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Pokemon Squad! Episode 172; American Idiot
Topic Started: Apr 13 2015, 09:12 PM (140 Views)
RayquazaMaster
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Du arg, bror?
When I wake up in the morning
And Delia gives a warning
(Delia) "You're going to be late! Stand up straight! Brush your teeth! Rub the sleep out of your eyes!..."
By the time I grab my Balls
And I'm off to catch 'em all
I'm outside just in time to see RM and Rayquaza fly by
Not alright, even with the Pokemon Squad

If RM pops a test
Then I know I'm a mess
And June will beat me up on my way home tonight
MM is still there
Supporting me with "What's with his hair?"
But despite that I know it won't be alright
Not alright, even with the Pokemon Squad
Not alright, even with the Pokemon Squad

Not alright, even with the Pokemon
Not alright, even with the Pokemon
Not alright, even with the Pokemon Squad!
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RayquazaMaster
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Du arg, bror?
Ash sat in his bedroom watching Breadwinners and laughing. RM came in and gagged.
"Well what do you know," he scoffed. "There really IS a show worse than Fanboy and Chumchum!"
"I liked that show," Ash said. "And I like this show!"
"Hey Brock!" RM called. "Check out what trash Ash has found on TV!"
Brock came into the room and nearly choked when he saw what was on the TV.
"ASH!" he shouted. "Even you should have better taste than that!"
"You're one to talk," RM chuckled. "Watching the Orange Sea Anemone Channel day in and day out."
"You can leave, RM," Brock said.
"Back to breeding for a shiny Joltik then," RM said.
He took out his New 3DS and left.
"Here, Ash, I'll put on some cartoons I liked to watch when I was a kid," Brock said as he took the remote.
"I don't think my mommy will like that," Ash replied.
"No, not that sort of cartoons!" Brock said.
"Oh. Well, weren't all of the other cartoons when you were a kid just designed to sell toys?" Ash asked.
"I'm going to ignore that," Brock replied. "Here we go, Looney Tunes! Oh, hey, this is a pretty old episode of it too! I think it might even be from way back in the '40s!"
"So '90s kids won't remember it?" Ash asked.
"Just watch it," Brock said, and with that he left Ash alone with Looney Tunes.


Half an hour later, Ash walked into Brock's room.
"Hey Brock?" he asked.
"Yeah?" Brock replied, not looking up from his Playboy magazine.
"Why aren't we more American?" Ash asked.
Brock looked up from his magazine and stared at Ash, though it was hard to tell given his eyes.
"You do realize Pokemon was created by the Japanese and Kanto is based on the region of Japan with the same name, right?" he asked.
Ash gasped.
"I have to become more American!" he declared, running off.
TO BE CONTINUED
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RayquazaMaster
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Ash hoisted an American flag up the flag pole outside the Mansion.
"Ash, what are you doing?" RM asked as he approached him.
"Putting the flagpole to good American use!" Ash replied. "By spreading the word about freedom, and liberty and justice for all!"
"Yeah, that's about as accurate a depiction of America as-" RM paused. "Actually, there are no depictions less accurate than that. Anyway, take that down. There's a reason that flagpole is never used. Everyone in the Mansion wants to fly a different flag, and if one person gets to fly theirs, then everyone goes crazy and demands a turn with theirs. Don't you remember what happened when I hoisted up a Rhode Island flag?"
"Nobody recognized it," Ash replied.
"Not that part," RM sighed. "I mean the part where everyone was demanding to know why I got to raise a flag but nobody else did. And remember when I raised a Swedish flag for Swedish Flag Day?"
"Everyone called you an IKEAboo," Ash replied.
"Not that part..." RM muttered, shaking his head. "The part where people demanded to know why every country, state, county, and so on didn't get its flag hoisted on its flag day. Anyway, what makes you think the American flag gets priority over any other flag?"
"Because the United States can do no wrong!" Ash proclaimed with a smile.
RM began to laugh.
"Oh, wait, you're serious," he noticed.
He paused. Then he laughed even harder.


"So let me just make sure I get all this straight," Larry said at the emergency room twenty minutes later. "RM laughed himself into a catatonic state because Ash said that the United States can do no wrong."
"That's as best as we can tell, yes," Brock said.
"I'm not sure who to be more worried for, RM or Ash," Larry muttered. "Well, RM should be fine. He ought to wake up relatively soon, based on his vitals. He just wore himself out."
RM bolted upright, laughing maniacally.
"There we go," Larry said. "Now if only we can find a way to stop this..."
"Hey, RM!" MM said. "You're single and will be forever!"
RM silently and forlornly stared off into the distance, a single tear rolling down his cheek.
"He's fixed," MM then said. "Probably in both meanings of the word. Though the second one I wouldn't be surprised if he always was."


Upon returning home, RM sat down at his desk in his bedroom.
"Back to my Omega Ruby Wonderlocke challenge," he said.
Suddenly, he heard very loud and very unskillful singing. He followed the sound into Ash's bedroom, where Ash stood bellowing out the lyrics to The Star-Spangled Banner, his hand over his heart.
"O'ER THE LAND OF THE FREE!" he sang, not noticing Henry cringing in the corner. "AND THE HOME OF THE BRAVE!"
"ASH!" RM shouted. "Would you please shut up?! I of all people of course understand national pride for a nation you've never actually been to, but HONESTLY. You're just being downright obnoxious today!"
"But I'm being American!" Ash protested.
"That's no excuse," RM said. "And you're not American, you're Kantoan! And Kanto is based on the region of the same name in Japan! And created by the Japanese!"
RM stormed out.

"Well, now that I might finally be able to relax," RM said, sitting back down at his desk, "I'll continue with Omega Ruby-"
He was cut off by a ladder breaking his window.
"What the bloody Distortion World?!" he shouted.
"Hi, RM!" Ash said as he climbed up the ladder with three buckets of paint and three paint brushes. "Don't mind me, just painting the roof!"
RM dashed down the stairs and out the door.
"Ash Ketchum!" he shouted.
"Hey, that's me!" Ash remarked as he painted the first red stripe on the roof.
"What in Carl Sagan's name are you doing?!" RM demanded.
"Giving the Mansion some patriotism!" Ash replied. "I'm going to paint a giant American flag on the roof!"
"That's it! I've had it with your obsessive American phase!" RM shouted. "Get down here and listen to me."
"But I have to give the Mansion freedom!" Ash said.
"Get down or I won't have a Pokemon battle with you ever again."
Ash came down from the roof.
"Okay, Ash," RM began. "Let me outline the issues I have with what you are doing. Firstly, only lunatics paint flags on their roofs. Secondly, even real Americans don't have the American flag on their roofs. Thirdly, I personally find the flag to be rather gaudy, and as flags associated with the United States are concerned I personally prefer a few of the individual state flags, or the flag of the Thirteen Colonies. Just my aesthetic preferences though, they really have no bearing on anything else. Fourthly and finally, your America obsession has gone too far."
"But RM, America is the greatest country on earth!" Ash whined.
"Ash. People who say America is the greatest country on earth are blind to the problems it has. The various, bountiful, extensive problems. People who say ANY country is the best country on earth are blind to reality. There's no such thing as a perfect country. People are far too flawed for any country, or state, or anything to ever be anywhere near perfect."
"But in order to form a more perfect union-" Ash started.
"'More perfect', not completely perfect," RM said. "Perfection is impossible, because humans are exceptionally flawed. There always will be problems of some form, no matter what country we're talking about. Even if there is no country there will be problems. As long as there are people involved there will be problems."
"RM's right," MM said as he joined them. "America has a lot of really bad issues. Claiming it's the greatest country on earth is nothing but a nationalistic attempt to ignore those issues. It doesn't matter who does it, it's the same."
"But you two are American!" Ash said. "You're both bad Americans!"
"(Nick jingle), we're Americans who live in reality," MM scoffed.
"Personally I would rather live in Sweden, Canada, or the United Kingdom than the United States," RM said. "Even so though, all of those countries have problems too, some of them even being the same as some of America's. Like I said, as long as there are people involved there will be problems of some sort. So can you please give it up and rejoin us in the real world?"
"I guess..." Ash muttered.
"Good," RM said. "Now clean up the roof. Don't let that paint dry."
Ash threw the drop cloth over RM and ran off.
"FREEDOM!" he shouted.
THE END

*Cue Looney Tunes style ending scene with Ash*
(Ash) Wait, what am I supposed to be saying? Gotta catch 'em all? Was that it?
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