| Chapter Reveiw | |
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| Topic Started: Mar 25 2008, 05:34 PM (54 Views) | |
| Turncloak | Mar 25 2008, 05:34 PM Post #1 |
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Can someone read and review this chapter? I need I way to make it longer, tge council scene seems really fast compared to the first part. Basically in this scene, we get introduced to King Lamar Marks, part of the line of Kings that took over some hundred or so years ago. And, basically, he sees the life he’s living like being trapped in the same dream, nightmare, because they have been at war with the north even before they became kings. So after this attack at his capital, Lamar, who has his arm wounded, holds council with Rhonos, who has recently arrived to discuss his father’s absence- and I’m trying to make Lamar a sort of father figure in Jared’s absence. Rhonos- being a mix of Viserys, Joffrey and maybe Robb if you what a Song reference of his character- he pretty much wants all out war on Roger, he wants his guys to go berserk on him. But at the end of it all, Rhonos proposes a larger council, which will later lead to the whole continent being involved. Lamar Lamar Marks loomed down from his castle and starred in to the horizon where the seas lay, his face scarred and his eyes wrinkled with age. Looking at him at this particular moment one could see that his right arm was wounded, bound in silk- a dark crimson staining its pure white. He was an old one, this king of the sea; a man who had reached his prime, his hair giving up that rich auburn for a dull gray, his eyes pale and tired, as if he had seem a thousand battles, and thrice that number slain. He blinked gritting his teeth as a rush of pain ran through his arm. He forcefully turned his right hand in to a first, still not easing the pain. Not a day had passed since the northmen stormed his walls, thinking they could defeat him. But alas- Roger was a babe when he first sat the throne- and at twenty-nine he had not changed, and if he thought that he could be fooled by flattery, he was sadly mistaken. A knight sent to sing the king his song. But then, every bird had his master, and this bird’s master was his enemy. Once his men spoke of their suspicions, he made his place known- but not before playing his own little game. Not long after, his men sent word of an approaching host, and he made sure that his bird’s throat was cut. Oh what a knight he had sent, they said that sellswords were all cowards- how right they had been. He looked behind him and saw the stout figure of one of his steward’s approach. “My lord,” said he, squinting his eyes at the sun outside. “Prince Rhonos demands council.” I was expecting this, he thought. “Very well then.” He said, it appeared that he had no other choice, but then, Rhonos was a stubborn youth. So he followed, his robes dragging behind him. As he walked his mighty halls, he thought of the prince’s arrival. He had no need of extra men, but the southern host seemed to be of help, he half expected to see King Roger himself, but he knew better. Yet it was clear why the youth had truly come- his father. The man had never returned and there had been no word of where he might be, most thought him dead. And if he were dead- he could scarcely imagine the man’s army in the hands of his son and heir. It wasn’t long before he starred in to his throne room, where a long table had been erected- most like by Rhonos and his banners. He watched them rise, his eyes searching the room for the prince, seated at the far end of the table in a long blue cloak, his bannermen and captains to his right. It was when the king took his seat on his throne, that the man at his own right had spoken, Lord Daniel Martel. But truth be told, he was only lord by name, but he was in high regard to King Lamar. “Your Grace, as Lord Treasurer, I must say that this recent attack, my lord- they have put us back some thousand golden wolves.” “Screw your rant Lord Treasurer.” Said one of Rhonos’ banners. “We have a war to fight.” “Do you put the death of a tyrant before the security of the state?” he questioned. Egroeg Martyn stood, silencing them both, “As Lord Swordsman of King Lamar Marks and his father before him I advice you to heed no mind to our lord treasurer’s warning. This is war-” Daniel stood and looked towards Lord Egroeg, “And we need coin to pay my lord. Coin, that we do not have.” He let the others absorb that thought. “In order to continue this campaign we need the coin.” It was then that Prince Rhonos spoke, in a still youthful and innocent voice. “The western prince has all the gold we’ll need.” He pointed out. “Gold that he will not care to give.” Insisted Lamar. “Darnull may, but his cousin- his cousin is a stubborn brute, and he is not like to give up what gold he may have without good reason.” “This is our reason!” shouted Rhonos. “This is our plague.” “Rhonos, you do not know him well. Even when their house was one- they never cared for our quarrels. There was a time when they warred, but that time has passed.” “The man is right.” Said one of Lamar’ “I myself have seen him at Lord Fassoway’s tourney, he is not a man of humor. They say Fassoway was shamed after that.” He shook his head. Lamar chuckled. “So what do you plan Prince? The Yesari is the man with a fuller purse and he wont care a monkey’s fart if we all got out heads trimmed a few inches.” “If we had a map we could have a plan.” Said Marlid, who was the exact image of a younger Lamar. “Or if we were in Torren’s Tower.” “We’d have no room in Torren’s Tower.” Said Lamar. “And this is no true war council either.” “Then why do we disuses the matter of war?” asked Ser Qyles Trent, another of King Jared Brood’s bannermen. “That matters not. What we must discuss in our next move.” Lamar paused and questioned his Lord Swordsman, “And where might I ask, if any, are the survivors of this recent attack?” “There were none. We took fifty captive.” Egroeg accounted. “Sir Robert Loren for one.” The council murmured with approval. Robert Loren was a man of interest to them, He owned a large, rich estate on an island northeast of the Rock, and he had a fine time when he was not at court, he would make a well-made ransom. “On another note,” said Martyn, “how do we plan to get King Jared back?” “If he’s alive.” Said Lamar. “Send outriders to find him, fifty.” “What makes you think he’s walking around in the north?” questioned Rhonos. “Well Roger hasn’t spoken. Which means he’s off somewhere.” “And where, may I ask would he be? The enemy rules the northern shores. We have not heard from him since the raid six months past.” Trent interrupted. “Mayhaps he has no raven.: “He would have still come.” Insisted Lamar. “Horse or not.” “He could have been mistaken as a commoner and taken as some man’s steward.” Said another of Brood’s bannermen. “A commoner wearing armor and a falcon on his cloak? I think not.” Said Martyn. “It’s not every day a highborn man such as he is taken as a steward.” “Our lord of the quill disagrees?” questioned Lord Daniel. Egroeg snorted. “It is simply impossible for it to happen. We must get a host that can- if it is so- free Jared from imprisonment.” “If it is so.” Said Lamar. “If it is so.” “You do not think it’s so?” challenged Rhonos. “You do not think if so- that my father be alive and well? A prisoner of the King of the Rock or some lesser man? You think it not so?” Lamar stood and looked at Rhonos with anger. “Rhonos, you are a man grown, yet you have the hope of a child yearning to see his father once more. Well hear me out Rhonos, those times have past, this is a game of thrones, and only those who know it well may win, and at it, you sir are a fool as green as summer.” Rhonos was set aback. “Remember who you are speaking to Lamar, remember it. I am not a man to be angered.” Indeed, thought Lamar, indeed. But it was truth, he knew not of the ways of war, and hope was not a place for it. You were always a man of anger Rhonos, perhaps some day you will learn otherwise. “I will remember Rhonos, and I hope you remember it the day you change, if ever you do.” Sitting down he added. “But even if he were his prisoner, his men would challenge us at every crossing, watch us from every wood- you make it seem as if one could venture north in to the bear’s lair and take what it is that he wants in his possession. And if he were not there I guarantee you that the king in the north would have a laugh at that, my prince.” “So do you agree or disagree with my notion?” “Neither, but seeing as you are your own lord, I bid you well in what ever it may be that you have in mind.” “And if I say I wish assemble a large enough host to take on the north?” “I’d think you mad for thinking such. If I were in such a position, I’d divide my arms to take on an assigned city, and then they will have no choice but to do the same. I doubt they’d risk allowing us to do that.” Rhonos shook his head. “Roger is a greater threat. The sooner we defeat him the sooner we defeat the others.” You naïve boy, you have not yet bathed yourself in the disappointment and horror that is war, nor do you know the way of the king of the rock. “Rhonos, if all were as simple as that, there would be no king in the north. Trust me boy, I know his ways and his fathers more than you.” “Then at least call a bigger council!” Exclaimed Rhonos. “Call the lords of the south to your palace, make it a better raid.” “What Lords?” Lamar questioned. “What lords? There are no lord’s prince’s have other things to do, other than to watch two old kings quarrel the same quarrel. This war of ours is the old as time. And no man in his right mind- no lord who had not been touched by this curse would ever trouble themselves with it.” “Are you that certain?” challenged Rhonos. “You think it is only us trapped in this eternal torture? This dream that never ceases to stop?” Then leave!” Lamar shouted in rage. “I don’t give you a week. Show me who gives a damn about this curse?” “Is that a challenge?” ”Nope, a warning.” Rhonos rose, his face expressionless. “We will see Lamar, we will see.” So he turned and left with his banners behind him. We will see. |
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2:37 PM Nov 30
