I'll be back with a giant drill.
Welcome to Scarlet Wings. Sign your body and soul over to us.

Give up your soul and mind!

Username:   Password:
Add Reply
Miscellaneous Copypasta
Topic Started: Mar 18 2011, 10:18 PM (1,103 Views)
Albino
Member Avatar
The Second Triumvir

People still post on 4chan? I mean I've heard of people beating a dead horse but this is ridiculous. 4chan is dead, whatever you're posting on now isn't 4chan, it's simply it's half rotten, maggot infested corpse. 4chan was a glorious, brilliant and mind-expanding creation. It took the moral values that we held and tore them apart, inserted over 9000 hilariously sick images, sewed us back up again and sent us on our way to cause havoc across the internet. The arrival of the pure and perfect title of Anonymous (I still get goosebumps when I see it) is one of the masterstrokes of our lifetime. 4chan would never be just another image board, it would be a social experiment. In our lives every move we make is scrutinized closely and can damage us. We are restricted in what we can say, do and importantly.... laugh at. But what if you could have a place where everyone was anonymous? Where people never feared retribution, isolation or permanent damage. What if there was a place in which people could say what they liked, post what they liked, laugh at what they liked and no one would ever know it was them. It changed us all and gave the sickest amongst us a chance to be acknowledged and praised that could be achieved nowhere else. Anonymous is legion is one of the most overused phrases around but it is entirely and utterly true. The success of one was the success of all. We did not take credit for our work because we knew our /b/rothers would provide next time. 4chan flourished and didn't just push people's boundaries, it knocked them down. Then it began to suffer from what all good things eventually suffer from, its own success. Anons broke the sacred rules and told their friends, those friends told their friends. Every week more and more meme-spouting, "EPIC"-screaming new***s appeared and killed everything that was good about 4chan. They saw screencaps of the great moments in its short history and thought that if they spent 20 minutes on the board they'd see something just as amazing, and when they didn't they tried to make it happen. The jokes that were brutally funny when they first appeared were thrown around like so many old tennis balls, bouncing less and less each time. 4chan rotted from the inside and pouring over it now is like trying to suck milk from a dead cow. You might get something that was once milk, and if you turn off all your senses you might imagine to be milk but it sure as **** isn't milk. Let its memory be sacred in the as yet unwritten tomes of internet history. Don't do to it what has been done to so many good things over the ages, drag them on for so long that people forget what it was that made them so good at the start. All that can be said for what remains of 4chan is that it started makin' trouble in my neighbourhood. I got in one little fight and my mom got scared and said, "You're movin' with your auntie and uncle in Bel-Air." I whistled for a cab and when it came near the license plate said fresh and it had dice in the mirror. If anything I could say that this cab was rare but I thought no forget it, yo home to Bel-Air.
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Albino
Member Avatar
The Second Triumvir

Computer toast ~ by Lazerpig

1. Open your CD drive.
2. Insert a slice of bread.
3. Close CD drive.
4. Wait a few minutes.
5. Open your CD drive.
6. Enjoy your delicious computer toast! It's great with butter and honey.
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Albino
Member Avatar
The Second Triumvir

BOOBS = Balloon Oriented Object Becomes Sexual

I guess I mean nice breasts, as in not too small, and not too big. Wait, you don't want them to be average size either, you'd want to be on the large size, but not too large so they aren't saggy. And that's another thing, if they were saggy, they aren't nice. Sometimes you can't tell if the breasts were actually saggy by the bra they wear, but if you look hard enough, you'll see that the breasts end up lower on the girl's chests than normal. Saggy breasts are EW. You also don't want them to be too small or they'll be loli breasts, and those aren't impressive at all. Loli breasts aren't even grab-able. Back to breasts being nice, besides the fact that they have to be the right size, their texture has to be in shape too. For them to be of utmost perfection, they have to be a nice round size. If they are correctly round, you could stick a pen in between them and it'll hold there. It kinda looks like they are smushing together, but because of the softest, they actually keep their shape. Another thing, touch. They gotta be soft. Huggies, lovable, soft. Not too soft where you can stick your finger there and leave a mark for about 10 secs, that's about too soft for my tastes. Good enough to where you feel like heaven when you place your heaven in between. And some ending tips. Nice breasts don't have stretch marks, freckles, misguided tan lines, or crazy marks. Some tattoos look great on a nice pair of breasts, but I like my breasts without them. Oh, and don't even get me STARTED on correct nipples to go with them. But before you dive into the pleasant realm that includes breasts of all shapes and sizes, you must understand how these breasts look from the outside underneath all of that clothing. Let us start with lolis. Lolis basically are flat-chested, and don't have any breasts at all. These type of breasts are always found on younger aged girls, usually around before the age of 13. It should be easy to detect a loli's lack thereof and unless that is your preference, I suggest staying clear of these as they have no method of pleasure. Next are relatively small boobs. They at least show some sign of life under some shirts and outfits. These type of breasts can be grabbed, but other uses like a breast smother can't be performed because of their petite size. There are many unique other differences that theses breasts have because of their small size. There are some with freakishly large nipples and those with an abnormal perkiness. Whatever is your preference is what you should look for. Next are medium sized breasts. These are the closest to perfection because of their mid-level size, and along with that comes their soft texture. Easy to spot and very delightful to play with, these type of breasts are sometimes hard to find. Females tend to show these delectable objects off with low cut shirts to give you a visible sight of the smooth crack in between the breasts, and then the rest is up for to imagine. The next and final type of breasts I will be discussing are large breasts. If medium size breasts were number one on the scale of pleasure, I'm sure large breasts come at a close second. They are greatly seen even under various unappealing clothing. Big breasts trounce the competition in the softness category, and they many many uses. Problem is, they are a bit heavy (not that it matters to the male, but it does put a sort of strain on the female who has to tote those beauties around). The bounce factor in these are great, even greater than that of the medium type. If you can't get happiness off of any of the previous types describe, you should definitely try these. But people please, in this quest for the perfect pair, there is a such thing as TOO much.
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Albino
Member Avatar
The Second Triumvir

Boobs. You see them almost every day walking from here to there. From big pairs, to small pairs, to perky pairs, to abnormally freaky pairs, you glance them all covered in appropriate (and sometimes inappropriate or not covered at all) tops. But how do you know when a pair of boobs are perfect? Well, it's all categorized in 3 sections. The first section is size. Boobs come in four different sizes. There is the "loli" size, where there is basically no boobs at all. These are usually spotted on typical young girls. There is the mild size. These are usually seen on typical young maturing girls to some unlucky female adults. They barely protrude from the shirt and sometimes come in weird shapes and forms because of the size. The third size is big size. These are seen usually on mature female adults, but currently can be spotted on the occasional hot teen female. You can easily detect this size by being able to stick a pencil in the middle of the boobs and it standing upright. This size is not to be mixed up with the LOLWUT size of boobs, which is usually spotted on adult females due to outrageous breast surgery and other factors. This size is commonly drawn by mangaka in various mangas or seen in various japanime. Now, the second section that categorizes boobs is shape. Not only should a boob be of appropriate size, but it should have the a great shape. Round shapes are typically looked for the most because it plays a big part in another factor to come in perfect boobs. Other shapes are to include those fugly, weird, unearthly shapes that are somehow formed for some odd reason. One shape you do not go for is the LOLWUT saggy shape. The shape is repulsive and is usually spotted when it is not the appropriate size for said female or has a massive loss of perkiness. The last and final section of categorizing boobs is softness. Softness is easily recognizable as how they feel when you actually touch them. These come in many magnitudes and it depends on the preference of the chooser, but I solely recommend that kind of softness you get from a memory foam pillow. Not so much where it leaves a mark to appear after touching, but at least soft enough to have that squishy feeling to it. Well, after reading the content of this block of text, I'm sure you are more knowledgeable on the subject of boobs than you ever were before. I encourage you to use this informational paragraph as a guide to figuring out which boobs you want to "examine".
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Albino
Member Avatar
The Second Triumvir

Ass is acceptable on GameFAQs. For example, using ass in the way that it means a beast of burden. You can say things like "That's a nice ass" or "I rode that ass for a long time". You know, speaking of beasts of burden, the Rolling Stones could've saved a lot of ink by just changing that song name to Ass. Actually, I think it's okay to say ass in which it means a persons bottom/buttock/heinie/poop shooter. However, I'm sure that when he called you a dumb ass, he meant that you are a donkey. I don't quite understand why he would mean it as if you were a mentally deficient anus, as anuses do not contain brains and therefore, a dumb ass would be quite normal. Well, actually, I'm not sure of donkeys are that smart either. The only donkey I know of that is capable of speech would be Donkey from Shrek, but he proves Qui Gon Jinn's observation that having the mental capacity to speak does not make one intelligent. Speaking of Qui Gon Jinn, how awesome is he? I mean, he was only in Episode One, but he had by far one of the coolest hair-beard combinations in Star Wars. Well, technically, he was in Episode Three as well, but he never showed himself. It can, however, be taken from context that Yoda shows Obi Wan that Qui Gon had such an affinity with the Force that he can bring himself back from the dead in spectral form. Obi Wan and Yoda showcase such ability in Episode Six, one of the later movies. Scratch that, Episode One, Two, and Three came AFTER Four, Five and Six. That's a pretty screwy way to put together a sequence of movies isn't it? George Lucas must have been on crack when he wrote the script. You know what movie had a great script? Meet The Spartans. Those writers are comedic GOLD. Right at the beginning when Leonidas was fighting that break dancing penguin and then the penguin pooped on him, I've never seen such originality in a movie before. Meet The Spartans is definitely worth your time and money. Speaking of time and money, how much do you think it costs to build a flux capacitor and install it in a DeLorean? I would love to go Back to the Future (How the hell did Michael J. Fox go BACK into the FUTURE anyway? I think that should be listed on a top 10 list of life's greatest mysteries, along with why people join the Church of Scientology). Speaking of Back to the Future, have any of you seen Brokeback to the Future? That was hilarious. Man, I hate gays. Be careful, typing the word gay will mark your post. GAY GAY GAY. See? I'll probably get marked now. Thanks a lot.
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Albino
Member Avatar
The Second Triumvir

CJayC, I have your children.

Yes. Yes, that's it. Look around. Look around your secluded room. You figured they were nestled tightly in their beds and their chinny chin chins were protected by your false sense of security? Think again. Play time is over.

I have men at the back door. They can see you, but you cannot see them. If you even think about moving from your seat I will destroy you. I will destroy your life. I will destroy what's most important. Yes, that's right. I will blow up the GameFAQs servers. I will not rest until the debris from them scatter the streets like insects running away from children's feet or a mouse ever so delicately trying to avoid the snake knowing any move could be his last.

You are the mouse. You are the ant below me. I decide what happens now, Jeff. Years and years...brought to a sudden halt.

I see you. Oh yes, I see you. Why is it that you were about to cut the Internet connection? Did you want it to die? Sure, you snipped a little bit of it but not enough to make the pain go away. Only two things could come from that. You either wanted to cut the Internet connection to see your demise or...you were seeking attention. Well, Jeff, if you want to win this game then the key is to CUT. CUT AWAY. Cut away from the falsehood you created. Break free. Or else your servers will pay for it.

It's rather simple really. Like sheep following the herd you have to post. Not just any topic though, Veasey. This topic. Post in this topic. I will give you until 10pm eastern time to do this. It is 7:45pm as I type this. Tick. Tock. You hear that? It's the sound of inevitability. The sound of hope glowing dimmer. Waiting to be extinguished.

Play my game, CJay. Yes. Play it. One thing though...this game...you do not want to lose. I assure you.
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Albino
Member Avatar
The Second Triumvir

This is an essay about a user. Not just any user, however. This essay is about a user by the name of Fireemblemguy. Oops, I'm sorry. It should be FireEmblemGuy. My apologies. It is in the general opinion that this user, by the name of FireEmblemGuy, or FEG, is an idiot. Not just any idiot. And idiot with a capital i. Oops, I should have capitalized. She would be an Idiot. He does many unspeakable thinks to warrant this opinion. Many things. For one he exited. I mean existed. He came about when his mother and his father engaged in sexual intercourse and he was concieved. However, something went wrong during conception and he came out horribly wrong. But I digress. FEG pretends to be people. This most likely stems from his dissatisfaction with himself. In short, he can't get no satifaction. See, it's funny, because is a lyric from a song. I don't know the artist, however. Or I just can't remember. But I digress again. FEG claimed that he was Plastic_People. Not that he was a person of plastic, however. He claimed to be a troll. A former troll on the FE8 boards. This troll had an astounding abilty to crush people in debates. He was hated by many until a user name Squid_Vicious, a.k.a Enraged_Squid, Bishop_Renault, and Squid_Vicous admitted he was Plastic_People. But I digress. However, FEG was late for the party. I'm sorry, that was bad. He was the last one on the train. Much better. He put text in his signature on GFAQs that stated he was Plastic_People. This was a lie. Squid was Plastic. And Plastic was Squid. He was told to remove the sig. He chose not to, and became hostile. This resulted in Squid returning to GFAQs to get him to remove it. He chose not to, and he was marked and Warned for impersonation. This meant he could noly make 10 psots a day. A day is 24 hours. He became angry and flamed users. Flaming is a clear insult of other users. He was marked again. After this, he jonied Squid's board, Land of the Squid. It is not a land of Squid, however. It jsut that the main administator was Squid. However, his name is now Ace Face, so the board should become Land of the Ace. Or Land of the Face. Or land of the Ace Face. But I digress. He was mocked constantly there, with users in power editting his profile. He responded by psoting a cheap version of the Garm essay that sucked badly. This si why I am making this essay. Because everyone hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hates him
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Albino
Member Avatar
The Second Triumvir

For some time now, we've all been wondering about Kiwi. Is Kiwi a bird? Is Kiwi a fruit? Is Kiwi a New-Zealander? The truth is far more shocking, and slightly more interesting. I have risked life, limb, and lazer firing snout to bring you...

The truth about Kiwi!

In the late 1980s, the Prime Minister of New Zealand, disgruntled at the lack of fear inspired by the mention of his country's name, decided to create a new superweapon. A terrible superweapon. A powerful superweapon. A superweapon so deadly, it would make all of America's ICBMs look like ICBM&Ms.

He decided to combine the DNA of three different Kiwi (the aforementioned bird, fruit, and citizen of New Zealand) into one half bird, half fruit, half person, code named: KiwiODoom.

Kiwi was raised to be the ultimate doomsday weapon, one who could use his power of improper fractions to wipe out all of existence. Kiwi was raised on video games and sarcasm, starting by playing Pong while listening to a recorded cassette of sarcastic remarks. Kiwi was also not allowed to use pronouns when referring to Kiwiself, on the grounds that pronouns were for the weak.

The internet was a boon for Kiwi's creators. Kiwi's sarcasm could be tested against unknowing subjects overseas, with tremendous results. In just a few sentences, Kiwi was able to Pwnz0r teh n00bz0rs with a 98% success rate.

Sadly, the stress of having three halves broke Kiwi's mind. Kiwi began to spend more time on the internet, not melting the brains of those unfortunate to cross him, but instead becoming active in online communities, discussing things that don't really matter. The head of the project realized that Kiwi had gone rogue, and decided to terminate Kiwi. He sent a team of New Zealand Special Ops to Kiwi's containment chamber. He underestimated Kiwi severely.

Kiwi wiped out the Special Ops unit, then escaped the base which had served as Kiwi's home and prison for all of Kiwi's life. One of the Special Ops members was still alive when backup arrived at the scene of Kiwi's outbreak. His last words were "Kiwi was *cough* too sarcastic... we never... stood... a... chance... drier wit than... a New Yorker cartoon..." before a series of convulsions, than death.

Escaping the base, Kiwi then left for Parts Unknown, where Kiwi plots revenge against his former captors, plays Fire Emblem, and frequents the Fire Emblem boards on Gamefaqs. Many search parties have been sent to retrieve Kiwi, but none have ever been heard from again...
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Albino
Member Avatar
The Second Triumvir

_________PerfectS____________PerfectSh
______PerfectShadow9_______PerfectShadow99<
____PerfectShadow99<3Me___PerfectShadow99<3Me
___PerfectShadow99<3MekibosPerfectS_______Perf
__PerfectShadow99<3MekibosPerfectS_________Perf
_PerfectShadow99<3MekibosPerfectShado_______Perf
_PerfectShadow99<3MekibosPerfectShadow99<______P
PerfectShadow99<3MekibosPerfectShadow99<3Mek__Per
PerfectShadow99<3MekibosPerfectShadow99<3Mekibo_P
PerfectShadow99<3MekibosPerfectShadow99<3MekibosP
PerfectShadow99<3MekibosPerfectShadow99<3MekibosP
_PerfectShadow99<3MekibosPerfectShadow99<3Mekibo
__PerfectShadow99<3MekibosPerfectShadow99<3Meki
____PerfectShadow99<3MekibosPerfectShadow99<3M
______PerfectShadow99<3MekibosPerfectShadow
_________PerfectShadow99<3MekibosPerfect
____________PerfectShadow99<3MekibosP
______________PerfectShadow99<3Mek
_________________PerfectShadow
___________________PerfectSh
_____________________Perfec
______________________Perf
_______________________Pe
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Albino
Member Avatar
The Second Triumvir

Nikita Khrushchev's shoe-banging incident allegedly occurred during the 902nd Plenary Meeting of the UN General Assembly held in New York on 12 October 1960, when the infuriated leader of the Soviet Union was said to have pounded his shoe on his delegate-desk.

There is currently no reliable evidence confirming whether the incident actually took place. Witness accounts vary, and there are no credible photographic or video records available. There is at least one fake depiction of the incident, where a shoe was added into an existing photograph.

During the meeting, head of the Filipino delegation to the United Nations Lorenzo Sumulong made a statement regarding Soviet foreign policy. Mr. Khrushchev came to the rostrum, being recognized on a Point of Order. There he demonstratively, in a theatrical manner, brushed Sumulong aside, with an upward motion of his right arm — without physically touching him — and proceeded to demand that Assembly President Frederick Boland from Ireland call "the toady of American imperialism" Sumulong to order. The President did caution Mr. Sumulong to "avoid wandering out into an argument which is certain to provoke further interventions". Khrushchev pounded his fists on the table during the continued speech of Sumulong and even picked up his shoe and banged the desk with it. The Philippine Delegate was again interrupted. Now on a Point of Order, made by Romanian Foreign Vice-minister Eduard Mezincescu. The latter also managed to provoke and insult the Assembly's President to such an extent that Mr. Boland, crimson in face, turned off the Minister's microphone. The chaotic scene finally ended when Mr. Boland pounded the gavel (which shattered and bounced off), adjourning the meeting.

Other sources report a slightly different order of events: Khrushchev first banged the shoe then went to the rostrum to protest.

Khrushchev's granddaughter Nina L. Khrushcheva writes that after years of embarrassed silence her family explained how exactly that happened. Khrushchev was wearing new and tight shoes so that he took them off while sitting. When he started pounding the table with his fist during his angry response his watch fell off. When he was picking it up his shoes caught his eye... She also mentions that multiple versions of the incident have been in circulation, with various dates and occasions.

Nikita Khrushchev in his memoirs mentioned yet another case of shoe-banging. Khrushchev wrote that he was speaking against the Franco regime in strong expressions. A representative of Spain took the floor to reply, and after his speech the delegates from Socialist countries made a lot of noise in protest. Khrushchev wrote: "Remembering reports I have read about the sessions of the State Duma in Russia, I decided to add a little more heat. I took off my shoe and pounded it on desk so that our protest would be louder." The footnote to this text says that Khrushchev's recollections are mistaken.

According to Sergei Khrushchev, he could not find any photo or video evidence of the incident. Both NBC and CBC run a search in their archives but were unable to find a tape of the event. In Sergei's opinion it would be very unlikely that Nikita Khrushchev intentionally removed his shoe. There was little space under the desk, and the Soviet leader, being rather obese, couldn't reach his feet.

Around 2002, a former Soviet journalist published an account of the incident by a UN member of staff who alleges that the shoe had slipped off earlier, just before the Soviet leader reached his desk. She took the shoe, wrapped it in a napkin and passed it back to Khrushchev, who, being unable to put it on, had to hold it under his desk for a while.
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
1 user reading this topic (1 Guest and 0 Anonymous)
ZetaBoards - Free Forum Hosting
Fully Featured & Customizable Free Forums
Go to Next Page
« Previous Topic · Copypasta · Next Topic »
Add Reply