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Other Fire Emblem Essays
Topic Started: Mar 18 2011, 09:55 PM (1,011 Views)
Albino
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The Second Triumvir

Ephraim had a lot on his mind. Father....How could this have happened? Grado...is our ally and....Lyon. At the entrance to the gate, he was greeted by a soldier

"Prince Ephraim, Lady Eirikia! Come, I shall escort your to his highness! They walked through the courts and rooms. Ephraim glanced at Eirika. She was crying, or atleast wanted to and was trying hide it. He put his arm on her shoulder.

"Don't worry, we are safe here." he said, in a calm voice. Eirika said nothing, but she looked at him and tried to smile. They soon entered the King's quarters. With him was Innes and Tana, the price and princess of Frelia.

King Hayden greeted them kindly, "My friends! It brings me great joy to see that you are safe. I was so afraid of what might happen to you. We shall prepare rooms for you to stay here for the night. Guards!" Two men quickly answered the King's call and promply went to prepare two rooms.

"Thank you for your kindness." Ephraim replied. He felt a bit uncomfortable, though he did not know why. Eirika was still standing by him.

King Hayden then said "Ephraim, if you do not mind I would like to talk with you of these events which have just occured. I'm sorry for the loss of your father, but we cannot afford to wait, we must know what is happening as soon as possible. Please, come with me." He followed the King into a room, and Innes went with them as well. Ephraim had always thought a bit strangely of Innes. Sure, I know he is good at heart, but I wouldn't mind him being kinder sometimes. No matter, there are much greater things here, forget it

Hours passed, and Eirika had tried to sleep but could not. She wondered what Ephraim was doing. It was nearly midnight now, she was sure he was done talking to the King and Innes. She got up, almost stumbled over in the darkness, and then found her way to the door. She quietly went into the hallway, and then passed towards her brother's room. She could see the light still on, and she knocked and then entered. Ephraim was sitting on the side of the bed still in his armor, spear in hand. Eirika wanted to say something but she didn't know what to say. They just looked at eachother, and Eirika put her arm around her brother. Both of them begane to tear up; Ephraim showed less sign of it. He leaned back onto the bed, feeling tired, just terrible in general. He began to think about his friend Lyon, and why he would be involved in something like this when suddenly Eirika pounced on him.

"Eirika? What...." he said with a questioned look on his face. He began to feel a strange feeling toward her, something he felt odd about

"Oh...Ephraim..I..just need......you." she replied. Ephraim felt twisted feelings, he wanted to feel aroused, but he tried to avoid it. Eirika moved closer...closer. Ephraim reached towards her...and shoved her off of him. Eirika hit the floor, and just lay there.

"This whole war" she sobbed "I can't stand this...this is madness." she cried. Ephraim was standing over her. "This is spartaaaaaaaa!" he yelled, and he kicked Eirika into a hole.
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Albino
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The Second Triumvir

Ena: Grandfather, may I speak with you?
Nasir: What is it?
Ena: I…well…I’m pregnant.
Nasir: What?! That’s wonderful news! We haven’t had any dragon births in a century! Who’s the lucky father?
Ena: Rajaion.
Nasir: Rajaion. As in, the black dragon Rajaion. The king’s son and future ruler of Goldoa.
Ena: Yes, is that a problem?
Nasir: Yes it’s a problem! I couldn’t believe my ears when I heard my child mated with a red dragon. Now you’re mating a black dragon!
Ena: You disapproved of my parents’ union?
Nasir: I just couldn’t believe they would take that chance. I tell you, it nearly killed me, the thought that I could be the grandfather of a male pink dragon. I still thank the Goddess you were born a female. We never would have heard the end of it.
Ena: I still don’t see why this should affect my relationship with Rajaoin.
Nasir: Think about it. What if the child takes after your white dragon heritage? You would have a gray baby.
Ena: So what?
Nasir: So what? Would that dragon even be able to fight? Our breath color depends on our skin color. A gray dragon might just breathe smoke. “Puff the Magic Dragon,” I can hear it all now.
Ena: Don’t be horrible…
Nasir: What if it takes after your red dragon heritage? What does black mixed with red make? Brown? Oh Goddess, please don’t let it be brown. **** Breath. These are the choices aren’t they? My great-grandchild will be mocked as a **** Breath or a reefer song. You know what? Screw it. I’m going to Crimea.
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Albino
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The Second Triumvir

Tauroneo: Joshua?
Rolf: Huh? Me? My name is Rolf.
Tauroneo: Ah, forgive me. You just…look so much like my son. But he’s an adult now. Ha, I’m just going senile.
Rolf: You have a son? What’s he like?
Tauroneo: He carried on the tradition of our family by joining the military. He served with honor and won great renown. Then, one day, he returned on a litter, crippled by his wounds. My wife left me that day, with our other children as well.
Rolf: Why would she do that? It wasn’t your fault he was wounded was it?
Tauroneo: After hearing my son’s story, she believed it was.
Rolf: What happened?
Tauroneo: He was under my command in that battle. I ordered him to attack a swordsman. He refused, citing some “weapon triangle” crap. He didn’t think his axe would have much effect. He also pointed out the swordsman had a Brave Sword, so he was already at a disadvantage.
Rolf: And you still made him attack?
Tauroneo: No, I convinced him I would attack with him. After Josh charged, I just stayed behind.
Rolf: You what?!
Tauroneo: Safety First is the third rule of the Daien army. If two soldiers attack at the same time, they might hurt each other.
Rolf: Wow that’s stupid. So you still think your wife shouldn’t have left?
Tauroneo: I just thought she was on her…uh, you’ll learn when you’re older.
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Albino
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The Second Triumvir

Why couldn't Stefan find the rare gem right outside his house?
Spoiler: click to toggle
What is Duke Oliver's favorite cereal?
Spoiler: click to toggle
Why did Haar repeatedly say his name?
Spoiler: click to toggle
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Albino
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The Second Triumvir

Fire Emblem: Path to Canada




Maijin: Ah, not going to cooperate, eh?

Petrine: So the girl, like her dead father before her, seeks the friendship of those hairy devils, eh?

Petrine: So you're the commander, eh?

Ranulf: Going to Begnion, eh?

Volke: So that's your plan, eh?

Black Knight: So you were the one traveling with the beast king, eh?

Maid: Still no reaction, eh?

Ike: So this is how you want to play it, eh?

Tibarn: So that's the truth of it, eh?

Ike: General, eh?

Naesala: One of Tibarn's flock, eh?

Volke: Finally scraped it together, eh?

Ike: So this is the Daein capital, eh?

Tauroneo: The Black Knight, eh?

Ashnard: So the capital's fallen, eh?

Ashnard: So he's decided on the princess and not the prince, eh?

Ranulf: Oh, um... Nice weather, eh?

Haar: So you're still alive, eh?

Lucia: So the enemy's found us, eh?

Caineghis: That's the whole of it, eh?

Ashnard: Oh, the hawk king is getting involved, eh?

Black Knight: Gawain's daughter, eh?

Izuka: Standing guard, eh?

Izuka: Important, eh?

Soldier: Oh, you don't like this, eh?

Naesala: Yeah, I haven't changed much, eh?

Naesala: Tibarn and friends, eh?

Ike: The country of the hawk tribe, eh?

Sephiran: Ever the humble one, eh?


(This is a list of all lines that end in ", eh?" in the FE9 game script, excluding supports.)
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Albino
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The Second Triumvir

Response to the hentai CGs in FE8 copypasta:

My, now this certainly is an interesting opinion, if not a bold one. I have read the entire post and I can appreciate with what you have said. However, as a diehard FE fan(10 years) I would not advocate moving Fire Emblem into an M rated area(depending on where you live of course) due to the sexual content. It is true that Nintendo has struggled to shed the connotation of it being kid-friendly. At the same time though Nintendo now has many more demographics due to being so neutral and welcoming in terms of content/products. The Hentai aspect would both bring about new demographics and drop demographics. Beyond marketing statistics though, I personally would not want hentai in my Fire Emblem games. While I wholeheartedly agree with you it is indeed art; I frankly find it absurd to be as you say "The purest form of art there is". The artistic value I find in it is how well done the human shape is, The ability to express sexuality and so on and so forth. Though categorically it is still a form of pornography. We can believe that pornography itself is art, But now I'm scrutinizing what is art with blatant sexual situations and depictions are. Lastly, I find it would be an incredibly superfluous element to add to the franchise. At the very core I play Fire Emblem for the game play. I do love the characters, the stories, and the themes. Of course there is implied sexual innuendos and the fact that multiple titles do indeed bear children. That being said, In a typical Fire Emblem format what benefit do I draw from the sexual art in question? I personally may appreciate it artistically, But I really wouldn't want hentai in a Fire Emblem title, bottom line. People who are really adamant and clearly concupiscent about the imagery typically strive to buy Dojinshi. So that's simply my opinion on it. I mean no offense of course. I do enjoy sexuality in art (Heck one of my favorite forms of art Surrealism is full of it) But I would not want it in Fire Emblem. You make a good argument though and that is wonderful to see. Thank you for the thought provoking post.
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Albino
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The Second Triumvir

Shameless copy of the Marcus Essay:

When I first played Fire Emblem Awakening, I thought that games could not top this. The music, ability to recruit Finn and Frederick appealed to me. Well, forget that, Awakening is a terrible game, because there's something even better.

Its FE7. Don't laugh at this game. FE7 is a better game than Awakening. Anyways, FE7 is the best game in all of GBA. Lol, that's a lie. FE7 is the best game in all of Nintendo franchise. Dammit, I can't stop lying. FE7 is the best game, ever.

Seriously, no game can top its gameplay as it flows in the breeze. The way it forces players to think, chopping failed players who attempted Ranked and LTC to the air.... That's FE7. FE7 could probably be considered the best game in the series- sorry, I'm doubting the awesome quality of FE7. FE7 is the best game in the series, and it is. Just now. In the time it took you to read "FE7 is the best game in the series," it really is.

See, FE7 is like Godlike. If you think about FE7 rng screwing you, it will. And it did it again, just now. Now, granted FE5 is pretty close to being equal to FE7's sovereign quality, but everybody know FE5 has a terrible Staff ballance. This automatically means that FE7 is better than FE5 several times. Remember how I said FE7 is really freaking good? Well, FE5 has just been rated forbidden by the International police association, because a player is on the floor, her vag burst wide open by FE7 all permeating quality. And she liked it, because FE7 really is that good.

FE7 is simply the most supreme power in the universe. There have been imitators, of course- namely Chuck Norris, and Glass. Glass is from FE7. He's got posters in his room with FE7 all over them. He actually had a fantasy about FE7 before he realized there was no way he was even close to being as smexy as FE7, and therefore, unacceptable. Chuck Norris also played FE7. Chuck Norris may have a fist under his beard, but what does FE7 have under its beard? It has another FE7, waiting to be played. Of course, when this happens, we'll all be playing it in an uncountable amount of times, for example 12 playthrough so just pray to FE7 that it doesn't unleash another of itself. But enough about those that is inferior, let's talk more about FE7. I like talking about FE7.

Don't you? If you don't, you might as well say your prayers after you pick a god. Whoops, too late. FE7 has the best gameplay in the entire series. That's no surprise. It has LM, LHM, EM, EHM, HM, HHM, Ranked, and HHM Ranked. HHM Ranked ignores the fact that Marcus is overpowered(theres no defense from HHM Ranked).

Some have speculated how good FE7 is in numerical scale. How good do you think it is? 2/10, 4/10(Poor - game is unremarkable and flawed), 10/10? Well, you're wrong. Why calculate the quality of something? Numbers scoring are stupid and encourages terrible readers to look at the score without reading the actual review.

Some people said FE7 is a dragon. WRONG. It is an FE7, plain and simple. There is more than one of it(because its a freaking VIDEO GAMES) and to pronounce its true name, you would need to rip out your tongue. So, it gave itself a new name, so we lowly humans could sing praises of the "Blazing Sword", as it was named in Japan. FE7 is quite simply, the best, game ever. No question.
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The Second Triumvir

Firm, released in Noodletown as Firm: Wrecking her Kunt (noodle speak, Lit. "Firm: Blazing With Swords" and also known as "Firm: The Sword of Flamboyant shemales", according to the Firm Museum [1]), is a Noodletown tactical waifu simulator for the Damn Girl Pull That Ass Over Too Phat Advance, developed by Intelligent Shits and published by Nineteneleventwelve. The game was released on April 25, 2003, in Noodletown, November 3, 2003, in MURICA and July 16, 2004, in Whiteland.

It is the seventh game of the Firm series, the second game in the series to be released for the Fuck My Boy Advance, and the first to be released in both MURICA and Whiteland. This game introduced Firm to the Western audience. It is the prequel to Firm: Binding BDSM, and takes place over two years in game, with the events of Firm: Binding Your Cock After A Hard Day Of Fucking The Red Unit occurring twenty years after that. Raymond, the hero of Firm: Binding Bloodhounds is born sometime within 15 years after the conclusion of Wrecking Her Kunt. Firm averages a balanced percent rating on Game Rankings which makes it the the most balanced and amazing Fire Emblem game ever to be released outside of Noodletown.
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The Second Triumvir

Firm: The Red Stoner takes place on the fictional continent of Magsonyacarcunt. The storyline is unrelated to any of the previous Firm titles in the series.

Magsonyacarcunt is home to six sexy nations of diverse leadership. With the exception of Carousel, a newly established repub, each nation shares a history of 800 years since the War of the Stoners and are responsible for their own Red Stoner. The nations have enjoyed a long-lasting peace until the Grad School Empire suddenly penetrates its neighbor, Ren's Arse. Prince F-Ram of Ren's Arse, one of two main incest buddies of the game, leaves Ren's Arse to fight back Grad School's penetration. However, he goes missing because he slipped cunt up and hit his head. Grad School's forces fast approach the vicinity of Ren's Arse castle. Princess Airy Car, F-Ram's twin sister and the initial incest buddy, flees Ren's Arse, along with her loyal knitting club, to seek help from their smoking buddies, Free Cocks. They get a lot of free cock but then they realise they need to save the world lmoa.

Eventually Airy Car reunites with her incest buddy. The two discover that Grad School intends to reeducate the five Red Stoners of Magsonyacarcunt, with both Free Cock's and Grad School's Red Stoners already reeducated, and Ren's Arse' stoner presumed reeducated as well. Airy Car and Inside-Your-Woman, the prince of Free Cocks, leave to warn the remaining two Red Stoner nations, Roasting and Jethro Gibbs. On the way the two have passionate sex, in which F-Ram and Tanning never find out about. Joséquellnita then has sex with Merang and they both have some trappy slut from the future idek.
Meanwhile, Prince F-Ram must conquer the forces of Grad School's vast arm. Eventually Grad School falls to F-Ram's massive, steaming cock of might (Rank D), but the true villain behind the war remains to be stomped—Grad School's imperial nerd Lying, Airy Car's and F-Ram's longtime blazing bud, who has been possessed by that Damon Kunt of legends. At the end there's a massive debate on why Obama was to blame but they conclude as gentlemen that they need more Gay Black Thugs in their lives the end.
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