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| Quiz 39 | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Dec 2 2008, 06:20 PM (342 Views) | |
| James | Dec 2 2008, 06:20 PM Post #1 |
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Quiz 39 - Prize £0.10 The first person to make me laugh wins, ill be honest? Pictures, jokes post anything. Rules: No double posting, post after every other member. |
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| James | Dec 10 2008, 06:39 PM Post #2 |
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This quiz is open anyone want to enter? Quiz 38 is open too. We have opened 3 this time rather than one. |
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| Dawn | Dec 10 2008, 07:04 PM Post #3 |
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There are two Mexicans who have been lost in the desert for weeks, and they're at death's door (which is just outside Guadalajara). As they stumble on, hoping for salvation in the form of an oasis or something similar, they suddenly spy, through the heat haze, a tree, off in the distance. As they get closer, they can see that the tree is draped with rasher upon rasher of bacon. There's smoked bacon, crispy bacon, life-giving juicy nearly- raw bacon, all sorts. "Hey, Pepe" says the first bloke (Don Pedro). "ees a bacon tree!!! We're saved!!!" "You're right, amigo!" says Pepe. So Pepe goes on ahead and runs up to the tree salivating at the prospect of food. But as he gets to within five feet of the tree there's the sound of machine gun fire, and he is shot down in a hail of bullets. His friend quickly drops down on the sand, and calls across to the dying Pepe. "Pepe!! Pepe!! Que pasa hombre?" With his dying breath Pepe calls out.... "Ugh, run,amigo, run!! ees not a Bacon Tree" . . . ."ees... a.... Ham bush"
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| charby | Dec 10 2008, 08:09 PM Post #4 |
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Ha that's quite bad ![]() I didn't notice these quizzes, just the number 40. |
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| James | Dec 10 2008, 08:40 PM Post #5 |
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That was great, ill be honest it made me smile but not laugh.
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| charby | Dec 11 2008, 12:36 AM Post #6 |
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Ok, it's terrible elephant jokes time! What's the difference between elephants and plums? Elephants are grey. What did Jane say when she saw a herd of elephants in the distance? 'Oh look, a herd of plums!' Jane is colourblind. |
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| honeyangel | Dec 11 2008, 10:14 AM Post #7 |
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How do you turn a fox into an elephant? Marry It! What is the difference between a battery and a woman? A battery has a positive side. What are the three fastest means of communication? 1) Television 2) Telephone 3) Telawoman How are fat girls and mopeds alike? They're both fun to ride until your friends find out. What should you give a woman who has everything? A man to show her how to work it. Why is the space between a woman's breasts and her hips called a waist? Because you could easily fit another pair of t * ts in there. How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good? Put a nipple on it. Why do women rub their eyes when they wake up? Because they don't have balls to scratch. Why did God create woman ? To carry semen from the bedroom to the toilet. Why do women fake orgasms ? Because they think men care. What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes? Nothing, she's been told twice already. If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have you done wrong? Made her chain too long How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened when she brings it. Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman? Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you. Why do women have smaller feet than men? It's one of those 'evolutionary things' that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink. How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart? When she starts a sentence with 'A man once told me...' How do you fix a woman's watch? You don't. There is a clock on the oven. Why do men pass gas more than women? Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure. If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in. What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig? A woman who won't do what she's told I married a Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always. Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%.. It's called a Wedding Cake. Why do men die before their wives? They want to. Women will never be equal to men.. until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy. It made me laugh : |
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| Dawn | Dec 11 2008, 10:34 AM Post #8 |
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didnt make you laugh, i nearly wet myself when i read that one!!! |
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| Dawn | Dec 11 2008, 10:41 AM Post #9 |
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ok try this one then! The differences between Men & Woman HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN Take off clothes and place them sectioned in laundry basket according to and walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc. Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone. Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean. Condition your hair with grapefruit conditioner enhanced. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash. Rinse conditioner off hair. Shave armpits and legs. Turn off shower. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mould spots with tile cleaner. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent towel. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas. HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake willy at her making the 'woo-woo' sound. Look at your manly physique in the mirror. Admire the size of your willy and scratch your bum. Get in the shower. Wash your face. Wash your armpits. Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off. Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower. Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area. Wash your bum, leaving those coarse bum hairs stuck on the soap. Wash your hair. Make a Shampoo Mohawk. Wee. Rinse off and get out of shower. Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of bath the whole time. Admire willy size in mirror again. Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on. Return to bedroom with towel around waist. If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake willy at her and make the 'woo-woo' sound again. Throw wet towel on bed. |
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| James | Dec 12 2008, 10:06 PM Post #10 |
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LOL, dawansleep, that is so true that shower like a man bit. Lmao that was actually really fun to read, you win. Honeyangel i liked this one that was amusing: How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good? Put a nipple on it. Never herd that before. Thanks for everyone who entered. Dawansleep wins and honeyangel on this occasion you can have a runner up prize.
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