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Other Fire Emblem Essays
Topic Started: Mar 18 2011, 09:55 PM (1,010 Views)
Albino
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The Second Triumvir

Title: In Fire Emblem games there's a lot of ince....

...ntive to not use units like Ewan, ones who join late and have horrible base stats. Ewan is the sole student of Master Saleh, and from his performance on the battlefield, the player can see why Saleh only has one student. Ewan, because he originated from a dysfunctional family, with his older sister being an entrepreneur (selling herself), didn't have the resources or family support to mature at the correct pace. As such, he is a very immature child, and he neglected his studies of the magical arts. However, this essay is not about Ewan and his backstory, no it is not, so I digress. I deeply and truly apologize to every single person reading this essay that I have digressed so very much, and I assure to you, the reader, that this will never happen again. Digression from the main topic that is at hand displays poor writing ability, and as such is not a good thing to do. Another bad thing to do in an essay is to not include a thesis or a reference list, bibliography, works consulted list or at least citing references. This is an infraction of all copyright laws, and it can and will result in steep penalties to the fullest extent of the law of whatever country you live in. Trust me kids, do not do this. Oh, why did I say "kids?" There aren't any underage users here, are there? That would be an infraction of the GameFAQs Terms of Service, and would result in getting a banhammer to the back of the head. This really hurts too. I was once struck in the back of the head with a small, iron hammer. I escaped from the encounter with minor brain damage, but my life was altered for the worse. Never again will I be the same. Never. But I digress. The main topic is about the use of late-joiners and such, but I seem to have gotten ever-so-slightly off topic here. Characters like Ewan have bad bases, meaning they are a total pain to train. See what I did there? The words "pain" and "train" rhyme. This could be like one huge rap song, where the rap artist rants on and on about some topic, generally along the lines of the rapper's swagger, sex life or affluence, and how his/her life is better than the general population. However, I am unsure whether to call the rapper an "artist" or "singer," as rap music is often times considered far from art or song. Oh snap, I digress again. I seem to be straying from the topic a tiny bit, now aren't I? To stop myself from digressing, I shall close off with this statement: Ewan sucks, and I don't see why anyone uses him. Hmm, the word "use" seems a bit weird in this sentence. Does a player merely "use" a unit, and after they wear out their welcome they are left to die in the cold, cold slums of the world? As Zonta from Chapter 5x: Unbroken Heart would say, "Were we... merely pawns?" But... why the word "pawn?" This unit is extremely useful in the game of chess. The masters of the game learn to utilize these units to the best of their ability, as even a pawn can kill/eat/catch the King. Bah, humbug. I digressed again.
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Albino
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The Second Triumvir

Title: The relationship between Eirika and Ephraim is an ince...

...ption of the War of the Stones. Because they shared such a mutual relationship between one another, Prince Lyon of Grado became jealous and started to go bonkers. Do note that this sibling relationship is a minor origin of the War because the main reason was that Lyon unleashed the Demon King upon the continent of Magvel. Don't you find it strange how the Demon King only cares about Magvel, somewhat implying that the planet in which Fire Emblem: The Sacred Stones only consists of the one continent, Magvel? This then brings upon the fact that the planet must be small, probably the size of Pluto. Oh wait, never mind, Pluto was recently deemed not a planet. What would it be called then? Does anyone know? Oh wait, I digress. Anyways, there also seems to be a gigantic desert in the middle of the continent for some strange reason. Oh, yes, I forgot that this is a game. I do get worked up about these things though. Would you look at that, it's a nice little example of alliteration. Perhaps I can work that sentence into one of my poems for English class. It was so spontaneous too, which makes it even more genius. Oh schnaps, I digress. I am supposed to be talking about how the relationship between the two Lords, Eirika and Ephraim, was an origin to the War of the Stones that brought fear back to Magvel once more. Why would Eirika and Ephraim be considered Lords? The better class name would be Princess and Prince, respectively. Actually, scratch that. Since King Fado died in the Prologue, it would be more correct to call Eirika and Ephraim Queen and King, right? Oh wait, Eirika can't be the Queen, or else it would mean she'd be married to Ephraim. This can only happen if the two siblings achieve an A support level in the Japanese version of the game, if I remember correctly. This also makes a conflict because the two ruled Renais together. This means that Eirika must have been a usurper of the throne. This can also get rid of the fact that both classes promote to Great Lord, which stole its name from Hector's promoted class, the Great Lord. I forgot to mention, Hector is a character from Fire Emblem 7. Hmm, I should write the "7" as "seven," as it looks more professional. Also, perhaps I should underling or italicize the game, as it is a title. Oh, I digress again. With all this digressing, I forgot where I left off. Oh yeah. The relationship between Ephraim and Eirika contributed to the problems the humble continent of Magvel faced. As a proper punishment for the sadness and pain they caused, I believe that Eirika and Ephraim should be taken out of the game. This would actually solve a lot. Lyon wouldn't have gone bananas and wouldn't have as much motivation to unleash the Demon King upon the world, and all the countries wouldn't have gone to war. I think Intelligent Systems should take out Eirika and Ephraim for that reason. It would make the game much less violent.
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Albino
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The Second Triumvir

Title: I'm appalled that the relationship between Eirika and Ephraim is inces...

...sant! The never-ending love shared between the two siblings is so unrealistic. I mean, look at my life! My siblings and I never got along as well as Eirika and Ephraim do! I remember this one time where my sister stole all of my Oreos and I started crying in the corner. When my mom forced my sister to apologize to me, I punched her in the face! But then she retaliated and punched my balls, so now I can't have children anymore. Isn't that just screwed up? Kind of like this game! All siblings go through their rough patches and everything, but Eirika and Ephraim seem to be perfect! Why does Intelligent Systems think of such unintelligent character relationships?! I demand that this game be remade with two siblings that hate each other, but are forced to team up and fight the Demon King! That would make for some more interesting Support Conversations, instead of face stroking or leisurely talking on the battlefield. This brings me to my next point of interest, the unrealistic Support Conversations! Why the hell are these dumb units having CONVERSATIONS on the battlefield? I demand that they stop talking and start roflstomping! This reminds me of those movies where the good guy has a gun pointed to the face of the bad guy, but then doesn't blow the bad guys face off! WHY THE HELL DO PEOPLE TALK AND NOT PEW PEW! But then this brings me to the point where there are NO GUNS in this game! How are people supposed to protect themselves? With chunks of sharp metal? That is so obsolete! I think I could probably roflstomp all of the enemies just by plugging a few bullets into my Gameboy Advance! That would show them who's boss. But I am afraid that I have digressed and must get back to my original point about never-ending sibling love. This bond between Eirika and Ephraim is very close to being that type of relationship between two family members that is greatly shunned upon and results in deformed babies. What is that called again? Can someone please refresh my memory? I know it starts with the letters "I-N-C-E-S" but I can't place my finger on it. "Incessant!" That's the word I'm looking for! Oh wait, did I just say this whole thought process aloud? Wait, Of course I didn't, since I'm writing on the GameFAQs Fire Emblem: The Sacred Stones Message Board. Silly me. Wait, I was writing about my thought process? How awkwardly weird, similar to something one of those deformed babies would do. But it's weird, I'm not a deformed baby. Oh Butterfinger, I have strayed from my original topic of discussion again. If this were my English class, I surely wouldn't be passing right now, but I'm glad that this isn't. I think that English class is horridly pointless; why would one need to learn proper essay writing skills? When am I ever going to be writing an essay outside of English class, and when do I need to care about digressing? Speaking of digressing, I think I digressed again by talking about digressing instead of not digressing and staying on topic instead of digressing and discussing when I would ever need to care about digressing. Well in conclusion, I think Intelligent Systems is not very intelligent.
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Albino
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The Second Triumvir

Title: As a Devout Roman Catholic, I find this game HIGHLY offensive.

To start, this game’s plot revolves around an evil entity, known as the Demon King (obviously a euphemism for SATAN), and the efforts by a group of followers to resurrect him. I don’t even know where to begin. To start, even IMPLYING that the DEVIL can be brought back to earth is ridiculous and will NOT BE TOLERATED. To make matters even more sacrilegious, one of the DK’s (I refuse to give him the power by using his real name) main followers is a BISHOP who uses LIGHT MAGIC. First of all, outright stating that a BISHOP, a devout follower of God could betray Him is HERESY, plain and simple! This is an obvious attempt by the foul game developers to try to CORRUPT people into thinking that the Church is an evil entity. I saw through that one! Also, the use magic of any kind is forbidden by our Lord, and insinuating that there is such a thing as LIGHT MAGIC is just hogwash. Getting back to my original point, this DK POSSESSES one of the characters in the book, and he is unable to be exorcised. All true believers should know that DEMONS can always be EXORCISED, and that the developers are once again trying to DESTROY the power of the Church. This is UNACCEPTABLE and will NOT BE TOLERATED! Another one of this foul game’s many moral low points is that two playable characters and countless other characters can STEAL things from other, unsuspecting, innocent civilians. This is a direct violation of the 7th Commandment, and anyone who wishes to escape an ETERNITY IN HELL should reflect on this “skill” and the poor values the creators who made this game have. The females in this game wear horrible clothing that accentuates their sexuality, so any true believer in God should cover their eyes or look away when one of these scantily clad women appears on the screen. There is absolutely no reason for these women to wear such revealing clothing. The creators of this game are trying to POISON the minds of our children by exposing them to such provocative images. To make matters even worse, this game also contains sexually implicit scenes. That’s right, this game contains implied pre-marital SEX! The work of the DEVIL himself. It is unbelievable that any game company would put such TRASH in a video game! At one point, one of the female characters is the victim of a sexual predator, a male who bares his shoulder to her. Who KNOWS what else he meant to show her as well? This is sick, disgusting, appalling, and disgusting. If you happen to come across this scene, I suggest skip it as quickly as possible so that your soul isn’t corrupted FOR ALL OF ETERNITY. I also suggest that you not think anymore about that topic, unless you want your soul to be TORTURED forever. I genuflected and said the rosary three times after writing that, just to cleanse my soul from this work of SATAN. That’s how horrible it is. Like my topic says, this game is morally outrageous, and I recommend that you seriously think and pray before buying it for yourself, or God forbid, your children.
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Albino
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The Second Triumvir

Response to the above:

Whoa.

As a devout Roman Catholic...

You guys remember this topic? Well, I am blessed to call myself a Roman Catholic as well, but this guy/girl has taken things a bit too far in this.

First off, this is a fantasy. Demons and things like that are not bound by reality in a fantasy story. Therefore, unless you treat everything you read as truth, this should not affect your faith at all.

Then there is the whole bishop thing. This runs off of the point I made above. It's a FANTASY. "Bishop" could mean a whole other thing from what we use it for IRL.

Also, the so called 'sex scene" is just Ephraim removing his shoulder pad at L'Arachel's request, so she could HEAL him. However, being the over-reactive nutty girl that she is, she flipped out. And Ephraim tries to explain that he'd NEVER take advantage of her in such a vile way. Of course, she misinterprets this as well...

And finally, while some of the women in this dress a bit on the immodest side (glares at Tethys), most of them are clad properly. However, I still don't get why mages MUST wear a cloak and cape.

I hope this clears up this mistake. To me, it says "Catholics can't/won't play/read fantasies because the things they say are not true," which is false, through and through.




And another thing that I forgot to mention last night. Thievery in this only involves ENEMY solders, not innocent bystanders. Plus, if you think that's still wrong, remember that this is war. As long as it isn't obscene or rude, it can be used to bring about victory.
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Albino
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The Second Triumvir

HAY GUIZE WATZ GOIN ON?!

But seriously, I'm here to talk about something important; dragon care. Every day, a dragon rider gets thrown from their mount due to improper care. Did you know that dragons dislike it greatly when you dig your boots into their ribs?

You didn't? What are you, stupid? Is your name Heath? It is?

GET OUT OF HERE!

But for the rest of you, go read a damn book! It says right there, on page 203 of the Dragon Handbook that they hate boots in the ribs! I mean, did you even read the book? 'Cause if you did, you'd know better, then you wouldn't fall to your death while a hundred feet in the air because your dragon bucks once you dig your boots into its ribs!

And yeah, Eliwood; this applies to your ass as well. Don't give me that look, you know what I'm talking about.

Frelling pervert.

Anyway... don't be snickering there, Hector; I know you like to watch. Yeah, you press your little face against the glass and look in when Eliwood does his thing, even if your eyes are locked on his cute man ass. And don't deny it, I have proof; you'd be surprised what you can make from some common items and magic; you want me to put that crap on the plasma screen I made out of some felt, rocks and a Transmute spell?!

Yeah, didn't think so. Punk.

Anyway... dragons. Boots. Ribs. Put them together and bad things happen. I want you to remember that, for one day it could save your life. Even though there's now one of you... and you know what you're doing.

Damnit, why the Hell couldn't this place have more than freakin' Heath and Vaida... I mean, there were three chicks on flying ponies, so why not three dudes on dragons...

I'm kidding, Vaida! I am! So put down that damn lance! PUT IT DOWN!

Feh... everybody is so sensitive these days... especially you, Florina. Yeah, I see you hiding in the corner, almost wetting yourself because all the men are in the room. I should sell your worthless ass to some bandits, 'cause all you do is cry in the corner when a man is within a hundred feet of you.

Oh, you wanna complain, Fiora? I'LL SELL YOU, TOO! I'LL SELL YOU ALL!

Hell, I'll just have me an auction... sell all you worthless wenches. Of course, I'll have to cut your tongue out, Serra, but... no, shut up. No, I don't care. Shut up. SHUT UP! SHUT THE HELL UP, YOU STUPID COW!

Elimine help me, I hate you all so much...
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Albino
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The Second Triumvir

Now, this is a story all about how
My life got flipped-turned upside down
And I liked to take a minute
Just sit right there
I'll tell you how I became the prince of a town called Re-Nais

In west Renais born and raised
On the courtyard was where I spent most of my days
Chillin' out maxin' incestin' all cool
And all slashin' some swordfights outside of the school
When a couple of guys
Who were up to no good
Startin making trouble in my kingdomhood
I got in one little fight and my dad got scared
He said 'You're movin' with your Cain and Abel in Gra-Do'

I begged and pleaded with him day after day
But he packed my horse pack and sent me on my way
He gave me a lance and then he gave me my ticket.
I put my prize ring on and said, 'I might as well kick it'.

Coach class, yo this is cool
Drinking sum' water out of muddy pool.
Is this what the people of Gra-Do Living like?
Hmmmmm this might be alright.

But wait I hear they're prissy, fightin' and all that
Is Gra-Do the type of place they send this cool cat?
I don't think so
I'll see when I get high
I hope they're prepared for the prince of Re-Naiii

Well, the horse died and when I fell out
There was a dude who looked like a cop standing there with my name out
I ain't trying to get arrested
I just got here
I sprang with the quickness like lightening, disappeared

I whistled for a horse and when it came near
The license plate said '"FRESH" and it had dice in the 'fro
If anything I can say this whore is rare
But I thought 'Now forget it' - 'Yo homes to Gra-Do'

I pulled up to the house about 7 or 8
And I yelled to the horsie 'Yo homes smell ya later'
I looked at my kingdom
I was finally ho'
To sit on my throne as the Bane of Gra-Do
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Albino
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The Second Triumvir

Title: I'm sorry, but this game is terrible.

Now, I love the previous Fire Emblem released for GBA, and Path of Radiance as well. So it truly pains me to see this abomination of a game. There are few games that I've played that have left such a sour aftertaste in my mouth, but I'm afraid that I will have to add FE2, also known as Fire Emblem: The Sacred Stones, to this list.

I spent my $29.99 on this with joy, hoping to receive a strategy RPG adventure on par with the masterworks that were FE1 and FE3. I've only played up to Chapter 4 so far, but I must say that the developers were on some kind of drug when they were working on FE2.

The Fire Emblem games have always been about challenges; your handful of troops, maybe a dozen or less, against hordes of enemies. But what challenge is there when the enemies have a staggering Speed stat of 0? The lackluster graphics of the FE series have paled in comparison to the PSP's library, and up until now, I've found this tolerable. Up until now. I'm willing to pay $30 for a pile of steaming crap, but only if said pile of steaming crap is incredibly pretty. I've played for less than an hour, and I can only come up with a single pro for this atrocity, compared with nearly infinite cons.

Pros:

- The graphics, while not astoundingly better than FE1's, have been slightly cleaned up and look more polished. However, in the long run, this doesn't matter, because you can get XBox games that are much prettier than this.

Cons:

- There is next to no character development. The R in RPG stands for Role. Combined, the entire cast of characters have as deep a personality as the cardboard box their game is shipped in. You feel no sympathy for these bland, personality devoid, drone-like peons you send off to fight. You feel no anger against your enemies. It's mind-numbingly dull.

- Difficulty. Or lack thereof. As I mentioned before, the FE games, at least as evidenced by FE1 for GameBoy Advance and FE3 for GameCube, are supposed to be about difficulty. In HHM, or even on some chapters in the easier modes in Fire Emblem, you're fighting tooth and nail against enemies who easily outnumber you three to one for victory. The same applies for the GC's Path of Radiance. In the atrocity known as FE2, or The Sacred Stones, you have some of the most ridiculously overpowered allies ever seen and stupidly weak enemies. Why have the developers made enemies with stats that may reach three at the very highest?

- My DS is equipped with X and Y buttons for a reason. This reason is for them to be used, not to be utterly useless. Now, FE3/Path of Radiance was released on the GameCube, so it doesn't apply to this. Nor does FE1, because while it's also a GBA title, it was released far before the DS was shipped out. I see no reason why the perfectly functioning X and Y buttons on my DS are rendered useless for this trash heap of a game.

Countless other cons I could name but don't come to mind right now.
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Albino
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The Second Triumvir

As you are all aware, this game is vastly inferior to FIRE EMBLEM 7: REKKA'S KEN, but that is beyond the point as what I am about to suggest would improve the series in general. I feel that the FIRE EMBLEM series, developed by INTELLIGENT SYSTEMS and published by NINTENDO, would be greatly benefited with the insertion of HENTAI CGs. HENTAI CGs would add a lot of appeal to the game to audiences, young and old alike, and it would also help to get rid of NINTENDO's kiddy image. As we all know, NINTENDO has had a kiddy image since the days of the SEGA GENESIS, when SEGA tried to advertise their game machine as more mature than NINTENDO's. While this is half true with mature games like SLAUGHTERHOUSE 2, SLAUGHTERHOUSE 3, STREETS OF RAGE, STREETS OF RAGE 2, STREETS OF RAGE 3, REVENGE OF SHINOBI, ROAD RASH, ROAD RASH 2, ROAD RASH 3, and ROCK N' ROLL RACING, many of SEGA's games at the time were in fact not mature. The list of the immature games in SEGA's arsenal at the time includes, but is not limited to, SONIC THE HEDGEHOG, SONIC THE HEDGEHOG 2, SONIC THE HEDGEHOG 3, SONIC THE HEDGEHOG AND KNUCKLES, SONIC SPINBALL, SONIC 3D BLAST, FLICKY, and SPOT GOES TO HOLLYWOOD. But I digress, this topic is not about SEGA's clear superiority during the GENESIS-era, but rather about why NINTENDO should insert HENTAI CGs into the FIRE EMBLEM series. The story of all of the FIRE EMBLEM games leaves a bit to be desired, and I feel this desire can only be satiated not by a better story, but by the insertion of HENTAI CGs. You may feel that this would be completely pointless, however, I beg to differ. Motion pictures such as SHOWGIRLS and GIRLS GONE WILD IN LAS VEGAS benefit greatly from excessive nudity and suggestive situations. Some would go so far as to refer to them as pornography, however, I feel they are the purest form of art there is. On a scale of 1 to 10, I would rate them both at around the 6.5/10 range. They are very artistic but that is also their downfall. They try too hard to be too philosophical, but that is beside the point. This topic is about FIRE EMBLEM. The story would be greatly improved with the insertion of HENTAI CGs because it is a known fact that nudity makes anything and everything better. If SHOWGIRLS and GIRLS GONE WILD IN LAS VEGAS had not had nudity, then they would be boring. FIRE EMBLEM could also appeal to ART MAJORS in college if it had HENTAI CGs, because in my experience, ART MAJORS are very fond of nudity and sex. But I digress, this topic is not about ART MAJORS, it is about FIRE EMBLEM. I for one would buy several copies of FIRE EMBLEM if it had HENTAI CGs. I would buy two for myself and one for several of my friends, but some of my friends think FIRE EMBLEM is for people of unsure sexual orientation so I would not buy a copy for them. If I did, they would most likely not be able to appreciate my charity. However, my point has been made and I stand by it. Discuss.
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The Second Triumvir

NPC Stupidity

Author: Techhikhil


Soldier: Oh crap, Micaiah is leading us in this fight. No wonder I am at 3 hp! Generic healer #22354, heal me!
Healer: No thanks... besides there are only like 10 generic ally healers in this game... why am I number 22354?
Soldier: Uh... ask IS... Dammit, Micaiah was dumb enough to only field one generic healer... time to go to the non-generics... Laura, heal me pl0x.
Laura: Sorry, I can't reach you... I only got to level 12 at the end of part 1... I don't have enough MOV...
Soldier: FFFF... Micaiah... heal me please? I am using correct gramar just for you...
Micaiah: You missed an m in grammar... I don't feel like wasting one of the 15 physic uses on an uneducated generic... plus, I heard what you said at the start...
Soldier: FFFF... Oh hey, there is a beast laguz with 5 hp and low biorythm left, and that is it... maybe I can kill it...
Archer: LIEK, I CALEZZ DE TIGREZZ!!11!1!1!!1! *OHKO's tiger* O HEI, DER IZ AYE KITEH LAGOOOOOOOOOOOZ WIT 0 TRANZFORMERZZ! U KAN CILL DAT SOLDRE BOI!
Soldier: Hey, you are right... but it doesn't look like a cat...oh well... *attacks it*
Mordy: WTF man. WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK I AM? I WILL PIERCE THE HEAVENS WITH MY TIGER PUNCH! GIIIIIIIIGAAAAAAAAAAAA...
Soldier: I thought you said it was a cat...
Archer: LIEK SORIEZ DOOD
Mordy: Driiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiilllllllll
Soldier: Oh shi-
Mordy: PAWWWWWWWNCHHHHHHHHH *Does 3 damage*
Soldier: You fail at memes... *dies*
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