Haiku. Blech.

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Haiku. Blech.
Topic Started: Mar 9 2009, 03:25 AM (162 Views)
Belle	Mar 9 2009, 03:25 AM Post #1
Posts: 4,619 Group: Moderators Member #288 Joined: Oct 12, 2008 Gender Female	I like one more than the other, but I won't say which because I don't want to subconsciously influence anyone Number the one: Feelings coalesce into fleeting impressions - how to soothe the soul. Number the other one: the leaves are falling, criss-crossing into the night. please don't let me go.



asiAnihc	Mar 10 2009, 02:02 AM Post #2
azn mafia Posts: 1,575 Group: Members Member #444 Joined: Dec 21, 2008 Gender Male	playing.pretend Mar 9 2009, 03:25 AM I like one more than the other, but I won't say which because I don't want to subconsciously influence anyone Number the one: Feelings coalesce into fleeting impressions - how to soothe the soul. Number the other one: the leaves are falling, criss-crossing into the night. please don't let me go. Depends. The first one seems like it's more emotionally-based, while the second one seems a bit more abstract. To be honest, I love them both equally; but if I had to choose one, it'd be the second one. The last line in the first one reminds of The Fray song...and I don't really like it



Belle	Mar 10 2009, 07:25 AM Post #3
Posts: 4,619 Group: Moderators Member #288 Joined: Oct 12, 2008 Gender Female	lol I don't like the Fray either, that particular line came from a JamisonParker song that I can't remember off the top of my head =/ I like the second one better too, although I find that one more emotional that the first one. shrugs I don't know. I hate writing poetry



zexxaar	Mar 10 2009, 11:31 PM Post #4
Posts: 4,203 Group: Members Member #151 Joined: Aug 10, 2008 Gender Undisclosed	Second one. Ah, poetry... Hmmph. ps - It's because I've a thing about leaves, by the way. We connect, man... Also, I think it's less blatantly emotional than the first one which included the word soul, and feelings together. It's too...cliche ish when they're together. But about fleeting impressions. If you tied that in with how the leaves fall, it'd be beautiful. Oops, that's mixing the two up though. Edited by zexxaar, Mar 10 2009, 11:49 PM.



asiAnihc	Mar 11 2009, 12:41 AM Post #5
azn mafia Posts: 1,575 Group: Members Member #444 Joined: Dec 21, 2008 Gender Male	Actually, in regards to the second poem, if you can replace the word "Criss-crossing" with a synonymous verb that ties into the last line "Please don't let me go," that'd be awesome Edited by asiAnihc, Mar 11 2009, 12:41 AM.



Belle	Mar 12 2009, 07:12 AM Post #6
Posts: 4,619 Group: Moderators Member #288 Joined: Oct 12, 2008 Gender Female	zexxaar Mar 10 2009, 11:31 PM It's because I've a thing about leaves, by the way. We connect, man... High five! Hmm, definitely food for thought. It's not due for another 3 weeks so I'll have a play around with them.



Vanderbilt	Mar 16 2009, 02:24 AM Post #7
Posts: 2,188 Group: Moderators Member #15 Joined: May 3, 2008 Religious Views Christian Gender Male Political View Love	Hmmn. I kinda dig the first line of the first one alot. But then the second one I like better as a package. I dunno. They're both very good though! I agree about criss-crossing. It feels a bit tryish. Intertwined, maybe? I don't know. Brava though!



Belle	Mar 16 2009, 02:54 AM Post #8
Posts: 4,619 Group: Moderators Member #288 Joined: Oct 12, 2008 Gender Female	Hehe thanks.



kreativeflow	Mar 18 2009, 05:58 PM Post #9
Posts: 24 Group: Members Member #566 Joined: Mar 8, 2009 Gender Male Religious Views Muslim	Dont like any



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