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Temple of Epiphany; [Yoshi]
Topic Started: Jan 1 2017, 09:14 PM (558 Views)
Supnitle
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Monika Apologist

Kaji nodded slowly, meeting the monk's gaze for just a moment before looking away, back at the table, ashamed. "You're... correct. It's still there." His tone was tired, dejected, like he was describing a battle he'd fought for years without end. "It was much worse before, especially with my persona. I've... I believe I've changed, and my persona has also changed, but the anger is still there. Just... no, not calmer, it's..." He pursed his lips, mentally arranging his words. "It... just acts up less."

The tea sat on the table. Kaji had almost forgotten it was there as the conversation had become more intense. "And, yes, I am doing it to protect people. That's... what I'd like to believe."
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asano_man
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Kaji had apparently already... what was the word? Ascended? From what Yoshirou had read on the site, something like that took a massive shift in one's entire personality. You're already on the right road, Okawa-kun. Keep it up!

He decided to shift the subject a little. 'Personae are a strange thing, aren't they? They're tied so closely with our personalities that, even if the individual has no idea how their unconscious mind works, the words and actions of their persona can give them insight. For instance, Yatagarasu seems to speak when I feel a situation is heading towards a very bad outcome. He spoke to me when we met at the ruins, worried about how impulsive you were. Of course, he's remained oddly quiet since we started our talk today.'

That's because you already know the outcome. I don't like repeating myself, old man. You know what to do. Just fix it.

Yoshirou chuckled to himself. I suppose that's true. I guess I don't need you, then. Maybe I should trade you in for a better version, like Okawa has?

Bah. You'll be searching for a long time if you're looking for someone more suitable than me. I'll tell you that for free.

The monk's attention returned to Kaji. 'When does your new persona speak or act? What does it do?' A pause. 'And, if you don't mind, could you show me this persona? Only a for a moment. There's almost no one here, so no one will see.'
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Kaji only nodded quietly in response to Yoshirou's musings on the workings of personae. It was a subject he'd given some thought to himself. The question came up of when Kaji's persona spoke, and the boy paused for a moment before answering, "Cu Chulainn speaks when I address it directly, and... when I'm about to make a mistake."

He glanced around when Yoshirou asked him to show his persona, making sure no one really was around. Wordlessly, he took a deep breath and summoned the spirit.

Cu Chulainn appeared behind its wielder, shadowed in the bright light of the small sun that hovered behind it. The details were difficult to make out, but the thin, humanoid persona was clad in armor and carried a long spear. A flowing cape fluttered on its back and a pair of glowing, red, bug-like eyes adorned its helmet.

The persona's image dissipated after a moment when Kaji called it back, not wanting to leave it in plain sight for too long. No one was in here now, but someone could walk in at any time.
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asano_man
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Kaji's persona was very telling. Tall. Militaristic. Hard to define the details of. And it apparently only spoke when Kaji about to make a mistake. Kaji's personal-the creature that, in some way, defined part of one's personailty-was incredibly strict, possibly even harsh on Kaji. At least, that is if Yoshirou's little theory was correct. He still couldn't figure out the bug eyes, though...

The monk frowned. Hadn't he seen those eyes before? It felt like something from when he was a kid. He raised an inquisitive eyebrow. '...Is your persona a Kamen Rider?' Maybe it was because he was older and didn't watch those shows anymore, but Yoshirou had never heard of Kamen Rider Cu Chulainn before.
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Kaji's face flushed and his eyes darted to the side. He shook his head and immediately denied, "N-no, of course not! It's, uh..." He scratched the back of his head. "It might resemble one. I... was a fan of the show as a child."

He changed the subject. "Why did you want to see?" He asked.
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asano_man
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Well, that was about the most emotion Kaji had displayed since Yoshirou had known him, and it was all over a kid's show. The monk chuckled. 'Well, so was I, I guess. My favorite was Amazon!' He held up his deformed hands like claws and curled his face into a snarl. 'AAAAAMAAAAZOOOON!' He laughed again and shook his head. 'Ah, you're probably too young for that one, heh.'

He smiled at Kaji's question. 'Well, it's just a theory of mine. I think that the form the persona takes also gives insight to the persona user's personality. Persona take on many forms, but they are never the same between users. They are almost always figures from mythology, though they don't have to be; I know one young man who's persona is a song, of all things. However, they are always from something, never just an original shape. What figure it is and how it looks-what is emphasised, that is-can reflect how the user feels.

'To get to the point, I wanted to see your persona to understand you more, Okawa-kun. I'm afraid I don't know what your persona is from, so I have no frame of reference there, but from what I saw, Cu Chulainn was... guarded. He wore armor, and had the sun at his back to obscure his features. He was imposing; tall, poised, and carrying a scary looking weapon. And he was disciplined, or at least trying to be, with his militaristic stance.' He leaned forward just a bit. 'Does any of this sound familiar, Okawa-kun?'
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Kaji watched in a mixture of horror and fascination as Yoshirou did the Amazon pose and battle call. He... certainly hadn't been expecting that. Kaji nodded dumbly, having no idea how else to even respond.

Yoshirou's description of Kaji's persona was certainly on point. After thumbing through his own mental image of Cu Chulainn, Kaji nodded slowly in agreement. "Yes. Well... physically, it sounds familiar." He pursed his lips, then explained, "In my mind, Cu Chulainn is not strict at all. He is disciplined and... reserved, but he speaks softly." Remarkably, the persona said nothing in regards to these comments.

"I'm... afraid I'm not sure what that says about me," Kaji admitted.
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asano_man
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Apparently, Yoshirou had been wrong about Cu Chulainn being strict. It was a soft-spoken persona. That changed his theory a bit, but not by much.

'I can tell a couple of things about you from just the few times we've spoken, Okawa-kun,' the monk spoke. It felt like he was finally getting to the meat of the issue. 'Though you've been nothing but the picture of calm and composed every time I've seen you, your words and actions have told me of your spontaneity, and maybe anger. This alone wouldn't make you seek help. For that, you need regret. You've done something-perhaps multiple things-that you deeply regret doing. Am I right?

'However, try to put Cu Chulainn in your shoes. Would he have made the same mistakes or made the same rash decisions? In your own words, he is soft-spoken, and disciplined.' Yoshirou shook his head. 'I don't claim to be an expert on persona, so I may very well be wrong about this, but it seems to me that Cu Chulainn is your ideal self, the person you are currently striving to be. Someone who doesn't have what you see as your flaws. Someone who doesn't make the mistakes that you would make. From what little people have posted online, and my own experience, I'd say this is at least a little true for everyone.'
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Yoshirou was right on the nose, and Kaji realized this as the monk continued to explain his thought process. The conversation was enlightening, but somewhat unnerving. Kaji tensed his face, feeling a little uneasy that the monk was able to read him so cleanly. Was he so predictable?

"You may be right," he admitted quietly, staring down at the table. "If anything, I would certainly like to be more like Cu Chulainn." Kaji pursed his lips. "I thought by taking some time away from the Persona community, I could calm down and become more... normal. But since coming back, I've already messed up, over and over." He shook his head. "I don't know where to go from here, frankly."
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asano_man
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Yoshirou nodded silently as he listened to Kaji. Yes, they were finally to the point: what should the young man do? The monk didn't speak for several moments, collecting his thoughts and all he had learned about Kaji.

When he finally spoke, it was quiet, his eyes resting on his cup of tea. 'Changing yourself in such a way is possibly one of the hardest things a person can do. I know this more than most. You can't simply... leave it and turn a blind eye, hoping it fixes itself. It takes a constant effort and conscious thought. Every day, every hour, every minute, every second. If you let up for even a moment, all of your hard work crumbles.

'And you never truly change. Sure, it gets easier, but even after you build up countless walls to keep yourself in check, the old you will sit and wait, looking for a chance to once again surface. It is a constant battle.'

Yoshirou looked up then to meet Kaji's eyes. The look on his face was severe. 'Okawa-kun. Are you strong enough to fight your very nature? To go against everything you feel is right?'
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