Pokemon Squad! Episode 78

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Pokemon Squad! Episode 78; The Barney Bros. Backstory BBQ!
Topic Started: Aug 2 2012, 12:44 PM (135 Views)
*RayquazaMaster*	Aug 2 2012, 12:44 PM Post #1
Du arg, bror? Posts: 2,352 Group: Arceus Member #1 Joined: January 18, 2010	You are about to enter another dimension, dimension not only of Pokemon or our world but also of Nickelodeon. A journey into a convoluted land of everything. Next stop: Pokemon Squad!



*RayquazaMaster*	Aug 13 2012, 07:25 PM Post #2
Du arg, bror? Posts: 2,352 Group: Arceus Member #1 Joined: January 18, 2010	"Why do we have to go to the Yaoi House again?" RM groaned as he put his shoes on. "You heard Barney earlier, apparently it's something pretty important that we would be interested in," Brock replied. "Of course, knowing him it's probably anything but that." "Has he been more annoying lately or is it just me?" Sailor Pikachu asked. She opened the door and the three of them caught up everyone else in the Mansion, who were ahead of them and already on their way to the Yaoi House. "Nii-chan, do you think this actually is going to be of any importance?" RM asked RM's Friend's Twin. "Of course not, it's Barney," he replied. "Yeah, why does he think we care a bit about him?" Sailor Pikachu put in. "We don't! Nobody does!" RM said. "I care!" Ash said. "I always care! Because every time someone doesn't care, a Care Bear jumps off their cloud!" Delia stared at him. "And where did you hear that, sweetie?" she asked. "From RM! And Sailor Pikachu!" Ash replied, looking at them. "We may have mentioned it as part of a joke," RM said cautiously. "It made sense in context," added Sailor Pikachu. Then Ash smelled something. "FOOD!" he shouted. "Yes, I do think I smell barbecue," RM replied. "FOOD!" Ash yelled, running in the direction the smell was coming from. "Wait up!" Misty shouted. Everyone began to run after him. "Hey, he's going into the Yaoi House's yard!" Henry commented. "Good, we're going there anyway," Professor Oak said. They chased him into the yard and were greeted with Barney wearing a "Kiss the Cook" apron and barbecuing hotdogs and hamburgers. "Hidely-ho, guys!" he said. "You're all herely-here-here-here-a-roo early!" "FOOD!" Ash said as he grabbed a hotdog off the grill and ate it. "No touchly-touch-touch-touch-a-roo-ing the food!" Barney said, waving his spatula at Ash. "That is for you guys to eat during the story!" "Story? What (Nick jingle)ing story?" June asked, lighting a cigarette. "Well," Barney Frank said as he entered the yard carrying bags of hotdog buns and hamburger buns, "Barney thought that maybe if you knew more about his history you might be able to sympathize with him and treat him better. I told him he was an idiot for thinking that. I mean, we went through nearly everything together and I still hate him." "And I love you too big brother!" Barney shouted, hugging Barney Frank. "Get off me." "Seriously? We were told it was important and it was just this?!" RM's Other Friend groaned. "I was expecting it was something that was actually important, like you dying or something," May added. "We all were," put in Tracey. "And now I'm starting to wish it were about you dying," Max said. "Starting? I was wishing it all along," Sailor Pikachu said. "Come on guys, pleasely-please-please-please-a-roo listen to my story?" Barney begged. "Maybe we should, guys," RM sighed. "Why, you think he deserves another chance?" RM's Friend asked. "That's kind of epic fail. Muahahahaha..." "No, it's actually just that I'm starving and want some hotdogs," RM replied. "Same!" Ash said. "I wouldn't mind some food," June muttered. "We should listen to what Barney has to say and give him another chance, because it's the right thing to do!" Delia said cheerfully. Everyone stared at her. "What?" "Okay, Barney, we'll stay and listen," RM said, "but only because we want some of your barbecue. We don't care at all about your backstory-" "I do!" Ash interrupted. "No, you don't," Misty whispered into Ash's ear. "But I do!" Ash insisted. Misty groaned and facepalmed. "See? I told you," Barney Frank said to Barney. "They don't want to hear it. Even I don't." "I'm so gladly-glad-glad-glad-a-roo you guys decided to stay!" Barney laughed. "My brother will serve you while I tell you my story. Welcome, to the Barney Bros. Backstory BBQ! Cue the flashbackly-back-back-back-a-roos!" ------------------------------------------------------ Simpsons theme plays "Barney, where's your father?" Bargaret asked her son as she walked out of the bathroom of their cave wearing a towel. "Did he already leave for work?" "Yeah, while you were in the shower," Barney Frank replied, his eyes not moving from the cave paintings. "Oh, I've told him that he should wait a bit longer before leaving for work when he's ready this early! This early in the morning, the roads are filled with idiots who don't know how to fly a pterosaur!" Then the phone rang. Bargaret ran to pick it up. "Hello, this is the Frank residence, Bargaret speaking," she answered. "Are you Barnsworth Peter Frank's wife?" the voice on the other end of the line asked. "Yes, that's me." "I'm afraid I have some bad news. I'm from the Dinofield Hospital, and your husband was killed in a pterosaur crash on I-95. Some idiot was plowed his pterosaur right into his, and he as far as we can tell wasn't drunk or anything." "Oh my Rex. Oh my Rex," Bargaret said, astonished. She could barely stand. "Well, thank you for calling to tell me, I'll be at the hospital right away." She hung up and hugged Barney Frank. "I'm afraid your father has gone to the big tar pit in the sky," she said softly. "What?" Barney Frank asked. "I have no idea what you're talking about." "He's dead, Barney," she said. "Dad?" Barney Frank asked in shock. Bargaret arrived soon at the hospital, where she was greeted by several very solemn doctors. "We're so sorry we couldn't do more, miss," one of them said to her. "Terribly sorry for your loss," another added. "Is there anything we can do for you?" one asked. "Um... some quiet time alone might be nice," she replied. "And maybe some coffee." The doctors rushed off to get the coffee for her and she found herself alone in the lobby. But then, a fat purple T. rex entered the room. He walked up to her and put his arm on her. "Sorry about your husband," he said to her. "It's fine, there's nothing you could've done to help him," Bargaret replied. "I really didn't mean to hit him with my pterosaur! It was totally an accident!" "That's fine, I-" Bargaret paused and stared at him. "Wait, did you say YOU killed him?" "Yeah, sorry about that, I'm not that good at flying a pterosaur after a few beers," the dinosaur replied. "I don't think straight then. But I normally am really smart! S-M-R-T smart!" Bargaret punched him. "YOU KILLED MY HUSBAND?!" she screamed. "D'oh! I probably shouldn't have mentioned that!" he muttered as he rubbed where she had hit him. "Anyway, I'm Barnard T. Dinosaur. And you're pretty." "What are you trying to imply?!" Bargaret snapped. "That I want to marry you!" Barnard said. "You kill my husband and then ask to marry me?! What kind of dinosaur do you think I am?!" "A pretty one." Bargaret facpalmed. Or as close as a T. rex can come to facepalming. Soon Barney Frank heard someone entering the cave. He turned away from the cave paintings and saw Bargaret and Barnard entering the cave. "Mom, who's this guy?" he asked. "This is Barnard T. Dinosaur," she replied. "Your new dad. Barnard, this is Barnsworth Peter Frank, Jr., your son." "So you're my son?" Barnard asked. "Man, no wonder your old father left you! With a stupid name like that!" "That was his father's name too and you killed him in a pterosaur crash!" Bargaret snapped. "Oh, right. Anyway, kid, I hope that you can come to think of me as your real father." "You're a fat, smelly, stupid drunk," Barney Frank replied. "I could never think of you as my real father." "WHY YOU LITTLE...!" Barnard grabbed Barney Frank and began to squeeze his throat. "MOM, HELP!" Barney Frank choked out. A while later, Bargaret had laid an egg. It came close to time for it to hatch, so the family gathered around it. "I think it's starting to hatch!" Barney Frank said. "Yeah, I think it is!" Barnard said. Pieces of the shell began to fall off, and out stepped a bizarre deformed magenta T. rex with a green belly. "Huhuhuhuhuhuhuh!" it laughed. "Oh, REX!" Bargaret gasped. "What is this thing?!" "It looks more like a plush doll than a dinosaur!" Barnard exclaimed. The baby winked. There was a sudden sparkle surrounding it, and in its place sat a plush doll. "See? Now it really does!" Barnard said. The baby turned back to normal. "It must be defective or something!" "Gee, I have no idea where that could've come from..." Barney Frank muttered. "WHY YOU LITTLE...!" Barnard grabbed Barney Frank and began to try to strangle him. "Well, what should we name the baby?" Bargaret asked. "Let's name it Barney!" Barnard suggested, dropping Barney Frank. "We already have a son named Barney," Bargaret said. "No we don't, we have a son named Barnsworth Peter Frank, Jr.," Barnard laughed. "Which is a really stupid name!" "That was my late husband's name!" Bargaret snapped. "I know why he's dead, with a name like that," Barnard scoffed. "You killed him in a pterosaur crash!" "Oh, right." Barney grew quickly, but nobody in the family seemed to take any liking at all to him. "Barney, what have I told you about going into toy mode?!" Barnard scolded when he entered Barney's room and found him on the floor in doll form. "It's creepy! And what if one of the neighbors sees?!" Barney turned back to normal. "But Daddy," he said, "everyone has something about them that makes them different. And it's not something to be ashamely-shame-shame-shame-a-roo-ed of! It's something to be celebrated!" "That kind of talk is what caused the P-T Extinction!" Barnard retorted. "Do you want all life on earth to be exterminated again?!" "Dad, that was an extreme case of volcanism," Barney Frank said. "That's just what the government wants you to think! And don't stand up for your brother, he's obviously been hanging around Flandersaurus too much if he's saying things like 'ashamely-shame-shame-shame-a-roo-ed!' Anyway, you kids come on with me, the egg is hatching." They followed him into the main room of the cave and found Bargaret sitting on the floor next to the egg, which was starting to crack open. They sat down, and soon a normal looking purple T. rex baby came out. "She's beautiful," Bargaret said. "And normal, unlike our other kids," Barnard laughed. "What should we name her?" "Let's name her Barney!" Barnard replied. "We already have two sons named Barney, and Barney is a male name anyway!" "No we don't, we have one son named Barney and one son named Barnsworth Peter Frank Jr., the stupidest name I've ever heard!" "Do we really have to go through this again? That was my husband's name!" "I know why he died, then, he got tired of people laughing at his name!" "You killed him in a pterosaur crash!" "D'oh!" Bargaret turned to Barney and Barney Frank. "You two take your new sister out for a walk, okay?" she said. "Here, you can give her this pacifier to keep her quiet." Barney Frank took the pacifier and put it in the baby's mouth. "I'll go with you kids," Barnard said. "I need to bond with little Barney too." "Her name is not Barney!" Bargaret said. "If we must, we'll compromise. We'll call her Barla." "Okay, fine," Barnard grumbled. "But her real name is Barney!" He picked up Barla and left the cave with Barney and Barney Frank, to be greeted by their neighbor, Ned Flandersaurus, a green parasaurolophus. "Hidely-ho, neighborinos!" he said. "That baby of yours sure is cutely-cute-cute-cute-a-roo!" "Shut up, Flandersaurus!" Barnard said. "Yeah, shut up, Flandersaurus!" Barney Frank added. "Hidely-ho, Flandersaurus!" Barney said. "This is my new sisterly-sister-sister-sister-a-roo Barla!" "Well, she sure is cute as a button!" Flandersaurus said, approaching Barnard to touch her. "No way, Flandersaurus. Come on, guys," Barnard said, leading them away from him. "Bye-bye, Flandersaurus!" Barney said, waving to him as they walked off. "I'm heading back to the cave with Barney," Barnard said. "Her name is Barla, Dad," Barney Frank said. "Her name is Barney!" Barnard snapped. "Anyway, you two can stay out if you want." He went back to the cave. Then, a family of triceratops ran by and accidentally dropped a few eggs. "The asteroid is coming!" one of them screamed. They were joined by a family of hadrosaurs who also accidentally dropped eggs. "The end is near!" a hadrosaur shouted. Barney and Barney Frank stared at them as they ran off. "Look big brother, eggly-egg-egg-egg-a-roos!" Barney said, running to the eggs. "Let's take care of them! We can be like their parents!" "Wait, what were they saying about an asteroid?" Barney Frank asked. "Probably that big fiery thingly-thing-thing-thing-a-roo in the sky!" Barney said, pointing up. Barney Frank looked up and saw a massive flaming rock. "We've got to do something!" Barney Frank screamed. "There's no way we can survive that when it hits!" "I found a cardboard box!" Barney announced, pointing at it. "And it's bigly-big-big-big-a-roo enough for both of us, AND the eggs! We can go inside it and imagine we're not going to have to go to sleeply-sleep-sleep-sleep-a-roo for a really long time!" "That's completely idiotic, but I think it's our only option," Barney Frank sighed, gathering the eggs and joining his brother in the box. They closed the lid and waited. ------------------------------------------------------ TO BE CONTINUED Edited by RayquazaMaster, Aug 15 2012, 07:42 PM.



*RayquazaMaster*	Aug 19 2012, 11:25 AM Post #3
Du arg, bror? Posts: 2,352 Group: Arceus Member #1 Joined: January 18, 2010	"Wait a second Barney, you're saying that you managed to survive the KT Mass Extinction in a cardboard box?!" RM interrupted. "That's impossible! I mean, seriously! You had no food, you were still exposed to the heat which easily could have incinerated the cardboard box, after the fires died down you'd be exposed to the cold, you might eventually run out of clean air and suffocate-" "RM, who's telling the story-ly-story-story-story-a-roo?" Barney asked. "I wasly-was-was-was-a-roo there. I went through it." "I went through it with him," Barney Frank added as he pushed Ash away from the grill. "It was insanely illogical, but it happened. Somehow that cardboard box let us survive for millions of years." "But that makes no sense!" RM argued. "I know," Barney Frank replied. "What about the eggs? What were those eggs?" Sailor Pikachu asked. "Baby Bop Martin, BJJ, BJJ, Riffraff, BJ, Baby Bop, and Riff," Barney replied. "Who?" May asked. "I only know the last three," said Brock, "and I barely know the last one." "And you said BJJ twice," Max pointed out. "Of coursely-course-course-course-a-roo I did," Barney replied. "Barney Junior Junior and Barney Junior Johnson!" "What?" everyone said. "Well, you'll find out if you listen to my story!" Barney said. "Let's continue with the flashbackly-back-back-back-a-roo!" ------------------------------------------------------ After what felt like ages, Barney finally said the inevitable. "Big brother, I have to pee." Barney Frank groaned. "You couldn't have done that before we got in this box?" "I didn't have to go then! And was was I supposed to knowly-know-know-know-a-roo there'd be an asteroid coming?" "Okay, fine, you can go outside to pee, but make it quick. We don't know how long we've been in here, nor do we know what the world is like now." "Thankly-thank-thank-thank-a-roos, big brother!" Barney said, kissing Barney Frank. He cautiously opened the flaps of the box and stepped outside, then cautiously closed them. The world looked little like anything Barney had ever seen. There were houses made of stones, but also straw and wood. The streets were filled with trash and sewage, and humans were running around through the streets. "Whatly-what-what-what-a-roo are those weird pink things?" Barney wondered out loud. "And why do I have the strangely-strange-strange-strange-a-roo urge to kidnap their offspring?" "Mum, is that the devil over there?" a child asked his mother. "Nay, William, 'tis merely a hideously deformed bear," his mother replied, leading him away from Barney while keeping a close eye on him. "What's a devil and what's a bear?" Barney wondered. "Ah, never mindly-mind-mind-mind-a-roo. I came out here to tinkie-winkie. And it looks like after the mass extinction, the worldly-world-world-world-a-roo is our potty!" He crouched down and did his business. But then a rat ran through it. "Hello there, mammal thing from daddy's job at the power plant!" Barney said. "You're getting all dirty from my poopy! Huhuhuhuhuh! You should leave!" He saw something tiny jump from his waste onto the rat, and the rat ran off. The rat passed by a human and the tiny thing jumped from the rat to the human. The human scratched the spot where it landed, but soon saw black welts popping up. "I say, this is most peculiar," he said, staring at the welts. Then he clutched his throat. "Wherefore can I not breathe?! What sorcery beith this?!" He started to fall to the ground. "'Tis a horrible plague!" he screamed, struggling for breath. One of the welts opened and thousands of the tiny things from before flew out, spreading over the village. People everywhere began to struggle to breath and fall to the ground. "The extinction isn't over yetly-yet-yet-yet-a-roo!" Barney gasped, running into the box and rapidly getting inside and closing it. "Well? What was the world like?" Barney Frank asked. "I don't thinkly-think-think-think-a-roo the mass extinction is over yet, big brother," Barney replied. ------------------------------------------------------ TO BE CONTINUED Edited by RayquazaMaster, Aug 19 2012, 08:24 PM.



*RayquazaMaster*	Aug 26 2012, 12:14 AM Post #4
Du arg, bror? Posts: 2,352 Group: Arceus Member #1 Joined: January 18, 2010	"Okay, now I'm positive you're kidding me," RM interrupted. "You're seriously saying that millions of years passed like it was nothing? And then you got out of the box and caused the Plague with your waste products? It's so clear now you're making this all up." "Sorry kid, but he's not," Barney Frank replied as he handed RM another hotdog. "I already told you, weird as it is it's completely true." "But how is that even possible?" "It just isly-is-is-is-a-roo!" Barney said. "Can I pleasely-please-please-please-a-roo continue my story?" RM groaned. "Fine," he said. "Go for it. It's a load of Grimer anyway." ------------------------------------------------------ "Do you think the extinction's done now?" Barney Frank asked. "I don'tly-don't-don't-don't-a-roo know, big brother," Barney said. "Do you want me to checkly-check-check-check-a-roo?" "Only if you want to," he replied. "It could be pretty dangerous." "Okely-dokely-doo!" Barney laughed, leaving the box again. He found himself on the bank of a lake, on an island harboring an immense city. He saw humans in the streets, mostly wearing cloaks and robes. Some were wearing headdresses. There were markets selling foods and robes. They were darker than the humans from before. Some noticed Barney and pointed at him, calling out, "Xolotl has returned!" "What does Xolotl mean?" Barney wondered. Then several men who appeared to be soldiers approached him. "Xolotl, you have returned!" one said. "We must take you to Lord Moctezuma!" another said. "To give him the excellent news!" "Your twin too has returned today!" a third one added. "Or so our sentries on the shore tell us." "I highly doubt that the man in question is in fact Quetzalcoatl!" the first man said. "I say otherwise!" the third retorted. They led him to a huge palace where a man in majestic robes and a headdress sat upon a throne. "Soldiers, what have you brought before me?" he asked. "My lord, this is Xolotl!" one soldier said. "You do not recognize him?" Moctezuma examined Barney for a moment. "You're right, this is indeed the god Xolotl!" he then exclaimed. "We have seen his brother Quetzalcoatl as well!" one of the soldiers said. "We did not!" another retorted. "That was just as likely a savage from a distant land! That armor was unlike anything we had ever seen!" "I am certain! That was the great god Quetzalcoatl returned!" "Lord Xolotl, which of them is telling the truth?" Moctezuma asked Barney. "Oh, I'm surely-sure-sure-sure-a-roo they really saw this Keith Richards guy!" Barney replied cheerfully. "Quetzalcoatl. Your twin brother," the soldier said. "Whatly-what-what-what-a-roo-ever!" Barney said. "There's no reasonly-reason-reason-reason-a-roo to not trustly-trust-trust-trust-a-roo that nice man in the special armor! I betly-bet-bet-bet-a-roo he'll bring great things to you all!" "As unconventional as his means of expression are, Lord Xolotl has a point," Moctezuma said. "I shall go with my soldiers to greet Quetzalcoatl and welcome him on his return to our land. Thank you, Lord Xolotl." "Okely-dokely-doo!" Barney laughed. "I should get back to my big brother now and tell him all aboutly-bout-bout-bout-a-roo this! Bye-bye! Huhuhuhuhuhuhuh!" Barney waved to them and left, soon reaching the box and reentering. TO BE CONTINUED



*RayquazaMaster*	Aug 27 2012, 09:48 PM Post #5
Du arg, bror? Posts: 2,352 Group: Arceus Member #1 Joined: January 18, 2010	"How long do you think we've been in this box now?" Barney Frank asked. "It seems like it's been a while." "Maybe a few daily-day-day-day-a-roos?" Barney guessed. "I doubt it, we're both much bigger now," Barney Frank replied. "And our voices are different now. I think we might even be grown up by now. Oh, also, I think the eggs are hatching," he added. "They are?!" Barney squealed. He picked up one of the eggs and it was indeed hatching. Within seconds a small green protoceratops came out of the egg. "Well, what do we do now?" Barney Frank asked. "Name her!" Barney said. "That's whatly-what-what-what-a-roo! We'll call her Baby Bop Martin!" "What kind of a name is that?" "A goodly-good-good-good-a-roo one!" Barney replied. "And we can call that yellow one that just hatched Barney Junior Johnson! And that weird orange one can be Riffraff!" "No! Riffraff is not a name!" Barney Frank argued. "You can give the other two awful names, but no more!" "Okay, finely-fine-fine-fine-a-roo, Riff Richardson." "That's slightly better, I suppose... But how are we going to take care of these kids?" "Should I see if I can findly-find-find-find-a-roo some foodly-food-food-food-a-roo outside?" "If you want, I think that could be kind of dangeorus," Barney Frank replied. "There's really no telling what's out there now. You never told me, was the extinction over when you last were there?" "I don't knowly-know-know-know-a-roo," Barney replied. "There was this city and it was completely surrounded by water, and the same weird things I mentioned last time only they weren't pinkly-pink-pink-pink-a-roo!" "Maybe it's safe now?" Barney Frank suggested. "It seems kind of cold though." "You're rightly-right-right-right-a-roo!" Barney said. "It is colder! I'll go check it out!" He got out of the box and found that it was snowing and the box was on a huge pile of snow. "Oh boy, snow!" he exclaimed. "No school for us today!" He leant back on a huge chunk of ice and heard a loud crack. "That can't be goodly-good-good-good-a-roo," he muttered. He looked back and saw the other half of the iceberg breaking off and floating into distance. It slammed into the side of a huge ship. Water began to pour into the hull. "Oopsies," Barney said, getting back into the box. TO BE CONTINUED



*RayquazaMaster*	Sep 8 2012, 06:26 PM Post #6
Du arg, bror? Posts: 2,352 Group: Arceus Member #1 Joined: January 18, 2010	"Okay, Barney, I've had enough," Barney Frank said soon after Barney returned. "It's been you getting out of the box all this time. I haven't gotten out once. I want to see how the world is, and I bet the extinction is even over by now!" "But big brother, what about the kiddly-kid-kid-kid-a-roos?!" Barney asked. "You can watch over them for a while, can't you?" "But what if I can't?!" "Fine, I'll take Baby Bop Martin, Barney Junior Johnson, and Riff Richardson with me," Barney Frank replied, picking them up. "I'll miss you all then," Barney said. "We'll be fine Barney. And we'll probably return soonish," Barney Frank said. "Can't I keeply-keep-keep-keep-a-roo one of the kiddly-kid-kid-kid-a-roos?" "Okay, fine, take your pick then. "Riffraff." "It's Riff Richardson!" Riff Richardson snapped. "Well then. Enjoy him," Barney Frank said. "Bye, Barney. I'll see you again some time." He left the box with Baby Bop Martin and Barney Junior Johnson. Soon, the other eggs started to hatch. Out of one came a dinosaur that looked a huge amount like Baby Bop Martin, out of two others came dinosaurs that looked very much like Barney Junior Johnson, and out of the last one came a dinosaur that looked just like Riff Richardson. "Yay, more kiddly-kid-kid-kid-a-roos!" Barney exclaimed. "Okey-dokey, this green one looks like Baby Bop Martin, so I'll namely-name-name-name-a-roo her Baby Bop! These yellow ones lookly-look-look-look-a-roo like Barney Junior Johnson, so I'll name them Barney Junior and Barney Junior Junior! And I thinkly-think-think-think-a-roo I'll shorten those to BJ and BJJ. And this last orange one looks likely-like-like-like-a-roo Riffraff!" "It's Riff Richardson!" Riff Richardson snapped. "I think I'll call him Riff!" ------------------------------------------------------ "So that's it?" RM asked. "Pretty muchly-much-much-much-a-roo," Barney replied. "But what happened in the time after you sank the Titanic?" Sailor Pikachu asked. "Like with Barney Frank?" "Well, I got out of the box soon soon after the US entered WWI, and I got a job modeling for recruitment posters," Barney Frank replied. "But they replaced me with Uncle Sam because apparently posters with me were preventing people from enlisting instead of encouraging them. Something about being too scary." "I believe it," Henry said. "And then much later I got a job as a children's show host," Barney Frank continued. "I got in some sort of freak car accident and was in the hospital for a while. And when I got out I found that my brother had stolen my job." "I saw you had gotten a show on posters and heard you were hurt so I wanted to helpy-help-help-help-a-roo!" Barney said, hugging Barney Frank. "So I toldly-told-told-told-a-roo them I'm your brother and they replaced you with me while you were recovering!" "Then I went into politics like many great actors do," Barney Frank said. "I was elected president of the United States, but I was almost immediately impeached. See, I noticed that by acting stupid and immature, Barney had gained popularity with children. So I tried acting like him when I visited a foreign country to talk about terrorist scares. It didn't go over well, to say the least. I was banned from ever setting foot in that country again and I was impeached the next day." "So what happened to BJJ, BJ Johnson, Baby Bop Martin, and Riff Richardson?" Ash asked. "Well, we don'tly-don't-don't-don't-a-roo know about the firstly-first-first-first-a-roo three," Barney replied, "but I remember what happened with Riffraff likely-like-like-like-a-roo it was yesterday!" ------------------------------------------------------ "BJ! Baby Bop! Riffraff!" Barney called as he entered his home returning from work one day. "It's Riff Richardson!" Riff Richardson snapped back. "Let's go for a walkly-walk-walk-walk-a-roo in the parkly-park-park-park-a-roo!" Barney suggested. "I had a rough day at workly-work-work-work-a-roo and I need to unwind!" "Okay, Barney!" BJ said. "Come on, guys, let's go!" "I don't want to though!" Riff Richardson said. "He always gets my name wrong!" "Time to go, Riffraff!" Barney said. "Why do I even bother..." Riff Richardson stewed. They soon arrived at the park, where Ren and Stimpy were sitting on a bench near a pickup truck sulking. "We're never going to get that big orange couch in time, Ren!" Stimpy said. "If it weren't for you getting us kicked out of IKEA we would have it by now," Ren replied. "You EEEEDIOT!" Then they saw Barney, Baby Bop, BJ, and Riff Richardson walk by them. "I may have a plan, Stimpy," Ren said, noticing Riff Richardson. He got up and ran after them, pulling Stimpy after him. "Hey, dinosaur!" he shouted. "Who, me?" Barney asked. "Yes, you!" Ren said. "We need to ask you something." "Can we have your big orange couch-" Stimpy began, but Ren covered his mouth. "Silence, you EEEEDIOT!" he snapped. "Let me handle it!" He turned to Barney. "We couldn't help but notice your orange friend." "You meanly-mean-mean-mean-a-roo Riffraff?" Barney asked. "It's Riff Richardson!" Riff Richardson muttered. "Yes, exactly," Ren continued. "We've been looking for someone who might have his particular skill sets. We're offering you $20 in exchange for him," he added, holding out a $20 bill. "Deal!" Barney shouted, taking the money and pushing Riff Richardson over to them. "Great, we finally have our couch!" Stimpy said. "Wait, what?" Riff Richardson asked. "Nothing!" Ren said. The two of them threw Riff Richardson in the back of their pickup truck, put a tarp over him, and drove off. ------------------------------------------------------ "You have got to be kidding me," Brock said, facepalming. "Barney, you're the (Nick jingle)ing stupidest person we've ever met," June said. "I figured you guys knowing my backly-back-back-back-a-roo-story would make you guys sympathize with me more," Barney replied. "Since you'd know wherely-where-where-where-a-roo I'm coming from." "Barney, your idiocy caused the plague, the fall of the Aztecs, and the sinking of the Titanic," RM's Other Friend muttered, shaking her head. "What, no mention of how it also ruined my life twice?" Barney Frank asked. "That too." "If anything," Henry said, "we sympathize even less with you now." "Guys, I highly doubt Barney's story is even true," RM interjected. "I mean, really. He's claiming he and his brother survived the mass extinction that killed off the dinosaurs by hiding in a cardboard box for millions of years and caused several disasters throughout history. Plus the box, if what Barney said is to be believed, was in a completely different location each time he got out of it. The last bit, the one Barney Frank told, I can believe happened. Same with the stuff about Riff Richardson and what happened to him. But the rest is completely impossible." "RM's right," Max said. "This is obviously fabricated." "Barney, why would you lie to us?" Ash sobbed. "We're leaving now!" Sailor Pikachu snapped. "Come on, guys!" Everyone began to walk back to the Mansion. "Guys! Where are you going?" Barney called after them. "Don't leavely-leave-leave-leave-a-roo!" "Thanks for wasting our afternoon, Barney!" RM called. "And thanks for the hotdogs, Barney Frank, they actually were really good." "No problem, RM, any time!" Barney Frank replied. He noticed Barney was staring at him. "What?" he said. "I'm a good barbecue cook." "I can't believely-believe-believe-believe-a-roo the only thing they enjoyed was your cooking!" Barney said. "I can," Barney Frank said. "Look, I know our background story is the truth, but I also know it's extremely illogical and basically impossible. It's not like you can expect other people to believe it. And it also could be that you're the one telling it. Remember, they hate you, and as a result I doubt they're as willing to believe the story as they would be if I told it. They like me, but don't like you." "I likely-like-like-like-a-roo you too, big brother!" Barney laughed, hugging Barney Frank. "And I hate you, little brother," responded Barney Frank. "Now get off me." THE END RM, Sailor Pikachu, Henry, and June are in a karaoke bar (RM) Okay, this is the last song! Then we're definitely going home! (Sailor Pikachu) That's fine with me, RM. Thanks for agreeing to come out here with us, it's been fun! (RM) True, it has, but I'm bloody exhausted now. (Henry) Plus June is unconscious again from drinking too much. I swear, some day she's going to just die of liver failure or alcohol poisoning. (June) mutters in her stupor (RM) But this was fun. Maybe we ought to do this again some time. (Sailor Pikachu) Yeah, good idea! (RM) Ah, great, the final song! Starts singing Oppa Gangnam Style (Henry) Perfect way to end the evening! (Sailor Pikachu) You said it!



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