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Viewing Single Post From: Rachael Langdon
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I used to be a player-hunter just like you, 'til I took a shotgun to the knee.
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Rachael is temporarily denied pending some minor fixes and attending to a chronology issue.

Rachael's grade is listed, which is superfluous.

In Rachael's hobbies and interests, parentheses should be used to set apart the clarification on the applicable items. There is also mention of the flute here that doesn't come up anywhere else.

Bridget is stated to be four years older than Rachael, which brings up the chronology issue I mentioned. At only four years older, she would just be finishing highschool when the family moved, not her undergrad. This would make sense if Bridget were eight years older instead. However, that brings up a new problem of why Bridget is still in school when a law degree is typically three years.

"Outside of school the family doctor recommended Rachael for cognitive therapy, for the positive benefits and because he worries about long term dependence on her anxiety medications." has an unnecessary comma, and 'positive benefits' is redundant. This should be reworded to something like, "cognitive therapy, in part because he worries..."
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Rachael Langdon · Approved Characters
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