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Pokemon Squad! Episode 75; The Nerd of Orre
Topic Started: Apr 30 2012, 09:31 PM (515 Views)
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"Why did Delia have to force us all out into the backyard for a picnic?" RM groaned. "The sun is so bright. It hurts my eyes. And I hope I don't get a sunburn."
"RM, the sunlight will do wonders for your skin!" Delia said cheerily, putting the picnic basket on the table.
"Look, if I wanted to be in pain, I'd just cut myself. And I DON'T want to be in pain."
"What's his problem?" Brock asked May.
"Delia didn't let him bring his 3DS out here," May replied.
"Mommy, I just remembered!" Ash suddenly shouted. "There's a Dora marathon on right now! I have to watch it!"
"Okay, sweetie, you can go back inside and watch it, then," Delia replied.
"YAY!" Ash rejoiced, grabbing Pikachu and running back into the Mansion.
"What, you let him watch Dora now but won't let me play on my 3DS?" RM asked.
"Because he's my son, and he's a special child," Delia said.

"Awesome, I can't wait for the Dora marathon!" Ash laughed, sitting down in front of the TV in his room. He pressed the power button, but nothing happened. Then, the Mansion began to shake. "What's going on?!"
"How the (Nick jingle) should I know?" Pikachu asked. "I mean, uh, pika pika!"
Ash walked to the window, and when he looked out he saw the Mansion was caught in a tornado. He saw trees fly past the window. Barney flew past.
"Helply-help-help-help-a-roo!" Barney begged.
Then Ash saw June flying by in the tornado. She saw him and held up her hand, but Fanboy and Chumchum flew by and obscured it. Then a broomstick appeared underneath June and erupted into flames. June flew off on it laughing. Then, the Mansion dropped with a loud thud and a quiet scream, followed by Misty shouting, "OMG THEY KILLED DAWN, YOU IDIOTS!" Ash looked out the window again and saw that they had landed in what appeared to be a large desert next to a rusty train.


"Where are we, Pikachu?" Ash asked Pikachu as they exited the Mansion.
"Pika pika," Pikachu replied. Then he tripped on a pair of legs sticking out from under the Mansion.
"Hey, aren't those Dawn's legs?" Ash asked.
Then the Penguins came out from behind one of the train's wheels.
"The witch is dead!" Private said.
The other Penguins gasped.
"I didn't mean to, it was an accident!" Ash sobbed.
Kowalski called into the train.
"The wicked witch is dead!" he shouted.
"The wicked witch is dead?" King Julien replied, shocked. He, Mort, Maurice, Elmo, Sqirt, Pachirisu, and Meowth came out of the train. Skipper kicked the legs, but they didn't move. Everyone was still. Then they started to cheer.
"Ding dong! The Witch is dead. Which old Witch? The Wicked Witch!
Ding dong! The Wicked Witch is dead.
Wake up - sleepy head, rub your eyes, get out of bed.
Wake up, the Wicked Witch is dead. She's gone where Giratina goes,
The Distortion World, oh-ho. Yo-ho, let's open up and sing and ring the bells out.
Ding dong the merry-oh, sing it high, sing it low.
Let them know
The Wicked Witch is dead!"
Then King Julien walked towards Ash and Pikachu.
"As self-proclaimed king of Outskirt Stand, in the region of Orre, I am welcoming to you most regally."
Maurice came forward.
"But we all gotta verify it legally, to see."
"To see?"
"If she-"
"If she?"
"Is morally and ethically-"
Mort came forward.
"Spiritually and physically!"
Skipper came forward.
"Positively and absolutely!"
Everyone who had been in the train joined in.
"Undeniably and reliably dead!"
Kowalski approached the corpse and started poking it.
"As a scientist I must aver, I thoroughly examined her.
And she's not only merely dead, she's really most sincerely dead."
Everyone cheered. King Julien began to speak.
"Then this is being a day of independentness to and for all of us littlish characters and our descendants-"
"If any," Maurice interrupted.
"Yes, being letting of the joyousy news spreading! The wicked old witch at finallyness dead!"
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Then, a huge wall of fire appeared between everyone and the train. June stepped out, wearing a long black cloak.
"Who the (Nick jingle) killed the witch?!" she demanded.
Everyone pointed at Ash. Ash pointed at Pikachu.
"So, it was the fat kid, was it?" she laughed. "What the (Nick jingle) did he do, sit on her?"
"I'm not fat! I'm big-boned!" Ash retorted. "And I only killed her by accident! I didn't want to hurt anyone!"
"Wuss. Anyway, give me her (Nick jingle)ing sneakers," June said, holding out her hand.
"What sneakers?" Ash asked. Then he saw bright red sneakers materialize on the feet of Dawn. "Cool sneakers! I want them!" He took them off Dawn's feet and put them on.
"Uh, fat(Nick jingle), you were SUPPOSED to give them to ME," June snarled. "Now hand them the (Nick jingle) over."
"No, I like these sneakers. And I saw them first," Ash said. "Finders keepers, losers weepers."
"Fine. You'll regret it later. I promise you that. I'll (Nick jingle)ing get you, lard (Nick jingle), and your (Nick jingle)ing electric rat, too."
She disappeared in a shower of flames. Then a bright purple bubble floated down next to Ash and popped. Out of the bubble appeared Sailor Pikachu wearing a Sailor Senshi uniform.
"Ash, are you okay?" she asked.
"I got awesome new sneakers!" Ash replied.
"I guess you are," Sailor Pikachu muttered. "Anyway, allow me to explain things for you. That was June, the Wicked Witch of the West. I am the Good Witch of the North, Sailor Pikachu. You were trapped in a tornado and arrived here in the distant Orre region. This is the Outskirt Stand, which was where the Wicked Witch of the East, Dawn, reigned until she was killed by a falling RM's Mansion."
"I didn't mean to kill her!" Ash sobbed.
"It's a good thing she died, you idiot," Sailor Pikachu snapped.
"Anyway, now June is the only remaining Wicked Witch, but she's also the worst. So if you can kill her, the Orre region will at last be in peace-"
"I wanna go home," Ash interrupted. "Dora's on."
"Ash, you have to save Orre," Sailor Pikachu insisted.
"I WANNA WATCH DORA!" Ash screamed.
"Okay, fine, you can go home," Sailor Pikachu said. "You'll have to go to the distant city of Gateon Port to find the mystical Nerd of Orre. He can send you home. But seriously, can't you think of someone other than yourself for once?"
"Hey, Pikachu, wanna go home?" Ash asked Pikachu.
"Pika pi!"
"See, he wants it too."
"Okay, fine," Sailor Pikachu groaned, facepalming.
"How do I get to Gateon Port?" Ash asked.
King Julien stepped forward.
"To be arriving at Gateon Port, you will have to be following on the Yellow Brick Route," he said.
"Be following the Yellow Brick Route?" Ash asked.
"Be following, following, following, following,
Following the Yellow Brick Route."
"Be followin' the Yellow Brick," Maurice put in.
"Be following the Yellow Brick!" Mort said.
"Following the Yellow Brick Route!" Skipper said.
They guided Ash and Pikachu to be beginning of the Route, still singing.
"We're off to see the Nerd, the Wonderful Nerd of Orre.
You'll find he is a wizard of a Nerd! If ever a Nerd! there was.
If ever oh ever a Nerd! there was The Nerd of Orre is one because,
Because, because, because, because, because.
Because of the nerdy smart things he does.
We're off to see the Nerd. The Wonderful Nerd of Orre!"
Edited by RayquazaMaster, Jun 24 2012, 10:20 PM.
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After walking a ways, Ash and Pikachu came to a grassy area with sunflowers.
"Pikachu, I don't think we're in Kanto anymore!" Ash said.
"What, you only just realized that?!" Pikachu snapped. "I mean, uh, pika pi!"
"Hey, Pikachu, there's a man in the field!" Ash said, pointing at something in the distance. They ran towards it, but it proved to just be a scarecrow. "Aw... I was hoping he'd be able to help us. Anyway, do you have any idea how to get to Gateon Port now, Pikachu?"
"Pika pika."
"Well, it's pretty straightforward. It's right that way."
Ash turned to find the source of the voice and saw the scarecrow pointing to his left.
"Oh, that way? Thanks, Mr. Scarecrow!" Ash replied. He started in that direction, but suddenly stopped. "Wait, did you just talk?"
"Yeah, what's so weird about that?" the scarecrow asked. Ash noticed he looked a lot like Brock, especially the spiky hair and lack of eyes.
"Scarecrows can't talk usually, right?" Ash asked.
"Not usually. I guess I'm an exception."
"Wow, the girl scarecrows must love you!" Ash said.
Brock started to cry.
"What's wrong?" Ash asked.
"I've been trying for years now, but I just can't score!" Brock sobbed.
"Don't worry, you'll get better at basketball sooner or later!" Ash said.
"Not in basketball, you idiot!" Brock snapped. "Romantically! Girls hate me!"
"Really?" Ash asked.
"Yup," Brock sighed.
"I could while away the hours, (Nick jingle)ing in the flowers
spending my time with my wife.
And my head would be empty and
happy times would be plenty
If I only had a life.
I'd choose lots of skimpy outfits, so skimpy she can't even sit
And there'd go all my strife.
With the thoughts I'm now thinking
I should be in a cell and stinking.
If I only had a life.
Oh, the long years of reading hentai could finally pay off
And I'd be so busy that I wouldn't even have time to cough.
And then we'd sleep, on a bed so soft.
I would not be just a nothin' my dirty thoughts fluffin'
My heart all full of strife.
I would dance and be merry, and make pie (hopefully cherry),
If I only had a life."

"Well, I'm going to Gateon Port to meet the Nerd of Orre, and I'm going to ask him to send me home," Ash replied. "Maybe you can come with me and you can ask him to give you a girlfriend!"
"Yeah, I like that idea!" Brock said.
"Let's go, then!" Ash said.
They began to walk down the Yellow Brick Route, continuing on their journey to Gateon Port.
"We're off to see the Nerd, the Wonderful Nerd of Orre.
You'll find he is a wizard of a Nerd! If ever a Nerd! there was.
If ever oh ever a Nerd! there was The Nerd of Orre is one because,
Because, because, because, because, because.
Because of the nerdy smart things he does.
We're off to see the Nerd. The Wonderful Nerd of Orre!"
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Soon, Ash, Pikachu, and Brock arrived in a grove of strange looking apple trees, one.
"Hey, there are apples on those trees!" Ash remarked. "I want one! I'm hungry!"
"I wouldn't if I were you," Brock warned. "Something doesn't seem right. I mean, there are trees here in the desert."
"Oh, come on!" Ash said as he grabbed an apple from a purple one. "What's the worst that could happen?"
"Hidely-ho, kiddly-kid-kid-kid-a-roos!" the tree suddenly said. Ash screamed and dropped the apple. He saw that the tree had a huge grinning face. "You don't wantly-want-want-want-a-roo my apples, you wantly-want-want-want-a-roo the candy I have in my van!"
"Boy do I!" Ash said.
"No you don't, you idiot!" Brock snapped, pulling Ash away. "This is the grove of pedos!"
"He's taking away my preyly-prey-prey-prey-a-roo!" the Barney tree shouted. "Throw your apples!"
Suddenly, Ash, Pikachu, and Brock were pelted from all directions by apples from the trees.
"Yay, food!" Ash cheered, stuffing his mouth with the apples.
Brock and Pikachu pulled him away and dragged him away from the trees. They finally were out of range of the trees' apples when Brock tripped backwards on something.
"Are you okay?" Ash asked him.
"Of course. I'm full of stuffing," he replied. They looked at what he had tripped over and saw a rusty human-shaped thing a bit taller than Ash.
"Wonder what this could be?" Ash asked.
"Hey, pathetic. Give me some oil."
Ash, Brock, and Pikachu looked around.
"Who said that?" Brock asked.
"Me, pathetic. Get me some pathetic oil."
They then realized that the voice was coming from the rusty thing.
"The pathetic oil can is right behind the pathetic fat kid."
"I am not fat!" Ash protested, picking up the can and starting to oil the metal thing. Soon, the rust was gone and they could clearly make out its form: a tin teenage boy with purple hair and large eyebrows.
"Thanks for the help. But you're still pathetic."
"Who are you?" Ash asked.
"I'm Paul the Tinman," he replied. "I was training my Pokemon so they wouldn't be so pathetically weak. I guess I pathetically rusted over. Thanks to that, my Pokemon are still pathetic. I guess I'll have to release those pathetic things."
"Release them?" Ash repeated, horrified. "Don't you have a heart?!"
"Nope," Paul replied. "I'm made of tin. I have no pathetic heart.
When a trainer's team's pathetic
He ought to have some ethic
Strength's the most important part
Just because I would wager
That I'd be a better trainer
If I only had a heart

I'd relate, I'd empathize
And always win the best prize
My opponents are pathetic farts.
I'd be friends with my Pokemon
And they'd have the will to carry on
If I only had a heart

Picture me a competition
The ref calls out the answers

(Referee) Pikachu's unable to battle! Torterra's the winner!

My victory, you see.

Just to win all of those battles, the opponent doesn't matter,
I know my strategy by the chart.
I could become the champion
Victory's all I'd be seein'
If I only had a heart."

"Well, Scarecrow, Pikachu, and I are going to see the Nerd of Orre!" Ash said. "He's going to give the Scarecrow a girlfriend and he's going to send me and Pikachu home! Maybe he can give you a heart!"
"Pathetic idea," Paul scoffed. "I like it. Let's go and get me my pathetic heart."
They continued down the Yellow Brick Route.
"We're off to see the Nerd, the Wonderful Nerd of Orre.
You'll find he is a wizard of a Nerd! If ever a Nerd! there was.
If ever oh ever a Nerd! there was The Nerd of Orre is one because,
Because, because, because, because, because.
Because of the nerdy smart things he does.
We're off to see the Nerd. The Wonderful Nerd of Orre!"
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Soon, Ash, Pikachu, Brock, and Paul came to a rugged savannah.
"Man, the Orre region's got harsh terrain!" Ash commented.
"It's almost entirely desert," Paul said. "Pathetic you didn't know."
Then Ash noticed Pikachu was staring at something on a hilltop nearby.
"What is it, Pikachu?" Ash asked. Then something began running down the hilltop. "Hey, a Luxray!" Ash then remarked. It was a very large Luxray with a blond mane and blue eyes carrying a white flag and wearing a Giratina hat.
"Don't rob me, you wankers!" the Luxray said. "You're in my territory to steal my Pokemon cards, aren't you? My security systems are down, so do not steal them! I don't want to have to fight you! I'm not saying I can't fight you or anything, I'm just saying I don't want to! Also I'm busy playing Pokemon White right now."
"We don't want your Pokemon cards!" Ash said. "We're just on our way to Gateon Port to get stuff from the Nerd of Orre!"
"A likely story!"
"Who are you, anyway?" Ash asked.
"I'm RM the cowardly Luxray, and I'm a coward. Why do you think I have this white flag?"
"To keep people from stealing your Pokemon stuff?" Ash asked.
"Exactly! And I'm surrendering to get you to go away so you don't take my stuff!"
"But why are you surrendering?" Ash asked.
"Because I don't like conflict," RM replied.
"You can bet it's bloody sad,
When you've always got the habdabs,
Though you've got every badge.
But I could show my skills, bravely inflict opponents with ills
If I only had courage.
I'm afraid it's bloody clear I'm overcome with fear,
Despite winning every match.
My bravery'd fly like a bird..."
(Paul) "'Pathetic' wouldn't be the word..."
(Brock) "I'd have a first son, second, third..."
(All) "If the Nerd is a Nerd who will pledge.
Then I'm sure to get-"
(Brock) "A girl!"
(Paul) "A heart!"
(Ash) "A home!"
(RM) "Courage!"
"Let's take him with us!" Ash said. "The Nerd will make him brave and strong!"
"Oi, git," RM said. "I'm strong, just not brave."
"Fine, whatever," Paul said. "You're still pathetic."
"Let's go!" RM said.
They continued down the Yellow Brick Route.
"We're off to see the Nerd, the Wonderful Nerd of Orre.
You'll find he is a wizard of a Nerd! If ever a Nerd! there was.
If ever oh ever a Nerd! there was The Nerd of Orre is one because,
Because, because, because, because, because.
Because of the nerdy smart things he does.
We're off to see the Nerd. The Wonderful Nerd of Orre!"
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Soon, over the horizon, Ash saw buildings.
"Look! I think we're near Gateon Port!" he said, pointing at them.
"I think you're right!" RM said. "I can see the skyline and the sparkling sea!"
"I can't see anything," Brock said.
"Your pathetic eyes are pathetically closed," Paul muttered.
They kept walking and soon arrived at the gates of Gateon Port. But when they arrived, the gates were closed and Larry was making sure nobody got in.
"We need to get into the city!" Ash told him.
"Sorry kid, but the gates are closed," Larry said. "We've heard that there's a witch taking over much of the region, and we're not taking any chances."
"But we need to see the Nerd!" Ash protested.
"How do I know you aren't agents of the Witch?" Larry asked. "I bet she sent you here to kidnap the Nerd!"
"Why is the Nerd even in Gateon Port?" RM asked. "I mean, he's so important, so wouldn't it make more sense for him to be in Phenac City, the capital of Orre?"
Larry paused for a minute.
"Okay, you guys can come in," he finally said.
They entered the city and soon found their way to the lighthouse where the Nerd was said to live.
"Man, this lighthouse is huge," Brock said.
"It's four stories?! How are we going to get to the roof?" RM complained. "I'm already exhausted from walking here!"
"Maybe there's a pathetic elevator," Paul added. "It'd be pathetic if there weren't."
"Oh, there's one over there!" Ash said, pointing at one. They stepped into and were teleported to the roof.
"Oh, it was a matter transporter!" RM said.
"Well, they don't call him the Nerd of Orre for nothing!" Brock chuckled.
"Who goes there?!"
Everyone looked out to the edge of the roof and saw an immense disembodied head with glasses and choppy dark green hair.
"KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" RM screamed. "The Nerd is a disembodied head?! I was hoping for a guy with suspenders and a pocket protector!"
"Silence!" the Nerd commanded. "Who are you people and why have you come here?"
"I'm Ash Ketchum from Pallet Town, and this is my buddy Pikachu!" Ash said. "We got brought to Orre in a twister, and we heard you can send us home! And my friends here want a girlfriend, a heart, and courage!"
"I will grant your wishes if you can accomplish a task for me," the Nerd said.
"The task isn't going to involve bees, is it?" RM asked.
"I require you to fetch for me the orange sweater of June, the Wicked Witch of the West."
"That's not nearly as bad," RM laughed. "Well, actually, it is nearly as bad. Actually only a little better. Min gud, I just wet myself. Again."
"Don't worry Luxray, I did too," Ash said. "Good thing my mommy makes me carry clean underwear."
"Now begone! And don't return unless you have the sweater!" With that, the Nerd disappeared and Ash and the others were teleported outside the lighthouse.
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"So, where does the Witch live?" Ash asked.
"Oh, that's an easy one, she lives at Orre Colosseum," RM replied. "But are you sure we should be going? It's kind of frightening..."
"You heard the Nerd," Brock replied. "No sweater, no reward. Let's go."
Just then, a horde of flying three-eyed monkeys flew down and grabbed Pikachu.
"Pika pi!" Pikachu cried.
"Pikachu!" Ash cried.
"Hi, I'm Paul!" the monkey said, flying off with the rest of the group. Then another grabbed Ash.
"Help!" Ash screamed as the monkey rejoined the group and flew off.
"They're flying in the direction of Orre Colosseum!" RM said. "Now I'm seriously scared to go. In fact I just wet myself again."
"We have to save them!" Brock said.
"Pathetic," Paul muttered, facepalming.
They ran off after the monkeys.

Meanwhile, the monkeys arrived at Orre Colosseum and dropped Ash and Pikachu into a chamber.
"Where are we?" Ash asked.
"At my (Nick jingle)ing lair, (Nick jingle)!"
Ash turned and saw June, the Wicked Witch of the West approaching.
"Give me the (Nick jingle)ing Ruby Sneakers, you (Nick jingle)ing brat!" she demanded.
"But you're mean!" Ash whined.
"Give me the (Nick jingle)ing sneakers or Pikachu gets dropped off the top of the Colosseum." Her eyes flashed red and Pikachu disappeared and reappeared on the edge of the top.
"PIKA!" Pikachu screamed, struggling not to fall off.
"Okay, you can have them!" Ash cried.
June tried to snatch them off Ash's feet, but they began to glow and then shocked her.
"I see," she said. "As long as you're alive, I can't wear the Ruby Sneakers. Well, I can remedy that. But how..." She turned to the door of the chamber. "I'll be back in a while, I need to find a good way to kill you," she said as she walked out.

Meanwhile Pikachu had managed to get off the Colosseum's roof successfully and return to RM, Brock, and Paul.
"It's Pikachu!" Brock said.
"But Ash isn't with it," Paul noticed. "Pathetic."
"Pika pi pika!" Pikachu said.
"He says the Wicked Witch has Ash locked in a chamber in the Colosseum!" RM said.
"We have to go save him!" Brock said.
"But it's going to be scary there!" RM protested.
"Fine, when we get there, you can be our pathetic watchman," Paul suggested.
Pikachu ran back in the direction of Orre Colosseum, and RM, Paul, and Brock followed.

Back in the chamber, June had just reentered carrying a large hourglass.
"Hey, (Nick jingle)!" she yelled. "I just thought of how to kill your (Nick jingle)!" She flipped the hourglass over and put it on a table near the door. "When all the sand runs from the half it's in to the other half, you'll be (Nick jingle)ing dead." She ran out.
Ash started to cry.
"I wanna go home!" he sobbed. "I want my mommy!"
"Ash? Ash? Where are you?"
He turned around and saw his mother in a crystal ball on a desk.
"Mommy, I'm right here in Orre!" Ash cried. "Help me! Mommy! Mommy!"
Then the image of Delia changed to one of June.
"'Help me, Mommy!' Haha, what a (Nick jingle)!" June mocked, and then the image of her disappeared.
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Soon Pikachu had led Brock, Paul, and RM to Orre Colosseum.
"You're sure they're here, Pikachu?" RM asked.
"Pika pi," Pikachu replied.
"Quiet! I hear someone coming!" Brock hissed. They all ran behind a large boulder and hid as a squadron of guards with flat metal heads and bulgy puppet bodies passed by.
"I hope they don't notice us," RM muttered.
"I think I may have a plan to get us into the Colosseum unnoticed, actually," Brock said.
"Really? Well that's certainly a relief," RM replied.
"It's going to be pathetic," Paul put in.
"No, it'll be just fine!" Brock said.
Then RM felt a hand on his shoulder and turned around to face a blonde female guard, a male guard with curly red hair, and a very short female guard with blue pigtails.
"Uh, g-g-guys?" he stammered, poking Brock and Paul.
"Stop being pathetic," Paul said without even turning around.
"We need to figure out how we'll execute this plan!" Brock said.
"But guys, this is important!" RM choked.
"What could it possibly be?" Brock groaned, he and Paul turning around and seeing the guards. The guards lept on them.
"Pikachu, I know I'm not your trainer, but use Thunderbolt on the guards!" RM said.
The guards fell over unconscious.
"OMG THEY KILLED DAWN, YOU IDIOTS!" Misty screamed from somewhere in the distance.
"This works out perfectly for my idea!" Brock said.

Brock, RM, and Paul took off the guards uniforms and put them on.
"Brock, stop staring at the blonde guard," RM said.
"But she's in a very tight undershirt and pants!" Brock complained. "I want to stare at her!"
"Perverts like you are pathetic," Paul snapped.
They saw another group of guards approaching and snuck into the group, entering the Colosseum amongst them. Brock motioned to RM and Paul to get out of the group and into an alcove. They followed him, as did Pikachu, and Pikachu led them up a flight of stairs to a door.
"He's in there?" Brock asked.
Pikachu nodded.
"You're sure?" RM asked. "Because I don't want to end up face to face with guards again.
"Pathetic," Paul muttered.
"Here's a brilliant and totally not risky idea!" Brock said. "Let's loudly call into the room and ask if Ash is in there!"
"That's absolutely flawless!" RM replied. "There is virtually no way that can possibly backfire!"
*Author's note: In the Wizard of Oz, the Scarecrow, Tinman, and Lion actually DID check if Dorothy was in the room by calling loudly into it, "Dorothy, are you in there?!" Obviously there are a huge number of flaws in this idea, like, oh, I don't know, the guards hearing, or the room actually having the Wicked Witch inside instead of Dorothy? So of course this is my sarcastic response to that scene.*
"Ash, are you in there?!" Brock called loudly into the room.
Ash stood up when he heard Brock's voice.
"Scarecrow! Or Brock! Or whoever you are!" he sobbed joyfully. "I'm in here! Hurry! The time in the hourglass is nearly up!"
The door opened and Brock, Paul, RM, and Pikachu ran in. Pikachu jumped into Ash's arms.
"Pikachu! You're okay!" Ash laughed.
"Hurry, let's get out of here and steal June's sweater!" RM said.
They ran out of the room and down the stairs.
"Hey, (Nick jingle)ers!"
They turned and saw June standing outside of the room that they had gotten Ash from.
"You're never going to escape!" she laughed. "You all are (Nick jingle)ing dead!"
She snapped her fingers and a mob of her soldiers appeared.
"Zoinkers! Run for it, Pikachu!" Ash screamed.
"I see what you did there," Brock said.
"No you don't, your eyes are pathetically close," Paul snapped.
They ran from the soldiers, but soon they were cornered near the entrance of the Colosseum.
"Looks like this is it," RM muttered.
"How about I kill off your (Nick jingle) little friends first, so you really suffer?!" June hissed to Ash. "First, a little fire for your (Nick jingle)ing romantically illiterate scarecrow pal Brock!" Her eyes flashed red, and flames shot out of her fingers towards Brock.
"I won't let you!" Ash cried, grabbing a water bottle RM was drinking and throwing it in the direction of the flames. The water cascading out of the flying bottle extinguished the flames, and then the bottle slammed into the witch's forehead, the glass cracking and spilling water all over her.
"YOU (Nick jingle)ING (Nick jingle)!" she screamed. "DO YOU HAVE ANY (Nick jingle)ING IDEA WHAT YOU'VE DONE?!"
"It was an accident, I swear!" Ash said.
"I'M (Nick jingle)ING MELTING! MELTING!" June shouted, and with that there was nothing left of her but her orange sweater and a bluish puddle.
"The Wicked Witch is dead!" Henry, the leader of her army, said. "All hail Ash Ketchum!"
"All hail Ash Ketchum!" the soldiers said in unison. "The Wicked Witch is dead!"
"You have freed our people!" Henry told Ash. "If there is anything we can do to repay you, let it be known!"
"Um, can I have her sweater?" Ash asked. "And maybe a fudge pop?"
"But of course!" Henry said, picking up June's sweater and handing it to Ash as Larry dug a fudge pop out of a cooler.
"Let's get back to the Nerd now that we have the sweater!" Brock said.
"Let me finish my fudge pop first!" Ash snapped. He started to lick it. "I love fudge pops..." he sighed.
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Soon, Ash and the others returned to the Nerd's lair at the top of the lighthouse.
"I hope this works," Ash said.
There was a loud bang, and the Nerd of Orre appeared floating in the sky ahead.
"Have you brought what I requested?" he demanded.
"Y-yes!" Ash said, holding up the sweater.
"Hm..." The Nerd examined the sweater. "That is indeed the Wicked Witch of the West's sweater. Well done."
"So you'll grant our wishes?" Ash said, delighted. "You'll send me and Pikachu home?"
"And you'll get me a girlfriend?" Brock asked.
"And you'll get me a pathetic heart?" Paul added.
"And you'll give me some courage?" RM put in.
"Uh... I'll think about it," the Nerd replied. "Come back after I beat Pokemon Conquest."
"When will that be?" Ash asked.
"Probably by this weekend."
"But I wanna go home now!" Ash protested.
"Look, wanker, you promised you'd grant our wishes if you got the Witch's bloody sweater," RM snapped at the Nerd. "I don't frankly give a bugger about our wishes, but Ash really wants to go home. So do your bloody job and send him back home."
"You dare insult the great and powerful Nerd of Orre?" the Nerd roared.
Meanwhile, Pikachu had noticed some curtains on the other side of the roof.
"Pika?" Pikachu wondered aloud. He ran over to the curtains and proceded to poke them as the Nerd of Orre continued to storm at the others. The curtains fell open and revealed a kid of about 7 or 8 wearing a green shirt and glasses with choppy dark green hair.
"Why won't you keep your promise?!" Ash sobbed.
"Silence!" the boy shouted into a microphone, as the Nerd's lips moved to form the words.
"Pika pi!" Pikachu called.
Ash and the others looked over to Pikachu.
"Pikachu, what is it?" Ash asked. "Who's that guy?"
The boy turned and saw them and gasped. Then he quickly turned back to the microphone.
"Ignore your Pikachu," he and the Nerd said in unison. "Pay no attention to the kid behind the curtain, for he is merely an illusion."
"Why is he saying the same thing as the Nerd at the same time as the Nerd?" Ash asked.
"I think he is the Nerd, Ash," RM whispered.
The boy got up and walked over to them.
"It appears I have been found out," he said. "I am Max, the Nerd of Orre."
"Why won't you grant Ash's wish?" RM demanded of him.
"You're a terrible kid!" Ash sobbed.
"No, no, I'm a very good kid," Max protested. "Just not a very good Nerd."
"Please, grant his wish," Brock said. "We don't care anymore about ours, just Ash's."
"I'll see what I can do about granting all of your wishes," Max sighed.
"Would you really?!" Ash said gleefully.
"Of course, I'll try my best!" Max said. He walked over to a closet and they followed him. "First, the scarecrow. You've come to me looking for a girlfriend. Well, where I come from, we have what are called memes. One of them is titled Forever Alone and depicts a boy's face crying slightly but at the same time grinning due to being at terms with being forever single but not being happy about it. Well, where I come from we also have what are called fangirls, who will faun over virtually anything and generally focus on one individual. Virtually everything from deformed ponies to countries has fangirls, even the Forever Alone face. So, by the power invested in me by Nintendo, I give to you-" he reached into the closet and pulled out a piece of paper "-a love letter from one of your many fangirls."
He handed it to Brock. Brock began to read it over.
"Oh my Arceus, I don't believe it!" he shouted. "I have fangirls!"
"Next up," Max continued, "is the tinman. So, you want a heart? Well, being an artificial life form constructed entirely from metal, you do not have one. However, where I come from, there are many types of hearts. One is the kind romanticized about for centuries. That is not actually a heart, but the frontal lobe of the brain, which controls personality, behavior, learning, and other things strongly linked to an alleged heart. The other kind is a literal heart, which is located in the chest and pumps blood and oxygen throughout the body but doesn't control emotions apart from allowing the body parts that do to operate properly. As you are sentient, you most likely have some form of the former. However, I understand that this is not the response you are looking for. So, by the power invested in me by Trauma Center 2: Under the Knife, I give to you-" he reached into the closet again and pulled out a model human heart with a Valentine heart attached "-a metaphorical fusion of the two."
He handed it to Paul. Paul stared at it.
"Somehow, I feel pathetically warm and tingly inside," he muttered.
"Finally, we come to the cowardly Luxray," Max said. "You have come seeking courage, correct? Well, my Electric type friend, you have something valued even more than courage where I come from. That is restraint. You can restrain yourself from rushing into a dangerous situation that would likely end up with you killed specifically due to what you take for a lack of courage. However, this does not mean that you do in fact lack courage. It means that while you have courage, you also have good judgement of situations and proper restraint in situations that those who lack good judgement could rush into head first. I have noticed that you use a white flag frequently, which is a symbol of surrender. However, where I come from, many great armies in history have surrendered just like you, but in situations that they knew would be much too risky. You're doing little different from that. When you use your white flag, you know that while you have great strength, the situation at hand could easily be too much for you. Those serving in the armies I mentioned often were awarded for their bravery. Well, you have that bravery, so by the power invested in me by the Pokemon Trainer's Association, I give to you-" he reached into the closet once more and pulled out a medal "-this medal."
He handed it to RM, who read it and then gleefully put it on.
"It says, 'courage in battles one can stand a chance in, but good judgement in those one cannot,'" he read. "I don't really know if I deserve this," he said to Max, bowing his head.
"That is another trait you have that is valued where I come from," Max said. "Modesty."
"What about me?" Ash asked.
"Yeah, what about him?" Brock put in.
"You've given us all what we desired, which was truly unnecessary," RM said, "so now I believe it to be Ash's turn."
"Ah, yes, so you want to go back to Unnamed Town?" Max asked Ash.
"Yeah!" Ash replied.
"That shouldn't be too difficult!" Max laughed. "I actually came here from Unnamed Town myself!"
"Yes, I was working on modifications on a teleportation pod, and suddenly, a bolt of lightning struck the nearest power line, which came into the building and overloaded the circuitry of the pod. I ended up teleported here, where the natives hailed me as their new overlord. I still have the teleportation pod, so I can use it to take you back to Unnamed Town! We leave first thing in the morning!"
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It needs to be about 20% cooler

Wow, RM. You're kind of a jerk. I don't really know if I still want to appear in this anymore. They aren't deformed. That's just Lauren Faust's usual style. It seems you never watched Foster's or Powerpuff Girls before. And THIS is deformed:

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Dam*it, I think I just gave myself nightmares.
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Jun 25 2012, 12:32 AM

Wow, RM. You're kind of a jerk. I don't really know if I still want to appear in this anymore. They aren't deformed. That's just Lauren Faust's usual style. It seems you never watched Foster's or Powerpuff Girls before. And THIS is deformed:

Posted Image

Dam*it, I think I just gave myself nightmares.
They certainly don't look like actual ponies do, though, and that's kind of all that was meant by deformed. :'D I'm not going to hide that I hate My Little Pony, but the deformed part was just to mean that they look nothing like normal ponies. I actually did watch those shows, and I actually did enjoy them (Foster's more so, though). And actually nothing about the animation style really seemed deformed to me, although it might just be that I was younger then. I do admit though that your picture (I'm assuming that's of a prior generation?) was far more deformed, though, they look even less like real ponies and more like dinosaurs. :'D
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The next day, Max brought the teleportation pod out to the town square and summoned the people of Gateon Port. At precisely noon, he walked up to a podium and turned on the microphone.
"Citizens of Gateon Port," he began. "Today, I leave you to journey to parts unknown to the people of this great region of Orre and return Ash to his friends in Unnamed Town. In my stead, I leave you in the capable hands of Brock the scarecrow due to his excellent skills with women, Paul the tinman due to his pure heart, and RM the Luxray due to his great courage. Obey them as you would me. Now," he said, turning to his teleportation pod, "I shall depart in the pod with Ash and his Pikachu!"
Ash turned to his new friends.
"I'm going to miss you guys so much!" he cried. "I know it's wrong, but I'll always miss how you used to talk about how you used to cower and talk about how doomed we were before you got your courage," he said to RM.
"Well, that's rude," RM replied.
"And you," Ash said to Paul, "I know you have the best heart ever!"
"Ash, your goodbyes are just pathetic," Paul replied.
"And I think I'll miss you most of all, Scarecrow!" Ash said to Brock, hugging him.
"Get off me, I have a fangirl now," Brock said. "I want her, not you."
Max led Ash and Pikachu into the pod and began to type in the coordinates. But then Pikachu noticed a woman with long magenta hair and a man with longish lilac hair standing with a Meowth. The Meowth saw Pikachu.
"Hey, da twoip's Pikachu sees us!" he said to the people.
"Then prepare for trouble," the woman said, throwing off her disguise to reveal herself as Jessie.
"And make it double," put in the man, throwing off his diguise to reveal himself as James.
"Pika!" Pikachu shouted angrily, running towards them.
"Team Rocket!" Ash shouted, noticing what was happening. He ran after Pikachu. "Quick, Pikachu, use Volt Tackle!"
"Pikapikapika... Pi KA!"
Pikachu slammed into them and sent them flying.
"I don't think we're in Kanto anymore," James said.
"No, but after that hit, soon we'll be-" Jessie started.
"-Somewheah ovah da rainbow," Meowth finished.
"We're blasting off again!" they all shouted as the sailed off into the sky.
"We did it!" Ash cheered.
"Pika!" Pikachu said.
Then they noticed that the teleportation pod was starting to disappear.
"What's going on?" Ash called to Max.
"I had the coordinates programmed in, but you and Pikachu got out," Max replied. "And I delayed it as long as I could, but there's no time left. Goodbye, everyone!" he called to the citizens as he disappeared.
Ash started to cry.
"Now I'll never get back to Unnamed Town!" he sobbed.
"Don't worry," RM said, putting a hand on his shoulder. "We'll figure something out."
"Yeah, because it's pathetic that you're stuck here," Paul said.
"There's our way to get him back!" Brock shouted, pointing at an approaching bright purple bubble in the sky. It landed and transformed into the Good Witch of the North, Sailor Pikachu.
"So, Ash, you've been stranded here?" she asked.
"Yeah," Ash sniffed.
"You can get him home, right?" Brock asked.
"He's been able to go home all this time," Sailor Pikachu groaned.
"Wait, what?" Ash asked.
"Why didn't you tell him?" RM asked.
"Because he needed to find out for himself," Sailor Pikachu replied.
"And it'll work for sure?" Paul asked.
Sailor Pikachu nodded.
"Pikachu too?" Ash asked, picking up his friend.
"Pikachu too," Sailor Pikachu replied. "First close your eyes."
Ash did as he was instructed.
"Now tap the backs of your Ruby Sneakers together three times."
Ash tapped the shoes together. Sailor Pikachu began to wave a wand over him.
"Now say to yourself, 'There's no place like home,'" she instructed. "'There's no place like home. There's no place like home.'"
"There's no place like home," Ash said. "There's no place like home. There's no place like home."
Then he felt something on his head.
"Do you think he'll be okay, Delia?" a voice asked.
"Of course, it was a pretty bad fall, but he seems mostly unharmed," another voice replied.
"Apart from being unconscious, that is," another voice said. "But by my analysis there's little if any real damage."
Ash opened his eyes and saw his room, with everyone else in the Mansion huddled in.
"Where am I?" Ash asked.
"You're in your room, sweetie," Delia said. "A Tornadus flew by, and the Mansion started to shake because of the heavy winds from it. You seem to have lost your balance and fallen over and hit your head. For I while I was worried you would leave us."
"Avoiding the word die is pathetic," Paul said.
"But I did leave you, Mommy!" Ash said. "Pikachu and I were in Orre! And you were there," he added, pointing at Brock, "and you," moving to Paul, "and you," moving to RM, "and you!" moving to Max. "And you too, Sailor Pikachu! And June, and Henry, and a whole bunch of others! It was all so pretty! But not all of it! There was an evil witch! But now I know that I'm back here, and I belong here!"
"Yeah, yeah, that's great, Ash," Brock said.
"There's one thing that isn't settled yet," Sailor Pikachu said.
"Who ate all of my (Nick jingle)ing 3 Musketeers bars?!" June demanded.
"Oopsie," Ash said.

*Cue Ash singing Somewhere Over the Rainbow. While he sings, pictures of the characters appear and disappear with information of what happened afterwards.

Ash finally caught 'em all. A new region was discovered right next to the old ones with new Pokemon in it as soon as he told Professor Oak.

Pikachu continued to follow Ash on his journey. Everytime he went somewhere new he got owned. And when he got stronger, it happened again. And again.

Brock finally went out on a date with Nurse Joy. She dumped him halfway through.

After much argument with the writers of the Pokemon anime, Misty was finally scheduled to come back to the anime. But at this point it was already over.

Tracey finally achieved the epitome of his dreams. He BECAME the sketch art.

Professor Oak finally figured out if he was talking to a boy or a girl. Then he met Justin Bieber.

Delia finally figured out who Ash's father was. She's not telling.

May opened a noodle shop in her hometown of Petalburg City. It soon went out of business because she ate all the ingredients.

Max trained his hardest to follow in the footsteps of the Hoenn Region's greatest professor, Professor Birch. Unfortunately, this also included being chased up trees by wild Pokemon. Every single day.

Dawn continued her career as a Pokemon coordinator. Her flashy dresses distract the judges' attention to her instead of her Pokemon every time.

After reaching her goals and becoming a dragon master and Champion of the Unova Region, Iris finally got what she always wanted: a haircut.

Cilan became the highest ranked connoisseur in the Unova region. He also has another new job: posing for calendars.

Team Rocket followed Ash and Pikachu to the Unova region, received a promotion, became competent, and now pursue a Meloetta. As a result, there have been countless cries of "ruined forever" from fans.

Gary M. Oak forgot to turn off his TM87 one night before bed. The next morning he was hospitalized due to suffocating from being smothered with women.

Paul continued to be ridiculously judgmental and consider everything pathetic. He was recently offered a job as a video game reviewer for IGN.

Red arrived in the Unova Region for the World Tournament. His muteness made the passport check exhausting.

Barry continued to excessively threaten to fine everyone. He ended up arrested for attempting to fine the US Congress for being incapable of agreeing on anything.

The Penguins of Madagascar continue to confuse fans with the fact that they appear simultaneously in movies where they're out of the Central Park Zoo with Alex, Marty, Melman, and Gloria and in a TV series where they're in the Central Park Zoo with Mort, Maurice, and King Julien. Even they don't understand it.

Larry still has way too many jobs. On the bright side, his college fund is as a result the largest in world history.

Barbie got back together with Ken. He's strongly put off by her seemingly infinite occupations.

Harley continues to run around in a Cacturne cosplay acting overwhelmingly effeminate and stalking May. She now has a restraining order against him.

Dora the Explorer has spent millions of pesos attempting to cover up her darkest secret: she's actually Mexican of Puerto Rican descent.

Barney was arrested on charges of child molestation and abduction. Nobody wants to share his prison cell with him, least of all after his suggestion to play games and have sing-alongs.

Barney Frank got back into politics and was elected governor of Unnamed Island. He was impeached the next day for being too creepy.

Rudy and Snap returned to Chalk Zone to act as peace activists to stop the war Barney accidentally started between Chalk Zone and the regular world. They were banned from ever setting foot in Chalk Zone again after being mistaken for agents of Barney.

Former President George W. Bush returned to his ranch in Crawford and turned it into a daycare center for children so he would always have new friends to play games with while his best friend Barney was in jail. Few children ever are sent there, as Dick Cheney attempts to make all those that are sent there join the Republican party.

Elmo's Tavern became the most successful bar in history and expanded to cover an entire block. Elmo is so happy about this that he no longer is emo.

June finally found a way of dealing with her anger issues. Now every anger management course instructor on Unnamed Island has mysteriously vanished.

Henry proposed marriage to June. He walks with a limp now.

Doug was the one who finally got Barney arrested. He's still working on his plans to destroy the prison while Barney is still in it.

Sailor Pikachu's KaBlam forum became the most popular KaBlam forum on the internet. RM's Pokemon forum sobs quietly in its shadow.

RM became the greatest Pokemon trainer who ever lived. Even now, he lacks a social life.

RM's Friend continued to read manga, primarily dark manga. That's pretty much it.

RM's Friend's Twin and his band became world famous and travel the world for performances. The booking of locations for the concerts is difficult, since he has trouble predicting where RM might turn up.

RM's Other Friend is still teased by RM about her height. He finds a kick to his groin from her a lot less amusing.

RM's Other Friend's "Sister" rejoined with RM, RM's Friend, RM's Friend's Twin, and RM's Other Friend on their Pokemon journey. She's actually somewhat enjoying the journey.

Sqirt and Pachirisu continue to be RM's best Pokemon and his secret weapons. And no, they do not get weak every time the arrive in a new region.

Lol, this was all a joke again. This is definitely not the end of the series.*
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