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| Tweet Topic Started: Mar 18 2011, 09:41 PM (496 Views) | |
| Albino | Mar 24 2012, 04:51 PM Post #21 |
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The Second Triumvir
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From the small amount of time I have spent browsing this particular forum, I have noticed favouritism for certain characters, e.g. Marcus. However, what is more jarring is that I have not seen favouritism for other, more deserving characters. The character in question is Canas. Canas is, quite frankly, the best character in the game. Whoops, I meant in all Fire Emblem games. Whoops again! I meant in all games that have ever existed. Damn, I'm bad at this. I mean Canas is the best thing in existence. Even if he didn't exist, he'd still be the best. Let’s start with his name, Canas. Canas is short for "Can kick your ass." (arse works too) Notice that I said "can", not "will". Being the dapper and suave gentleman he is, Canas is not an advocate of needless violence. He is a lover of all living things, and is loved by all living things in return. This benevolence is one of the many things that elevate him above all competition. For example, take Gheb, one of those with memetic status on this board. Gheb is a practitioner of "Raep", something that apparently counts as a point in his favour. "Raep" is not something which is funny, nor is it something that is good. Canas does not partake in this "raep" because he is chivalrous and kind to women. (But not too kind as to be patronising. He is a devout feminist after all). Canas proves that awesomeness is not measured with fighting ability or violence (even though he is the strongest person in all of everything). Canas is the best because he is sweet and kind and lovely. Now let's move on his appearance. Canas' most striking feature is his monocle. I know the mere mention of monocle is enough to cement Canas at the top of the leader board, but regardless I will go on. Canas wears his monocle not only as a fashion accessory, but for the greater good. Canas leaks awesome from every part of his body, but from his eyes the most. If Canas does not keep his monocle on at all times, the sheer awesome would be enough to destroy anyone he sees! (He keeps the awesomeness of his eyes in with a contact lens though. Wearing two monocles would be silly.) And you have to admit, Canas does look rather fetching with that eyepiece. Even though Canas detests violence, he is singlehandedly the best fighter in the world. Canas wields Dark magic, therefore allowing him to use Luna. With Luna, Canas is very capable of defeating the final boss in one hit! Admittedly he could defeat the final boss in one hit without Luna, but he doesn't want to be a show-off. Another advantage of Dark magic is that it allows Canas to wield Nosferatu, which can restore lost HP. This isn't really necessary though, because Canas doesn't take damage. The closest he has ever come to pain was the time when he was hit by 200 Silencers, 20 epic weapons and a black hole. It didn't hurt him, but he did mention a slight itching in his left eyebrow a few days later. I can imagine you are thinking "Well if Canas is so awesome, how come he died trying to stop a snowstorm in the epilogue?" But oh, he did not! It was merely a mistranslation. It was supposed to say "A snowstorm died trying to stop Canas." Wait, I got that wrong. It said "A meteoric storm died trying to stop Canas." The meteors bounced if his monocle, and shattered into non-existence. Canas didn't even notice. (Ignoring that fact he notices everything that ever occurs, has occurred, and will occur.) Oh, and another mistranslation. The epilogue mention Canas' wife. What it meant to say was "Canas' wives". And what I mean to say was "every single woman in the FE universe". This doesn't mean that Canas is some sort of "pimp" though. He treats every wife with love and care, and takes them all out for romantic dinners every single day. //////////LINE BREAK////////// I think that might be it. I have said everything there is to say about Canas. Actually, no I haven't. You can never say enough about Canas. Canas is an endless enigma of wonderfulness and brilliance, and all the scholars in the world could write books and books on the awesomeness of Canas, and yet they would still not have done him justice. But remember this day as the day you cast away the false idols of "Marcus" and "Gheb", and were shown the true light that is Canas! All hail Canas! |
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| Albino | Mar 28 2012, 10:16 PM Post #22 |
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The Second Triumvir
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Look at how early he comes in the game with those stats and weapon levels. He doesn't even lose his value later on in the game, whereas characters like Jeigan do. Even without considering his stats, Marcus is an absolute treasure to have on the battlefield. He can rescue and move nearly everyone, because of his massive Aid and move. He can get to the hard to reach villages, like the one in Chapter 13x, with ease. He can serve as a reliable wall early in the game, with his great Defense, HP, and avoid. He gives amazing supports to some extremely useful characters, like Eliwood, Harken, and Merlinus. And to top it off, it is impossible for Marcus to die in this game. He realizes how important his life is to the continent of Elibe, so he merely pulls out when he is damaged. He is one of the elite few that doesn't retreat for such silly reason as "family". Marcus doesn't need family to succeed. The only other person who is manly enough to survive certain death without regard for family is Karel, who is second to Marcus. Being even close to Marcus is commendable, so much that Karel received a massive buff in the sequel to this game, receiving the highest growth rates of any character EVER. Why doesn't Marcus have these growths, you ask? Even though he is the best fighter in Elibe, Marcus is a very humble and polite man. He refuses to be too overbearing, and tones his fighting abilities down so that the opponent can put in at least a little bit of a fight. He even goes as far as pretending to die in this game's sequel, to raise the enemies' self esteem. Even when he isn't on the field, Marcus is an absolute asset to the army. Serving as the army's main tactician, he guides the player to becoming a better tactician, offering him tips on how well he's doing. Marcus needs no tips, for he has already won various wars by himself, and S-Ranked them in the process. He is also the army's main food critic, grading the food of such masterful cooks as Lowen, who serves food to the noble Eliwood himself, and Merlinus, whose dumplings are loved throughout the continent. What gives Marcus the right to judge such amazing cooks? I'm sure you already know the answer. Marcus is the best cook in Elibe. However, given how humble Marcus is, he has done this under a different name. What name did he go under? You see, Marcus goes by many different names. So many, in fact, that it is impossible to name them all. Marcus has done every single important thing in the world under a different name. Marcus isn't even his real name. It is just an attempt to contain all of the talent and wonder in the world into a single entity. (RNG) Screw Raven, Marcus is by far the best character in the game. |
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| Albino | Apr 22 2012, 12:18 PM Post #23 |
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The Second Triumvir
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So I was playing Path of Radiance, and there's this unit called Volke, y'know. Turns out he's really good at stabbing. I mean sure, he can open doors and chests, and steal stuff from enemies too. But that's not important. He's like some sort of stabbing legend. When I first used him, I was amazed at his stabbing. I mean he was pretty much stabbing everybody. There was so much being stabbed by him you wouldn't even believe it. He stabbed like he'd never stabbed before. And it only got better from there. Every chapter I'd use him and stabbing would happen. No other unit could get EXP because he stabbed all the enemies. They couldn't even get BEXP because he stabbed all of that too. I mean damn Volke, there's such thing as too much stabbing. Well actually there isn't, because he stabbed the concept of too much stabbing. Seriously, what a maniac. You know Volke once stabbed a guy so hard he exploded, and all the debris from the explosion stabbed some other guys. That's just how good at stabbing he is. Then he stabbed all the exploded bits. And then he stabbed all the tiny stabbed pieces of the exploded bits. And then he stabbed the tiny stabbed pieces of the tiny stabbed pieces of the exploded bits. And then he went and stabbed all the guys who got stabbed by all the tiny exploded bits. That's a lot of stabbing. They say Volke was born with a knife in his mouth. He then stabbed the midwife shortly afterwords. They even say the instant he was born, everybody in the world felt a stabbing pain in their guts. (this was because he stabbed them). But yeah, Volke was stabbing people since he was a baby. Throughout his childhood, all he did was stab. He even went to a school of professional stabbery, but was expelled because he stabbed everyone. But then he stabbed the fact he was expelled, so that was all fine. Despite not having any qualifications in anything besides stabbing, Volke was able to secure himself a good career. He was in charge of stabbing some guy called Griel if he ever went crazy. Unfortunately, Volke wasn't able to contain his stablust and stabbed Griel pretty much five minutes after he was hired. Not that I hold it against him though. Volke's stabbing has saved me more times then I can count. He's a wonderful stabber, and he's what holds the team together (not really because he stabbed them). But that's enough about him. Actually no, it isn't. You want to know what he once did? He stabbed like fifty people at the same time! Yeah. He did. I bet Marcus couldn't do that. Especially not after he stabbed him. Twice. That's right, he stabbed Marcus. He may have another Marcus under his beard, but Volke has knives for stubble. Actually, he has knives for some other body parts as well. He stabs so much that sometimes he stabs himself. And then he stabs himself for stabbing himself and it kind of gets out of hand. But really, Volke is awesome, y'know? All that stabbing he does, its legendary. Unbelievable. Practically invented the art of stabbing. What I'm trying to say is if you ever need someone stabbing, Volke is your guy. |
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