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A short story that turned into a long mess
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Topic Started: Apr 23 09, 1:44 AM (1,903 Views)
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RaeMina
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Mar 16 11, 3:41 PM
Post #61
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Let me be your sword and your shield
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Yeah, voices on the radio tend to be jerks anyway =P
I've gotta ask, why do you sometimes switch to J's first person? My tip is from now on keep it in pov, probably third person, and keep it at 3rd. It's more professional that way
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RazorStar
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Mar 16 11, 11:42 PM
Post #62
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I just like the perspective switch thing, I mean I can understand it wrecking flow and causing confusion, but it's something I like to do every once and again. Sometimes it just feels like it makes more sense to go inside the mind of the MC when big things are happening, it sorts of expresses emotion better, instead of being in a more logical flow from third person.
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RaeMina
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Mar 17 11, 3:17 AM
Post #63
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Let me be your sword and your shield
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That's true, and since Protectors is a For the Lulz project go and do whatever you want! It's just more professional to keep in one spot
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RazorStar
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Jun 9 11, 3:45 AM
Post #64
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Chapter 14: Unknown
“So it's been defeated then?” Zerick clasped his hands together and took a deep breath. He had considered the entire story Kefir had given him. A taunting voice from a radio transmitter, Kefir had unfortunately destroyed it, but given the circumstances his actions were understandable, perhaps for the best even. The worm had spoken, Junius and Heath had both confessed to this fact. Perhaps the most important thing, and by far the most disturbing, is that every single protector heard the worm's screams.
“Dead by my own hand. That foam it released when it died, it still troubles me. The voice over the transmitter said something along the lines of it being hazardous. I only hope it was a bluff on his part.”
“We've already got hazard crews checking out the deceased body, as well as a gag order on the media. Any information released about this incident will be constructed in such a way that benefits our side.” Zerick explained. “If it is hazardous, we've got some of the brightest minds dealing with the situation.”
“Wouldn't it just be easier to come out with the truth?” J asked, rolling up from his seat on the beach. “Tell them all about the Duskon threat, the damage done to Naples, and anything else they may be relevant.”
Zerick shook his head. “Well-”
“You really don't know much about sensitive affairs, do you?” Cyrus spoke up, “If we mentioned all of these things at once, the people would look at us like we were crazy. It would be worse if they actually believed us. Think of the panic that would happen, we might end up breeding more Duskon if my hypothesis is correct.”
“That's the gist of it. The 'truth' is only needed if it's beneficial, and right now it isn't.”
“Fair enough.” J leaned back, gazing out at the horizon, letting the random conversations and series of small talk fade into a single collective chatter.
“You think we can head back now? My feet are killing me.” Linda added, “We shouldn't have to stand around here any longer.”
“Right. Satoshi, if you would please.”
Satoshi gave a slight nod and opened a portal to the vacation home. “You all know the drill, don't take any forks in the road, and walk straight ahead.” Without any warning, J rushed straight through the portal.
“What was that all about?” Jennifer asked, noting to herself that that one should be considered alien.
Satoshi gave a slight smirk, “It's probably better not to ask about it. If you all would continue, we could spend less time standing at this random beach.”
Slowly the group began to file in, letting the small talk descend to quiet whispers in the blue portal. There was nothing really comfortable about this form of travel, every step felt like a spider had found a home inside your spinal cord and started spinning webs. To Satoshi this kind of feeling was natural, but to everyone else, they just wanted the journey to end. Luckily, the transport was brief, and in a manner of seconds the group of fifteen had all gathered in the courtyard of Zerick's mansion.
“Thank you so much for dealing with this threat.” Zerick applauded the group. “All of you have done shown so much for us, and while most of humanity must be kept in the dark about this, I thank you on their behalf.”
“Aw shucks, It wasn't really that much you know.” Graham grinned, “you keep flattering us like that and we might all get diabetes.”
“Oh. I shall be more like prune juice next time, in order to help your digestive system.” Even the crickets weren't amused, as awkward silence passed through the courtyard. “Um, anyway, please do as you see fit for today. My chefs are making a large feast for dinner tonight, so please enjoy yourself. The tournament will start tomorrow, so if you're participating, make sure you get lots of rest.”
“Tournament?” J responded from his perch on the fountain's edge. “What's this about?”
“Well you see...”
...
“And that about covers it.” Zerick finished speaking. The others had long since left, knowing of Zerick's propensity to ramble on.
“Sounds fun.” J smirked, “I just have one question to ask you.”
“Sure thing, ask away.”
“Where are the showers hiding? This blood isn't gonna come off that easily you know.”
Zerick laughed and pointed J in the right direction.
---
The water ran furiously through the ornate shower-head, everything in this house was designed to be as show-offy as possible, but still functional at the same time. J felt bad for the servants stuck with cleaning his clothes, the smells they were covered in must have been offending to anyone but himself. He looked down at his legs, noticing just how much tougher he looked after a week with these rocks strapped to his arms. His frame had made up some serious muscle since then, his growth felt inhuman, but he wasn't ungrateful for it.
All the strength in the world seemed to course through his veins, even the fatigue he felt earlier seemed to be slipping down the shower drain. “Feels like I haven't taken a break in a long time.” He muttered under the flow of water.
“And now your mind starts to wander.” Libra spoke out, “What's bothering you?”
“I thought you'd be able to discern that, sharing the same mind and all should have some benefits.”
“Not stuff you actively try to keep hidden, I would not invade on your privacy any more than I have to.”
“That's surprisingly considerate of you.” J ran his fingers through his hair, still a little sticky and clumped up. “Have you heard the saying about the ocean and a drowning man?”
“Can't say that I have.”
“A drowning man can never understand the entirety of the ocean, only the depth of it.” he scratched his nose, “So if I'm drowning in this plot, then how big is this ocean?”
Libra sighed. “Can you stop talking in metaphors for a second?”
“I could, but it's so much fun not to. That's all I'm willing to say for now. Thanks for not eavesdropping in my mind and actually asking me first.”
Libra chuckled a little. “We're partners, if you can't trust me how are we supposed to work together?”
“Trust is the one thing I have to build while I'm here. I'm glad someone like you is stuck inside my head. From what I've seen out of Sage he has it a lot worse than I do.” The loud bellowing of J's laughter eked out a small voice from outside the curtain.
“Hmm? Who is it?” J peeked his head out of the shower curtain to see a hand withdraw out of the bathroom door.
“It's Heath. I came to deliver your clothes, and there's a note here as well.” He spoke quickly, wanting to disappear from the situation.
“Thanks. If you want to leave go right ahead, I won't be offended or anything.” J smiled and turned the water off. He waited for a response, but got nothing. “Guess he already did... oh well.” He stepped out and grabbed the first towel he could find, drying his head as fast as he could. “What's this note then...”
Quickly drying his hand he reached out and plucked the note from the pile of folded clothes. “No name, and it looks like there is... two of them, the handwriting is different as well.”
“Seems like you have a list of secret admirers. How does it feel to be so loved.” Libra chuckled as she egged J on.
“Nah, these aren't any love letters. The first one is from Zerick, seems like he was nice enough to leave his name on it.” J grinned, “Ah this is nice, he drew me a map, showing me where my room is, among with the other things in this house. There's also a note here, basically to the effect of enjoy your stay here, and I hope you like food so mouth watering that it could quench the desert's heat.
“That man is certainly one for words.” Libra sighed, “What's the next one about?”
His eyes narrowed as he scanned the chunk the paper. “A warning. 'Beware the extending flames, bigger isn't always better'. There is what appears to be the tournament bracket on the other side.”
“Nine combatants means someone has to battle four times if they want to win it all. Looks like that lucky person is you. Your opponent appears to be Jennifer Barton.”
“I have no idea who that is.”
“Well you can narrow it down can't you. There were four women with us on the way here, and the blonde was the one who healed our wounds both on the turtle and in Naples. She was Capricia.”
“Right. That leaves the small red haired girl, the large talkative woman, and the brunette who appeared to be around my age. If this note has any truth to it, I have some good information. If only that idiot didn't withhold those dossiers from me, then I'd know more!”
“No use complaining about that now, J.” Libra focused on the last bit of the note, obscured by J's thumb. “Looks like you missed something. 'The balcony over the courtyard, eight PM.' Seems like you might get your information after all.”
“This all feels too contrived.” J sighed, as he picked up the clothing by his feet. “Wait, what the hell, is this formal wear?”
“Sure beats those rags you were wearing before.”
J rubbed his hands along the pants leg, getting the feel of the fabric. “Damn, this is smooth.” Almost instantly, J changed into the white shirt, dress pants and socks laid out before him. “This is very smooth. If formal wear felt this good all the time, I might just change my opinion about it.”
“You should try combing your hair, it completes the look of a civilized person.”
J scoffed, “Ha, I want to look at least somewhat human. You're right though, this is missing something, it needs a nice sport coat or something to go along with it.” J turned to the door, looking at the coat hanging perfectly on the hanger attached to the door. “Perfect.”
“Whoever picked these clothes out has a remarkable sense for fashion, and they knew your size as well.”
“It was probably Zerick. With the money he has, I have no doubt his information could get as oddly specific as knowing exactly where my hemline needs to be. It's disturbing, but I've pretty much resigned myself to knowing that people with money can get whatever they want.” J shook his head. “Onto important things though, real food for the first time in a long time!”
---
“No no no, you're doing it all wrong! Here do you need me to show you?! Grab the bird by the legs and shove in it there, use your whole arm if you have to, just shove it in there.” Linda shouted, telling the chefs in the kitchen what to do. “Hey watch it with those eggs, crack them properly, using your forefinger and thumb! Damn it do I have to do everything around here?”
She wasn't aware of the spectators she brought on, who were trying their best not to laugh.
“You think she used to be a restaurant chef before this? I swear, even Gordon Ramsey has better manners than this one.” Cyrus laughed, munching on some cheesy appetizers.
“How long do you think it takes before one of the other chefs snaps? Actually before that, how did she get into that situation anyways. Who walks into a kitchen and starts barking orders?” Capricia scratched her head. “Some people are just crazy.”
“And you wouldn't include yourself in that list?” Two hands came from behind and clasped the pair of spies on their shoulders. “Really, spying on the cooks?”
Cyrus turned to face the man behind him. “Sage, you scared me, man, what are you doing?”
“Just going here and there, killing time mostly. What are you two doing?”
“Watching Linda rip these chefs a new one, this is quality entertainment. “ Capricia giggled, perhaps a little too loudly.
“Who's back there? Oooh I swear, if this dinner doesn't turn out perfect because of you distractions-”
“Well gotta go, bye, Sage!” Cyrus scurried off, and disappeared before Sage could blink.
“Good luck with her.” Capricia also ran off, abandoning Sage. The large woman's footsteps increased in pace and volume until her head appeared over the man.
“Where did your friends go?” Before Sage could open his mouth to explain himself, Linda interrupted him “No matter, you're here and we need a dish jockey.” Sage stared back with an incredulous expression.
“A dish jockey. You know, carry the plates to the dinner table. C'mon, chop chop, we don't have all day. She pulled Sage by the ear and drug him into the kitchen. In a few seconds he was out hustling plates to main dining room, 4 or 5 at a time. Cyrus and Capricia were still watching, not trying hard at all to contain their laughter.
“I could use some help!” Sage shouted, as he brought a third load of appetizers out.
“Why don't you try using all your arms?” Cyrus shouted out.
Sage made another lap from the kitchen to the dining room. “I only have two arms you know!” He set the plates down and ran back, but was suddenly grabbed by a wrist he didn't know he had.
“What's this then? A bird?” Cyrus pulled on the loose limb protruding from Sage's side. “Perhaps it is a tentacle, better look out Capri.”
“You're not much of a comedian Cy.” She shook her head, and starting bringing out some dishes as well.
“Ah, an angel like you is too kind for a poor soul such as myself-”
“Ahem.” Cyrus coughed. “Don't forget who're talking to.” He cracked his knuckles and smiled.
“You're helping too.” Capricia waved her arms and shouted at Cyrus. “Go go go go!”
Sage cracked a grin. “Whipped.”
“What was that?”
“We should get some whipped cream as well, that always goes well with dinner.” Sage scratched his nose and looked around fervently. He caught out of the corner of his eye Cyrus bringing the last set of plates.
“Nice save.” Cyrus tossed the canister of whipped cream over to Sage, and whispered in his ear. “You better eat it all.”
A hard lump formed in Sage's throat. “Thanks...”
and he was never heard from again...
---
A glass bell rung with a clear sound, moving delicately from Zerick's hand to it's rightful place on the long dinner table. He cleared his throat, and waited for the conversation across the table to die down. “If I could have your attention please, everyone.” The heads of the protectors, along with the hired hands turned to regard him. “As you all know, our tournament begins tomorrow morning, as such I'd advise you all to get a good night's rest. Second of all, would anyone like to say grace?”
“I would.” Kefir spoke up, “But it doesn't seem like everyone is here yet.”
“Oh, that's no problem. They seem to have taken their share already. As long as they're eating I'm happy, it'd be a waste of food otherwise.” Zerick shrugged. “If you would, Kefir.”
Kefir spoke a simple prayer, and the large gathering went to the food on their plates, but for the three that weren't around, they dined in silence, by the balcony over the courtyard.
---
The stars were out tonight, the artificial light around Zerick's mansion barely made a dent on the vibrant light outside. J stood over the balcony, just gazing up at the sky. “Are the stars brighter on this side of the world or something?”
“I doubt it.” Jennifer said calmly, sitting in the corner of the room. “Perhaps they just seem that way because you're seeing the world through different eyes.”
J laughed. “Quite literally I should add. Eagle eyes are so much better than human ones, you know.”
“Doesn't it get distracting though, seeing everything so clearly and from so far away? It'd be kind of intrusive, no?” She stood up, and walked up to the balcony railing. “What do you see right now?”
J turned to face the girl. “You at the moment.” J reached into his pocket and pulled out the note. “And this as well. Did you send me this?”
“What's this?” Jennifer snatched the piece of paper from J's hand.
“I got this shortly after I arrived here. Since you're the only person here, I kind of figured that...”
She shook her head. “Sorry, I didn't give you this.” She muttered softly under her breath, “mood killer.”
“I see.” J sighed. “You think there is anything to it?”
“No I don't. It's probably a prank or something, there's a few guys here who would probably get some kicks out of this.” She gave him back the sheet of paper. “It seems like you wasted your time.”
J laughed. “Not at all, I got to meet you, after all. I'd consider that a pretty good use of my time.”
“W-what?!' Jennifer took a step back and put her hand to her face. “You...”
J cocked his head to the side and chuckled. “You should see your face, I didn't know people could get that red without the use of really really hot sauce.”
“You're a real jerk, you know that?” She took her hand off her face and started laughing back.
“Oh, I'm hurt.” J clutched his chest, “You've wounded me. So much so that I have to leave to nurse my wounds. J stood up by the balcony. “See ya, Jen.”
“Wait a minute.” She spoke up, grabbing his shoulder as he prepared to leap. “That's a pretty long way down.”
J shrugged her off and stepped off anyway, hovering in the air, with his wings flapping slowly. “Who said I was planning to jump down? There's nothing quite like the view of the night sky from the top of a building, after all.” He gave a slight nod of his head and extended his hand. “Want to see it?”
Without thinking she extended her arm, and grasped onto his wrist. “Sounds good to me”
---
Heath stood, silently watching from the cover of hedges as J took the girl up to the roof. Pressure welled up his temples and throat, as his hands balled into fists. “Mine.” he mumbled. “All mine.” A crow scrambled out of the bushes, but it was met by one of Heath's knives. Life fled from it's tiny body in an instant as it's muscles let out their last bits of energy. He skulked back off into the darkness of the night, waiting for the dawn to rise.
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RaeMina
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Jun 9 11, 8:43 PM
Post #65
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Let me be your sword and your shield
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Lots of character interactions, wot wot Thing is it's so full of interaction and you hav eloads of characters to keep up on I'm getting bored :< I don't even understand the plot
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RazorStar
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Jun 9 11, 9:18 PM
Post #66
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:( Yeah i know. I wasn't happy with the way this chapter turned out either, I'm not exactly good at slice of life stuff, but it felt necessary. In any case, the next few chapters are fight chapters, so there is that to look forward to.
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RaeMina
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Jun 9 11, 11:18 PM
Post #67
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Let me be your sword and your shield
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I guess >> I wanna see more of the stakes in them fighting, like right now they're in a tournament? Sounds like Filler >__>
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