| Welcome to Spartanrebirth. Enjoy your journey through our endless abyss. Give up your soul! |
- Pages:
- 1
- 2
| Other Fire Emblem Essays; it doesn't belong anywhere else | |
|---|---|
| Tweet Topic Started: Feb 3 2011, 01:37 AM (334 Views) | |
| Dark | Feb 3 2011, 01:37 AM Post #1 |
|
Dickhole
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
|
Remember? Nino and Zephiel died during the siege on the Bern Manse. Jaffar went on a murderous rampage on seeing her corpse and killed Rebecca, who was currently dating Wil, before getting killed by the archer. Wil, stricken with grief, planted a mine in everyone's tents. Everyone survived except Serra, who was dating Matthew at the time. Suspecting Legault, he assaulted the ex-Black Fang member, but was killed in the assault. Since he forget to get rid of a letter addressed to Sain and Kent, the ex-assassin suspected the two Caelin knights and killed them, though was killed by Lyn and Wallace. However, Wallace is mortally wounded and becomes delusional prior to the time of his death. Because of this, he accidentally bumps into Geitz and causes him to misfire, hitting Florina. She falls and is accidentally impaled on Heath's spear, and Farina and Florina engage in a great battle with Heath and Vaida over the misunderstanding. The Pegasi Knights and Vaida die in the battle, and Heath takes a gruesome blow to the side. He drops his lance before he dies and falls from the sky, but the lance falls on Marcus. Lowen, who last seen Marcus, is accused of the crime. Lyn, angry because of the deaths of her two knights and Florina, yells at Eliwood and the two bicker. Hector, caught between his love and his best friend, takes the remainder of the Ostia-loyal forces and attempts to move on with the battle against Nergal but he and his forces die in the battle. Bartre stumbles upon the mess and attempts to revive Oswin, who just barely clings onto life, but dies. Dorcas and Karel stumble upon him, and seeing Bartre, instantly accuse Eliwood's forces of slaughtering Hector's forces and Lyn's forces attack Eliwood's forces. The two battle until there is only Eliwood, Lyn, and a remainder of their units. They stumble close to a brigand camp during the struggle and are immediately assaulted by the brigands. Eliwood dies, along with most of his and Lyn's forces, and the surviving female forces, including Lyn, are kept in the camp for 'purposes' while the remaining male forces are executed. And that's the true story of Fire Emblem. |
![]() |
|
| Dark | Feb 3 2011, 01:37 AM Post #2 |
|
Dickhole
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
|
To start, this game’s plot revolves around an evil entity, known as the Demon King (obviously a euphemism for SATAN), and the efforts by a group of followers to resurrect him. I don’t even know where to begin. To start, even IMPLYING that the DEVIL can be brought back to earth is ridiculous and will NOT BE TOLERATED. To make matters even more sacrilegious, one of the DK’s (I refuse to give him the power by using his real name) main followers is a BISHOP who uses LIGHT MAGIC. First of all, outright stating that a BISHOP, a devout follower of God could betray Him is HERESY, plain and simple! This is an obvious attempt by the foul game developers to try to CORRUPT people into thinking that the Church is an evil entity. I saw through that one! Also, the use magic of any kind is forbidden by our Lord, and insinuating that there is such a thing as LIGHT MAGIC is just hogwash. Getting back to my original point, this DK POSSESSES one of the characters in the book, and he is unable to be exorcised. All true believers should know that DEMONS can always be EXORCISED, and that the developers are once again trying to DESTROY the power of the Church. This is UNACCEPTABLE and will NOT BE TOLERATED! Another one of this foul game’s many moral low points is that two playable characters and countless other characters can STEAL things from other, unsuspecting, innocent civilians. This is a direct violation of the 7th Commandment, and anyone who wishes to escape an ETERNITY IN HELL should reflect on this “skill” and the poor values the creators who made this game have. The females in this game wear horrible clothing that accentuates their sexuality, so any true believer in God should cover their eyes or look away when one of these scantily clad women appears on the screen. There is absolutely no reason for these women to wear such revealing clothing. The creators of this game are trying to POISON the minds of our children by exposing them to such provocative images. To make matters even worse, this game also contains sexually implicit scenes. That’s right, this game contains implied pre-marital SEX! The work of the DEVIL himself. It is unbelievable that any game company would put such TRASH in a video game! At one point, one of the female characters is the victim of a sexual predator, a male who bares his shoulder to her. Who KNOWS what else he meant to show her as well? This is sick, disgusting, appalling, and disgusting. If you happen to come across this scene, I suggest skip it as quickly as possible so that your soul isn’t corrupted FOR ALL OF ETERNITY. I also suggest that you not think anymore about that topic, unless you want your soul to be TORTURED forever. I genuflected and said the rosary three times after writing that, just to cleanse my soul from this work of SATAN. That’s how horrible it is. Like my topic says, this game is morally outrageous, and I recommend that you seriously think and pray before buying it for yourself, or God forbid, your children. |
![]() |
|
| Dark | Feb 3 2011, 01:38 AM Post #3 |
|
Dickhole
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
|
To do list for Fire Emblem villains: 1) I shall rule the world. 2) I must be evil, have an evil laugh, kill innocent villagers and kick puppies. 3) If I must fight, I will always talk before the battle, and I will prepare a speech for different enemies. 4) I wont take the rebel army seriously until I am about to lose the war. 5) I shall always send a small army with a comparable level to stop the rebels, I will instruct them to stand around watching the fight while others break off and attack one at a time. 6) I will have my own class, badass weapon (or magic) with 1-2 range and most of my stats capped. 7) My weapon shall not break 8) All the weapons of my soldiers will have a self-destruct button, so the enemy will never steal them when the unit dies. If I forgot to add some, I will paint them in flashy green so I remember it later. 9) The soldiers in my army are ghosts that disappear when they die. 10) All the low rank soldiers in my army will have face-concealing helmets. 11) My generals and commanders will be as ugly and evil looking as possible, so the player feel no remorse at the time of killing them. 12) The soldiers in my army with weird hair and less loyalty toward my ideals wont be allowed to have a helmet. 13) If I encounter the hero when he is at a lower level, I will leave him alive, humiliate him, and if possible, kill somebody he loves so he hates me even more and feels motivated to grow stronger. 14) The soldiers in my army will be trained in the exact same way, I wont tolerate units with same level and class and different stats. 15) All my soldiers must go in top notch condition to battle. 19/20 Silver lances will be destroyed. 16) All the doors in my fortress will have the same lock, same goes for treasure chests. |
![]() |
|
| Dark | Feb 3 2011, 01:38 AM Post #4 |
|
Dickhole
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
|
HAY GUIZE WATZ GOIN ON?! But seriously, I'm here to talk about something important; dragon care. Every day, a dragon rider gets thrown from their mount due to improper care. Did you know that dragons dislike it greatly when you dig your boots into their ribs? You didn't? What are you, stupid? Is your name Heath? It is? GET OUT OF HERE! But for the rest of you, go read a damn book! It says right there, on page 203 of the Dragon Handbook that they hate boots in the ribs! I mean, did you even read the book? 'Cause if you did, you'd know better, then you wouldn't fall to your death while a hundred feet in the air because your dragon bucks once you dig your boots into its ribs! And yeah, Eliwood; this applies to your ass as well. Don't give me that look, you know what I'm talking about. Frelling pervert. Anyway... don't be snickering there, Hector; I know you like to watch. Yeah, you press your little face against the glass and look in when Eliwood does his thing, even if your eyes are locked on his cute man ass. And don't deny it, I have proof; you'd be surprised what you can make from some common items and magic; you want me to put that crap on the plasma screen I made out of some felt, rocks and a Transmute spell?! Yeah, didn't think so. Punk. Anyway... dragons. Boots. Ribs. Put them together and bad things happen. I want you to remember that, for one day it could save your life. Even though there's now one of you... and you know what you're doing. Damnit, why the Hell couldn't this place have more than freakin' Heath and Vaida... I mean, there were three chicks on flying ponies, so why not three dudes on dragons... I'm kidding, Vaida! I am! So put down that damn lance! PUT IT DOWN! Feh... everybody is so sensitive these days... especially you, Florina. Yeah, I see you hiding in the corner, almost wetting yourself because all the men are in the room. I should sell your worthless ass to some bandits, 'cause all you do is cry in the corner when a man is within a hundred feet of you. Oh, you wanna complain, Fiora? I'LL SELL YOU, TOO! I'LL SELL YOU ALL! Hell, I'll just have me an auction... sell all you worthless wenches. Of course, I'll have to cut your tongue out, Serra, but... no, shut up. No, I don't care. Shut up. SHUT UP! SHUT THE HELL UP, YOU STUPID COW! Elimine help me, I hate you all so much... |
![]() |
|
| Dark | Feb 3 2011, 01:40 AM Post #5 |
|
Dickhole
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
|
Now, this is a story all about how My life got flipped-turned upside down And I liked to take a minute Just sit right there I'll tell you how I became the prince of a town called Re-Nais In west Renais born and raised On the courtyard was where I spent most of my days Chillin' out maxin' incestin' all cool And all slashin' some swordfights outside of the school When a couple of guys Who were up to no good Startin making trouble in my kingdomhood I got in one little fight and my dad got scared He said 'You're movin' with your Cain and Abel in Gra-Do' I begged and pleaded with him day after day But he packed my horse pack and sent me on my way He gave me a lance and then he gave me my ticket. I put my prize ring on and said, 'I might as well kick it'. Coach class, yo this is cool Drinking sum' water out of muddy pool. Is this what the people of Gra-Do Living like? Hmmmmm this might be alright. But wait I hear they're prissy, fightin' and all that Is Gra-Do the type of place they send this cool cat? I don't think so I'll see when I get high I hope they're prepared for the prince of Re-Naiii Well, the horse died and when I fell out There was a dude who looked like a cop standing there with my name out I ain't trying to get arrested I just got here I sprang with the quickness like lightening, disappeared I whistled for a horse and when it came near The license plate said '"FRESH" and it had dice in the 'fro If anything I can say this whore is rare But I thought 'Now forget it' - 'Yo homes to Gra-Do' I pulled up to the house about 7 or 8 And I yelled to the horsie 'Yo homes smell ya later' I looked at my kingdom I was finally ho' To sit on my throne as the Bane of Gra-Do |
![]() |
|
| Dark | Feb 3 2011, 01:40 AM Post #6 |
|
Dickhole
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
|
Now, I love the previous Fire Emblem released for GBA, and Path of Radiance as well. So it truly pains me to see this abomination of a game. There are few games that I've played that have left such a sour aftertaste in my mouth, but I'm afraid that I will have to add FE2, also known as Fire Emblem: The Sacred Stones, to this list. I spent my $29.99 on this with joy, hoping to receive a strategy RPG adventure on par with the masterworks that were FE1 and FE3. I've only played up to Chapter 4 so far, but I must say that the developers were on some kind of drug when they were working on FE2. The Fire Emblem games have always been about challenges; your handful of troops, maybe a dozen or less, against hordes of enemies. But what challenge is there when the enemies have a staggering Speed stat of 0? The lackluster graphics of the FE series have paled in comparison to the PSP's library, and up until now, I've found this tolerable. Up until now. I'm willing to pay $30 for a pile of steaming crap, but only if said pile of steaming crap is incredibly pretty. I've played for less than an hour, and I can only come up with a single pro for this atrocity, compared with nearly infinite cons. Pros: - The graphics, while not astoundingly better than FE1's, have been slightly cleaned up and look more polished. However, in the long run, this doesn't matter, because you can get XBox games that are much prettier than this. Cons: - There is next to no character development. The R in RPG stands for Role. Combined, the entire cast of characters have as deep a personality as the cardboard box their game is shipped in. You feel no sympathy for these bland, personality devoid, drone-like peons you send off to fight. You feel no anger against your enemies. It's mind-numbingly dull. - Difficulty. Or lack thereof. As I mentioned before, the FE games, at least as evidenced by FE1 for GameBoy Advance and FE3 for GameCube, are supposed to be about difficulty. In HHM, or even on some chapters in the easier modes in Fire Emblem, you're fighting tooth and nail against enemies who easily outnumber you three to one for victory. The same applies for the GC's Path of Radiance. In the atrocity known as FE2, or The Sacred Stones, you have some of the most ridiculously overpowered allies ever seen and stupidly weak enemies. Why have the developers made enemies with stats that may reach three at the very highest? - My DS is equipped with X and Y buttons for a reason. This reason is for them to be used, not to be utterly useless. Now, FE3/Path of Radiance was released on the GameCube, so it doesn't apply to this. Nor does FE1, because while it's also a GBA title, it was released far before the DS was shipped out. I see no reason why the perfectly functioning X and Y buttons on my DS are rendered useless for this trash heap of a game. Countless other cons I could name but don't come to mind right now. |
![]() |
|
| Dark | Feb 3 2011, 01:41 AM Post #7 |
|
Dickhole
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
|
As you are all aware, this game is vastly inferior to FIRE EMBLEM 7: REKKA'S KEN, but that is beyond the point as what I am about to suggest would improve the series in general. I feel that the FIRE EMBLEM series, developed by INTELLIGENT SYSTEMS and published by NINTENDO, would be greatly benefited with the insertion of HENTAI CGs. HENTAI CGs would add a lot of appeal to the game to audiences, young and old alike, and it would also help to get rid of NINTENDO's kiddy image. As we all know, NINTENDO has had a kiddy image since the days of the SEGA GENESIS, when SEGA tried to advertise their game machine as more mature than NINTENDO's. While this is half true with mature games like SLAUGHTERHOUSE 2, SLAUGHTERHOUSE 3, STREETS OF RAGE, STREETS OF RAGE 2, STREETS OF RAGE 3, REVENGE OF SHINOBI, ROAD RASH, ROAD RASH 2, ROAD RASH 3, and ROCK N' ROLL RACING, many of SEGA's games at the time were in fact not mature. The list of the immature games in SEGA's arsenal at the time includes, but is not limited to, SONIC THE HEDGEHOG, SONIC THE HEDGEHOG 2, SONIC THE HEDGEHOG 3, SONIC THE HEDGEHOG AND KNUCKLES, SONIC SPINBALL, SONIC 3D BLAST, FLICKY, and SPOT GOES TO HOLLYWOOD. But I digress, this topic is not about SEGA's clear superiority during the GENESIS-era, but rather about why NINTENDO should insert HENTAI CGs into the FIRE EMBLEM series. The story of all of the FIRE EMBLEM games leaves a bit to be desired, and I feel this desire can only be satiated not by a better story, but by the insertion of HENTAI CGs. You may feel that this would be completely pointless, however, I beg to differ. Motion pictures such as SHOWGIRLS and GIRLS GONE WILD IN LAS VEGAS benefit greatly from excessive nudity and suggestive situations. Some would go so far as to refer to them as pornography, however, I feel they are the purest form of art there is. On a scale of 1 to 10, I would rate them both at around the 6.5/10 range. They are very artistic but that is also their downfall. They try too hard to be too philosophical, but that is beside the point. This topic is about FIRE EMBLEM. The story would be greatly improved with the insertion of HENTAI CGs because it is a known fact that nudity makes anything and everything better. If SHOWGIRLS and GIRLS GONE WILD IN LAS VEGAS had not had nudity, then they would be boring. FIRE EMBLEM could also appeal to ART MAJORS in college if it had HENTAI CGs, because in my experience, ART MAJORS are very fond of nudity and sex. But I digress, this topic is not about ART MAJORS, it is about FIRE EMBLEM. I for one would buy several copies of FIRE EMBLEM if it had HENTAI CGs. I would buy two for myself and one for several of my friends, but some of my friends think FIRE EMBLEM is for people of unsure sexual orientation so I would not buy a copy for them. If I did, they would most likely not be able to appreciate my charity. However, my point has been made and I stand by it. Discuss. |
![]() |
|
| Dark | Feb 3 2011, 01:41 AM Post #8 |
|
Dickhole
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
|
NPC Stupidity Author: Techhikhil Soldier: Oh crap, Micaiah is leading us in this fight. No wonder I am at 3 hp! Generic healer #22354, heal me! Healer: No thanks... besides there are only like 10 generic ally healers in this game... why am I number 22354? Soldier: Uh... ask IS... Dammit, Micaiah was dumb enough to only field one generic healer... time to go to the non-generics... Laura, heal me pl0x. Laura: Sorry, I can't reach you... I only got to level 12 at the end of part 1... I don't have enough MOV... Soldier: FFFF... Micaiah... heal me please? I am using correct gramar just for you... Micaiah: You missed an m in grammar... I don't feel like wasting one of the 15 physic uses on an uneducated generic... plus, I heard what you said at the start... Soldier: FFFF... Oh hey, there is a beast laguz with 5 hp and low biorythm left, and that is it... maybe I can kill it... Archer: LIEK, I CALEZZ DE TIGREZZ!!11!1!1!!1! *OHKO's tiger* O HEI, DER IZ AYE KITEH LAGOOOOOOOOOOOZ WIT 0 TRANZFORMERZZ! U KAN CILL DAT SOLDRE BOI! Soldier: Hey, you are right... but it doesn't look like a cat...oh well... *attacks it* Mordy: WTF man. WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK I AM? I WILL PIERCE THE HEAVENS WITH MY TIGER PUNCH! GIIIIIIIIGAAAAAAAAAAAA... Soldier: I thought you said it was a cat... Archer: LIEK SORIEZ DOOD Mordy: Driiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiilllllllll Soldier: Oh shi- Mordy: PAWWWWWWWNCHHHHHHHHH *Does 3 damage* Soldier: You fail at memes... *dies* |
![]() |
|
| Dark | Feb 3 2011, 01:43 AM Post #9 |
|
Dickhole
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
|
Roy has just seen the tower crumble, burying the dragon Idoun in the rubble. The young swordsman sheathed his blazing Sword of Seals, gusts of wind striking at his hair. With this victory, Roy, Lord of Pherae has earned himself a new title, Roy the Pimp Master of Pherae. Five E supports with Lilina, Thany, Sophia, Lalum, and Marcus turned him into an unbeatable general and few dared to challenge him after. However, Red of Pallet Town noticed Roy's fatigue after his prolonged battle with the dragons and saw this as an opportunity to strike. Out of nowhere, Roy heard a childlike voice muttering, "Charizard, use Fire Blast". The blue haired mage girl, Lilina, screamed, "Watch out, Roy!" and extended her arm, shooting her own column of fire to block the incoming blast. The ground below the fire burnt to a sizzling black crisp and the fire evaporated into smoke, revealing an orange flying lizard with a flame on its tail, not much different in appearance than the numerous dragons Roy fought just minutes ago. Next to the lizard was a boy in the young teens, eyes hidden behind his hat and mouth showing no emotion. "Who the hell are you and why did you attack us?!" Roy angrily asked. Only deafening silence and Charizard's fiery breaths could be heard, and Roy commanded, "Go, Sophia! Use Nosferatu!". Sophia charged forward and murmured an enchantment, sucking the life energy out of Charizard. Since dark magic beats anima, the announcer shouted, "It's super effective!". Red would not lose though. Red entered this battle determined to not lose anything ever again. The reason behind Red's misanthropy is because every single one of his Pokemon were massacred by humans, including his Pikachu. The only one left was his beloved Charizard, who fought side by side for vengeance against humans and never lost any one battle since. And he would not lose this time. He wouldn't let himself lose. He uttered, "Charizard, use Flash". A blinding flash of light was seen everywhere, but for Sophia, it was all too much. She was knocked backwards then collapsed in a heap. "It's super effective!" the announcer shouted. A dumbfounded Roy yelled, "What?! That thing has LIGHT magic? That means he dominates the Magic triangle! But he doesn't have any dark magic! Go, Lilina! Use Aircalibur! Cut its ugly wings off!". Lilina nodded and conjured a swirl of wind towards Charizard that sliced through the air. As the Aircalibur approached, Charizard pulled a 180 and swept with his fiery tail, flicking off the cutting wind. Roy was once again shocked and frustratedly screamed, "What the hell? Lilina has 30 magic! THIRTY!There's no way this is possible...". Charizard again spewed flames at Lilina, who survived due to being accustomed to heat, but ran away screaming and forfeited. Marcus suggested, "May I open up the idea of a retreat, Lord Roy?" Roy backlashed, "That's Pimp Master Roy to you, Marcus! And we never give up! We are Pherae! I don't care if he's an alien or a time traveler or even a Pokemon trainer! Go, Thany! Use your lance to pierce his defenses!". Thany nodded and speedily rode her pegasus into Charizard, aiming her lance at the gargantuan lizard's heart. |
![]() |
|
| Dark | Feb 3 2011, 01:43 AM Post #10 |
|
Dickhole
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
|
She yelled, "My drill will be the drill that pierces the heavens! Lance thrust!". As she dived into Charizard, Red quickly commanded, "Use Harden!". Charizard was now hard as a rock and Thany bounced off after impact, flying off of her pegasus, lance broken. Roy drove his palm into his face with a grimace and remarked, "I guess only men can properly get hard. Except for you, Marcus". Marcus let out a regretful sigh and Red smirked at Roy and friends. "You guys done yet? Because if you are, then it's killing time" Red said. Roy rebutted, "Not so fast! We're not done yet! Go, Lalum!". An angry Lalum then yelled, "Roy, are you nuts? Are you out of your mind? I'm a dancer, there's no way I can fight! No way at all! No! Nuh-uh! Not in a million years, not even if you give me candy! No, no, no!" To this statement, Roy asked, "How about if I have a B support with you? I can just repeal Thany's C support since I am the Pimp Master". A disgruntled Thany glared daggers at Roy, who completely ignored. Lalum happily nodded and danced into the battlefield. Red asked, "...Is that all you've got? She can't even figh...WHOA, WHAT THE FLIPPING NETHERWORLD?!" as Thany punched Charizard with such a destructive force that it was sent flying into the stratosphere. The involuntarily flying Charizard collided with Team Rocket, who were blasting off again. They then fell as a combined heap into some forest no one knows the name of. Red ran away bawling and Roy happily yelled, "Nice job, team! We all did such a great job!". His team was not as happy though, as Thany lay on the ground with shock, Lilina was treating second-degree burns, and Sophia was still in a seizure. Marcus asked, "May I suggest a hospital, Sir Pimp Master Roy?". At that moment, the sun was getting larger by the second. It was on a collision course with the Earth, dooming all of its inhabitants. That's what Roy's army thought, anyway. But the sun was actually just an afro-shaped blond mass of hair careening towards the ground. After the collision, the blond figure got on his legs and said, "Hospital? I've got it right here, fellas!" while lifting a full-size hospital out of his afro, complete with doctors and beds. Lilina and Thany screamed with joy and scurried into the hospital, dragging along an unaware epileptic Sophia. Roy was entirely confused and asked, "Who...are you?". The blond man answered, "I am Bobobo, nice to meet you. We serve our delicious crab bisque 3.1415965 hours a day, but only on Wednesdays and Fridays! But ah, I see one other person with epic hair! We must duel, purple one!". Marcus asked, "...Me? I thought my purple beard was only epic when I was the good jeigan! I refuse to fight you for my hair is not as great as that brilliant afro of yours!". |
![]() |
|
| Dark | Feb 3 2011, 01:44 AM Post #11 |
|
Dickhole
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
|
What?! THIEF is evolving! Congratulations! Your THIEF evolved into ASSASSIN! ASSASSIN is trying to learn Silencer! But ASSASSIN cannot learn more than four moves! Will ASSASSIN forget something to make room for Silencer? -->Yes No What move will ASSASSIN forget? Pick Locks Disable traps -->Steal Enhanced FOW vision 1, 2 and... poof! ASSASSIN forgot Steal! And... ASSASSIN learned Silencer! |
![]() |
|
| Dark | Feb 3 2011, 01:44 AM Post #12 |
|
Dickhole
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
|
Fort Rigwald is obviously symbolic of Tana's greatest fear. She starts off in the level trapped in a cell. This is a stark contrast to her role in the game as a flyer. Essentially, the thing she loves most is stripped away from her, and she's left defenseless in a small, claustrophobic cell. Ironically enough, she actually has her Pegasus with her. In fact, the cruel irony of it all is, the cell isn't really that small. Tana is sufficiently able to fly around the 2x2 area without much problem. However, the chilling reality is: she has nowhere to go. Thus, ultimately, it isn't that she's trapped and stripped of her power, it's that she still has those powers, but no way to utilize them. It's akin to Spiderman having the ability to cling to walls and shoot webs...only to have him realize that the entire world is covered in PAM® non-stick cooking spray. Hellish, indeed. Not to even mention Amelia. On the other hand, Amelia has the greatest freedom in the world. She moves seamlessly and effortlessly between both the troops of Fort Rigwald, and Ephraim's rag-tag group of mercenaries. At the same time, Rigwald also symbolizes Amelia's great fear: too much freedom. What can she do with it? She doesn't want to be in Rigwald. All the troops do is scare her and buttsex her. Well, she can't POSSIBLY side with the "enemy", can she? In doing so, she pits herself against impossible odds. Logically, how can a group of 40-or-so topple a corrupt empire fueled by the power of Satan himself? Thus, it appears that Amelia faces a paradox as well. She has the absolute freedom of choice to move through whichever forces she wants, however near-certain death confronts her if she were to actually pick a side. So how can she solve this problem? Simple: Just keep moving. Keep moving Amelia, keep moving. Don't ever stop. Don't you ever stop, because when you do, Death will be right there are your door, knocking. And if he is, you'd best be prepared to answer him, because by that time, you'll be beyond the point of no return. It will be your first step into that torturous dimension known as Hell, and Satan will be with you every step of the way, making sure your journey is as nightmarish and grotesque as you can possibly imagine. So keep running, Amelia, keep running. |
![]() |
|
| Dark | Feb 3 2011, 01:45 AM Post #13 |
|
Dickhole
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
|
Re: "The symbolic importance of fort Rigwald" originally by Wongs Upon reading Wongs' exposition about one of the many theories regarding the enigmatic Fort Rigwald, I feel enlightened by his explanation and feel compelled to expand on your thoughts. The analysis is proficient, but he forgot to consider the presence of Gheb, the leader of Fort Rigwald. Gheb bears quite a resemblance to the Egyptian god Geb, who is the god of the earth and the father of both Osiris and Isis. Being the god of the earth, he uses his power to bind Tana to her 2x2 prison, but the most significant event that transpires is the confrontation of Tana by Gheb prior to Tana's imprisonment. When the two first meet, there is a sharp juxtaposition in that Gheb represents the earth while Tana represents the sky. Since Gheb has the air of the god Geb, he is able to overwhelm Tana, thus rendering her attempts to resist control futile. It strengthens Wongs argument as to include Gheb into the equation as he creates the misbalance of power that forces Tana into her hellish prison. As for Amelia, it is clear as to Gheb's significance behind Amelia's actions. Specifically put, Gheb's control over the earth overpowers Amelia's attempts to run, and as such she is at first tentative to move, and thus waits until Ephraim's army goes to lay siege to fort Rigwald. In light of this, it can also be said that Amelia represents opportunity; another contrast between her and Tana. Amelia waits until she finds the opportunity to possibly escape Gheb's torture house called Fort Rigwald, and after assessing the situation finds a chance at escaping when Ephraim's army opens the gate. Of course, as is stated in the original exposition, Amelia is then pitted with a predicament, as her fate is sadly sealed from the day she was ordered to serve time in Fort Rigwald. The solution is indeed to keep moving; creating distance between her and Tana serves to Amelia's benefit. Gheb lies in the middle; he is the bond that connects Amelia and Tana through contrast, and in separating herself from Tana, Amelia is breaking the bond that ties her to Tana and is in turn freeing herself from Gheb. I hope this clears up some misconceptions about Fort Rigwald. The symbolic importance is indeed significant, and it is to the player's benefit that he or she acquires background knowledge before traversing through historical grounds. |
![]() |
|
| Dark | Feb 3 2011, 01:45 AM Post #14 |
|
Dickhole
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
|
Each of you has crossed the Lyn, here! Look at yourselves, Raven about silly bits of intelligence within your posts. How foolish of you. It does Erk me; all this rage is Pent up in me, and my Sainity declines, as does my Wil, and opposed to that my Rath erupts, compels me to bombard you with a Dart. Hopefully you have a Legault ready when you lose yours. Here am I, walking along the Heath, Farina distant land, a few feet away from Luc-I-Us, like that toy store, but for lights. I have the Hawkeye to scout any who dares near me, a mere Guy! Lowen behold, on the Florina Luc-I-Us I see some Geitz, fully naked, frolicking each other – how strange, they are. I hear one say, “Lou, ice the floor! Lou, ice the dang floor! Jeez, Kent a dood get some respect here?” I wonder why that one man is Harken up Lou’s tree to ice the floor. Oh well. I guess I shouldn’t know. As Lou walks towards the wall to grab some ice, it seemed the Wall aced its test: The man slips, and falls face first into the wall, falling onto the floor with a Serraously bloody face. How funny, ni-ni! Ni--no, I’m not laughing, that’s mean. Then from in the store I hear someone speak while laughing, “Ja-ja, hey you, Pris, kill a fella, won’t ya? Ja-ja-see that guy, ja-Ja-ffar away outside?” Then Pris stands up and walks out the door. I see him holding something…a can? Looking closely, I read the label on it: “Canas - Ass in a can! Get yours today! Then without warning Pris hurls the can at my face: I dodge and thrash my leg into his stomach. He Nils to the ground, hurls blood, and falls unconscious. I then hear, “Renaulternate with Pris and try to kill this dan guy!” In a second, Ren charges for me, holding a weird object with a label: “Stimpy.” Ren hacks Stimpy across the air, and it caught my cheek; then, fiercely, Ren screams, “Why are you inVaidang this place? You’ll pay a hefty Fiora limb for trepassin’!” In pain, I cannot answer. I see Stimpy coming again, and with a flourish I spring up and seize it, knock the man down and sprint to the store. Isadoran’ I ran through it, over a doormat: The Matthew was low, a sickly gray. “Who are ye to come Karelin’ and Karlain’ in here? Get out or I’ll Bartre door and kill ya!” shouts that man who shouted at Lou. I respond, “Are you going to Hector to Heaven? Curse all ye who disturb my slumber, curse ye to Heck! The man snaps, “you dare Marcus with the Devil! I shall have my man Dorcast a spell on ye!” The earth trembles, and a large man appears from a back room; he says, “Durr hurr! What ye want, master, Re, hurr?” Re replies to Dor, “Cast a spell on the man at the door, who arouses much pAthos in me!” Dor says, “Surr, hurr durr!” and with a flick of the rod attached to his body casts white magic: It shooks across the room and enters my mouth; instead of swallowing or spitting, I choke. My eyes thin. The magic from Dor’s rod tortures me. Then, in the background I hear Re laughing crazily. What is that sound – speaking? Lying on the ground, I feign unconsciousness, though am really eavesdropping: “Where is Eli”? asks Re. “Durr hurr, I dunno, hurr durr!” says Dor. “Eli,” shouts Re, “bring me wood to celebrate!” From a distance, a pansy voice answers, “Yes, Re?” Then, Rebeccaned, “Eli, wood, now!” Eli…wood – what was going on? Wanting to know, I open my eyes only to see three men stripping down, riding wood shafts. WTF? Beneath my trousers I feel a tingling, but in my mouth, a gagging. Something must be done, but what? How shall I, Os, win my way out of this place? How shall I, Os, win this battle? Everything seems dim and hopeless. Then as everything begins fading away I tear off my clothes, brandishing my own rod capable of shooting white magic. Tightly I clutch it, and rapidly the white magic shoot from my magic Athos rod onto the three men, but wait -- they enjoy it and swallow it? WTF? Then, Re giggles and invites me over. I am trapped and cannot escape this terror. FFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU- |
![]() |
|
| Dark | Feb 3 2011, 01:47 AM Post #15 |
|
Dickhole
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
|
PokeAMon wishes us a Merry Christmas: So what are you all d-Ewan for Christmas? Me? I'm Dayan to go Raven with my buddies, but I don't think I'm Abel to. I already Mist last year's X-mas dinner and my mom says I Gotoh go this year. What a Dieck. I tried Bartre-ing with her but I swear she's in-Sain. Why Kent I go partying with my friends? In my Rath I called her a Ninian that must have Erk-ed her because she kicked me in the Shin! I was so pissed I set the Hausen fire, but only after did I find out it was Orson and that's a crime. I then had to go into Hayden, but I was able to escape to my Franz house and hid Innes room. What a mistake that was. He made me Lyon his bed while he buttsecksed me all day long! Talk about creepy. I was able to escape though. First I Draug-ed him and fed him Castor oil, and after that I Dart-ed off. What a Darin escape by me. In the near future I Wil go Beck to his house and make that Heath-en re-Pent for his sins, but not today. Why, you may ask? Because it's Christmas, the time for Karel-ing and eating everything in sight. If you who do not celebrate such a holiday I wish you good tidings and season's greetings. I hope today is the b-Est day of your life. |
![]() |
|
| Albino | Feb 5 2011, 04:24 AM Post #16 |
![]()
Fine China Nuclear Warhead
![]()
|
The Radiant Trooper You take my life but I’ll take yours too You throw your handaxe but I’ll run you through I use a brave bow for the dual attack But without canto there’s no turning back The fanfare sounds, the map begins But on this battlefield Daein wins The sound of Thani tomes and wyverns’ cries As everyone around me dies Oooooooooh! Oooooooooh! The horse he sweats with fear we break to run The mighty roar of the sub-humans And as they race towards our castle wall The beeping sound as my hit points fall They fly up ledges from the castle ground Commander Ike then sends another round They get so near yet so far away They won't live to fight another day. Oooooooooh! Oooooooooh! They get so close near enough to fight 3-13 archer gets them in his sights Lets loose the arrow and I see the blow The hawk falls down to the ground below. And as I stand there having beaten Ike I look back and remember this map I like Promoted Nolan, Jill and Edward too Those who can’t; I’m just better than you |
![]() |
|
| Albino | Feb 5 2011, 04:25 AM Post #17 |
![]()
Fine China Nuclear Warhead
![]()
|
"get me out of here you fat ugly bandit" tana whined at her captor "what we have here is a phailure to communicate" gheb roared as he slapped Tana across the face. "when im done with all the other women i've captured, then you're going to get a very thorough interrogation, and you will continue to get them until I get bored with you, and I never get bored of sex slaves. is that clear?" "screw you ephraim will save me" she said, which resulted in another slap to the face "sir i hate to interrupt you while you're torturing your slaves but we're under attack" "oh so a group of teenagers wants to commit suicide? fine by me" gheb said as he picked up his mighty killer axe of jiggling awesomeness +74 "ok what do i do" a nervous young girl with short blonde hair asked "what do you think, you stupid wench? you're going to get a weapon and stab somebody" Gheb told his idiot recruit "but i dun know how to do that" amelia replied "stupid whore! i'm going to teach you to be useful right after I punish you for your stupidity!" Gheb roared "dis isnt right general duessel would have told me how to stab someone" amelia whined to generic soldier #75125 "quit your whining and be happy to serve Gheb the mighty" generic soldier yelled back at her. amelia then began to cry. "k seth just pwn everything then we can mansex later ok" Ephraim told his slave. "k ephraim i love you" replied his willing slave. "HYAH TAKE THAT" seth yelled as he killed everything except amelia since seths a whimp and doesnt have the heart or the balls to kill a crying little girl. he then approached gheb "die fatso haha im awes-" seth was cut off from finishing his sentance, and so was his head. "NOOO SEETTTHHH" ephraim was saddened at the loss of his lover, but while he was crying like a whimp, gheb slammed his axe into ephraims back, scoring a critical hit "oh snap ephraim died the games over guys" ross observed "waaaahhhh" neimi cried at this fact because she's a baby. "k so what do we do now" colm asked after he punched neimi in the face "we can go to the local whorehouse. i earned a lot of money back when i was soldier" garcia suggested "k sounds good lets ditch this stupid army, screw you ephraim" ross shouted at the sky before they all left. except neimi, she was still on the ground crying like a baby before garcia dragged her off by the leg. then tana saw gheb dragging amelia into her cell and chained her up right next to her "uh what happened to ephraim" she asked dumbly "oh ephraim? you mean that guy i just KILLED?" gheb laughed like a maniac tana's eyes widened in fear and sadness. "no ephraim didnt die! and hes not unstraight either! I banged the unstraight right out of him i swear! he wasn't doing anything with seth uh I think he did promise" "i'll bang the unstraight out of YOU" gheb said he tore all of Tana's clothes off with one arm motion, dropped his pants to reveal his massive pepperoni stick, and started going in and out of tana's cornhole at full speed with no lube. amelia soon suffered the same punishment. and this was only the first of many many many more interrogations to come... |
![]() |
|
| Albino | Feb 5 2011, 04:28 AM Post #18 |
![]()
Fine China Nuclear Warhead
![]()
|
"Ephidel waited. The lights above him blinked and sparked out of the air. There were morphs in the base. He didn’t see them, but had expected them now for years. His warnings to Nergal were not listenend to and now it was too late. Far too late for now, anyway. Ephidel was a personal assistant to Nergal for fourteen years. When he was young he watched the Black Fang Assassins and he said to him “I want to be an Assassin daddy.” Dad said “No! You will BE KILL BY MORPHS” There was a time when he believed him. Then as he got oldered he stopped. But now in the secret base of the Black Fang he knew there were morphs. “This is Nergal” the radio crackered. “You must fight the Morphs!” So Ephidel gotted his elfire tome and blew up the wall. “HE GOING TO KILL US” said the morphs “I will shoot at him” said the supermorph and he threw the javelin. Ephidel elfireed at him and tried to blew him up. But then the ceiling fell and they were trapped and not able to kill. “No! I must kill the morphs” he shouted The radio said “No, Ephidel. You are the morphs” And then Ephidel was phone." |
![]() |
|
| Albino | Feb 5 2011, 04:29 AM Post #19 |
![]()
Fine China Nuclear Warhead
![]()
|
In which Brom recounts the epic (if somewhat AU) battle on Christmas Eve that led to Mad King Ashnard's defeat! 'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the castle Not a soldier was moving, not the lowliest vassal The weapons were hung, the transform meters maxed Anticipating that Ashnard's army soon would attack! Ike's mercenaries waited, swords gripped in their hands Christmas eve was the perfect time to make a last stand And Haar in his eyepatch and I, needing to crap Had just settled our brains for a pre-battle nap When on the battlements there arose such a clatter I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter. I buckled on my armor, one piece at a time And picked up a lance, thankfully free from grime The moon on the breast of the Crimean snow Gave the lustre of Ashera to armies below When what appeared, revealed then as the wind blew But the whole Daein army, and six generals, too! They were so well armed and armored, and ready to fight I knew then that it was Ashnard himself, and his knights More rapid than Tibarn his generals they came, And he roared, and he shouted, and called them by name: "Now, Petrine! Now Bryce! Come on, Tauroneo! This way, Black Knight! Come, Bertram! Izuka, let's go! Come, form into units! Let us break down the wall! Now kill them, kill them! Men, kill them all!" As pegasus knights before the 3-13 archer fly, The Begnion soldiers scattered, though bravely they did try So through the front gates, the Daein army charged Against them, our chances of victory weren't large And then in a twinkling, I heard on the ground The clashing of weapons, and fortunes turning around A small group of fighters left a wake of Daein dead And in a flurry of blows, Lord Ike came to their head He was fighting with skill, and he looked almost bored And he fired energy beams from a great golden sword A cape of blood red was attached to his back And he looked mighty fierce as he pressed the attack His eyes — how they twinkled! His morals -- how true! His footwork was great, and his strokes peerless too His sword arced up high as he cut down a crow, And the corpse of the bird landed, red, on the snow He appeared to grow serious, strode on through the sleet And snatched victory from the jaws of defeat He stabbed Petrine through, and an aether met Bryce Tauroneo he talked to, the fellow seemed quite nice A sword beam slew Izuka as the coward did flee And Bertram was cut down as he laughed with glee The Black Knight fought well, but Ike lopped off his head And just like that, Daein's finest all were dead His men spoke not a word, but went straight to their work They killed all the soldiers; then Ike turned with a jerk And laying his blade-point against Ashnard's chest Ike forced his surrender, then wished us the best He put Ashnard in chains, and his troops he addressed From the lowliest recruit to the best of the best And I heard him exclaim, through the chill of the night Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good fight! |
![]() |
|
| Albino | Feb 5 2011, 04:30 AM Post #20 |
![]()
Fine China Nuclear Warhead
![]()
|
It was the night before Easter in Magvel, and Eirika, after a shower, joined her brother in their room holding her stuffed dog in her arms. "Happy Easter, brother" she whispered in his ear. Ephraim lay on the bed, wearing dark purple pajamas, and he gently turned to his sister, telling her to come closer. "Eirika" "Brother?" "Happy Easter to you, too" Eirika hopped on the bed and lay down next to Ephraim, and then she searched under the bed with her hand and then out she took a chocolate egg. Removing the red wrapping, she said to Ephraim, "this is for you, brother" and then she took a piece of chocolate and slowly moved it next to Ephraim's mouth. "I too have a gift for you, Eirika" "Brother, you have?" "Come closer" Eirika moved closer to Ephraim, so close she could feel his breath on her skin. "Closer" Eirika moved her head close to Ephraim's, so that he could whisper in her ear. And in her ear he whispered, and she first giggled, and then she turned red for the embarrassment, and then suddenly she said to her brother, "But, that's a TOS violation!" "That's not the only thing I'm violating tonight" "Brother?" And Ephraim's eyes were now so bright and scary! He looked at Eirika with a devilish grin on his face, and she moved back, a little, but she was too slow and he violently grabbed her left arm. "O, Oniisanka" "HA-HAtsuHAtsuHAtsuHAtsuHAtsuHAtsuHAtsuHAtsu!" laughed the evil being as he tore away her pajamas with his clawed hand, and then he grabbed her legs and proceeded to violate the TOS, with the pope's blessings for he had no condom on his eleventh finger. "Atsu!! O, oniisan, yameroooo-!" "FUHAtsuHAtsuHAtsu, oresama no kono yubi ga makkani moeru! SHiyaININGU PINGAAAAAAAAASUtsu!" "U, UWAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaatsu!" yelled Eirika in pain! And as her tormentor laughed maniacally, she had the feeling he was her sweet, caring brother no more! "A, anatawa..." "HAtsuHAtsuHAtsuHAtsuHAtsuHAtsuHAtsuHAtsuHAtsuHAtsuHAtsu!" "UWAtsu! FO, FODESU! IYAaaaaatsu! FU, FUN, FODESUka! O, oniisan doko ka!!" But the evil Demon King did not answer, and went on torturing her, and on and on and on. "YAAAaaaa, ya, yamero! FU, FU, ZE, ZETO!" And, as to respond to her mistress' request, Seth hopped out from the inside of Eirika's plushie, and challenged Fomortiis with his long spear of cold metal! "FODESU, kakugotsu!" "Ore-sama no shinen, shinenzuuuu!" "FARUKON PANCHIiiiiiiiiitsu!" But Seth missed, and it was now the Enemy Phase. Fomortiis laughed, and summoned an army of minions, but as he ended his turn Eirika and Seth impaled him and destroyed his soul, along with his host's body. "Brother" cried out Eirika, sorrowfully hugging the corpse of her deceased twin brother. Seth then calmed her, and caressed her wet cheek with his hand, as he whispered sweet words of comfort in her ear. Eirika asked, "Seth?" But he had made up his mind already, and challenged her with his long spear of warm meat. |
![]() |
|
| 1 user reading this topic (1 Guest and 0 Anonymous) | |
| Go to Next Page | |
| « Previous Topic · Copypasta · Next Topic » |
- Pages:
- 1
- 2





![]](http://z3.ifrm.com/static/1/pip_r.png)






2:45 PM Jul 11