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Commend Ananke
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Topic Started: Oct 11 2010, 08:33 PM (1,346 Views)
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A mean old man
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Oct 17 2010, 03:44 PM
Post #21
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Crazed Curmudgeon
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- Quote:
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Aware that Ananke rose to the position of Secretary of State of the now defunct Alliance Defense Network (ADN) and assumed a leading position in what was the largest multi-regional alliance in NationStates history,
Hm? Hm, hm?
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Aware that the Alliance Defense Network (ADN) was the largest multi-regional alliance in NationStates history, and that Ananke rose to the leading position of Secretary of State of the ADN,
Hrm...
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Aware, rose of multi-regional position Secretary of Alliance Defense Ananke Network that (ADN) a leading alliance of State in what was to the position the now defunct in NationStates the largest history,
YES!
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sedge
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Oct 17 2010, 04:08 PM
Post #22
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Sedgistan
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I like the second one most, but with a slight edit:
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Aware that the Alliance Defense Network (ADN) was the largest multi-regional alliance in NationStates history, and that Ananke rose to the leading position of Secretary of State within it,
Does that still work?
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A mean old man
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Oct 17 2010, 04:12 PM
Post #23
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Crazed Curmudgeon
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I think so...
Go for it.
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sedge
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Oct 17 2010, 04:23 PM
Post #24
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Sedgistan
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OK, current draft. I'll probably post it on the SC forums later today.
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The Security Council:
Recognising that Ananke II is more commonly referred to just as "Ananke";
Recalling that, in 2003, Ananke helped establish the North Pacific Army, a defender military based in the region The North Pacific and which was one of the most active and influential militaries based in one of the Pacifics;
Aware that the Alliance Defense Network (ADN) was the largest multi-regional alliance in NationStates history, and that Ananke rose to the leading position of Secretary of State within it;
Believing that, through holding this position within the ADN, Ananke assisted with the protection of numerous regions from the threat of invasion;
Applauding Ananke's role as one of the three organisers of the liberation of The North Pacific in 2004, the largest successful liberation in NationStates history, which freed the region from the tyranny of the New Pacific Order, a dictatorial regime based out of The Pacific;
Praising Ananke's continued work as a defender - first in the North Pacific Army, and then as part of the ADN, the GLA, and more recently, the 10000 Islands Treaty Organisation (TITO), which has helped to keep hundreds of regions free to rule themselves without interference from hostile outside forces -- a cause that aligns with the Security Council's stated aim of spreading interregional peace;
Observing Ananke's tireless work within 10000 Islands, which she has helped to turn into one of the largest and most influential regions in NationStates, through extensive recruiting efforts and the welcoming of every new nation that joins the region -- a benefit shared by the wider NationStates community, as it leads to an increase in the number of nations actively engaged with their peers;
Recognising Ananke's recently-finished stint as delegate of 10000 Islands, during which Ananke was the highest-endorsed delegate in several years, who assisted in engaging the 10000 Islands community with the World Assembly, helping to shape the direction of the Security Council;
Acknowledging that as delegate of 10000 Islands, Ananke was also responsible for leading the foreign affairs mission of the region, helping to drastically increase its foreign affairs involvement, and improving diplomatic relations between other regions and 10000 Islands;
Perceiving that Ananke's work as a defender, spreading interregional peace, and as a delegate and diplomat for 10000 Islands, spreading goodwill, aligns perfectly with the Security Council's aims;
Concluding that few nations have made such a significant and beneficial contribution to NationStates as Ananke II has and that these contributions should therefore be recognised through a Commendation from the World Assembly;
Hereby Commends Ananke II
I've removed the co-authorship for now - Guy hasn't got back to me yet.
Edited by sedge, Oct 17 2010, 04:38 PM.
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sedge
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Oct 17 2010, 04:38 PM
Post #25
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Sedgistan
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Just realised I left that hanging proposition clause in there (as well as the new one) - fixed that.
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A mean old man
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Oct 17 2010, 04:39 PM
Post #26
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Crazed Curmudgeon
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Hold on a mo, I ain't done here!
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sedge
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Oct 17 2010, 04:39 PM
Post #27
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Sedgistan
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Woah, ok
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A mean old man
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Oct 17 2010, 05:18 PM
Post #28
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Crazed Curmudgeon
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I'm going to avoid the NPO line at the moment, mainly because I'm not sure how the leaders of my region feel about it, but I'll edit the rest now. I know that, whether the NPO are happy with it or not, this thing is going to be voted on and probably passed, so I might as well finish what I started.
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Praising Ananke's continued work as a defender - first in the North Pacific Army, then in the ADN, the GLA, and, more recently, in the 10000 Islands Treaty Organisation (TITO) - which has helped to keep hundreds of regions free to rule themselves without interference from hostile foreign forces, and recognising that this is a cause that aligns with the Security Council's aim of spreading interregional peace;
You little thief, you.
Changed a bit, changed a word for prettiness. You are your commas are confusing the hell out of me, by the way. Don't italicize and underline the end. I just did that to highlight that I was commenting on it. Oh, and I got rid of "stated" because it just seemed unnecessary.
Oh, and I had put a "z" in "recognising," but later changed it to keep the spelling constant. Do they spell it with an "s" in Europe? I'm from the States, and a lot of spellings have been changed here and use z's where s's were formerly used.
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Observing Ananke's tireless work within 10000 Islands, which she has helped to turn into one of the largest and most influential regions in NationStates through extensive recruiting efforts and the welcoming of every new nation that joins the region, and noting that this work has been a benefit shared by the wider NationStates community, as it leads to an increase in the number of nations actively engaged with their peers;
What is the "a benefit" part attached to? It is referring to Ananke's work? If that's the case, I've edited it so that it makes sense.
And the "she" I highlighted in blue is a R4 violation. Not quite sure how to take care of that. "Their peers" may also be considered a R4 violation. Now that I notice these ones, there may be other R4 violations within the text that we're not finding. I'll do a sweep for them when I've finished this post.
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Recognising Ananke's recently completed stint as delegate of 10000 Islands, during which Ananke became the highest-endorsed delegate in several years and assisted in engaging the 10000 Islands community with the World Assembly, helping to shape the direction of the Security Council;
"Who" was an R4 violation.
The "helping" part is dangling and probably isn't even necessary in the long run.
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Acknowledging that, as delegate of 10000 Islands, Ananke was also responsible for leading the foreign affairs mission of the region, helping to drastically increase its foreign affairs involvement, and improving diplomatic relations between 10000 Islands and other regions;
"Other regions and 10000 Islands" part sounds a bit unpleasant. I flipped it around, mainly because it sounded better, but I still don't like "other." That might be my verbosity kicking in. This clause is fine; you can make my changes if you want to.
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Perceiving that Ananke's work as a defender, spreading interregional peace, and as a delegate and diplomat for 10000 Islands, spreading goodwill, aligns perfectly with the Security Council's aims;
What the fuck?
Oh, I see what you did here. It's weird and I don't think it's correct, but it looks kinda neat.
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Perceiving that Ananke's work as a defender that spreads interregional peace, and as a delegate and diplomat for 10000 Islands that spreads goodwill, aligns perfectly with the Security Council's aims;
I couldn't let you get away with it, though.
Y'know, you kinda stated the "Security Council's aims" thing twice in the resolution. May want to edit that, too.
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Concluding that few nations have made such a significant and beneficial contribution to NationStates as Ananke II has and that this contribution should therefore be recognised through a Commendation from the World Assembly;
Ananke II or Ananke? This isn't an operative clause; you don't need to say Ananke II yet if you don't want to. Just saying.
Oh, and there was a singular/plural confusion in there which I fixed.
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Hereby Commends Ananke II.
When I write a resolution, I usually make it like one humongous sentence, as such:
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THE WORLD ASSEMBLY,
THINKING this,
SAYING that,
DOES this.
The semicolons drive me insane whenever I see them used. You can use them if you like, but the RL UN uses the format above (minus the caps - oh, and a fun fact: I was actually using that format for WA resolutions before I even knew what the RL UN used). At least put a period at the end of the proposal, though?
That's...
...all, for now. I think?
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sedge
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Oct 17 2010, 05:44 PM
Post #29
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Sedgistan
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- A mean old man
- Oct 17 2010, 05:18 PM
- Quote:
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Praising Ananke's continued work as a defender - first in the North Pacific Army, then in the ADN, the GLA, and, more recently, in the 10000 Islands Treaty Organisation (TITO) - which has helped to keep hundreds of regions free to rule themselves without interference from hostile foreign forces, and recognising that this is a cause that aligns with the Security Council's aim of spreading interregional peace;
You little thief, you. Changed a bit, changed a word for prettiness. You are your commas are confusing the hell out of me, by the way. Don't italicize and underline the end. I just did that to highlight that I was commenting on it. Oh, and I got rid of "stated" because it just seemed unnecessary. Oh, and I had put a "z" in "recognising," but later changed it to keep the spelling constant. Do they spell it with an "s" in Europe? I'm from the States, and a lot of spellings have been changed here and use z's where s's were formerly used. Eh, was that your line? I know its been used before, but I thought it was more the kind of thing Uni would say. I guess you two are more alike than you like to think... 
The changes are good, though you're contradicting Uni on commas. In the end I might just remove them all, read over it, and then put them back in wherever I think they fit.
Recognising has an 's' in England - I use English spelling for all the proposals I author, though for this one I say Alliance Defense Network, as that was its name (created by Americans).
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Observing Ananke's tireless work within 10000 Islands, which she has helped to turn into one of the largest and most influential regions in NationStates through extensive recruiting efforts and the welcoming of every new nation that joins the region, and noting that this work has been a benefit shared by the wider NationStates community, as it leads to an increase in the number of nations actively engaged with their peers;
What is the "a benefit" part attached to? It is referring to Ananke's work? If that's the case, I've edited it so that it makes sense. And the "she" I highlighted in blue is a R4 violation. Not quite sure how to take care of that. "Their peers" may also be considered a R4 violation. Now that I notice these ones, there may be other R4 violations within the text that we're not finding. I'll do a sweep for them when I've finished this post.
Bollocks. Damn R4. Might just say "Observing Ananke's tireless work within 10000 Islands, helping to turn it into..."
The 'benefit' is referring mainly to her welcoming of nations, but yeah - in general, its the "Ananke's tireless work" bit. Edit makes sense, so I'll keep that.
I'm not sure "peers" would be a R4 violation - I'm sure it can be applied to nations too (international peers).
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Recognising Ananke's recently completed stint as delegate of 10000 Islands, during which Ananke became the highest-endorsed delegate in several years and assisted in engaging the 10000 Islands community with the World Assembly, helping to shape the direction of the Security Council;
"Who" was an R4 violation. The "helping" part is dangling and probably isn't even necessary in the long run.
Yep, all good. Ironic that I pointed out in the silly/illegal proposals thread yesterday that "who" was a R4 violation, then went and did it myself...
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Acknowledging that, as delegate of 10000 Islands, Ananke was also responsible for leading the foreign affairs mission of the region, helping to drastically increase its foreign affairs involvement, and improving diplomatic relations between 10000 Islands and other regions;
"Other regions and 10000 Islands" part sounds a bit unpleasant. I flipped it around, mainly because it sounded better, but I still don't like "other." That might be my verbosity kicking in. This clause is fine; you can make my changes if you want to.
Flipping is good - I would say "wider world", but I think I've already said something similar.
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Perceiving that Ananke's work as a defender, spreading interregional peace, and as a delegate and diplomat for 10000 Islands, spreading goodwill, aligns perfectly with the Security Council's aims;
What the fuck? Oh, I see what you did here. It's weird and I don't think it's correct, but it looks kinda neat. - Quote:
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Perceiving that Ananke's work as a defender that spreads interregional peace, and as a delegate and diplomat for 10000 Islands that spreads goodwill, aligns perfectly with the Security Council's aims;
I couldn't let you get away with it, though. Y'know, you kinda stated the "Security Council's aims" thing twice in the resolution. May want to edit that, too.
Yeah, I just wanted to emphasise that point - guess I could drop the first reference to it, but I just wanted it there as a way of saying why we (the SC) like defending. Your re-phrasing is good.
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Concluding that few nations have made such a significant and beneficial contribution to NationStates as Ananke II has and that this contribution should therefore be recognised through a Commendation from the World Assembly;
Ananke II or Ananke? This isn't an operative clause; you don't need to say Ananke II yet if you don't want to. Just saying. Oh, and there was a singular/plural confusion in there which I fixed.
My R4-hating self wants to refer to her as Ananke as often as possible, as thats the name the player goes under. So... I have no idea why I said Ananke II there. I'll change it.
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Hereby Commends Ananke II.
When I write a resolution, I usually make it like one humongous sentence, as such: - Quote:
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THE WORLD ASSEMBLY,
THINKING this,
SAYING that,
DOES this.
The semicolons drive me insane whenever I see them used. You can use them if you like, but the RL UN uses the format above (minus the caps - oh, and a fun fact: I was actually using that format for WA resolutions before I even knew what the RL UN used). At least put a period at the end of the proposal, though?
I'll use commas. I think I was just copying someone else when I originally went for semi-colons. And yes, the full-stop will be included.
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That's...
...all, for now. I think?
Cheers - I'll try and pull it all together now into another version of the current draft.
Edited by sedge, Oct 17 2010, 05:55 PM.
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sedge
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Oct 17 2010, 05:56 PM
Post #30
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Sedgistan
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Ta-da!
- Quote:
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The Security Council:
Recognising that Ananke II is more commonly referred to just as "Ananke",
Recalling that, in 2003, Ananke helped establish the North Pacific Army, a defender military based in the region The North Pacific and which was one of the most active and influential militaries based in one of the Pacifics,
Aware that the Alliance Defense Network (ADN) was the largest multi-regional alliance in NationStates history, and that Ananke rose to the leading position of Secretary of State within it,
Believing that, through holding this position within the ADN, Ananke assisted with the protection of numerous regions from the threat of invasion,
Applauding Ananke's role as one of the three organisers of the liberation of The North Pacific in 2004, the largest successful liberation in NationStates history, which freed the region from the tyranny of the New Pacific Order, a dictatorial regime based out of The Pacific,
Praising Ananke's continued work as a defender - first in the North Pacific Army, then in the ADN, the GLA, and, more recently, in the 10000 Islands Treaty Organisation (TITO) - which has helped to keep hundreds of regions free to rule themselves without interference from hostile foreign forces, and recognising that this is a cause that aligns with the Security Council's aim of spreading interregional peace,
Observing Ananke's tireless work within 10000 Islands, helping to turn it into one of the largest and most influential regions in NationStates, through extensive recruiting efforts and the welcoming of every new nation that joins the region, and noting that this work has been a benefit shared by the wider NationStates community, as it leads to an increase in the number of nations actively engaged with their peers,
Recognising Ananke's recently completed stint as delegate of 10000 Islands, during which Ananke became the highest-endorsed delegate in several years and assisted in engaging the 10000 Islands community with the World Assembly,
Acknowledging that, as delegate of 10000 Islands, Ananke was also responsible for leading the foreign affairs mission of the region, helping to drastically increase its foreign affairs involvement, and improving diplomatic relations between 10000 Islands and other regions,
Perceiving that Ananke's work as a defender that spreads interregional peace, and as a delegate and diplomat for 10000 Islands that spreads goodwill, aligns perfectly with the Security Council's aims,
Concluding that few nations have made such a significant and beneficial contribution to NationStates as Ananke has and that this contribution should therefore be recognised through a Commendation from the World Assembly,
Hereby Commends Ananke II.
This has got to be the longest resolution I've written. My ones usually have about 5 clauses.
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