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| RPG Rulebook | |
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| Topic Started: Jan 18 2009, 07:33 PM (148 Views) | |
| Quark | Jan 18 2009, 07:33 PM Post #1 |
bite my shiny metal-
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The Grand List Of 192 RPG Clichés And here are some of my favourites: 2. "No! My beloved peasant village!" The hero's home town, city, slum, or planet will usually be annihilated in a spectacular fashion before the end of the game, and often before the end of the opening scene. 3. Thinking With The Wrong Head (Hiro Rule) No matter what she's accused of doing or how mysterious her origins are, the hero will always be ready to fight to the death for any girl he met three seconds ago. 4. Cubic Zirconium Corollary The aforementioned mysterious girl will be wearing a pendant that will ultimately prove to be the key to either saving the world or destroying it. 14. Garrett's Principle Let's not mince words: you're a thief. You can walk into just about anybody's house like the door wasn't even locked. You just barge right in and start looking for stuff. Anything you can find that's not nailed down is yours to keep. You will often walk into perfect strangers' houses, lift their precious artifacts, and then chat with them like you were old neighbors as you head back out with their family heirlooms under your arm. Unfortunately, this never works in stores. 27. Nostradamus Rule All legends are 100% accurate. All rumors are entirely factual. All prophecies will come true, and not just someday but almost immediately. 31. Bed Bed Bed A good night's sleep will cure all wounds, diseases, and disabilities, up to and including death in battle. 42. Fodor's Guide Rule In the course of your adventure you will visit one desert city, one port town, one mining town, one casino city, one magic city (usually flying), one medieval castle kingdom, one clockwork city, one martial arts-based community, one thieves' slum, one lost city and one sci-fi utopia. On the way you'll also get a chance to see the cave with rocks that glow from a natural energy source, the village populated with nonhuman characters, the peaceful village where everyone knows the latest news about the hero's quest (see Guy in the Street Rule), the snow village, the magical forest/lake/mountain, the shop in the middle of nowhere, the fantastic-looking place with lots of FMVs just showing your entrance, the subtropical jungle island populated by friendly natives, the annoying cavern maze, and a place -- any place -- that was destroyed in some past disaster. 50. Short Attention Span Principle All bookshelves contain exactly one book, which only has enough text on it to fill up half a page. 70. Sixth Law of Travel Nobody gets to own a cooler ride than you. If you ever do see a cooler vehicle than the one you've got now, at some point before the end of the game you will either take over this vehicle, get something even bigger and better, or else see it destroyed in a glorious blaze. 72. Eighth Law of Travel There are no shortcuts, ever -- unless you are forced to take them, in which case they will be much longer and more dangerous than your original route. 76. Magical Inequality Theorem In the course of your travels you may find useful-sounding spells such as Petrify, Silence, and Instant Death. However, you will end up never using these spells in combat because a) all ordinary enemies can be killed with a few normal attacks, making fancy attacks unneccessary, b) all bosses and other stronger-than-average monsters are immune to those effects so there's no point in using them for long fights where they'd actually come in handy, and c) the spells usually don't work anyway. 77. Magical Inequality Corollary When the enemy uses Petrify, Silence, Instant Death, et cetera spells on you, they will be effective 100% of the time. 87. Supply and Demand Axiom Killing a powerful enemy will usually yield an item or weapon that would've been extremely useful if you had gotten it before killing that enemy. 92. Figurehead Rule Whenever someone asks you a question to decide what to do, it's just to be polite. He or she will ask the question again and again until you answer "correctly." 102. Perversity Principle If you're unsure about what to do next, ask all the townspeople nearby. They will either all strongly urge you to do something, in which case you must immediately go out and do that thing, or else they will all strongly warn you against doing something, in which case you must immediately go out and do that thing. 115. Law of Scientific Gratification If the hero needs a new invention to progress, he will find out that somewhere in the world someone has spent his or her entire life perfecting this invention, and usually just needs one more key item located in a monster-infested dungeon before it is completed. 140. Law of NPC Relativity (Magus Rule) Characters can accomplish superhuman physical feats, defeat enemies with one hand tied behind their back and use incredible abilities -- until they join your party and you can control them. Then these wonderful powers all vanish, along with most of their hit points. 142. Thank You For Pressing The Self-Destruct Button All enemy installations and city-sized military vehicles will be equipped with a conveniently located, easy-to-operate self-destruct mechanism. 147. Vivi's Spellbook Principle Over the course of the game, you will spend countless hours learning between twenty and one hundred skills and/or spells, approximately three of which will still be useful by the end of the game. 150. Gender Equality, Part 3 (Luna Rule) All of the effort you put into maxing out the female lead's statistics and special abilities will turn out to be for naught when she spends the final confrontation with the villain dead, ensorcelled, or held hostage. 155. Evil May Live Forever, But It Doesn't Age Well Even though it took the greatest armies in the world and all of the world's greatest magicians to seal away an ancient evil in an apocalyptic war, once said ancient evil breaks free three fairly inexperienced warriors can destroy it. 176. "Evil will always triumph, because Good is dumb!" If the villain needs all ten legendary medallions to attain world domination and you have nine of them, everybody in your party still thinks it is neccessary to bring the nine to the villain's castle and get the final one, instead of hiding the ones they've already got and spoiling his plans that way. After you foolishly bring the legendary medallions to the villain's hideout, he will kidnap one of your companions (usually the main love interest) and you will trade the world away to rescue your friend. 186. Apocalypse Any Time Now The best time to do side quests is while the huge meteor hovers in the sky above the planet, waiting to fall and destroy the world. 188. In Your Face, Jesus! Even if you manage to deal with him that time, you're not done -- the villain will then transform into his final form, which is always an angelic winged figure with background music remixed for ecstatic chorus and pipe organ. Also rules 15 - 17 
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Woo, Suikoden!
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| Fayt | Jan 18 2009, 08:01 PM Post #2 |
Easy wins have never been my style
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That is SOOOO Capell from Infinite Undiscovery! Nice list, I think I've seen something like that before but it always entertains. |
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| Quark | Jan 19 2009, 08:26 AM Post #3 |
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bite my shiny metal-
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Don't forget Claude from SO2! ..Kinda Yeah, I never really paid attention to this stuff in games but when I was reading the list I was like "Hahahaha, yeah that's so true!" |
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Woo, Suikoden!
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| Ralz | Jul 17 2009, 05:02 AM Post #4 |
If you ever see a sign on the side of the road reading "Love Shack," DRIVE AWAY!!! :O
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I always liked the one about the secret boss that's so much more powerful than even the final boss, but we're lucky it didn't come to take over the world by itself! |
 ^^^ I COMMAND you all to watch Death Note! 
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| Fate | Jul 17 2009, 05:05 AM Post #5 |
Kyle and Fate > Awesomeness
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Number 172, I love it! Golden Chocobo Principle There will be at least one supremely ultimate improvement for your weapon or some way to make your trusted steed capable of going anywhere and doing anything, requiring hours and hours of hard work to acquire. Once you do achieve this, you will use it once, and it will be completely useless for the rest of the game. |
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| Ralz | Jul 17 2009, 05:06 AM Post #6 |
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If you ever see a sign on the side of the road reading "Love Shack," DRIVE AWAY!!! :O
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I remember going through the whole list, and it's 100% true! |
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^^^ I COMMAND you all to watch Death Note!
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| Fate | Jul 18 2009, 10:59 AM Post #7 |
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Kyle and Fate > Awesomeness
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Maybe the developers are getting lazy with the new ideas? 
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| Ralz | Jul 18 2009, 11:00 AM Post #8 |
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If you ever see a sign on the side of the road reading "Love Shack," DRIVE AWAY!!! :O
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I swear it's like whenever they make a new game, they make sure to look through the list to make sure they have as many cliches as possible... |
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^^^ I COMMAND you all to watch Death Note!
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| Fayt | Jul 18 2009, 12:56 PM Post #9 |
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Easy wins have never been my style
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That's one thing I love about Valkyrie Profile at least, they tend to turn back the clichés a bit. |
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| Fate | Jul 19 2009, 04:46 AM Post #10 |
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Kyle and Fate > Awesomeness
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But the game does follow quite a few popular clichés, though. For example, in Valkyrie Profile 2: Silmeria: Spoiler: click to toggle
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| Fayt | Jul 19 2009, 07:31 AM Post #11 |
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Easy wins have never been my style
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No doubt, every RPG is going to have some clichés, but Valkyrie Profile (the entire series) generally has less then others. Lenneth and Covenant of the Plume in particular are quite different to the majority. |
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| Ralz | Jul 19 2009, 08:28 AM Post #12 |
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If you ever see a sign on the side of the road reading "Love Shack," DRIVE AWAY!!! :O
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I think the earlier Star Oceans are guilty of STARTING a few of these cliches. |
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^^^ I COMMAND you all to watch Death Note!
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| Fate | Jul 20 2009, 05:18 AM Post #13 |
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Kyle and Fate > Awesomeness
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And a ton of Final Fantasy games. "Oh, you are destined to become a hero." or "You are the chosen one." And guess how it turns out? They are the hero! And the hero ALWAYS denies the fact that he or she is so. Well, except Sigmund in Infinite Undiscovery. But he wasn't exactly the hero; Capell was. It was made clear when the game made Capell the main character. |
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| Ralz | Jul 20 2009, 07:03 AM Post #14 |
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If you ever see a sign on the side of the road reading "Love Shack," DRIVE AWAY!!! :O
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And "An ancient evil will destroy us all, so... would you go and destroy it for no pay? 'Kay, thanks." |
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^^^ I COMMAND you all to watch Death Note!
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| Fate | Jul 20 2009, 07:26 AM Post #15 |
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Kyle and Fate > Awesomeness
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And how can the heroes have millions of money, yet they have to purse or wallet to hold it in? And it's all COINS! |
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| Ralz | Jul 20 2009, 07:27 AM Post #16 |
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If you ever see a sign on the side of the road reading "Love Shack," DRIVE AWAY!!! :O
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Forget the money. How exactly can, say, Cecil hold 99 Golden Apples in his POCKETS? Does he have infinitely deep pockets? |
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^^^ I COMMAND you all to watch Death Note!
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| Fate | Jul 20 2009, 07:40 AM Post #17 |
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Kyle and Fate > Awesomeness
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And how can the party hold 99 Tents int heir pockets? Those things are huge! It's like they shrink or something! |
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| Ralz | Jul 20 2009, 10:49 AM Post #18 |
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If you ever see a sign on the side of the road reading "Love Shack," DRIVE AWAY!!! :O
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How about 99 cottages? THOSE are huge! What about all the weapons, where do they go? |
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^^^ I COMMAND you all to watch Death Note!
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| Fate | Jul 20 2009, 10:54 AM Post #19 |
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Kyle and Fate > Awesomeness
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I think the main characters have the ability to materialize their items and rematerialize them when they are needed. |
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| Ralz | Jul 21 2009, 11:18 AM Post #20 |
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If you ever see a sign on the side of the road reading "Love Shack," DRIVE AWAY!!! :O
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That, or it's like the Keyblade in Kingdom Hearts II, where they summon their weapons from nowhere. |
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^^^ I COMMAND you all to watch Death Note!
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| Fate | Jul 21 2009, 01:00 PM Post #21 |
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Kyle and Fate > Awesomeness
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Yeah, that's the materialization thing I was referring to. According to Jade from Tales of the Abyss, it's a complicated process. Yet all characters can do it, possibly!=P |
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| Ralz | Jul 22 2009, 06:11 AM Post #22 |
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If you ever see a sign on the side of the road reading "Love Shack," DRIVE AWAY!!! :O
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I still theorize our heroes have infinitely deep pockets to stuff their favorite pair of tubesocks! |
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^^^ I COMMAND you all to watch Death Note!
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11:59 PM Nov 25
