh oh" expression on his face and Dean realizes there's someone behind him. Two someone's, actually, who pounce on them and drag them into a ballroom, already occupied by an long dining table and a bunch of people. All of whom are wearing name tags because if you're a god, the last thing you want is to be confused with some stupid, ugly, eatable human, right?

We get glimpses of Ganesh, Odin, Kali (the goddess formerly known as Ms. Red Dress) and Baron Samedi. For some reason, Mr. H But S doesn't get a spotlight, though we later see his tag and he's Bladur, God of Depends (hey, this wasn't your recapper's idea--okay, the God of Depends part was, but the Bladur? That's all the CW's fault. OTOH, your recapper isn't one to pass up a gift). The missing spotlight actually belongs to the boys, who are identified as the "guests of honor." Which is not really all that much of an honor, considering that the first course, wheeled in by Mercury, contains a human head.

Bladur greets his guests and says he's pleased as punch to see so many gods under one roof and not slaughtering each other. Sam seems Not Happy about the word "gods." Then again, Sam's Not Happy about a lot of things so it's sort of lost its punch. Bladur also warns them to "curb your wrath and keep your hands off the local virgins". A notable victory for Local 437 of the Local Virgins Union, who previously has also vigorously protested the whole "throw a virgin into the volcano" thing (Dean even received a special commendation, texted to him, for his defense of Nancy, doomed as that ultimately was). Sam is all "we're so screwed." No, Sam, you're only "so screwed" when they play Renegade; otherwise, it's just a normal, regular Winchester screwed.

Bladur is still blathering on, this time about the Judeo-Christian Apocalypse looming over them. Excuse me, Mr. Hunky, sir, but that should technically be the Judeo-Christian-Islamic Apocalypse, since they, too, believe in the monotheistic God, angels, Satan, the anti-Messiah and Doomsday. Bladur anounces that they have "two very valuable bargaining chips, Michael and Lucifer's vessels" and he's open for suggestions as to what to do with them. Millions of fans start shouting ideas, and in 2071, when two-way television becomes the norm, this would actually matter. Unfortunately for Dean and Sam, Zao Shen has other ideas and he's in the room while your recapper is miles away. Dean decides he doesn't like Mr. Zao's tone. Dean, honey, you'd probably like what he's actually saying even less.

Odin, who sounds oddly like Art Carney to your recapper, starts talking about poloponies...uh, actually, he starts dissing Michael and Lucifer and seems rather proud of the fact that he's supposed to be eaten by a giant wolf during Ragnorok, a comment that causes Mr. Zao to roll his eyes. Odin sneers at the other's idea that the world rides on the back of a giant turtle. Actually, Mr. Zao, it rides on the backs of four elephants, who ride on the back of the giant star turtle A'tuin. Please get it straight.

In another second, we all see why there hasn't been that many gods in one room in centuries and the boys decide to try to take advantage of the brewing brawl to sneak out but are stopped by a dropping chandelier being ridden by a man in a cape and mask over half his face, to the applause of the audience, because the damn chandelier effect is the only thing that made "Phantom of the Opera" worth paying a hundred bucks to see. Trust me.

Kali, the only one in the room who appears to keep her head, has stopped the boys and advised them to "Stay!" (followed by "rollover" and the Winchester favorite--seeing how many times they've already done it--"play dead"). She says they need to fight because archangels only understand one thing, which thing has more connection with Atilla the Hun than with Roma Downey. Mercury suggests they try to talk to the archangels, which Kali considers carefully before making him spit up blood and telling him that she finds his lack of faith disturbing. Bad idea, Darth. Worms turn, you know? (Your recapper also bets that in kindergarten, Kali's report cards always gave her an "Unsatisfactory" in "Working Well With Others.")

The doors open and--ta da!--in comes the Gabster. The Gabster greets them with the ever-affectionate sobriquet "muttonheads" and complains that his invite to the party seems to have been lost. Bladur, less than enthusiastic about the new arrival, identifies him as Loki--the Norse trickster--and asks why he's there. "To talk about the elephant in the room." As Ganesh starts to rise, Gabster snaps, "Not you." Hee. He means the Apocalypse. He tells them that they can't stop it and then sends the boys to their room without supper, for which they are very grateful since they remember what supper is. Dean and Sam are clearly freaked by it all and Sam, being Sam, can't resist going "I said we should keep driving. I was right. Nyah nyah nyah" and sticking his tongue out. Then, as usual, he throws it all back to his big brother, asking what they should do.

Dean thinks they should try to save the au d'oevres, get the hell out and take a few of the bad guys out if they're lucky. The Gabster, who popped in when they weren't looking, wonders when the hell the Winchesters are ever lucky. Good point, Loki. Dean's not happy. "Bite me, Gabriel." Gabriel looks interested but decides to put it off until later. Gabriel denies being behind this and points out that the guys are basically screwed however it plays out. He still thinks Mike and Luci will dance together, but not right now. He's there because he and Kali were once a hot item and he's "sentimental."

Sam wants to know if the gods have a chance against Lucifer because, hey, if they can take him out, Sam doesn’t have to go to the prom, and he'd apparently rather be a wallflower than a dress. Dean thinks the idea sucks and so does the Gabster, who says that Lucifer will "turn them into fingerpaint." They want him to send them away but he tells them that he can't because Kali did a blood spell on them--remember those cuts? I told you about Checkov's gun. And the quiz. F’s across the board!--and they're leashed. The Gabster thinks he can re-kindle the old flame and maybe get them out that way.

Dean's all about taking the other humans with them--yay! for BDH Dean, still trying to save everyone. Gabe refuses at first but Dean's not above blackmail; he threatens to tell the gods who the Gabster really is. After which follows a funny exchange. "I'll take your voice away." "I'll write it down." "I cut off your hands." "People are going to be asking, 'What happened to your hands'?" Hee.

The Gabster gives in though not with any particular good grace and heads off to Kali's room. She orders him to leave; she's moved on to Bladur because he's uncomplicated, though changing the diapers is annoying. We cut away before it gets all hot and heavy to find our boys back in the kitchen, presumably to free the others, when they (and we) hear screaming and see one of the main course being carried in by two of the gods. Dean tries to go to help but Sam pulls him back, telling him it's too late, and we see the meat cleaver descend. Dean looks stricken.

Your recapper has to stop here for a moment to talk about how happy she is with Dean the Hero Wanting to Save People Everywhere No Matter What Kind of Food They Are. Sam totally seems to be following Dean's lead on this; there's no indication he would be making them such a big priority on his own (not to say that didn't try when he was there, but your recapper didn't get the impression he would have held up their own escape to negotiate the others' release). Dean seems totally focused on it.

Back to the potential lovebirds, it seems Kali called "Loki" there. He's trying to talk her out of fighting because he says she couldn't win. She refuses and then jumps his bones. Your recapper suspects that things will not be all that hunky-dory back at the old homestead when Shiva finds out that an aspect of his wife has been, you know, sleeping with the entire Norse pantheon. Meanwhile, Sam is trying again to unlock the door in the kitchen, when he's grabbed from behind and, wonder of wonders, choked, while Dean is thrown into a wall (and some kitchen equipment). We flash back to Kali and the Gabster to hear a snick and Gabe going "ow" at the same time Dean stabs the god in the back with something; your recapper has watched the scene several times and cannot figure out exactly what it is--a skewer? The WoB stick (it kinda looks like wood)?--and kills Zao Shen. So now it's the WoB, an angel and a god. V-e-r-r-r-y interesting.

Dean wonders where the Gabster is and the audience find out first: Kali took some blood and says Gabe is bound to her. Now and forever. Trust me, Kali, they don't make forever the way they used to.

We are interrupted by an annoying Ghostfacers ad before seguing into a bunch of also annoying real ads. CW, there are too many damn ads on SPN!

The boys are dragged back to the ballroom, where Gabriel is being held. "How's the rescue going?" Dean snarks. Go, Dean! Kali takes Gabe's "archangel" sword--your recapper wonders if it's different from merely an "angel" sword--and spills the beans, leading to one of the best lines of the ep: "Okay, okay, so I have wings. Like Kotex." Uh, Gabe, your recapper is sure she speaks for everyone when she points out that might tell us more about you than we'd really like to know.

He again says that Lucifer's too tough for them but Kali says he's lying. Kali, you is making some bad judgment calls tonight. He insists he's seen how the story ends, but Kali isn't buying: "Your story." And then goes on about the arrogance of Westerners. Hmm, your recapper has a slight problem with all this: First, the three religions in question all started in the Middle East, so your recapper thinks that would make them actually In The Middle religions. Second, this is an angel fight. Your recapper doesn't believe angels can be called "Westerners" (or Northerners, Southerners, Effete Eastern Snobs, Imperialist Running Dog Lackeys, Inglourious Basterds--well, okay, maybe that last one). And, third, there seems to be a teensy weensy element of being pissed off because she might not be the one to burn the world to a crisp.

Your recapper isn't sure that humans would really give a damn who it is that lights the match, since it's the match that's really the important part.

Kali, not agreeing with your recapper, stabs Gabe with his shiny sword, we get an angelic sort of light show and--will your recapper be giving anything away to anyone if she adds the word "presumably" here? Didn't think so--presumably we have one toasted archangel.

We now get a wunnerful Dean scene. Having decided that "I'm out of options"--and isn't it so Leader!Deanish that it's "I'm" and not "we're"--Dean takes a deep breath, stands up and starts speechifying but in a totally good way. Starting with the endearment "You primitive screwheads, listen up," following with the affectionate "you filthy murdering chimps" as well as a loving "dicks," Dean points out that, though he would normally be trying to off the lot of them, he basically thinks they should join forces to gank Luci, who's not "in the yellow pages" but whom Dean and Sam can get a hold of. Dean pours himself a drink and with his back to the gods, we can see that he knows exactly how thin the ice on this pond is! Kali asks how they can reach Lucifer and, never losing focus on the innocents, Dean first demands they release the "main courses" or "you can eat me. Literally." Hee.

[Recapper aside] This scene was perfect for so many reasons. Not just Leader!Dean but also as another example of Smart, Think-On-His-Feet-Dean. Both in coming up with the idea at all, and in the execution: Dean had been observing the group and realized that power/strength was what the gods respected. The less you have of the former, the less you get of the latter--I'm looking at you, Mercury! Dean didn't talk to them as a supplicant, he talked to them as an equal, as a hunter who's killed gods (one in this ep) and as someone they should respect and be willing to deal with. And they responded accordingly. They listened and they agreed to deal, not only in regard to not killing the boys, but also in regard to the menu--and yay! for Dean never letting go of goal of getting the other humans out. As an extra added bonus, Sam's expressions were priceless, ranging from being scared s***less to "my brother's a crazy person!" LOL [/recapper aside]

The pantry races out of the hotel, herded along by BorderCollie!Dean. As Dean watches the others leave, a "pssst. Dean!" from inside the Impala catches his attention. It’s not-so-dead Gabriel (you remember the "presumably," right?). It seems that Gabriel is pretty darn tricksy, my precious, and that he gave Kali a sword made out of Diet Orange Slice cans. Hey, Gabriel recycles! And he's cutting down on sugar! (Which to be truthful, wasn't totally his idea. His wings basically told him to lose the spare tire or he wasn't getting to see the topside of a cloud again.)

Inside the Impala, Dean and Gabriel have a man-to-archangel chat. Gabriel wants Dean to "snag our blood" because “Kali likes you.”--took her a while but she finally saw the Dean. So to speak--so the three of them can "vamoose." Dean says no. He tells Gabe to give Kali the real blade or even better, to go after Lucifer himself. Gabe wants to know when Dean became butt-buddies with a "bunch of monsters" and Dean points out that crazy as it is, aligning with the gods is the best option out there, unless Gabe knows of a better one.

Gabster, UNLESS. YOU. KNOW. OF. A. BETTER. ONE. Hello? This might be a good time to, you know, reveal something, n'est-ce pas?

Choosing however to go to his grave with his lips sealed--oh, c'mon, I'm not telling you anything you didn't already know!--Gabe wishes Dean good luck, pointing out that his secret name isn't Runs With Lemmings. Dean recognizes himself in Gabriel, the "smartass shell, the whole I-could-give-a-crap thing" and he notes while the gods are not blood relatiions, they're "still your [ie Gabriel’s] family"--well, Loki's anyway. Sure, Loki killed his brother and sided with the Frost Giants against the gods, but no family's perfect, right? Dean says the others will die in there without him. Gabe responds that he can't kill his brother. "Can't...or won't?" Dean asks.

DUN DUN DUN! (It would actually matter if your recapper still believed Kripke had any intention of following through on any of his previous set-ups, but she doesn't.)

Dean leaves the car with a harsh, "That's what I thought."

[Recapper aside. "Again??" Hey!] Absolutely wonderful scene: Dean giving another rally the (one) troop speech. It also subtly points out that, contrary to the claims of some fans, Dean doesn't see things purely in black and white; shows that now that Dean has re-committed to finding a non-Michael solution, he's done so all the way and he's in it for the fight; notes again how Dean makes serious connections to the various characters that move through the show (as opposed to the faster--because Sam knows all the right things to say--but shallower connections Sam makes); and even points up that as likeable as Gabriel can be, there was a certain selfishness in his decision to run, especially as while he won't kill his brother, he was perfectly fine with setting it up so that Michael would have to. [/recapper aside. What do you mean, "Thank God?"]

And while the scene is great, your recapper does take note of the fact that Dean keeps winning angels over to his cause--which invariably ends up getting them hunted as fugitives or dead. Dean, honey, you might want to re-think this.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, Kali is asking Sam how he'd summon Lucifer and Sam says he just needs her to removes the sigils but the ever-practical goddess thinks snapping the damn things--the ribs, that is--would be easier. Sam looks to be a minute away from a dead faint when he's saved by the re-appearance of his big bro. Dean tells them the bad news that the sword's a fake, the Gabster is alive and the gods were tricked. Before that even has a chance to register, a new guest arrives at registration.

Well, speak of the Devil.

Luci, not looking his spiffiest, was sent for by Mercury, who still doesn't agree with Kali's plan to fight because basically, when elephants scuffle, it's usually the worm that gets stepped on. Unfortunately for Mercury, Lucifer has no sense of irony, since he proceeds to rant about how the gods are worse than humans or demons. They're petty, always fighting and happy to sell out each other. And none of that appears to resonate with him at all.

The lights in the ballroom start flickering and Bladur wonders what's going on. The boys have no doubts at all. We hear screams from outside the room and jump to the hallway where we watch Lucifer's progression as he goes through the former immortals like they were tissue paper. Lots of blood, gore and screaming ensues and Lucifer proceeds toward the ballroom, kindly stepping over the corpses instead of on them. Ever the gentleman.

Lucifer waves hello to the boys and offs Bladur for failing to follow the rules. (Despite the thorny issue of the depiction of the powerlessness of the gods in relation to Lucifer, your recapper does like Luci's line here: "No one gives us the right. We take it." Tough dude.). Kali is the only one of the invited guests who remembers she's actually a goddess. Shouting "Flame on!" she powers up and attempts to flambé Lucifer. Dean and Sam duck behind the table. No dummies there! Luci then slugs Kali--damn, there went his “gentleman” points. He's about to head straight into the minus column by stomping on Kali, when he's tossed backwards into the wall. Hey, wait a minute! Only Dean gets thrown into walls!

It's Gabriel, apparently swayed by both of Dean's kick-ass speeches to him, to the rescue. He gives Dean a copy of "Casa Erotica 13" and tells him to "guard it with his life" and, holding Lucifer at bay with the archangel sword that's not made of Diet Orange Slice cans, he helps Kali up and sends her out with Dean and Sam. He and Lucifer face off, first with words, and yay! for Gabriel for calling Lucifer on his "poor woobie victimized me. My Daddy and my big brother were so mean to me!" nonsense (and yay! for this episode not treating Lucifer sympathetically. Finally.). Gabe points out that God actually loved Lucifer the most--"More than Michael. More than me"--but that Luce couldn't handle it when God brought home the "new baby," humans. That the entire Apocalypse was a temper tantrum (sigh. Your recapper was hoping for something more...apocalyptic) and that it was time for Lucifer to grow up.

We flash briefly on the boys and Kali racing out of the hotel and to the Impala. Kali dares to diss the Metallicar and is rightly shut down by Dean ('cause no one disses his girl): "Just get in the car, princess!"

Back in the ballroom, we learn that Gabriel doesn't seem to like Michael any better--and really, Kripke, did you have to do that?--and that he's on the side of humanity, whom he considers to be better than angels. The Gabster tries the same trick we first saw him do in "Tall Tales," creating the false image of himself as the one Lucifer is talking to, while he sneaks up from behind, but Luci knows all the angles, since he taught them to Gabe, and our favorite trickster will never buy another whoopie cushion.

Your recapper wipes away a tear and wonders what the little black flying things that seem to be coming from Gabe and heading skyward are.

Commercial, commercial, commercial, commercial, commercial, commercial. Your recappers refuses to buy any of those products on general principles at this point! We are then greeted with the title card "Casa Erotica 13" and an assurance that everyone in that video was over eighteen and that they've provided proof of age. Your recapper wonders what Gabriel provided. An original copy of the Ten Commandments signed by his Dad? A bag of Lot's wife?

Your recapper can tell immediately that the writers of CE 13 clearly did not do any real research because no high-powered business president would ever have that bad a dye job. From Sam's expression as he watches it on the laptop, he totally feels the same way. Neither he nor Dean can figure out why they were given the video until Gabe shows up as the bellboy, with a pornstache and a fake Hung-arian accent. Breaking the fourth (and probably fifth and sixth, since he's dead) wall, he addresses the boys directly and tells them that if they're watching this video, he's dead. Without him, there's no way to actually kill Lucifer BUT they can trap him in the same cage he broke out of. To do this, they need the Horsemen's four rings (which apparently Luci isn’t aware of). Gabe, you couldn't have mentioned this sooner? Like, at the beginning of the season, so we didn't get eps like "Fallen Idols?" Thanks so much. Too bad Lucifer couldn’t kill you more than once!

Before returning to the meat of the video, Gabriel tells Dean that he was right: Gabriel was afraid to stand up to his brothers. Yet another yay! from your recapper, for someone finally telling Dean he was right about something. Adios, Gabster. It's been fun. Well, except for that killing Dean a thousand times thing. And the hitting Sam in the nuts. And stealing the wheels off the Impala. And giving Sam herpes (okay, that was sort of funny). And for making sure Dean will never go near another dog again.

From the brothers' conversation after turning, horrified, away from the, um, action in the video, we learn that, yes, Dean did actually finally recover his brains in "My Bloody Valentine" to take Famine's ring with the big knife he'd been holding for the previous hour he'd been standing there drooling or something, to add to the one they took from War, so now they only need Pestilence's and Death's. "Is that all?" Sam says sourly, to which Dean responds that at least, it's a plan. Your recapper wants to point out to Sam, in the kindest possible way and with the best of intentions, that IF HE ISN'T GOING TO ACTUALLY SUGGEST ANY FREAKING PLAN HIMSELF, HE CAN JUST SHUT THE HELL UP.

The last few minutes of this episode are so disgusting that your recapper not only refuses to watch that part again, but also to even recap it in any detail except to say that we meet Pestilence and he makes Famine look like the perfect house guest. It is even possible your recapper will be watching 5.20 with her eyes closed and a cache of antibiotics handy

1. Comment by maf, Apr 29 2010, 12:47 PM

   "The last few minutes of this episode are so disgusting that your recapper not only refuses to watch that part again, but also to even recap it in any detail except to say that we meet Pestilence and he makes Famine look like the perfect house guest."
   
   He he... I could barely watch the scene myself.. Excellent recap!
   
   "We now get a wunnerful Dean scene. Having decided that "I'm out of options"--and isn't it so Leader!Deanish that it's "I'm" and not "we're"--Dean takes a deep breath, stands up and starts speechifying but in a totally good way. Starting with the endearment "You primitive screwheads, listen up," following with the affectionate "you filthy murdering chimps" as well as a loving "dicks," Dean points out that, though he would normally be trying to off the lot of them, he basically thinks they should join forces to gank Luci, who's not "in the yellow pages" but whom Dean and Sam can get a hold of. Dean pours himself a drink and with his back to the gods, we can see that he knows exactly how thin the ice on this pond is! Kali asks how they can reach Lucifer and, never losing focus on the innocents, Dean first demands they release the "main courses" or "you can eat me. Literally." Hee."
   
   Wunnerful Dean scene! Heh.. I think I will adopt that expression

2. Comment by hermyhoney, Apr 29 2010, 10:35 PM

   Great recap!!
   

3. Comment by Wynefred, May 1 2010, 01:01 AM

   Wonderful recap!
   
   "Your recapper wonders what Gabriel provided. An original copy of the Ten Commandments signed by his Dad? A bag of Lot's wife?"
   
   Ha! That thought never occurred to me.
   
   "so now they only need Pestilence's and Death's. "Is that all?" Sam says sourly, to which Dean responds that at least, it's a plan. Your recapper wants to point out to Sam, in the kindest possible way and with the best of intentions, that IF HE ISN'T GOING TO ACTUALLY SUGGEST ANY FREAKING PLAN HIMSELF, HE CAN JUST SHUT THE HELL UP."
   
   Right. Besides, they already have half the rings, and they did it without breaking a sweat. Easy peasy. How hard can it be to get two more?
   
   Really enjoyed your review. Good stuff.

4. Comment by 99mangoes, May 1 2010, 12:39 PM

   Charmingly snarky as always Mal. Wonderful. Also how much d I love the word unctous? Alotalotalot! Thanks for another great recap.

5. Comment by 99mangoes, May 1 2010, 12:40 PM

   And it would help if I could actually spell unctuous.

6. Comment by bevarshi11, May 1 2010, 08:42 PM

   Oh, Mal...how I love your awesome recaps! Witty and snarky and so very, very clever..... I haven't laughed this hard in a long time! *hugs*

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