| The birth of the living shadows; part 1: Loyaltys and Tactics | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Dec 8 2007, 07:48 PM (562 Views) | |
| Gixis | Dec 9 2007, 11:28 PM Post #21 |
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Volket is here! XD
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It was cold that night...colder then it had been for a long time. the snow fell gently down covering the ground in a while blanket. Then a voice rang out, a man dressed in blue armor covering himself in a brown cloak was addressing the town. "Good people of Begnion! Are we just going to stand here and allow the senate to rule us? Our empress apostle Sanaki had been murdered! Are we just going to turn a blind eye?!" Volket was attempting to gain more support, he had had far better luck with the towns people. After the conclusion of his great speech he had gained at least ten more supporters, he estimated he had 50 people now, 23 of which could fight, 2 of which were dead from the escape, and the rest being civilians. Most people ignored the fact that Volket calmed that it had been a inside job to force us to go into war. Everything was going well until Volket started hearing that Begnion had picked up on his movements. "Well time to move on I guess." said Volket to Edith, she responded "where will we go if Begnion is chasing us?". Volket smiled and responded in his normal kind voice, "We will go to Crimea, after all it's the only place we can go to lose them." Volket said, besides he wanted to meet some one their. He had herd some rumors of a mage who had joined the Crimea movement as it had been come to known. Volket then turned around and gave a great smile to the people of the newly founded army. "Shall we go?" he said. This was met with a great cheer, without meaning to Volket had become a hero to these people. ________________________________________________________________ Part one: Fin ________________________________________________________________ |
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| Leo | Dec 9 2007, 11:36 PM Post #22 |
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(( Epic =O Leo ish join! yay! Can;t wait to RP in Part 2 )) |
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| Leo | Dec 9 2007, 11:56 PM Post #23 |
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Grading: Grammar: Okay, first we need to get your capitalizing skills better. Its not tremendously bad, but still needs work. I see lots of sentences beginning with a lower case letter. That's bad. =O Next, commas are another bad point for you. Nothing as bad as capitalizing, though. I believe that's it. No Level Spelling: Nothing bad here. Keep it up. 1 level Length of Posts: Not bad at all. Keep it up here also. 1 Level How much you character helped with the plot: A lot, seeing as he was the main character. 1 Level 3 levels gained. Weapon Use: Very well used. Realistic, and well described. I believe you gained to Lace-C. (( I've never graded before, so yeah. xP Deal with it. )) Edited by Leo, Dec 10 2007, 12:07 AM.
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12:38 AM Jul 11