Descriptions

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Descriptions; How the he11 do you do it?
Topic Started: Aug 11 2009, 04:52 AM (47 Views)
Bfour	Aug 11 2009, 04:52 AM Post #1
Posts: 42 Group: Members Member #9 Joined: Jul 5, 2009	So.. Yeah.. Post any tips tricks, or just general advice here.
Posts: 42 Group: Members Member #9 Joined: Jul 5, 2009


Cosmic	Aug 11 2009, 03:07 PM Post #2
Administrator Posts: 185 Group: Administrators Member #1 Joined: Jul 3, 2009	I think lighter descriptions are really the best as longer ones confuse the reader in the end and overwhelm him/her.



Bfour	Aug 13 2009, 03:03 AM Post #3
Posts: 42 Group: Members Member #9 Joined: Jul 5, 2009	I want some advice on this particular description. I tried a new style but don't know how it worked out: Darkness carried the stench of vermin through the alley air. The Saturday night cheer, the practice of throwing glbutt liquor bottles, could be heard from surrounding pubs.
Posts: 42 Group: Members Member #9 Joined: Jul 5, 2009


Cosmic	Aug 13 2009, 03:09 AM Post #4
Administrator Posts: 185 Group: Administrators Member #1 Joined: Jul 3, 2009	Bfour Aug 13 2009, 03:03 AM I want some advice on this particular description. I tried a new style but don't know how it worked out: Darkness carried the stench of vermin through the alley air. The Saturday night cheer, the practice of throwing glbutt liquor bottles, could be heard from surrounding pubs. I'd try an approach more like: "The alley air was filled both the stench of vermin and the practice of throwing glbutt liquor bottles, could be heard from surrounding pubs."



Bfour	Aug 13 2009, 04:03 AM Post #5
Posts: 42 Group: Members Member #9 Joined: Jul 5, 2009	Yes, that does seem to work quite well..
Posts: 42 Group: Members Member #9 Joined: Jul 5, 2009


Cosmic	Aug 13 2009, 04:18 AM Post #6
Administrator Posts: 185 Group: Administrators Member #1 Joined: Jul 3, 2009	Do you have any other samples which we can discuss?



Bfour	Aug 15 2009, 08:11 PM Post #7
Posts: 42 Group: Members Member #9 Joined: Jul 5, 2009	How about: A jet black carriage carrying two men pulled along a dirt path jerking at every pebble. Wolves strapped to the front of the carriage, dragged along the path. Sweat fell from the wolves grey fur creating a wet trail but the men did not heed to this, instead one flung his whip at the wolves back. I used this as a starter paragraph for a short story..
Posts: 42 Group: Members Member #9 Joined: Jul 5, 2009


Cosmic	Aug 15 2009, 08:28 PM Post #8
Administrator Posts: 185 Group: Administrators Member #1 Joined: Jul 3, 2009	I would write it: Quote: A jet black carriage flew along a jerky path as the two wolves in front strained with all their might to propel their masters forward. The whip of one of the occupants cracked across one of the animal's backs mixing blood with the already present sweat. Bu that's just me.



Isaiah JS	Aug 16 2009, 10:43 PM Post #9
Reviewer Posts: 22 Group: Reviewer Member #19 Joined: Jul 25, 2009	How about "The stench of vermin leaked into the alley air from the surrounding vulgar pubs." "A jet black carriage flew along a rocky road, pulled by two struggling wolves. The driver's whip snaked across their backs, aiding and abetting a trail of sweat and blood."
	V E N G E A N C E Even a killer has a hint of morality My poetry Check it out! "A cynic is the man who knows the price of everything, and the value of nothing." "Education is an admirable thing, but it is well to remember from time to time that nothing that is worth knowing can be taught. " "Man can believe the impossible, but man can never believe the improbable. " "I have the simplest tastes, I am always satisfied with the best."


Cosmic	Aug 16 2009, 10:46 PM Post #10
Administrator Posts: 185 Group: Administrators Member #1 Joined: Jul 3, 2009	Isaiah JS Aug 16 2009, 10:43 PM How about "The stench of vermin leaked into the alley air from the surrounding vulgar pubs." "A jet black carriage flew along a rocky road, pulled by two struggling wolves. The driver's whip snaked across their backs, aiding and abetting a trail of sweat and blood." The "vulgar" in the first example makes it a bit too heavy on description if you ask me. The vulgar is unneeded and makes the sentence too wordy.Your second example is pretty good in my eyes though.



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