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Daniel Newhouse; Rugby is basically American Football as designed by crazy people
Topic Started: Mar 18 2018, 06:28 PM (108 Views)
FrozenSmoke
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Name: Daniel Newhouse
Gender: Male
Age: 18
Grade: 12
School: Saint Editha Academy
Hobbies and Interests: Rugby, socialising, video games, anti-bullying committee, watching sports

Appearance: Daniel stands fairly tall, at 5ft10, and weighs 160 pounds, making him well-built, but far from hulking. That weight seems to rest on him poorly, with pudgy fat concealing fairly well developed musculature. His light brown hair typically rests in a loose style, brushed to the side at most, and kept above his ears. His face is fairly wide set, with a large, slightly crooked nose and a pair of warm, dark brown eyes being his most prominent features, complemented by his lightly tanned complexion from years of outdoors activity in what sunny weather Britain had. Daniel’s left front tooth is slightly chipped from a particularly hard collision, which makes his smile look decidedly crooked.

He can grow a patchy, wispy beard, but chooses not to, deciding it makes him look ridiculous. On the day of his abduction, he was wearing the standard uniform, with his shirt untucked, and his tie kept as loose as he could get away with.

Outside of school, he takes a good deal of effort to make sure he doesn’t look out of place, wearing relatively plain coloured clothes, with a few recognisable brands mixed in here and there. He often covers up his messy brown hair with a dark navy baseball cap that he’s grown to like.

Biography: Daniel Newhouse was born to Samuel and Livvy Newhouse in Bellington, much as Samuel himself had. The pair were as typical a pair as one could get, with Samuel being a self-employed plumber, and Livvy being a full time mother to Daniel’s eventual three siblings, Owen (15), Olivia (12) & James (10). The six of them lived in the old, centre of Bellington, in a house that was, it seemed, half a bedroom too short no matter how many children in particular were around at that particular time, as Dan shared rooms with his younger siblings throughout his childhood.

The family lived a relatively decent life, though not as well off as some others in the Academy, straddling the line between lower middle class and upper working class, depending on exactly how much work his father could find. This work however, meant that his father was a mostly absent figure outside of meals and occasional weekends spent with him at sporting events, mostly rugby and football, and this meant that his mother often relied on him to make sure his siblings weren’t getting into too much trouble between the end of school and dinner time, a job he managed to do relatively well, though with the occasional broken item or stolen food that typically accompanies leaving children in charge of children.

He initially resented the fact that he had this work shoved on him, and the lack of time he was able to spend with his father, but as he matured he began to understand and respect the sacrifices his father and mother made to ensure the family as a whole stayed together and in good shape, and did his best to play the role they needed him to fill.

He grew up quickly in form, which lead to him naturally having the edge in P.E., which he came to greatly enjoy. In particular, tag-rugby was his favourite game, with him participating in the school’s team, and performing well in it - even being considered one of the better players for a few years, until the other kids in his class began to catch up in height and speed. This love of sports was something he and his father were able to cement their bond over, with him being encouraged to keep it up, and occasional practice sessions with his old man being treasured memories. He also excelled in the social aspects of primary school, quickly making friends in most of his classes, meeting up with them in the various parks and playing when he had time.

The one area where Dan did not excel however, was in the actual learning part of school. As much as he was able to make sure others did what they needed to, he was never able to really put that discipline to work on himself, and spent more time chatting to his friends either discreetly in the class, or as he grew old enough to have a phone, on whatever social media was popular at the time.

During this time, he was still expected to look after his little brothers and sister, even as they began to grow up themselves. This lead to a tension between him and his other siblings, as he had been given the responsibility to be the one to say no instead of their mother or father if they were busy, often leading to him cutting them off from things they wanted to do. However, over time he began to resolve this, by turning a blind eye to little things his parents wouldn't normally let them get away with, and making sure to help them out when he could, leading to him being seen as someone they could trust to be their friend.

As he grew older and into secondary school, things changed for Dan. He no longer held enough of an athletic advantage to be the star of the rugby team, and instead became the right prop, working with his coach to be part of the system that facilitated the star players who were fast and strong enough to catch the limelight with tries and kicks. For him, that meant being being good at keeping possession during contact, and being willing to pass the ball down the line to said players. It wasn't always an easy spot, as his chipped front tooth from a bad fall after a low tackle can attest to, but he enjoyed the rush of helping his team succeed just as much as he had enjoyed being the one his team relied on.

Daniel’s relatively low grades continued to just about scrape above the results expected of him, enough to keep angry letters from coming home to his parents, but nothing more. As he got further and further up in grades, he began to have to put in work to achieve that, something which greatly irked him. As such, he often asked his friends for help or copied their homework, leading to him running errands in order to pay them back.

A good part of this had to do with a new distraction he’d found from studying: video games. He preferred to play various sports games, such as FIFA or UFC with friends, over doing work he knew he needed to have done. He also dabbled in shooters from time to time, but never found the same enjoyment in it as he did in sports or puzzle games, not to mention being significantly worse at them. He always found the freedom from being punished for failing, and the casual atmosphere of improvement that they encouraged a great escape from the pressures he felt, as well as giving him time to simply chat with his friends as he played.

His social life became his main priority at this point, expanding his group of friends out from the Rugby team, attending parties and reaching out to others who ran in the same, vaguely athletic circles. Those parties, however, presented an issue to his parents, who wanted him to continue to stay at home and help hold the place down, as it was now occupied by two energetic pre-teens, and their youngest son.

A tug of war between rebellious teen and parents followed, with his parents allowing him a certain amount of freedom that he continue to press to its limit, feeling like he was owed a break from the hectic family life. This took a serious tone when he took responsibility for a party that went just a little too loud for the neighbours surrounding them, leading to the police being called. Finding a mix of alcohol and kids too young to have alcohol, they began to break the party up. Alcohol wasn't the only thing that was being consumed at that party however, and Daniel quickly found himself in the back seat of the police car, being too slow to get rid of any evidence on him personally. Whilst he was thankfully under 18, and as such managed to dodge a caution on his criminal record for possession of cannabis by taking part in a drug awareness course, he was still made to sit down with the police officer and his parents as the officer explained to them what he had been involved with.

This incident lead to him being only further constrained by his parents, with his father taking it poorly and letting him know in no uncertain terms that breaking the law was a serious issue, and that he intended to punish him properly. This was then cemented with a strict curfew for Daniel, effectively keeping him in the house outside of school hours and when he was attending after school activities. Feeling cut off from his friends, he projected his frustration at this onto his younger siblings, and his constant presence in the house meant that he was hard to get away from, often feeling overbearing to them. This was most keenly felt by Owen, who was in the midst of his early teens and felt trapped by the expectations of him to help out the rest of the house. Seeing Daniel as a figure of authority in the situation, he often lashed out verbally against his brother, leading to the two of them getting into shouting matches over relatively minor annoyances. These arguments never escalated into violence, with Owen respecting Daniel's greater physical size and strength, but they often had to be broken up by their mother. This lead to stern words and punishments for the both of them, with each brother blaming the other for starting it, further souring their relationship.

One after-school activity his parents agreed with him participating in was the anti-bullying committee, and whilst he wasn’t exactly poster-making material, he was always willing to serve as a mediator or involve himself in group discussions. Whilst he’d never been bullied himself, he had a strong disdain for those who tried to use their size or connections to mess with others, often serving as a bridge between the sports community in the school and the committee. Somewhat hypocritically, he wasn’t above using his physical size to provide a bit of an intimidating presence when he felt it was the right thing to do.

After a terms worth of good behaviour, his parents finally relaxed the curfew they'd enforced on him, having regained their trust that their son wasn't going to do anything stupid like last time. Daniel made good on that trust, making sure not to go nearly as far as he had in the past, his desire to follow his friends tempered by the harsh punishments wrought by his parents, and often leading to him being the voice of moderation amongst his peers.

With the pressure of the curfew off his shoulders, he was able to repair his relationships with Olivia and James, becoming both friends and a helpful brother to them again. His relationship with Owen on the other hand remains strained, with the both of them finding new distance between themselves, even as the arguments cooled off. Neither of them were willing to bury their grudges from the past properly, leading to the both of them preferring to just stay out of each other's way as much as possible.

The future is something he tries not to think too hard about, preferring to drown such thoughts out with the same distractions that he uses to drown out the problems with his academics. On the occasions he has truly thought about it, he has flipped between wanting to work with his father as a plumber, or contemplating enlisting in the Armed Forces. The latter of those suggestions coming as a result of his media involving a steady news of the dangers to Britain as he grew up, especially the constant presence of the USA in Ireland, and whilst Bellington escaped the worst of American air raids he was still able to see the devastation that just a few planes could bring on a community.

Advantages: Daniel is well-built and has a history in sports, giving him a physical advantage over other students. He also has some experience in conflict resolution, opting to try and talk out problems whenever he can.
Disadvantages: Daniel isn’t without his enemies, especially given his time on the anti-bullying committee. He also feels a strong bond to his friends, and would struggle to leave one of them behind - even if it was in his best interests to do so.
Edited by FrozenSmoke, Mar 22 2018, 03:54 AM.
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Hey FrozenSmoke! I'll be taking a look at Daniel today; he's looking quite good, but is temporarily DENIED pending a few edits.

Only the first object in the Hobbies/Interests list needs to be capitalized.

What does Daniel like about video games, particularly sports and puzzle games?

What exactly were the consequences that Daniel faced for the party that got broken up? Why would they be worse for Daniel's friend than for him?

How did the new tension between Daniel and his younger siblings manifest? Verbal or physical altercations, new distance between them, etc.?

If Daniel spends a significant amount of time doing stuff for the anti-bullying committee, that can be included in his hobbies and interests.

Spelling and grammar stuff:
Quote:
 
Daniel Newhouse was born to Samuel and Livvy Newhouse in Bellington,


Quote:
 
outside of meals and occasional weekends spent with him at sporting events (mostly Rugby and Football),

Rugby and football don't need to be capitalized. Additionally, replace the parentheses here with commas.

When starting a new paragraph, make sure to use a noun rather than a pronoun to clarify the subject.

Quote:
 
As he grew older and into secondary school,


Quote:
 
He no longer held enough of an athletic advantage to be the star of the (now contact) Rugby Team, and instead became the right prop, accepting his place as a roleplayer, as those who poured their heart and soul into the game overtook him.

Remove the parentheses. I'd also like the second half of the sentence to be clarified in regards to what a "roleplayer" is in this context; I can guess from the rest of the sentence, but it's not very clear.

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enough to keep angry parents from coming home to his parents,

Angry complaints, rather than parents, perhaps?

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a new distraction he’d found from studying: video games.


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the months-long lack


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Daniel is well-built


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Dan isn’t without his enemies, especially given his time on the anti-bullying committee, and will likely have.

Will likely have what?

Make those edits and post back in here once you have, and I'll give Daniel another look! Feel free to PM me if you have any questions.
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FrozenSmoke
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Hey Backslash, thanks for the response, and especially those questions - gave me a great chance to actually get inside Dan's head and figure him out a bit more. Hopefully my extra writing didn't add any more spelling/grammar errors, should have caught so many of the ones you pointed out with a proofread.

Quote:
 
What does Daniel like about video games, particularly sports and puzzle games?


Added a little bit here to explain what in particular Daniel enjoys about them;

Quote:
 
He always found the freedom from being punished for failing, and the casual atmosphere of improvement that they encouraged a great escape from the pressures he felt, as well as giving him time to simply chat with his friends as he played.


Quote:
 
Remove the parentheses. I'd also like the second half of the sentence to be clarified in regards to what a "roleplayer" is in this context; I can guess from the rest of the sentence, but it's not very clear.


Added some specifics here, and got a little deeper into what he enjoys from rugby in general.

Quote:
 
What exactly were the consequences that Daniel faced for the party that got broken up? Why would they be worse for Daniel's friend than for him?


I rewrote this section to detail it some more, as I felt my first run at it wasn't what I'd wanted it to be. He no longer chose to get in trouble, simply was unlucky enough to be one of the few caught, which I feel fits him a bit better.

Quote:
 
How did the new tension between Daniel and his younger siblings manifest? Verbal or physical altercations, new distance between them, etc.


Expanded on what caused this when they were younger, and how he initially dealt with it. I also added a bit about what happened to the relationship between him and his siblings after the incident, and how it brought back old problems, as well as how he handled it afterwards.

I also deleted the later paragraph that tried to nail down Daniel's personality in specifics, as I felt I'd shown most of what that was trying to say elsewhere in the bio.

Thanks for your time!
Edited by FrozenSmoke, Mar 22 2018, 03:34 AM.
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