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| J-Board, 8 years in a Special Ed class and currently studying at university | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Nov 18 2009, 10:36 AM (49 Views) | |
| J-Board | Nov 18 2009, 10:36 AM Post #1 |
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Hi everyone! I am J-Board, the creator of this forum. Here is my story. When I was in Kindergarten, I have trouble following a teacher's instruction and I didn't know what everyone was learning. I listened to my teacher and my classmates, but I had trouble understanding what they were saying. A school counselor called my parents to make a meeting about my school performance. When my school counselor discussed this to my parents, my mum agreed to put me in a Special Ed class, but my dad disagrees. My mum sees the benefits of placing me in a Special Ed. class. Then I met a speech pathologist who tested my language skills and knowledge, I was marked as a severe intellectual impairment. In grade 1, I was moved to a different school into a Special Ed class. There were two different Special Ed. classes, one is for severe cases which is often believed to be no hope for these children to achieve higher. The other one is for mild cases which may include autistic or even misbehaved children. I was in the first one with severe cases. When I first came to a Special Ed. class, I enjoyed it. Everyone was being nice to me, even the older kids. In my class, there were kids with down syndromes and there were kids who looked completely normal just like me. I don't remember that I have been taught anything from this class though, but I'm guessing I have been playing a lot with games, singing and role playing in class. Overall, I enjoyed it and I wanted to stay there forever. It wasn't a serious learning in class. In grade 2, I was upgraded to a class with mild cases. I remember I started to do serious learning in class. I have learned something useful. My teacher said I'm a very smart student. I'm not really sure what really happen in that year, but I'm guessing my mum wanted me to stay in this class for longer because she sees me improving a lot from being in a Special Ed class. In grade 3, I moved to a different school, but this time I met a lot of children who were in my intellect level. These students were still in a class with mild cases, but they were a lot smarter than my other school. There's a lot of competitions among these students because we were all in the same intellectual level. There were a lot of students who were above my intellect level, but most of them were a year older than me. In grade 4, I met some new 3rd graders joined into our class. I was one of top students. The way teachers taught us were really active and working well. Top students were allowed to do some of 5th and 6th graders work of another Special Ed. class with older children. However, this is the time I started to realize the reputation of being in a Special Ed. class was really poor. Mainstream kids bully us and make fun of our intellect level. They asked mathematical questions to us. I don't have a problem with answering back but it was hard for kids who do not know what were the answers and they couldn't say anything back. Our teachers tried to find ways to stop bullying by making us say something on the line like "Stop! that's very immature of you". I never said this to any of the mainstream students and I don't hear any of my classmate said that either. I was embarrassed to be in a Special Ed. class and I started to dislike school. In grade 5, I continued to stay in a Special Ed. class. The plan to put top kids together continues to be effective. I have learned a lot from it, and may be worth a while for me to stay longer in the special ed. In grade 6, I was integrated to a mainstream class (normal class). My main class is still a Special Ed class. Although I'm always becoming first in a Special Ed. class, my teacher still put me in the lowest class of the mainstreams. In my mainstream class, I was just like any other students. However, my mind tells me that these students are better than me, I played dumb. I was never confident with my answers because my mind still tells me that I'm a dumb person. I'm always in surprised that a lot of students were not as intelligent as I thought they would be. Some of the students didn't welcome me into the mainstream class because they think I will make a bad reputation to their class. Even though these students knew I was smarter than them, they still wanted me to go back to my Special Ed. class. In grade 7, my first year of high school, I was hoping I would go to normal classes and make new friends that haven't known me that I was in the Special Ed. class. Unfortunately, I was back in the Special Ed. class. I was confused and I didn't know why I was back there again. Some of the students were surprised. I was embarrassed and sadden. I thought to myself, maybe the reason why I was back is because I didn't do well in the mainstream class at primary school. This means I have to go through the whole phase of making my new teachers recognized that I did not belong to this class. I met new students who were in the Special Ed. class. Some of the students were in a Special Ed. class because of their misbehavior while others don't know why they're here, but most of them thought it was because they weren't smart enough. I also continue to thought I wasn't smart enough to go to a mainstream class. A lot of students complained about why they're here and why they were labeled IM or IO (which are Australian terms for Special Ed. classes). Mainstream students called us IMs or IOs, which becomes an offensive term for us. Our Special Ed. teachers tried to change our class names, but everyone including mainstream teachers still labeled us these names. There's a lot of Special Ed. students complained about how they wanted to go to normal classes. Interestingly, nearly all of the Special Ed. students have at least one sibling in the Special Ed. classes. I was still considered a top student even those grades above me. I wasn't angered that I was in the Special Ed. class and I didn't complain to my teachers either. I was just embarrassed. One mainstream teacher asked me why I was put in the Special Ed. class, but I just told him "I don't know". A lot of students don't know why they were placed in a Special Ed. class. I never really get bullied when I was in grade 7, some of the mainstream students who never met me were surprised that I was in the Special Ed class. These mainstream students I met were normally smart and mature students. In fact, everyone including 12th grade were nice to me than other Special Ed. students. It may be because my behaviors were different from the Special Ed students. I was very shy and I don't talk as much as other Special Ed. students. When I'm angry, I don't express it and I know I would look silly if I talked back. A lot of Special Ed. students were loud and talkative, once they say something, mainstream students questions what you say and makes fun of it. Sometime these Special Ed. students tried to say something back, but this makes things worse. In grade 8, my teacher asked me that I could change to a mainstream class. I wasn't sure if I wanted to move out because I already made friends and I don't know how mainstream students will treat me, but eventually I decided to stay back. I think I made the right choice because if I moved out, I would get bullied by students in the lowest mainstream class and I would probably make the wrong choice of friends. There is one ADHD student who frequently gets bullied by these people in the lowest mainstream class. I feel much safer when I stayed back in the Special Ed. class. However, the longer I stayed back, the easier my school work it becomes. I was repeating grade 7 work and that grade 7 work is probably equivalent to a grade 6 or less. In grade 9, I told my teacher I wanted to move out because I was worried about my future. If I stayed back too long, I wouldn't be able to go university. My parents are Asians, so there is a lot of expectations from my parents that I would go to uni. My parents wanted me to go uni, but they don't know that I can't go uni if I stayed at the Special Ed. class. It was a good time for me to move out because the students in the lowest mainstream class were not too bad. There were mostly Asians in the class and the bullies were in another class, I have made the right choice of friends. I was lucky to know one student in this class who linked me to other people from higher classes. It was hard to get along with people I made friends. When bullies tried to target me, I feel a lot safer when I'm with my new friends. However, I have always been worried that my new friends wouldn't like me to join their group because I feel I make a bad reputation to them. I was also worried that my friends would get bullied by these guys because of me, so I tried not to get too involved with the group. There were some mainstream students who still labeled me as an IM despite knowing that I'm smarter than these students and no matter how much I tried to treat them nice. I really regret letting these students borrow my answers. Its not worth my time to help these students. Despite this, I was going well with class work, but I'm not really sure how well I was going within the whole grade. I am guessing the smarter classes were doing different work from the rest of the lower classes. Some of my new friends were in smarter classes, they seem to learn more difficult work. In grade 10, I developed more trust to my mainstream friends, I was more close to them. When the ADHD student left school, the bullies were more interested in targeting on me. I was afraid to go school. I always hope these bullies would stop one day. There is one time when I burst into tears because I couldn't cope with being bullied. I didn't want my friends to get involved, so I asked my year adviser and told her what happened. I've hold my tears in front of my friends, but somehow they knew I've been really upset. I told them I'm alright, its nothing, but they still don't really know what happened. My year adviser talked to the bullies and now they seem quite scared of me. I'm glad that I told my year adviser, I wasn't afraid of them anymore. In grade 11, I was falling really behind in school work. I can see the difference between lower and higher classes. All my time in a Special Ed. class, I have always been behind with mainstream work despite being in a top student in a Special Ed. class, so I never considered myself smart, I knew I have a long way to catch up with everything I have missed out. I was worried that I wouldn't make it to uni. In grade 12, I have tried my best with my assignments and exams. It feels I didn't have any breaks, I was constantly studying. It was my greatest motivation out of all my school years and beyond. I have went up to teachers for help. Some teachers knew I was in a Special Ed. class, so I was given a lot of help from them. Sometimes I feel bad for my teachers that I have let them down. I wanted to impress them, but I'm always falling behind. I skipped my lunches and recesses to see my teachers, I felt bad for leaving my friends alone. There were a lot of teachers who don't remember or didn't know that I was a former Special Ed. student, so some of these teachers say very mean things to Special Ed. students. I also hear from my siblings that their teachers say horrible things about Special Ed. students. After I finished high school, I wanted to find out why I was in a Special Ed. class. My mum wouldn't tell me exactly why. There were some years I didn't understand why I have stayed back in the Special Ed. class for so long despite being top in the class. I have a lot of hatred to my mum, I blamed her for putting me in a Special Ed. class. I told her I had a horrible experience in there, but she keeps telling me that "it helps you and its good for you". I don't think it helped me to get any higher, to be anywhere near top mainstream students, it would only helped me to meet the minimum mainstream standards. In college, I didn't know exactly what I wanted to do in the future. At first, I wanted to be a Special Ed. teacher, but change my mind to become a ...........(PM me if you wanted to know what I am currently studying, I don't want to reveal my identity online). There is one family friend who disagrees that I shouldn't stay in a Special Ed. class. My family friend thinks I'm lucky to be in the Special Ed. class because its like going to a private school and you get a lot of help from teachers, and that its hard to get in the Special Ed. class because it normally cost a lot to get in. My family friend dislikes me for blaming on my mum. In university, I suddenly realized that I shouldn't blame on my mum. My mum tried to make up for it by paying for me to go college. I'm very sorry for my blaming my mum. My dad revealed the truth about why I was in a Special Ed. class. He said that my mum had a choice to put me in the Special Ed. class. My mum had a choice to either stay in a Special Ed. class or move out to mainstream class. I believe the problem lies in the school system, not to my parents. My mum wants the best for me. My parents were not told that if I stayed in the Special Ed. class, I wouldn't be able to go uni unless I moved out. They didn't know that the Special Ed. teaching method would make us go so behind in school work to the extent that it is impossible for us to reach in the top class. Many parents take their children to the Special Ed. class and not realized what their lives will lead them to. I always feel that all my years in a Special Ed. class has already been damaged in my way of thinking, behaving and speaking. I am still trying to recover them. However, the positive side is that I can see what is the problem with the Special Ed. system and experience what it is like to be a Special Ed. student. Note: I am not saying that everyone agrees or experiences the same way as me. I know there are benefits for placing some children in the Special Ed. class. I actually don't have any intellectual impairment, I was a just normal student. However, being in the Special Ed. class has scarred my life. I have a brother who goes to a different school from me, his life in a Special Ed. class is different to mine. He goes to top mainstream classes and is going well with high school work. He moved out of Special Ed. class in grade 4. Edited by J-Board, Nov 21 2009, 08:42 PM.
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6:27 AM Jul 12